[319] What If Overwhelm Is Trying To Teach You

Overwhelm can make you feel like you’re failing at life when the truth is simpler: you’re carrying too much, for too long, with too few breaks. Today we’re getting real about that “chest-tightening” season where the calendar is packed, your brain is tired, and you’re tempted to either burn everything down or push through until you hit some magical date where you can finally breathe. I share what’s been happening behind the scenes after nearly five years of the podcast and why readjusting expectations is sometimes the most self-respecting move you can make. 

We walk through a practical reset for stress and overwhelm that starts with matching your schedule to your actual energy, not the energy you wish you had. You’ll hear how to find pockets of rest inside a busy week, why “small actions” beat big plans when you’re running on fumes, and how setting goals your most tired self can still do builds real confidence over time. If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of getting excited, overcommitting, and then feeling like you “can’t stick to anything,” this will feel like a deep exhale. 

We also talk about the part people skip: feeling the overwhelm instead of numbing it away. Your emotions are data, and they can point to what’s missing, like joy, play, and the kind of fun that lights you up. We end with ideas for bringing that energy back in small, doable ways, even in a full season of life. If this resonated, share it with a friend who’s maxed out, subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, and please leave a rating or review so more people can find this support.

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Transcript

Welcome And The Overwhelm Wave

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and I am so excited to be sitting down here hanging out with you today. I am sipping on some Syra Lemonade and just enjoying a little quiet moment. A quiet moment to myself and a quiet moment to hang out with you. I think we really need that. I don't know about you, but I need this chat, sis. It has been a whirlwind over here, and maybe you're feeling it too. I feel like every person I'm talking to lately is in the energy of overwhelm, and maybe it's the eclipse, maybe it's the full moon, or maybe we just have too much on our freaking plates. I see you, sis. I see you. Carrying everything, doing it all, adding more, thinking you need more, and you're just like, I'm not doing enough, but really I'm burnt out and exhausted, but I can keep going. I can add one more thing. Yes, I will make my niece's birthday cake. Yes, I can take the dog for a six kilometer walk. Yes. Insert the thing. And just to be clear, I didn't do any of those things, but it still feels like a lot. And I know when I talk about this and when I talk about what I've just been feeling lately and what I'm going through, there's always someone on the other end who sends me a message and they say, Oh my gosh, me too. I'm s I I am in the same season as you, or you're speaking directly to me. I get that one a lot. So if that's you, please send me a DM. Please connect with me and say, hey, this episode really resonated with me because those messages are what power me to keep going. I have been doing this podcast now for almost five years. Five years? Really? Holy moly. I started it in October of 2021, and as I'm recording this episode, it is August 2026. So we are coming up on five years of doing this podcast, and it's been a journey. It has grown with me through many, many, many life changes as anyone would in five years. And if you've been along for all of it, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for supporting me through this. And also, wow, you have seen some growth and some regressions and some all of the things, right?

Five Years In And Life Shifts

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Because it's been a journey really figuring out and navigating this, especially the last couple years after having my son. And even in the season, I've been giving myself a lot of grace with the podcast because I do have my son home full-time with me right now. Because as I talked about a few weeks ago, we're in between daycares and we're figuring this out. And I was having this like amazing boost when I had some extra support, even if it was very short term. And it really powered that belief back into myself on this is what I'm meant to do. And it really gave me that energy boost because I love this work. I love what I'm doing. But I will tell you, when you are with a toddler all freaking day, and then you finally get them to bed at 7:30, 8 o'clock, you come down to your office to work and do something creative, like create a podcast episode like this. I feel like a zombie most nights. And I'm just like, this, I can't. You don't want the podcast episode that I do at 8 o'clock, nine o'clock at night. You just don't want it, okay? It is better for me to wait for the weekend when I have a full tummy and I've had some coffee and I'm energized and I've had some time for myself that I can sit down and record this because the energy is different, and you know what I'm talking about. So thank you for your patience in this season. I promise you it is going to get a lot better. At least I hope so, when we start childcare in just a couple weeks. So enjoying the summer, taking things one day at a time, but I'm definitely itching and really excited to get back into things. I've been sitting down and mapping out where I want this to go, what I want to create, what's exciting in this next chapter. And I get really fired up when I think about who I'm talking to and who I'm supporting. And it's 100% usis. Like we're here to support each other and to really guide each other through all of the different levels of life that we're going through. And I'm just really excited that I have this opportunity to sit here and do this because what the heck? And how has it been five years? I made a comment on my stories this week about overwhelm. And literally everyone I've been talking to lately is feeling overwhelmed with life. And how sometimes it makes you feel like, what's the better thing to do? Do I just, you know, submit and say, fine, I give up, I burn it all down, or do I keep pushing through and keep showing up and changing the way I do things to work within what I can commit to right now? And I had a lot of messages from people who were like, you can't burn it down. Like, you can't. Sure, if that is what feels aligned, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't. And a friend of mine had messaged me and said that when she had her kids, she felt like it was the easiest thing to do was to switch her career and to do something that maybe didn't take as much brain power. And she decided to put her dreams on hold so that she could raise her kids. And I think that that's really beautiful. And whatever decision

Not Burning It Down

SPEAKER_00 5:10

you make is the best decision for you. But she says, now, looking back, it wasn't the best decision. And she would highly recommend that I don't do that because it's so important that we follow the things that light us up, the things that bring us joy, because if not, we're gonna become resentful to our families. And I can feel that already. Some days I am really resentful to my husband who gets to eat his lunch alone or gets to take a shower without also having to wipe a bum at the same time or bring your kid into the shower with you, or try to find something on TV real quick so you can take a shower alone, but then feel guilty because you put the TV on and all the things, right? Like it's a spiral every single day. And I can't imagine not having this space to share with you, to connect with you, to talk with you, and help both of us through the life seasons that we're in. And it was really eye-opening for me to talk about that on my stories and to get the response that I got, and also to understand like this isn't a one-way street. It's not just me supporting you, it's us supporting each other. That's what the selfish sisterhood is all about. It's about loving each other and seeing each other and guiding each other and you know being there. Even yesterday, there was a group message that went out of someone who was going through something, and they're like, I just need to rant for a second. And also, can you share with me some really happy photos that are gonna help turn my day around? And everybody was in there saying, Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this. And also, here's a photo of my dog and my kid and my cat and you know what I ate for lunch and all of these things that are just there to brighten and change the energy. Like, imagine having a space in your pocket, and I get emotional thinking about it that just wants to be there for you, wants to love you, wants to support you exactly as you are. Like they don't want you to change, they just want to love you, and that's what this community is all about. It's a space for people to really connect and to love on each other, and I'm just really grateful that it exists, not only for the people who are in the sisterhood, but for myself, because it's something that I need on a daily basis. But for all that being said, we're never I don't want to say never. Didn't I make an episode about that? Never say never. I'm not burning this down, I'm just readjusting to the expectations and to the life that I have right now. And sometimes that means just skipping a week so that I can mentally reload for the next one, or yeah, adjusting things a little bit until we get to September 1st when my little guy goes into daycare and I have a bit more mental space. And what's also really exciting is next week I have a new brand photo shoot, so a new cover art for the podcast, new website photos, all of the stuff that I haven't had a brand shoot since but well, I was gonna say before I got pregnant, but it was like right when I was like first pregnant, and nobody knew. And so it's been a long time coming, and it is an exciting time to be able to create something new and to bring a fresh light and a fresh energy. So I've been working a lot on not only who I'm talking to and who I'm creating this for, but also who I am because I think that's the base of the podcast is really stepping into who I am and making that the foundation of everything. And as you know, in life transitions, when you're becoming a new version of you, we always want to go back, right? We want to go back to who we were, but in reality, we're never gonna get there. And it's really about navigating, understanding, and knowing who you are now and finding a way to love them, finding a way to accept that season, finding a way to change the expectations that you have of yourself and really create something beautiful. So I've been working really deeply on that identity work so that I can walk into this photo shoot knowing fully who I am, knowing who I'm showing up as, and what I want to create for you. So thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting and for being a part of this journey with me because holy moly, five years? Wow.

Check Your Calendar Against Energy

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Today I wanted to talk to you about dealing with overwhelm. Because having this conversation many times with clients and friends and family, if you're feeling overwhelmed right now, I see you. And I would really love to chat with you about navigating that and helping to take some of that stress off. And I say that loosely because I know sometimes in these seasons, it's just like, oh, I just need to get to Friday the 31st. I'll get there. And if I get there, then I'll, you know, I can breathe. Right. And when you think about it, you look at the calendar and you're like, that's three weeks from now. And you're just like, oh right, how am I ever gonna get there? How am I gonna survive three weeks? I just have to get through this, I just have to get through that. And I feel anxious even just talking about it because I remember those seasons when I like worked in the corporate space. It's like I just got to get to Friday. Or, and then you looked at your calendar. I remember one summer we had 10 weddings. It was like the summer of weddings. Every weekend was a wedding, maybe even that year, including our own. Like it was wild. And I remember looking at the calendar, I just have to get to this random date. It's like once I get there, I'll be able to breathe a little bit more. And I just don't think that's the best way to live. I get it. We have commitments and we have things we need to do. And sometimes we look at our calendars and they are full. And you're just like, whew, okay, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. And you talk yourself up to push through to something. And sometimes when we look at our calendars, it's filled with fun things, especially in the summertime, like it's filled with camping trips and birthday parties and you know, family vacations and whatever it is that you're you're experiencing this summer and enjoying this summer. It's filled with beautiful things, and it's often still overwhelming, even when it's really fun things, it can still be really overwhelming. And so I wanted to talk to you about what I do when I'm starting to feel that way. If I look at my calendar and I'm like, whoo! Which doesn't happen as much as it used to when I lived in the corporate worlds, it's very different now. Uh, it's mostly like swim lessons, and I know my mom's listening to this, who have older kids who is like soccer practices and swim lessons and birthday parties. I am not in that season, so I'm just gonna enjoy my simple calendar for right now. I know, okay, don't just wait me. I know it's coming, but my son doesn't have any friends right now. I shouldn't say that. He has friends, but he honestly he could make friends with a rock right now and he'd be just as happy. He's a pretty happy kid. But, anyways, the point is if you're looking at your calendar and you're feeling that like chest tightening feeling, there's probably too much there. And I'd be really curious. I did this once for a friend. Uh, she came over and she's like, Okay, can you look at my calendar and can you help me? And uh we went through it, right? Is there somewhere where you could find a pocket? Is there ways that you could uh make breaks between some of your calls or some of your meetings? How can you make this manageable for your energy, the energy level that you have, not the energy level you expect yourself to have, not the energy level that Sue Ellen, your coworker, has. Like, I want you to do it on your energy. Can my energy level support this schedule right now? And if the answer is yes, I love it, go girl, keep pushing. In this season, if you got the energy to go and you are in a push season, great, get it. I celebrate you. I'm so excited for you. If you are in a season where you feel like it's a push season, but you got about the energy of a not so push season season, I don't know what the other opposite of that would be. You know, I want you to look at it and see where you can find those pockets to take a little break. And how much of a break do you need? Like sit down and ask yourself, how much of a break do I need right now? What do I need to create? Where can I create some space? Is going to bed early enough to help me to feel like I can tackle this right now? Okay, great. Then I'll start going to bed early. I'll stop watching Let's Marry Harry until 11 o'clock at night and I will go to bed early. Or is it a season that maybe you need to take a couple days off and that'll just help you to reboot and to recharge and mentally recharge? Or is it where you could just put a little extra long lunch break or even take your damn lunch break, right? Can you find these pockets that are going to help support you to not feel like you're gonna die or that you have to push through until next Friday? I want you to really start to live every single day, even if you're mildly overwhelmed, like at that mild level, like keep it below a three, not to an eight, nine, or ten. If you're at a ten on the overwhelm scale, we need to make some adjustments here. So that first thing is looking at your calendar, seeing where you can put some pockets in, take some breaks and and find it and align it with your

Small Actions That Build Confidence

SPEAKER_00 14:04

energy. The next thing is to take really small actions because oftentimes the thing that overwhelms me the most is myself. I want so many things. I get really excited, right? Even if you think about it as a woman with like their menstrual cycle, right? In that follicular phase, ovulatory phase, you're like, ooh, I could do everything. Let's run a marathon and we're gonna start eating plant-based only, and I'm gonna start making plans with all of my friends because I've missed them and I haven't been talking to them, and then you start to do all those things, and then you realize it's way too many things all at once. And they're all good things, they're all really exciting things, but they're really it's just too much all at once. I actually followed someone uh once who was teaching when I worked in network marketing about how he would take one task for a whole year. And I think about that, I'm like, that's so boring. But he would lock that task in. Like, let's say it was his email list. He went all in on his email list for a whole year and really locked in that skill. So then the next year he could pick something else. We as a society want everything all at once, all the time, because we get so excited, right? We want things, like I want an extravagant life. I've I want all these amazing things to happen. I want, you know, a massive business and oh, I want, you know, seven kids. I don't actually want that. But you know, we get excited, okay? We get excited and we fill our plate with so much, even when it's good. So I would encourage you to just do small actions. Small actions. I know they're so boring, and you're just like, I can do more, but I want you to think about your most tired self. The one who just worked a 12-hour shift and then came home and also had to do the dishes and cook dinner and you know clean the house up because your in-laws are coming over for the weekend. Like, whatever it is, I want you to think about your most tired version of you. And then can you still complete this list of tasks that you created for yourself on your most tired day, in your most tired moment? And if the answer is no, then your goals right now are too big. Oh, I know. I know, I hate to I hate to tell you that. And it's not because I'm here to st to dim your light or to tell you you're not doing enough because you are. The problem is that you have too much on your plate. That in this particular season, not in all of your seasons, okay? In this particular one, we just gotta simplify things a little bit. Maybe we focus on one thing, and maybe it doesn't have to be for a whole year, but it's one thing for 30 days. Maybe it's walking around the block after you eat dinner for 30 days, and that's it. You're just walking around the block. When we start to build consistency, and we've talked about that many times on the podcast. When we start to build that muscle, it feels really good. Confidence comes from there. You can say you're someone who takes a walk around the block every day, right? That feels really good. Or maybe you're someone who eats a plant-based breakfast every single day, and that's really exciting for you because you've been wanting to add more plants into your life. Keep it simple, really, really small. Do it for the version of you that is the most tired. Don't plan these things on that really exciting day when you have all the energy and you're like, yeah, this is it. I'm gonna do all of these things every single day for the rest of my life. And then you get three days in and you've already skipped up and you're just like, hmm, I suck, everything sucks, I'm the worst, I never can commit to anything. I do this cycle all the time. I see you, my friend, okay? This is not me shaming you, it's just how my brain plays with it too. I get excited when I have energy, and then life happens and kids happen, and you know, they're up at night, and for or you have a really long day at work, or insert the thing. I want you to plan for your goal that you want. I'm not saying don't have goals, plan for the thing that you want. Simplify it really small right now so that the most tired version of you can't say no. And the truth is they're gonna try to say no. They're gonna try to say no. But if you keep it so simple that you can, maybe on the days you have energy, you do more, and that's awesome. But on the days you don't, your bare minimum can be done when you have a 0% battery life. Having goals like this makes it easier for you to start to claim yourself, to love yourself, to accept yourself, to see yourself. I know we play in our heads that it's not enough and that we're not doing enough, and insert all the things we tell ourselves, but imagine you being able to check the box every single day, putting the sticker on your chart every single day, making it so simple that you can do it even on your hardest days. You might not think so, but this mental game makes a massive difference in telling yourself that, hey, I show up, hey, I do it. And don't add on, yeah, but it was just five minutes. No, get out of here. I show up, I do what I say I'm gonna do. I keep going even when it's hard. That's all you need to tell yourself. You don't need to put that just in there, you don't need to put that button there, you don't need to put anything other than I show up. I am confident that I'll show up even on my hard days. Period. That's it. And keep freaking going and then add on that. We can have it stack on that later. But one thing, small thing, every single day. I'll walk around the block, uh, a drink of green smoothie, reaching out to potential clients, growing our social media, starting that business that we've been wanting to start, you know, getting prospects out there, whatever it is you want to do, start the freaking podcast, read the book, write the book, whatever it is you want to do can all start with small actions. It doesn't need to be massive things. And I truly do believe you will be closer to you to your goal if you start small now and then grow on that. Just keep growing, just keep growing, just keep growing, just keep growing. Woo, ooh, ooh. No, seriously. Start small, simplify it, um, and make those really nice action steps that you can create on the days that you are exhausted, that you will still do, and then we grow from there. And you will be further, I promise you. Let's say you want to start writing a book, and your goal right now is a hundred words a day. You could write a hundred words a day, and every single day, even on the days you're tired, you can write a hundred words. And you get into that habit so good that it starts to become 200 words, and then 300 words, and then 500 words, and then you have a freaking novel by the end of the year that you wouldn't have never you would have never started. Let's be clear. You would have never started if that goal was a chapter every single day. I see you, sis. I see you. Okay, you got this. Start small. The other thing I really want to add is in these seasons

Feel The Overwhelm And Listen

SPEAKER_00 21:02

of overwhelm. So again, look at your calendar, adjust to your energy levels, simplify your goals, create things that you can keep going even when you don't want to, even when you want to throw the towel in. The last thing I want to say is feel the overwhelm. Feel the feelings, breathe through them. I think it's really important that we become more in tune with our emotions. They are telling you things. So, this overwhelm that you're feeling, when we pull it away, what is it trying to tell you? What other emotions are attached to the overwhelm? Is it sadness? Is it anger? Is it whatever? Like, what is the thing for you that it's trying to tell you? I'm not someone who wants to add more to your plate, but I do think that the overwhelm can sometimes show us that there is a lack of fun in our lives, there's a lack of joy in our lives. We're going through the motions, we're doing our nine to fives, we're coming home, we're working out, we're eating our healthy foods, and we're going to bed. And we're doing it all over again, or we're scrolling on our phones before bed, and you know, that's our 15-minute break, and then we go to bed. Like we are filling our time with maybe the things that aren't aligned right now. And even if they're good for you and they're exciting and they're fun, are they bringing you joy? Are they lighting you up? Does this feel like it's aligned for what you need? I want you to really sit with all of your feelings and all of your emotions right now and see what they're trying to tell you. Feeling through these seasons instead of numbing out is actually going to be really helpful for you to do things differently next time or for you to even do things differently this time. Because you can use those as your compass to navigate and guide you to the next chapter, the next thing, the next step. And I find that we ignore these feelings a lot because we just think that they're not telling us anything important, but your emotions are your guiding post. They are telling you things that you don't even realize because you're going at such a fast pace that you're not giving yourself the time to really sit with it. So breathe through that overwhelm. Give yourself those pockets of rest. And I know the best thing, not the best thing, the thing you want to do is to grab your phone and to numb out, even if it's just for a few minutes. When you have a little quick break, it's what you want to do, or put the TV on, or whatever it is, because honestly, I bel I understand we need those moments. But I want you to also find a little pocket to just sit and feel and see what your body's trying to tell you. And give yourself a moment, a little nothing pocket, if it is like 10 minutes of doing nothing to just see and feel and think, what's gonna pop up? What do I need to know? If I slow down, what am I gonna hear? And give yourself that. Maybe not the same amount as everything else in your life, but at least five minutes here or there to really tune in to your body and see what those messages are because I think that that will help to navigate this overwhelm so much more.

Add Fun And Joy Back In

SPEAKER_00 24:03

And then the last thing I have on my list here is that in these seasons of overwhelm, again, I don't want to add more to your plate, but I do think we need to be looking for the fun, the excitement, the things that are going to light you up because that changes the energy. Doing things because we have to is one thing. Doing things because we want to is another. And I really want us to lean into that fun. What would be fun for you? It's summertime. If you're listening to this in real time, it's summertime. And if you're not, it's wintertime, it's fall, it's spring, whatever. It's a season for you to figure out something fun to do. I've been thinking a lot lately about what would light me up as a kid and what lights me up now. And I love to sing. Like, I don't think I've ever really said that out loud. I love to sing, and I've always thought about doing voice lessons or whatever it is. And I was like, maybe there's an app for this. Like, maybe there's an app that you can just like do like voice lessons at home or YouTube's or things that I could sing more for fun. And I think that that would be really cool. So find that thing for you that lights you up that's exciting and do it more. Find a pocket in your week to do the thing that lights you up. I I think it's I think we need to be more joy-led, more play-led, more fun. Because I don't know why when we became adults, I know we have more responsibilities, but we just aren't like not supposed to have fun anymore. Like, I am not subscribing to that. Lucky for me, having a kid has taken us to playgrounds and play like playgroups and indoor playgrounds and all these things. I actually love that stuff. Like, I can't wait for when my little guy can go to like the trampoline park and we can go hop around and just live our lives and pee our pants together. Like it's gonna be so much fun. I love that stuff. That stuff brings me joy, but I also need to be doing things that are fun for me, not just fun because I have a kid or fun because he's gonna have fun. You need to find those little pockets uh and just implement it into your life. Maybe it's diamond painting or doing a puzzle at night or find the thing, okay? Find it. And if you're in the sisterhood, this month we are doing a like bring your own craft night, and we're gonna just sit in the park and do some crafts and hang out and just create together because I know we want to be together, and there's also a lot of hobbies that we want to do, and we just don't always get to do them. So we're gonna do the two together. We used to have a virtual craft night in the sisterhood, and that was always super fun. A lot of people loved coming to those, so I'm excited to bring something like this to real life too. So, my friends, I'm so grateful for you, and I'm so grateful for you making the time

Sisterhood Updates And Closing Requests

SPEAKER_00 26:40

to listen to this podcast even when you might be feeling a little too overwhelmed, or maybe this is where you come to feel less overwhelmed. So I'm glad you're here. I am sending you a big hug today because yeah, I feel you. I know we got a lot going on, and you're showing up and you're doing the things and you're aligning with what you want in your life, and I'm just I'm just really proud of you. I hope that you know I am so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too. You're working really hard, sis. I see you. And I hope you have an awesome week. Thank you for your patience with this podcast over the last couple weeks. I'm really excited for more space for my brain soon and more space for creating amazing things for you. If you have any ideas and you're listening to this and you're like, I'd love to learn more about this, or can you make a podcast episode of this? Please send me send me the ideas. Like I appreciate when you message me so much. Send me ideas, send me anything. I will gladly take it. And if you have a moment and you haven't already, could you please rate this podcast? It means the world for ratings because it helps to push it out to more people just like you who need a message like this, who need a community like this, who need their people. So uh please take a few minutes and give us a little review over there. I hope you are having an amazing week, and I can't wait to talk to you next time on the Selfish Confidence Podcast. See you soon, sis.