[313] What If Your Best Summer Starts With Fun

Summer doesn’t wait, and neither should your joy. I’m Jess, and I’m talking to the woman who loves a checklist but keeps putting her own fun at the bottom of it, the “I’ll relax after the dishes” mindset that quietly steals the best parts of the season.

You’ll hear me unpack the difference between planning by time and planning by energy, plus practical, realistic ways to build an epic summer without needing a huge trip or a perfect schedule. Think tiny pockets of self-care, pairing your kids’ activities with something that fills you up, and creating a summer bucket list that includes you. If you’ve been craving more confidence, more fun, and a better work-life balance, this one is your permission slip.

If this hits home, share it with a friend who needs a little more time for herself, then subscribe and leave a rating and review so more women can find the Selfish Confidence Podcast.

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Transcript

Welcome To Summer Energy

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello, hello, and welcome to today's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and oh man, it is officially summer. It's officially summer, and I don't know where this year has gone, and I bet you're feeling the same way, because every time I have this conversation, I hear it over and over where everyone says, Where is the year going? Time just seems to be going faster and faster. And sometimes I'm down for it, but most of the time I really am not. Time can slow down a little bit, especially now that we're in the best season of the year. Summertime is the best time, especially where we live on the east coast of Canada. We live close to the beach, we live close to the lake, we are just outside as much as possible, and I love it. If you're new here, welcome to the Selfish Confidence Podcast. This is a podcast where we stop waiting for permission to become the person we already know we're meant to be. The person that we already know is inside there and just sometimes needs a little, a little welcoming to come out and play. I'm Jess, I am a confidence coach, I'm a speaker, and your reminder that confidence isn't something you're born with, it's something you build one choice at a time. So whether you're out for a walk today or you're driving in the car on your way to work, you're folding the laundry or chasing after kids, and you just put me on in the background. I am just so glad you're here.

A Calm Breath And Safety Reminder

SPEAKER_00 1:35

And I'm really excited to dive into today's conversation all about having the most epic summer ever. Before I get into it, a couple things. One, I just pulled a card, which I normally do. I have a basket of decks of cards, not the cards that you play like blackjack with, like Oracle cards, tarot cards that keep affirmation cards, all different kinds of cards that I keep in a basket right beside my chair where I record these episodes. And I like to take a second sometimes to reconnect with myself, to reconnect with my soul and pull a card. And I pulled the card from the Spirit Junkie deck. I got this deck from a friend of mine, and the card I got was I breathe calmly and easily. I am safe in this moment. And sometimes when I pull these cards, I think there is someone out there who might need that reminder today. And maybe it's me. Sometimes it's me. But I feel like today maybe this card is for you. So I just want you to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you breathe calmly and easily and you're safe here. I'm so glad you're here and you're a part of our sisterhood. You're a part of our community, and that we can sit down and we can talk about fun things. We can talk about our summer plans, we can talk about our life updates. I picture us like girlfriends chit-chatting, hanging out. I'm sipping on some coconut water

Building Real Friendship Community

SPEAKER_00 2:55

over here and just enjoying a little moment of the girls hanging out. And it's just a good feeling. And if you're looking for that good feeling beyond this podcast, if you're looking for a community of women that you can send a message to and vent about whatever's going on in your life or celebrate with them about something fun, I have the community for you. The Selfish Sisterhood is the place where you can really connect with people who are looking for friendships. They're looking for those girlfriends that they can feel like they're sitting next to by just pulling out their phone and sending a quick DM and being like, hey, by the way, I'm going through this and I just need a little vent event. The chat was blowing up over the weekend, talking about different things that people are going through in their lives, both really exciting wins and some really hard, difficult things. And that's what this space is all about. It's a space that you can literally pick up your phone and get the support you need, get the friendship connections that you need. And I know we don't always feel safe to be 100% ourselves in this world. And although I wish that was the case, I wish it was so natural for us to stand in our confidence, to stand in our truth, and to be 100% authentically ourselves all the time. That's just unfortunately not everybody's reality. And I created a space where you could come and do that. And I think it is amazing. I was really blown away this morning where I had a moment to sit down and to go through all of the chats in our mom chat and in our selfish sisterhood. And I was just like, wow, we need something like this where women can feel like 100% themselves. We also do virtual hangouts a couple times a month on Tuesday evenings. We're trying for the summer, just because I know weekends are crazy and busy for everyone. So we're gonna give those a try on Tuesday evenings where you can come and chit-chat and talk about things, talk about life goals, and we can talk about business plans, and we can talk about your favorite color and your plans for the summer, and also just like everything under the sun, just a place for you to connect with your sisters. And also, we have a monthly meetup where we can meet up in person in Halifax to really deeply connect IRL in real life. Because I don't know about you. Sometimes I get real caught up in my bubble, and I could stay there for days, unshowered, and you know, with my hair going all over the place and just figuring out what the next step is. I could spend days in my bubble. And sometimes we need that invitation to get out of the house, to take a shower, to get away from the kids, to go have something fun for us. And I really love creating these in-person aspects of the selfish sisterhood too. So wherever you are in the world, if you're local, we have in-person. If you're somewhere else, we have our virtual aspect of the sisterhood. And then, of course, a chat that's open 24-7 whenever you need it. And I bet there's some days that you really feel like you need it. And that's why I created this community. So check out the

Daycare Wins And Time Returning

SPEAKER_00 5:55

information in the show notes. July is gonna be a great month for you to hop in and to check things out and to connect with your sisters. And that being said, let me give you a little life update over here. Oh man, this week my little guy started daycare for the first time. And if you've been around for a while or you've been on my social media, I have had a really hard time finding a daycare spot in our city. I still have not gotten off of a call, like off of a wait list, or have gotten a call from any of the daycares that I have been on wait lists since I was eight weeks pregnant. That is the reality over here. And although I'm not a person who's super persistent, because some people are like, you gotta nag them, you gotta nag them. And that's just like not my style. I will check in every couple months, but if you don't have a spot for me, you don't have a spot for me. And so once I kind of got this feeling that I was ready for some extra time, I started to do my own digging. I found some Facebook groups with different day homes. I, you know, started to kind of put out there into the universe that I was looking, and I actually started to have some options. All of my options are still day home options, part-time day home options, which is great for the season that we're in right now. And I'm really grateful we found a spot that we feel really good about. So our little guy has started going part-time and we did half days for a little bit just to kind of transition him in. And today I sat down and I had a cup of coffee, a bagel, and I got two hours of work done to the point where I was like, okay, I can do this. And then we came home and he had a three-hour nap. And I was like, okay, I am delusional and I think that that's our new normal. Let me just live in that for a few minutes and be like, okay, this is I could do this. I could really do this. The things that I could get done, it just feels good. And I'm really grateful for just a change, just a change in this, and maybe to get a little brain power back. So that's kind of the life update of where we are right now, and it's given me an opportunity to re-ignite my newsletters, sending out some messages in real time, being able to create more posts, being able to have put put more thought even into these podcast episodes and the plan that I have for my business, it just feels really good. Does this mean everything will be executed perfectly? No. But it does mean that I have more time and more brain power to at least try. And I have one less excuse in my pocket. The excuse of time. I might actually have time now to do some of these things that I have been saying I've been wanting to do for so long. So if you can relate to that, if you're someone who has a vision board in front of you and you're like, all those things I said I wanted to do, they have not gotten done. We're in this together. We got this. We're gonna figure out a solution and we're gonna make it happen. And I've actually been dabbling with some different consistency challenges that I really want to bring to life too. So I don't want to get too far into it because sometimes I get really excited and I don't wanna, I just can't. I can't get too excited right now, but I think that we all need it. There are many of us who just need a little help in that consistency department, and so I'm trying to create something that's gonna help us. It's gonna help the sisters who really struggle with motivation and consistency, my friends. But today I am talking to the person who has that mindset of work hard, play hard, and that mindset of I have to check all of the boxes off of my list before I get to have an epic summer. I have to, oh man, I can think of so many people who are in the sisterhood or even just in my life who are list people, and they love a good check mark, they love a good sticker, me too. I do too. I love having a list that I can check things off, even if it's just a mental list, but there's nothing better than checking that off. I literally have a pencil in my hand for my notes that are in front

Stop Earning Fun With Chores

SPEAKER_00 9:55

of me, and I just like love a good check mark with a pencil, and maybe you're the same way too. And I was thinking about this earlier when I was outside weeding for a few minutes. I went to go take my dog Polly out for a walk, and she did not want to go. I went in one direction, I tried to turn around and go in the other direction. She's a pretty stubborn girly, she knows what she wants, and she wants that only. And if she doesn't get that, she doesn't want it. So my neighbor actually has been taking her on hikes. She has a dog walking business, and she's been taking her on hikes once a week, and now she doesn't want anything to do with me. So she snuck away to my neighbor's house, and and I spent a little bit of time weeding. And in that moment, I was thinking about the person who always feels like they have to do the weeding before they can do the playing. The person who has to get all of their work done before they can go to the swimming pool this summer. The person who, you know, yeah, has to check that list before they get to enjoy their favorite show in the evening or a fun activity. I see you, my sister. If that's you I'm talking to, I see you because it's really hard. We grew up in the society that told us we had to do our homework before we could go out and play. It is backwards because I'm gonna tell you how I feel about this. That's why you're here, right? I think we need to be playing before we do our work. I think we need to be seeking joy and fun and energy and excitement and happiness. Oh, I feel so emotional as I say this because I know this is not the norm, but I think we need to be doing those things first. And I see this a lot, this backwards, like this. I have to finish my nine to five work before I can go have fun, I have to finish the dishes before I can go play, I have to insert the thing that you've told yourself you have to do in order to get the reward. And maybe that's even something like finishing a challenge that you said you'd do. And I'm not knocking that at all. If you have a sticker page that you said I need to get 75 stickers before I can get my ice cream cone, then you do you. But I do think sometimes we need a little bit of fun in there in order to reignite that energy to finish. So I am all about energy. Energy is very important to me. I notice it the second it's off. I can feel it. And I don't know if you're like this too, or if I just have this weird, I don't know, energy radar. I know a lot of people who also have this too, but I can feel it. And when, especially in the worlds of our human design peeps, our generators, our manifest generators, but all of us, right? When we are living in joy first, fun first, the energy is different. The work that you produce is different. How you show up for your job is different, how you show up as a parent is different. How you take your stubborn dog for a walk is going to be different if we put joy first, if we put fun first. And this summer, as we go into this season that I know is crazy busy, weekends are full. There is always something on the go. There is camping trips and you know, commitments and birthday parties and all of the things and celebrations for Canada Day and the 4th of July, and insert the thing that you have on your list this summer, because chances are every single weekend there's something. Imagine how different our energy would be if we would have fun first. And this is not just for the kiddos. I think we do this really well for kiddos for summer vacation. There is activities for them and summer camps and sports and all of the stuff that we could do for them, and snacks and treats and late nights and all the stuff, and it's fun for us too. I know that stuff is fun for us too. I really think we need to be focusing on our joy first. One of the things that my husband is really good at, and I know he's listening to this, so what's up? Hi, honey bear, love ya. He's really good at prioritizing his hobbies. He's a mountain biker in the summer, he plays hockey in the winter, he also, you know, enjoys a video game here and there, or different shows that he likes to watch, or, you know, working with some different trinket things. He's just really good at doing hobbies. He's a manifesting generator, he has multiple passions, and he makes the time for them. But he really struggles to do any of his activities before he gets the things done that are on his list. So he has to do the dishes before he could focus on doing something fun, or he'd have to do, you know, whatever chore is on his list or whatever he has to get done before he can go play. And I am a little bit the opposite as I am sitting down here recording this podcast episode while he does bedtime, and also I had to leave the dishes in the kitchen in order to come down here with the right energy. I've talked about that so many times. Energy is important to me, and I don't want to waste my precious energy on doing the dishes first. I can get the dishes done. I just know that I need to focus on doing the things that matter first, the things that I need good energy for. And we're so different in that sense. We were talking about

Energy First Versus Time First

SPEAKER_00 15:15

this the other day because he focuses on things in aspects of time. I only have so much time to do this, this, and this, so I will do this, this, and this. And I think of it as I only have so much energy to do this, this, and this, so I need to do it in this sequence. And I'm curious to how you look at whatever quantity of time or energy or insert the thing that you use as your metric to be like, I have to do this, this, and this much, this, because I always have seen it as energy. I only have so much I can fit into my bucket, and I gotta prioritize the things that matter first for me, energy-wise. This podcast needs to come number one because you do not want Jess after she did the dishes, she doesn't feel good, she is ready to just lounge on the couch after that. So I gotta do this first. Whereas for him, he needs to do the dishes first, and then he's gonna go do that thing that's fun, that thing that's going to give him that energy. I think we can shift it up. And I know that this isn't all the time, okay? So if you're listening to this and you're like, yeah, Jess, but sometimes we gotta do the dishes. I hear you. The dishes are gonna get done. We know that. That's not a question that I ever have in my house. They're going to get done. The laundry's gonna get folded. I have to move one load to the other. Like it's going to get done. It always gets done. But sometimes I think we could shift this a little bit. I think, especially for my generators and my man gens, you are gonna show up differently to do that laundry, to do those dishes. If you do the thing that brings you joy first, if we start to spark ourselves up, your energy is going to be so different. And that energy is going to be felt by everybody else. Imagine you showed up to that chore that you have been dreading with a smile on your face because you played first, because you went out and you did the hobby that really excites you, that really lights you up. And I don't want to fill in the blank with an imaginary hobby that you might have because I know it's different for everyone. We've talked about that so many times. We are all so unique. We all have different things that light us up. Because if I were to sit here and say, Oh yeah, what about when you go and you sit and you read a good book in the peace and quiet and you're just like, nah, Jess, that is not my thing. I do not want to do that. I'd rather go, you know, play archery or something. Ultimate frisbee. You know, lawn bowling. You do you, my friend. You do you. I want you to do the thing that makes you shine. And I really want you to think about that this summer. Summer is short, especially where we live. We get maybe two months. And some of you who are listening to this and are in places who get an even shorter summer, there's only so much time to enjoy this beautiful weather, to enjoy this time, to do whatever it is you want to do. If you are looking to have an epic summer, you know, like the one that in high school you sat down, you're like, this is gonna be the best summer ever, and I'm gonna go back to school in the fall, and I am going to look super hot and be super cool and have so many stories to share. If you want to have one of those summers, it starts with you, sis. It starts with you. You get to decide, you get to put in the effort and pick what you want to do and show up for yourself in a brand new way. And believe me, I know we talked about this earlier, consistency is really difficult. So when we're saying there's these things that we want to achieve this summer, the things that we want to do, the things that light us up, I really want you to prioritize that joy. I think that we will show up more for the things that bring us joy. I think your energy is going to be different. I think how you show up for your family is going to be different, and I just there's something really special about that. This isn't selfish, and even if it was, like, let's be selfish. Let's fill our cups up. Let's treat ourselves with the same energy and fun that we give our kids every single year. You only have so much energy in your tank, you only have so much time this summer, so why not fill it up with things that bring you joy? And I hear you already. I hear you saying, Jess

Tiny Joy Plans That Actually Work

SPEAKER_00 19:25

must be nice. I don't have time. I gotta do these things, I gotta do the dishes, I gotta take my kids to these things. Really prioritize a pocket. And if you cannot prioritize a pocket, I want you to plan that kid's activity around a thing that brings you joy, right? It can be something really small, like really delicious iced coffee on the way home or to your kids' soccer tournament. Stop at a place that might not be super convenient, but is going to bring you joy. Think about that little spot that you have had your eye on that you've wanted to go for a while, and prioritize going there. Check it off the list. We went to Halley Deli on the weekend. It's a place that has been on my list for a while. I really wanted to try this local deli shop, and I I'm so glad that we were able to take some time on Sunday and take a little trip out there and experience it. I'm not someone who loves to eat in a restaurant, especially with a one-year-old. So it wasn't the most relaxing experience, but it was still an experience nonetheless, and one that I had been wanting to do for a while. It was an awesome way for us to have a little family time. We did that, we got to also take a walk in our local park and just enjoy a little bit of summer, and it was simple, it was easy, it wasn't too much of an inconvenience to make it happen, and that is how we make an epic summer by doing and prioritizing little things like that. That entertained my son, it was a great experience for me and for my partner, and it's just something that we need to do more of. So, what are those things that are on your summer bucket list that you would be like, oh man, that is it. That's gonna feel so good to do that for me. To do that for me, not to do that for anybody else, but it is going to bring me joy to do that activity. An epic summer starts with you. A fun summer starts with you. And the only person holding you back from having that fun summer is also you. So why don't we take a little pen or a little pencil, whatever feels good for you, and you're when you're making your list of the things that you feel you need to check off before you get to have fun? Uh the number one thing I want on that list is fun. I want it to be higher up on the list. I want you to experience joy this summer in a way maybe you never have, because you have been taught your whole life that you need to do your homework first, that you need to clean your room first, that you need to eat. Your broccoli first. Nah, sis, nah. We are going right for that chocolate cake. Summer is the chocolate cake. It is the season for you to enjoy good food. It is the season for you to have fun, run in the sprinkler, t go to the pool without the kids. Go to a coffee shop all alone. Whatever it is that's going to bring you joy, what is going to bring you peace and fun this summer, I want you to prioritize it. Especially if you're one of my sisters who struggles with doing something for yourself first. If you need to do the dishes before you get to go have fun, I just want you to try it once. Do it backwards. Go have your fun adventure. Do the thing and the hobby that lights you up because I promise you, you are coming back to those dishes with a different energy. I am going to be able to hop off of this podcast episode right now and go do the dishes with a smile on my face because I just got to spend a half an hour hanging out with you. For me, honestly, there's nothing better. Like I literally have tears in my eyes thinking about how much fun it is to sit here and to hang out with you and to yap with you and to talk about ways that you can improve your life. Because I know that these things have improved my life. Doing this and showing up and hanging out with you definitely improved my life. It improves my life every single week that we get to hang out. And that's because I put joy and fun first. And I know it's not all the time. You don't have to do it all the time. I just want you to try it once, maybe twice, maybe three times, and see how you feel, see how you show up for the rest of your life differently. I promise you, it will change how you show up for this summer if we sprinkle in joy for you, not just for everybody else, but for you, because you deserve it too. You are a human, a new human on this earth, just like your kids are, just like your best friend is, just like whoever it is you're showing up for, you also deserve fun. And you also deserve joy. And I really want you to go find that. So send me a message, let me know what that thing is that you're like, oh yeah, I've been wanting to do this, and I am gonna go do it. Because I could send you my list. I got a long list of things I want to do. It's just a matter of prioritizing it, putting it first, and now that my little

Your Summer Challenge And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_00 24:20

guy's in daycare, I can guarantee you I will be spending more time focused on my joy too. So I hope you have a wonderful week, and I cannot wait to talk to you next time. See ya, my friend. Send this to a girlfriend who just needs that reminder that they are absolutely amazing and they deserve a little time for themselves too. So if you're loving this podcast, please take a moment to leave a rating review. It is the best way to get this selfish confidence out to more people. So if you have a moment, I would really appreciate a review. And until next time, remember, choosing yourself isn't selfish, my friend. It's where your confidence begins.