[312] The Things I Swore I'd Never Do

“I would never do that” can feel like a boundary, but sometimes it’s a wall. Today we get honest about the weird moment when you look back at your past self and laugh because you did the exact thing you swore you’d never do and it actually made your life better. I’m sharing my own never say never turns, plus the mindset shift that helped me stop treating every decision like a locked door.

Then we go deeper than “confidence tips.” I’ve been feeling a shift toward self reclamation: figuring out who you are without labels, noise, and old rules you inherited. Confidence becomes the result of knowing yourself, trusting your gut, and letting yourself evolve through big life transitions like relationships, motherhood, and career pivots. The question I leave you with is simple and uncomfortable in the best way: what would happen if you didn’t say never?

If this hits home, subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, share it with a friend who’s in a pivot, and leave a review so more women can find the show. What’s the biggest “never” you’ve outgrown?

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Transcript

Welcome And The Never Trap

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and this podcast, as you know, is all about doing life differently, doing life your way and stepping into your power. And today I really wanted to talk to you about never saying never. Oh man, never say never. Can you think of a scenario in your life where you said, I am never going to do that? And then you look back and you laugh now. Yeah, I know you know a few of mine already, but we're gonna talk about it a little bit more today because I think there's something really powerful in sharing with people these moments that we just laugh at. These moments where you just said, I will never. And then you do. Oh man. And I hate being told like I told you so, or I hate that like energy of like, oh, I knew you would do it, which is why I was so anxious about telling people so many things. But I think there's more on my list of the never say nevers that you're going to be shocked by. So I'm really excited to dive into today's episode with you. All about this energy of just like, yeah, the things we say we're never gonna do. And then we do them. And then we do them, right? Duh, that's part of life. And it's so on brand, because as you know, I am all about changing your mind. And I have really great examples of my life of people who have changed their mind and pivoted and have done different things and have been really successful in those areas. So thankfully, having those examples has made it easier for me to do it too, which is why I will always tell you if I have something that I said I'm never gonna do, you're gonna know that I changed my mind on it because we need more women openly changing their mind on things because I am just not about the life of, you know, staying in the thing that makes me miserable for the rest of my life. It's just not a chapter that I want to stay stuck in. And so I'm gonna change my mind, I'm gonna pivot, I'm gonna move forward, and I'm gonna bring you along for the ride.

Sharing Less Online For Safety

SPEAKER_00 2:10

So let's dive into it today. I wanted to give you a little life update, a little insight into my mind because I don't always share, and I haven't been super active on social media as much as I normally am, mostly because I'm chasing around a kid that is dropping stuff in his water table all the time or climbing up and down the stairs, and you just, you know, sometimes you just gotta say, okay, live your life, kid. Let me know when you need some help because that's the season we're in, and it's just making it a little harder to do things on the fly. And I've held back a little bit on sharing too much personal stuff on social media for a lot of reasons, but a big one being it's really scary right now. The world is really scary, and I've had to have this internal battle in my head on what's safe for me to share about my son and what's safe for me to just like keep to myself. And lately I've been struggling with like the energy of not being able to trust anyone or anything you see online. And I think mourning what used to be the world and accepting what is the world is this weird middle period that we're in because things are starting to become more evident on what's actually happening behind the scenes, right? What's happening in the world of AI, what's happening in the world with some videos that you thought for sure were real, and I know I've talked about this before, and then they just blow your mind that they're not. And you're just like, I can't trust anything online anymore. And it has almost made it, not almost, it has made it a lot harder for me to share what I want to share on social media. And I am working to bringing a lot of this back there and sharing what I feel comfortable and safe to share, but it's just not the same as sitting down on this podcast and hanging out with you and being able to riff and tell you what's on my heart, what's going on in my life. I really do feel like we're two girlfriends hanging out. I'm sitting here sipping some pre-workout, sipping some greens, and just enjoying a little time to chit-chat with you. And it feels so much safer in this bubble of the podcast than social media. So I've taken a bit of a step back with sharing a lot of what's going on in my son's life or sharing his face, which I say with such hesitation because his face is so damn cute. Like, he is a gorgeous kid, and I hate to hold back on the goodness, but I think for his safety, I have to. Like, it's getting scary. The things that I am hearing, the stories that I'm hearing, it's just getting too scary, and I hate it. Like, I truly, truly, truly, truly hate it. I want to be able to just 100% be authentically myself like I have been for so many years, but I feel like there's just so many things that make it harder lately. So I'm stepping back into sharing more on my personal journey, but I just feel like I have to step back on sharing that personal side of my family life, and that that sucks. Like it sucks. Does anyone are you feeling that too? This like having this difficulty with trusting what you're seeing, and everything feels like it's like a lie to you. I watched a video this morning about, you know, what's in our some of our foods and some of our products and the clothes we're wearing, and I'm just so tired of reading labels and having to worry about everything. And so I think that's where I've just had to take a little bit of a pause, a little bit of a breath to figure out where I want to go and what this is all about. And I've actually been spending

From Confidence To Self Reclamation

SPEAKER_00 5:45

some time thinking about this podcast and thinking about my social media and where I want it to go. And I had this massive download of everything that I've been doing has been totally aligned. It's just a matter of pivoting with the wording, recreating some things, and where this podcast has always been about confidence, self-ish confidence, this energy that I'm feeling is actually leaning more into that self. And I've been talking about this a few times now, about this idea of not necessarily a rebrand, but it's really about updating the messaging and updating the podcast here. And a big piece is that focus on self, helping you to discover who you are without the labels, without all of these life transitions that we've been through, without all the stress, without all the noise that's out in the world, and truly getting to the deep pinpoint of who you are, who your soul is. And that's where confidence comes from. So for many years we focused on confidence. How do we get more confidence? Here's 10 tips to more confidence. Whereas now, where I feel this energy shifting is leaning heavily into that self. And it's been there all along. I've actually had in the notes section on my phone like book outlines and topic outlines and things like curriculum I've wanted to create all around this idea of self. And it's funny, it's been there for years, and I just haven't made that pivot to make that the focus. I think there's something really important about us learning who we are because confidence is the outcome. That's where we're going. That's what's gonna happen when we get clear on who we are, when we get clear on what we're doing and what we want. And I just think that that is like the magic that we've been missing out on. And it's been there all along. We all know that. If you've been to an event of mine or you've been here for a while, it's been there all along. It's in all of the messaging. But I think now for me, knowing it and seeing it right in front of me and it being very clear, that I want to help women understand who they are, unlock who they are and find their like deepest soul level of who they are at a hole. Like that's it. The magic is you. We've known that all along. Sometimes it just takes us unraveling a little bit to get there. So that's what the direction is all about self-reclamation, like reclaiming who we are and bringing that to life and really leaning into the self part of selfish confidence. I hope you resonate with that. I hope you feel seen and validated in that because yeah, I really want that to be the energy here when you come to the podcast and you know that we're hanging out, just the two of us, sipping our little drinky drinks, whatever you be sipping on, and enjoying this powerful message, this powerful energy that reminds you who the fudge you are. I've been getting really good at my censorship lately, since having a kid, especially, and since little ears being around. Fudge is a fudge is one of the words. It's just always there. And I don't fudge and love it. I don't, but we're

Why Never Blocks Possibility

SPEAKER_00 8:50

working with it. So let's go. Today I wanted to talk to you about never say never. Oh man, right? I and I know you have a story here. So please send me a message and be like, oh yeah, I said I'd never do this, and look at me now. I think that a lot too when we hear people say parenting things like, oh, I'll never let my kids use a tablet at the T at the table or whatever, and you're just like, okay, okay, girlfriend, just saddle up, saddle up and get yourself ready for parenthood. I try my best to not use the word never anymore because there are so many times in my life as I have been learning and growing that you shake your head a little because you know, you know you're gonna do it. You think you're not, but it's gonna happen. And this can even happen in the simplest things, right? Like think of, oh, one Monday I'm gonna start this thing and I'm gonna, oh my gosh, my freaking goal for the year was to run a 10K. And I know the year's not over and it's gonna happen. There's hesitation in my voice there, just because the focus has changed so many times on what I want, that it's okay to change your mind, right? But I did print it off and put it on my vision board, and I'm just like, crap, I really gotta do this. And I had a conversation with a client the other day about this too, where sometimes you almost hate to say the goal or the thing you want to do out loud because there's just so many times that the follow-through hasn't happened or the thing hasn't happened, and you're just like, oh, I'm really tired of letting myself down. But that's not what this energy is about. Sometimes it's just the never say never is about not letting there be closed doors.

The Child Free Door That Opened

SPEAKER_00 10:33

So, to give you a big example, especially if you've been here a while, you already know this one. But I said we were never having kids. Like we were child-free by choice, and I was very happy with that decision until I wasn't anymore. But one of the things that shifted things in my mind was uh a healer that I go see had mentioned to me, like, Jess, just let the door be open. You don't have to go through it, but you are having this really closed energy that is making it really hard for anything to come through, for anything to go, even have an opportunity to step into. So just open the door, leave it open, and see what happens. You don't have to walk through, you don't have to have kids, you don't have to start a family, but at least let the door be open and see what happens. And that was like this mind-blowing moment for me because being so hard on anything, like a never ever, I will never do that. The door is so closed, is actually blocking the energy from it even attempting in that direction. And we might be blocking it for totally different reasons. I was blocking it for not because I didn't want it, but because I was fearful of losing the life that I had. I was fearful of, you know, being able to do this and have a family, of having a business and having a family. And I just had so many beliefs that I need to recondition in order for me to feel safe and open to even attempt the idea of having a family. And so that hard no that never actually was holding me back in a lot of ways that I just didn't even realize. I really thought that I just never wanted kids when in reality I just never wanted this ideal that I had in my head, this idea of a life that I had in my head that just isn't the reality. At least not for me. It isn't my reality, and I just had no idea. And it's like this in so many ways. Like, okay, I really, I really, really want to know if you've never said like what's this the what's the thing you said you'd never do? And well, you did it. And I know a big one for me was kids, but there's so many other little ones. Like, think about previous relationships that you've been in. I can think of one in particular that I was so certain was my person that we were going to get married, that it was going to be forever, and we were never, ever, ever breaking out. To the point that when I met my husband, I said to him, Don't get too comfortable. Like, this is just a little fling, this is just a little for now. I am getting back together with my ex. Like, I just thought I'd let you know you're hot and all, but this is never gonna work. Sorry, sorry. Well, jokes on me, because we are married, have been married for 11 years this year, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I was absolutely crazy. Imagine, imagine I stayed in that energy of this isn't gonna work. Like, I am getting back together with my ex. This we're not, this is never gonna work because I would have missed out on this beautiful chapter of my life, on this beautiful love story that I would have never had the opportunity to experience. Oh man, I feel the emotions. Think about that because that closed door, that closed energy, he could have easily been like, oh, okay, well, if you're if you're a never, then I'm just gonna walk away now. And thankfully

Love Stories That Start As A No

SPEAKER_00 14:10

he's pretty persistent and stubborn too. So it it changed. Everything changed when I decided, and probably would have been about four months in was when I was like, oh, okay, I was wrong. You're it, let's do this. But it took a little bit, right? Sometimes it takes just having that door open. It really doesn't have to be a never slam the door in your face kind of energy. It just needs to have a place to flow. I do this sometimes in my house. I feel like a crazy person when I say some of this stuff, but I do like have just the windows open so that energy can flow through. Right now, upstairs, the patio door is open so that energy can flow in our house. I like to have a window or a door open in the back and a window and a door open in the front so energy can flow through. It makes a difference. You think it sounds crazy? I think it sounds crazy, but it makes a difference to have these places for energy to go. And that hard energy of never or no or insert what you've been telling yourself is blocking us from us seeing who we really are. And that just comes from beliefs that we've been told our whole lives, things that we've told ourselves, that we've gotten from our families, from past lives, so many different areas where we're just like, oh, this is it. Period. This is the belief I have. This is it. Like, there's no swaying me. If you're an opinionated person, I I see you. Okay. I know this is really hard to have a door that's open. We like to have certainty, but this makes a really big difference.

Moving In Together And Other Pivots

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Another one I remember saying when I was younger that was like a hard never was like, I will never live with my boyfriend before marriage. Like, no way. Hard no. I will not do it. And I remember when I told my parents, so my husband is the first person that I ever lived with outside of like roommates and family. And I had a co-op program. So it was like a placement, a job placement in a in a role here in the city where we currently live, where my boyfriend at the time, now my husband, lived also. And instead of me going and finding an apartment for the summer, I was gonna move in with him. Oh my gosh. I was so afraid to tell my family, so afraid to tell my family. And I remember when I was getting my wisdom teeth out, I was so scared it was going to slip when I was under my drugs. And it didn't, but I remember the conversation very clearly telling my parents that I was going to move in with my boyfriend. And the first thing my mom said was, I remember a little girl who said she was never gonna do that, she was never gonna move in with her boyfriend. And we all know nobody likes to hear that. Nobody wants to hear that they said that they were never gonna do something and now they're doing it. Like so annoying, okay? But it was the truth. I had said I would never do it, and well, we've been living together now for I don't know, 15 years, 14 years. I have no idea. I have no concept of time anymore, but it's been a long time. And again, best thing that ever happened to me. Mm-hmm. It but it came from a never. Sometimes the answer is never until you meet something. I want to say a person, but it doesn't have to be a person until you see something that changes your mind, that opens your eyes to be like, oh wait, but with this person or with this thing, I could do it. It could even be like a role, like a job, right? I will never work like that or never do

The Career Never That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_00 17:45

this. I said I would never be an entrepreneur. I said it. I said it many times. I thought the dream was a nine to five in a government job with a pension, with the salary, with the vacation time, with the cubicle. Oh my gosh, could you even picture me in a nine to five now? I don't think so. I don't think so. I thought for sure that was it. And I did that. I did the nine to five for many years. And then I started to do the work-from-home nine to five for a long time. And that's what started to lead me in the direction of this work from home entrepreneurial journey that I've been on. It took, again, layers and layers of deconditioning to get there and understanding what I'd want, what I'd be good at, what was possible. And it's always changing. It's ever changing what is happening in the world and what we can achieve. So again, sometimes when we say never, it's just because her eyes haven't been opened to it yet. Oh my gosh. Jess of 15 years ago, if you told her what I'd be doing right now, she would have just been shocked, jaw on the floor, like, no, one, never gonna be an entrepreneur. Two, you can't even make money that way. And three, like, never, no one, no one will listen to a podcast. Because I also said I would never start a podcast. And here we are, recording, hanging out, sipping some sips and hanging out with you and just creating. Honestly, I think podcasts are the number one of the Yap Challenge. Like, podcasters are have been crushing the Yap Challenge for many, many, many years. I think it's hilarious that this is the new hot thing. I could freaking yap all day long, okay? Like, I love that social media is going in that direction because again, I think I could rock at it. But it's just so funny when you look back at all of the things you said you'd never do. And here I am living with my boyfriend, yapping on a microphone on a podcast for my job as an entrepreneur and as a mom. Like it's just wild when you think about all of these things we said we'd never do. Your eyes can be opened and things can change, and just having that door open, and I keep looking at the door to my office because I'm recording it, uh, nobody's home, so I kept the door open so my pets could freely come in and out. And this door is open to my office, and when I look down the hall, our door that goes into like our front hallway is also open. And then we have this like little crawl space that really is used for storage and for our cat to hang out in, and that door is open too, and the bathroom door is open, and it's just so many opportunities can come from doors being open. You don't have to walk through

Open Doors In A World You Distrust

SPEAKER_00 20:46

them, you don't have to, you know, follow the niggle of this like heart feeling that you have. Like I've talked about so much for me, it's that whisper feeling, this like little voice. Man, the voice has been saying some weird things to me lately, and I'm like, really? That? I don't know if I want to go down that path. But I sure as heck no, I'm not gonna close the door because who knows what's on the other side of that path? Who knows what could be down this hallway of doors? So many opportunities that we don't even know are opportunities yet because life is changing, the world is changing, society is changing, the internet is changing. And even though that's really scary, like I talked about earlier, I have some trust issues right now with everything because I just feel like I can't trust things. I hate that. As someone who's very open and authentic and wants to just love every person in the world, this like lack of trust for like lit the littlest things, right? Like what's in that cookie, right? You can't even go out without thinking about some of this stuff. And I just hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable that I can't just trust every person I see. But that doesn't mean the opportunities that are coming in front of me. Of you or things you have to question. Well, maybe question them, but don't shut them down. Give them an opportunity. Just because we don't trust us freely right now doesn't mean that it's not real. It doesn't mean that it's not for us. Right? Think about someone knocking on your door right now. Like, I can't believe someone would ring my doorbell. You came all the way up. I got like no soliciting signs outside. Like, do not come to my door, especially if my kid's napping. But maybe that knock on the door could be something so life-changing. It could be the smallest thing, the smallest opportunity that leads into a new job, that leads into a new relationship, that leads into you meeting your new best friend. I just was talking with a client this morning who was like, oh my gosh, I made a new friend. And this is how I met them. And it is the smallest thing that has led them into a new relationship, a new friendship. The smallest things can impact your life. And the more we say never, it's holding us back from having these opportunities for new experiences, new adventures, and so much fun and love in our life. I know it's so hard to trust things right now. But what if what if on the other side there was something really special? So it's okay to be skeptical, but it's not okay to close the doors until you know it's time that you said never. Like I'm never getting back together with my ex, obviously. Because one, I don't even know where they are anymore. And two, I'm in love with my husband and my kid, so never say never until it's time to say never, right? Because sometimes we do know. So trust that. Trust that gut feeling, trust that whisper in your ear. Trust that you know what's best. Because you do, you know what's best. So follow that, okay? Follow that. The world deserves you to live your life, to live your light, to live in your magic, to live in who you are. There are so many things that I have said never to. That now I'm sitting here living in this life. Like, even yeah, becoming a parent or certain foods and drinks, like, oh, I will never. Think about when you were a kid and you said you'd never like coffee. Look at you now. Look at you now. Or you would never have a drink, never have a smoke. Yeah, freaking right. Okay. You're gonna experience things. And even going forward, there's things you probably are saying right now, I will never have that. Your preferences change, your life changes, your circumstances change, things change. And that's just part of the evolution. That's part of who we are. So be open to changing your mind. And if you're someone like me who really struggles with people saying things at ya,

Change Your Mind With Safe People

SPEAKER_00 24:50

just keep it to yourself. I change my mind all the time, and I don't tell anyone about it. I've changed directions in my business many times, and I just don't tell anyone about it until it's time, until I've figured it out. I'm a person who likes to figure it out. And I know that's not everyone. You might be someone who likes to talk it out first. And if that is the case, I've said this so many times. Find your safe people, share it with your safe people, and that's it. Don't share it with people who are gonna say, I told you so, or I can't believe you're changing your mind again. No, it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to do things differently. That's why we're here, right? So don't bum yourself out because you said never. And just because you said never doesn't mean you can't change your mind. It doesn't mean that you have to get stuck in that. Oh man, I felt that really deep when it came to becoming a parent. I was like, I said it on my podcast. I said it so publicly. I said it on a stage in front of 800 women that I was child-free by choice and I loved it. I was wrong. I was wrong. I didn't know. And that's okay too. That just means we're learning, we're growing, we're evolving, and we're changing our mind. And if you don't have examples in your life

Selfish Sisterhood Community Invite

SPEAKER_00 26:06

of people who've changed their mind, I want you to come here. I want you to send me a message. I want you to be like, hey, I'm thinking about changing my mind, Jess. And I just need to tell someone because I don't have anyone safe that I can tell. I got you. I got you. Selfish sisterhood is a great place for that too. We talk about that all the time. Little things that you're just like, I didn't even know I could do this. Or hey, I'm celebrating this thing. And I just think it's the most beautiful thing to have a space where you can just say what you want and know that you're going to be accepted and loved and celebrated. And it's it's the best. So if you're looking for a space like that this summer where you can just come and I'll 100% be you, check out the selfish sisterhood. The information's in the show notes for you to jump in and check it out. We do two virtual calls a month. We are actually testing out doing calls on Tuesday evenings because Sundays in the summer, as you know, are getting a little crazy, a little busy. And so weekends are a little nutty this time of year. We're gonna test out our Tuesday night calls and see how that works again. And also in-person meetups. We'll have a brunch in July, which will be really fun. Testing out some picnic ideas and just getting out in person. If you're in Halifax, it's really great to have that community in person and also a place where you can text your besties and just be like, yeah, this happened. And I need to tell someone. And it's just the best. So if you're looking for a space, if you're looking for your people, if you're looking to find community, check out the selfish sisterhood. Again, information's in the show notes. It's only $33 a month, and you can come in and meet all your new besties and celebrate some big things with us because we love to celebrate your wins. So let's wrap this up.

Closing Questions And Final Takeaway

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Never say never unless you really know it's a never. You know, you know, okay? Give yourself some time to figure it out. But there's something really special about an open door. That's all I gotta say. I'll leave it at that. You do not have to go through it, you do not have to change everything in your life. But having that open energy makes a really big difference. Closed energy can be really difficult sometimes to sit with. So just be a little more open if you can. And let me know what's something you said you'd never do, and now you live it. Because I love to find out about you changing your mind and doing things differently. And today I'm just gonna leave you with this one thing. What would happen if you didn't say never? What would happen if you didn't close the door? Dream it. Sit in that energy, see what comes up for you, and just yeah, see what could change in your life if you decided to quit using the word never and open a few doors in your life. So I'm so grateful you're here because I really never thought I would ever do something like this. And here we are, hanging out, sipping our sips, and just enjoying a little time together. So I love you so much. I'm so grateful for you and for you just living in your magic, living in your truth. And I'm just loving watching the ride. So I hope you have a wonderful week, and I will talk to you next time.