[310] What If Your Distractions Aren’t Random At All

Your attention is getting pulled in a hundred directions, and it’s not because you’re lazy or “bad at discipline.” It’s because modern life is designed to distract you and if you’re parenting, building a business, working a job, or just trying to feel like yourself again, those distractions can quietly eat the year you swore would be different.

I’m sharing a real-life reset: how I think about showing up imperfectly, why I’m not “starting over,” and what it means to stay human and authentic in a world packed with AI content and constant noise. Then we get into the practical stuff, because motivation isn’t enough when your phone, your inbox, your clutter, and your mental load keep interrupting you. We talk about identifying your biggest distractions, running a simple one-day tally to find your patterns, and building small distraction-free pockets of time that actually fit real life.

You’ll also hear the boundaries that help most, especially around social media and screen time, plus an easy way to keep a “distraction list” so your brain stops spinning with all the little things you’re afraid you’ll forget. And we end with the reminder I think you need: you don’t have to be perfect to make progress, but you do need to protect your attention if you want that vision board to turn into your real life.

If this hits home, share it with a friend, leave a review, and send me a message with your number one distraction and what you’re trying to achieve so we can tackle it together.

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Transcript

Skip The Script, Show Up Real

0:10

Hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and I know I just threw some of you off by switching up the little intro. I was sitting here and I was trying to decide. Was I recording like an intro? Like, hey, what's up? Welcome to Selfish Confidence. We're all about empowering women to live their truth and to be themselves no matter what that life path is. Or do I just like get into the juice? You know, I know, and I think I said this last week, I know you're skipping over the recording anyway. Like, you know it's the same thing over and over again. So I just really threw you off. But I don't know, is it really necessary? I don't I don't think it is. I don't think it is. I definitely don't watch the intro to TV shows anymore. We're hitting skip on everything. So, like, why even bother? Why bother? Maybe you're new here, and if you're brand new here, hello, I'm so glad you're here. And if you've been here for a while, hello, I'm so glad you're here. It is a journey to navigate the ebbs and flows of a podcast, and I'm realizing more and more how wild it is to be four years into podcasting, 310 episodes into podcasting, and just still here through the highs and lows and the roller coasters and the transitions and all of the things that happen in life for myself and even anyone who's podcasting, anyone who's doing anything to continue to show up is amazing. And I have so many times played in my head if I should keep going. Not necessarily if I should keep going, but more like, should I start over? Should I start something new? Should I, should I, should I, should I, should I? Because it feels really confusing to come on this microphone through all of life's transitions and show up and share a message and and just yeah, it feels so funny, right? Because I think we live in this world that glamorizes perfection, glamorizes us showing up as our perfect selves. And sometimes the messy parts, the bad episodes, the you know, crying on the microphone, the transitional periods of me figuring out who I am, it is so cringe. It's so freaking cringe, and it makes it really hard to keep showing up as a beginner over and over and over again. And I know that that's why you connect with this podcast. You don't connect with this podcast because you think I'm an expert. I I know that. The answer is always no. For me at least. The answer is always no. I know that showing this messy sides, showing the parts that I think are totally cringe are absolutely the best parts of this podcast. Even though there's episodes that I would really love to control, alt-delete, I know that they are impactful, even if it's just to show you how far that I have come. And I think that that's helpful. I also think there are pieces of people's stories that we connect with, even if it's not the season they're in right now, like even if it's not today's version of them, there are seasons that they have been through that can be really helpful for someone, someone listening who might need a prior version of me versus the version of me that's right now. So I will not be deleting and starting over. I think I'll just be taking out the intro and maybe giving you a little more what's the word I'm thinking of? A more dynamic intro based on whatever season we're in. Let's try it out. Let's see how it goes. That's kind of how we do things around you, right? We try, we play, we see, and then go into it. For my Sesame Street people, it's like, I wonder, what if? Let's try, let's give it a go. Let's try, my friends. I wanted to give you a little bit of a life update in today's episode because I was chatting with a friend of mine who was listening to this podcast when she was out on a walk or a run or something, and she had said, like, it just feels like I'm literally hanging out with you, like I'm sipping the coffee, or you're like slapping me on the leg, or you're calling me out on my shit. And she's like, I just love that energy. And I think it's because I'm literally sitting here because we are two girlfriends hanging out, you know, slapping each other and just and just playing, right? And living and going through things together. And I just think that that's what makes this so special is I literally picture you on the other side of this microphone. And even though I'm sitting here in my office talking to myself, I know that I'm not. I can see you. Oh, I feel emotional. I can see you on the other side of this. I can see what you're going through and what you're, yeah, what you're facing right now and what you're thinking about. And it's just like really special.

Can You Trust A Creator

5:10

I know we can hate on technology all we want, but without it, we wouldn't be here together today. Without it, you probably wouldn't know who I am, and I might not know who you are. And it's just a really beautiful thing to be able to sit in a world that creates this way. And I've been learning a lot lately about AI podcasts and AI social media accounts and all these things, and in a world that, oh man, it is absolutely terrifying how much fake is out there, how much AI generated content is out there, and we don't even realize. I promise you, I promise you I am 100% real. That's what an AI would say. No, seriously, I'm real. I'm a human. I am here. And I want to make that promise to you. Like, I am, I'm real, okay? I am doing my best every single day to show up as authentically as I can. And yeah, it's kind of it can be really hard to do that, I think, with the world that we live in and so many options at our fingertips to try and dabble in the world of AI. I'll be honest with you, AI does do my show notes, but I really don't think anyone reads those anyway, if I'm being completely honest. I don't think anybody reads them. At least I don't read people's show notes. So I just would go if someone said, like, click the link in my show notes, that's all I would use it for. So that is not me. But other than that, this is real. This is who I am. We're sitting down on this microphone. I do all of my own editing, I do all of my own social media, I answer all of my DMs. It is me, okay? So if you're ever at any point questioning if you can trust Jess Clerk and if she is a robot, I have questions for you. I'm like, what makes you think that? I'm really curious. Is it because I'm so good at this? I love it. I love that. No, I know you know the truth. So, in a world where everything, you have to question a lot of things. I am questioning a lot of things. I promise you. Real, you're always gonna get real jest. And I am doing my best every day to give you authentic Jess, even though sometimes that not even sometimes, that probably changes every single day, just as it does for you. And I think that's why sometimes I'm also like, ugh, Gringe, the version of me last week, she was so annoying, right? No, it's something that we think about and put pressure on ourselves. And today I really wanted to talk to you about the distractions in our lives that are contributing to this.

Selfish Sisterhood Community Update

7:58

But before we get into it, let me give you a little insight into what's going on in the Selfish Sisterhood this month. I am so excited to have this community, a place of real women coming together, talking about real things that they're going through on the day-to-day. And I've created this because I know that there is so little spaces for this kind of community in this world, and often there's spaces specific for, let's say, crafting or teaching or whatever specific things there are, but this is a space where you can come exactly as you are without any parameters or prerequisites to be a part of it, and where you can truly be yourself. Even if you don't know who that version is of you, this is a community that has grown with me through all of life's transitions over the last couple years, and it has accepted every version of me, whatever version that is, and it does the same for you. I say it as in we. We do the same for every single person coming in who needs extra love, who needs help and guidance in figuring out who they are and building confidence to bring that to life. We've had conversations over the last couple weeks about following our passions and starting new businesses, on taking time for rest, on what's on our summer bucket list, and really just having a space where you can word vomit everything you're going through and have a community who has your back. Who like, and I mean really has your back. In our monthly calendar, I've added on one in-person meetup a month, whether that is our family meetup where you can come with your whole family. If you're in person in Halifax with us, you can come with your kids, with your spouse, with your whole family and come together. Like I see these reels of families just experiencing life together. And I really wanted to create that space because I was feeling like I was phasing out of the baby groups, I was phasing out of some of the mom clubs that just didn't really fit where I was with this child that can run now. Okay. And I wanted a space for all family to come, whether they had a baby or they had kids who were school age. And so family meetup is exactly that where you can come with your family, we play at the playground, you bring your snacks, and you just enjoy time together out in the sunshine. There's no better time than the summer to experience this. So family meetup or sisterhood brunch. Every other month there is one or the other. And we have two connector calls for our virtual sisters and also for anyone who's local who wants to hop on and chat about things that they're going through in their life and things they're celebrating, things they're learning. And yeah, summer bucket list was a big topic. What was on our list of things we wanted to do and experience? And we have those every other Sunday at 7 p.m. Atlantic Standard Time. And I've created this calendar to help bring everyone together, no matter what season they're in, no matter if they are in person in Halifax or they are all across North America. We have a space for you to come together. And then, of course, we have our moms club where you can come ask questions about being, for many of us, new parents and figuring things out or traveling with kids. Like, what do you do? And ask anything, and the other moms are there to support you. And if you're a new mom and you're listening to this, I offer a month free of the Selfish Sisterhood and of the Selfish Moms Club for you to be able to experience things in your first year of becoming a parent. Because I think as someone who just experienced their first year becoming a new parent, I know how valuable a community like this can be. So there is a month free for all new parents coming in. But if this is something that you're like, oh, you know what? I need a space like this, whether it's in person or virtual, check out the show notes for all the information to get signed up, to join the community, to be a part of our connector calls, and to just find your people. Because I think that we need our people now more than ever. Okay,

Why Distractions Steal Your Year

11:57

so let's get into the meat and the potatoes of today's chat. All about, yeah, the distractions that we are facing. And do you know where this idea came from for today's podcast episode? Was because I was sitting down and writing everything out to chat with you, and I kept getting distracted by absolutely everything. Like Facebook Marketplace. Wonder if there's something on there that I don't need. Or my phone, really quick. I have boundaries set up on my phone because I was just grabbing it and checking things too much. But still, I find my way around though sometimes, you know, or even distracted because there was a thunderstorm right before that I was coming to record this. And our polygirl, she does not like thunder. Polly is our dog. And sh ever since we had this one massive freak storm a couple years ago, she cannot stand the sound of thunder. She will shake, she is panting, she is just so uncomfortable. And so then there was that, and we had to console her for a bit while my husband Glenn was putting the baby down. And you know what? Distractions are all around us. They aren't going anywhere. Like right now, even sitting here, you know, the the ding from the dryer is going off, and you know, my stomach is grumbling a little bit, and I'm thinking about the snack I'm gonna have later. There's literally distractions everywhere. And not even just distractions, like things that throw you for a loop. Like you had a plan for today, and your child decided to pour an entire cup of coffee all over your couch instead. Or, you know, you ended up getting sick, right? You had planned for the weekend to be the best weekend ever, and you ended up getting sick. Like there's so many scenarios where life takes a turn where we didn't expect it to go, and that can come again in the form of distractions, but also just in like everyday life. Things pop up, plans change, life changes, and sometimes we just need to like rein it back in a little bit. And I don't know if you realize this, but it's June, sis. If you're listening to this in real time, it's June. It's June. June 2026. Like, where did the last five months of the year go? We are coming into the midpoint of the year, and I don't know about you, but when I look at my vision board, some of those things are not close to being done at all. Life some it takes a turn, right? The distractions come into play, and we think we have all the time in the world, so five minutes of scrolling Facebook Marketplace isn't going to throw you for a loop, but when you do it over and over and over again, it does. And it gets in the way of you achieving the things that you wanted to achieve this year. So when it comes to distractions in your life, the first thing you need to do is define what the distractions are that are holding you back. So think about every single area of your life. Think about a regular day and you're getting ready and you're setting yourself up for the most successful day ever, whatever that looks like for you. And you start to get distracted by the dishes in the sink, right? Or the, yeah, the laundry dinging, or the list of things you need to do. Even when I'm like creating a grocery list sometimes, and you're like, okay, focus, Jess, focus, Jess, focus, Jess. What do we need for groceries? What meals do I want to make? And then you get in this rabbit hole of like different videos you saw on social media that you wanted to make and the texts for groceries that you sent to your husband last week, and like all of the things. There's just so many distractions all the time. So when you look at your regular day, let's say it's a Tuesday, okay? You look at your regular Tuesday, where are you getting distracted? What's holding you back? Is it social media? Is it that scroll troll? Okay, I know. Oh, that one gets me too. That one gets me too. So is it the scrolling? Is it your email inbox? It's too full and too overwhelming that you'd rather be distracted with something else. Is it toys all over the house? Another thing that makes noise? Is it the dog barking that needs to be let out? That takes you out into a different loop of another path. Like there's so many things, and I want you to just start to think about what those things are. Think about the big ones, which I think for many of us is technology in general. Think about those big ones that are taking up chunks of time, like the screen time on your phone. But also I want you to think about some of the smaller ones, the really simple ones, like yeah, that rug that you trip on every single time you go to go take the dog out to the bathroom, or you're going down the hall, and you always nick your foot on this one little piece. Those things can also be distractions too. So I want you to think about the big ones and also throughout the day, the small ones. And if you're like, I really don't know what's taking up all my time, Jess, I want you to start to keep a tally of it. Look at a day. One day, decide let one day be the experiment, and you can start taking notes of where you're getting distracted throughout your day. And I know some of these distractions are part of your life, okay? AKA a child probably, right? And we can't just kick them to the curb, okay? I didn't say anything about kicking the distractions, I just said make note of them. Make note of the distractions. If it is a child or a dog or a partner, okay, just make note of it. Put it in your little notepad, put it in the note section of your phone, okay? We're not we don't have to get rid of any of these distractions. I just want you to make note of the ones that you have, okay? Because I know I got some that I they're not going anywhere. They are quite distracting. Like my son, okay? Like my cat at, you know, whatever time of day that he starts begging for food again, okay? He's probably outside my door right now, waiting for a sneaky snack, okay? Those are just part of life. But just make note of all of the distractions that you have. And

Build Distraction-Free Pockets Of Time

18:02

then after that, once you know what those distractions are, I want you to start to find some pockets in your day where you can be distraction-free. Put some of those things in place that are going to help you to focus in. So I used to do this with a timer method. I found that really helpful. If I set a timer, I was less likely to get distracted because I knew I only had so much time. So even if this is only 10 or 15 minute pockets because that's all you can do right now, then find those 10 to 15 minute pockets distraction-free. Right? Even right now, me sitting down and recording this podcast, I am sitting in my office. There is no one else in here. It's just you and me hanging out in here. I've closed the door, I've got rid of all pets at all distractions, I don't keep my phone near me. It's literally just you and me hanging out. And I need that focused time in order to be able to create this because if not, it's never going to happen. These dreams that you have in your heart, these plans you have on your vision board, these ideas that are in your mind are never going to happen unless you start to create these pockets of time without any of the distractions. I have said this a few times on the podcast, and I feel like every time I say it, I want to throw up, but every time I put it out there, it's closer to it coming to life. But a big one for me is putting together a book that I have on my heart. It's almost like a compilation of like all of my podcast episodes into a novel that someone could read, and I want to bring this to life. It is my mission to start and hopefully finish within the next year this piece that I want to create. And I know I can't do that unless I have pockets of time with no distraction. So I have created a bit of time in my schedule where I now have childcare starting in the summer, and I will be able to have longer pockets of time where I can sit down and work on this novel I have, where I can sit down and work on creating more content for you and having a bit more structure with my social media and really creating in a way that feels really good because I'm finding time in my schedule without any distractions. And I know that that is a privilege and a blessing that I have, and I am like beyond grateful for this opportunity to be able to create that. But I'm talking for you, even if it's in smaller chunks, right? 10 minutes on the drive home. What can you do instead of having the radio on with ads and more distractions? Can you put on a little bit of meditative music for on your way home to recalibrate your nervous system before going into the craziness at home, before picking your kids up from daycare, before you have to go to your second job? How can we give ourselves pockets of time with no distractions? And I know I said driving, I know things are gonna happen when you're driving, but I mean even just finding some kind of time in your day where you can limit your distractions. It might not be possible for you to have no distractions, but we can find somewhere that we can limit them a little bit more. And then

Boundaries That Rein In Screen Time

21:12

I want you to look at that list that you created with all your distractions, and I want you to find somewhere that you can put some boundaries in place with some of them. So I started using an app on my phone called Be Present. I've talked about it a few times, and it's set up so that I can only open up Facebook and Instagram for five minutes at a time and only for 10 times a day. So it kind of makes me not want to open it because if I only have 10 times, I don't want to waste those times. Like I want to save some of those for when I'm nap trapped or, you know, whatever, right? Or just have a moment of peace, and I really want to see something, focus on something, open something, and experience something. It has really helped me to create a better presence with my social media, and I've been doing it now for like almost 150 days, which I think is really. Cool when I see those stats of like my streaks. I'm like, that is actually really awesome, and I feel a lot better with some of these boundaries around social media. Now it is not perfect. I am not sitting over here saying it's perfect because sometimes I'm on my laptop and they don't have that same. I should look into if they have a desktop version. Anyways, that being said, that one has really helped me to set that boundary with my social media, especially with my phone, and I'm a lot less distracted by some things. I've also recently set up little like what's the thing I'm what's the word I'm thinking of? It's like a little hook basically for your phone to be like a landline, quote unquote, landlined for the summer. I've seen it on social media. I thought that I would get one. I put one in my kitchen and one in my playroom so that my phone's there if I need it, but it's not in my hand. Sometimes it's just getting it out of your hand helps to break that distraction, right? It's these like little, little things. So for a lot of us, I know those boundaries need to come into place with our phone, but it can be so many other things. What is that top thing on your list that you're like, this is my number one distraction? It out, even if it's outside of your phone, this is my number one distraction. How can I set some better boundaries with this? And again, if it's your kids, maybe it's finding some child care options. Maybe it's asking a friend if you can do a kid swap so that you can get a couple hours and they can get a couple hours and finding some of these things where you can just get a little bit of space. So, where is your biggest distraction and how can we set up some boundaries there?

The Distraction List And Clear Tasks

23:32

And then I want you to get really clear with some of the things that you need to do. So instead of having open-ended things like I need to get my work done today, I need to record my podcast episode, uh, blah, blah, blah. Whatever it is on your list that you need to do. Break it down to something a little more clear. So I need to record today's podcast episode about distractions, and then almost having that open-ended note section so I can write down all my thoughts and ideas as they pop in. So I have it all in one space. Keep a distraction list also. And this isn't just about the things that are distracting you, it's about that thing that popped into your mind, and you're like, please don't let me forget this. I need to pick up diapers on the way home, or I need to reply to that email from Sally about this. Like, just keep that list, that running list in the note section of your phone. Or I'm sure there's other apps that make it easier. I am a girly who uses my note section for everything. It is terrifying going in there. It's overwhelming when you see my note section. But keeping a distraction list is really helpful for me to just drop something in there and know that I don't have to think about it for the rest of the day, but it's there for when I need to remember it. My husband and I actually text each other a lot of this stuff. So if we're going to the grocery store, we text each other the list. We kind of keep running tabs on some of the things that we're gonna forget because we're gonna forget. So keep a distraction list, whether that's in a text message form, in a note section, or some other app that help helps you, or even let's be real, a pen and paper. You could also use a pen and paper, right? So keep that distraction list somewhere just to get those things out of your head so it's not taking up too much space in your brain because that is also causing a distraction, right? Oh right, don't let me forget diapers. Oh right, don't let me forget this. Like that's not helping you. So just write it down so you can forget it. So it's there on paper for later when you need to grab it. And the last note I really want to make on this one about distractions is give yourself permission to be imperfect.

Permission To Be Imperfect

25:36

It's not gonna be perfect. Okay, it's just not. There's no way. I know even if we think about being almost six months into this year, and you think about the goals and the vision that you had, I know for myself it is not perfect where I am today, what I wanted to achieve, what I wanted to get done. It is just not there. It's not done the way that I had thought and wanted it to. And of course, there's some big things on my vision board that have gotten checked off, but there's other ones that I haven't even started yet. And sometimes I feel like time is slipping through my fingers because there's so many things I want to do. I want to remind you, you don't have to be perfect on this journey. Distractions are normal, it's a part of being a human, especially in the world we live in now, where it's literally designed to distract us from achieving the things that we want to achieve. These distractions are put in place to help hold you back. And I often sometimes think that these distractions can be put in place literally from spirits to distract you, right? To hold you back from the highest version of you. And you know what? It's a part of the lesson, it's part of the vision. If you can overcome these distractions, you are going to be the next level, higher version of you that could ever be. Because you put in that extra work to get past these distractions that are holding a lot of people back. The everyday distractions are the reason why a lot of people give up on their business. It's the reason why a lot of people, you know, give up on the dreams that they have on their heart. It's a reason why a lot of people just stop showing up because we get distracted. We get comfortable in these distractions, right? Watching endless hours of reality TV or name your poison, okay? Like whatever it is, watching endless hours of that is way easier than actually sitting down and reading the books that have been on your vision board list, or sitting down and bringing that vision of a business to life, or sitting down and having tough conversations with someone that you need to have these conversations with. It is so much easier to keep scrolling, it is so much easier to watch more TV, it is so much easier to eat an Italian sub that I have been craving than it is to face the things that we need to face, right? So remember that these distractions are in place to protect you sometimes, but there is also a point where we need to overcome them so that we become the best versions of ourselves that we've been wanting to become. I believe in you. I believe you can overcome these distractions that you have all around you. I even am looking at like my desk right now and I'm just like, oh my gosh, it's a mess. Mess for me is a distraction. Clutter is a distraction. So I need to clear my space, clean my space. We like things relatively tidy for a family who has a little one, but we just do our best because those things are distracting. I get overstimulated and frustrated by so many little things, and I bet you do too. So find those pockets, find the things that work for you, and really start to limit your distractions. Find the time where you can have a zero distraction or a minimal distraction time. And I promise you, your life is going to feel so much better when you get some of these things done, and you really start to set those boundaries in place with the distractions that are holding you back from your dream life. So

Message Me And Share The Show

29:18

send me a message, sis. Let me know what's your number one distraction. What's the thing that you're just like, oh, if only I could get rid of this one thing, I would be a millionaire. I would be an Olympic athlete. Whatever you have on your heart, you can achieve if we limit our distractions. So send me a message. Let me know what it is that you want to achieve, and also let me know what it is that is holding you back from getting there. Maybe I can help you to really tackle that. I know in the sisterhood we have been thinking of some spring accountability and some things that have helped us to get to where we want to go. And sometimes it just means having someone check in on us. So I see you, my sister. If you need that, send me a message so I can be that support for you. And I just realized I'm not sure if I'm putting an outro on this. Maybe I need an outro, because at least that would help. But I will try. I'm gonna try without an outro. So if you love today's podcast episode, please send it to a friend, share it on your social media, help us get the message out there because without you, this podcast doesn't reach the new people who need this message. So send it to someone who needs this message today. And also, if you can, take a minute and give us a review on the platform that you enjoy listening to your podcast episodes. It helps so much more than you realize that a quick five-star review or whatever stars you want to give me, but I hope it's five. I hope it's five. But whatever stars you want to give me, I just it means the world, and it also helps us to get the message out to people who like podcasts just like this. Maybe you even found this from a review or from someone sharing it. So if that's you, please help us spread this message because it means so much to selfish confidence and the growth of this platform. So thank you so much for being here, for being a part of our sisterhood and our community, and for listening to this. I know maybe this podcast is a distraction. I hope that it's not. I hope that you love it and you feel connected to it and you are just enjoy being here because I see you, sister. I see you working hard, and I'm just so grateful that you're here. I hope you have an awesome week. Talk to you soon.