[298] Cheerios Off The Floor And Other Parenting Wisdom

Ever feel like your brain won’t stick to one task, your to-do list breeds at night, and every decision carries the weight of a parenting manual? Same. Jess sits down to unpack the first year of motherhood with candor and humor: why trusting your intuition beats crowdsourced panic, how a “second baby mindset” lowers stress on the very first kid, and the simple truth that rest isn’t a reward—it’s strategy.

We walk through seven real-life lessons that actually change the day-to-day: combo feeding to relieve pressure, splitting night shifts to protect sanity, and asking for help without apology. Jess gets honest about identity too—the part no one can do for you. There’s no going back to who you were before, and that can feel like loss until you realize it’s an opening. With therapy, deconditioning old beliefs about time and worth, and a tighter circle, the new version starts to feel like home. That shift touches everything from how you work to how you show up for joy, like stopping to feel snow on your face instead of racing to the car.

Community is the throughline. The village probably won’t arrive fully formed; you’ll build it from neighbors, online groups, library programs, and one friend who answers at 2 a.m. That’s why we’re reopening the Selfish Sisterhood—connection first, less calendar clutter, deeper support. And when sleep wobbles or routines fall apart, we lean on a grounding mantra: it’s just a phase. It will pass. Meanwhile, choose presence where you can and laugh at the yogurt on the floor before you wipe it up.

If this resonates, hit play and share it with a friend who could use a softer, sturdier way to parent. Subscribe for more honest conversations, rate the show to help others find it, and drop your biggest life lesson in a review—what would you tell your younger self?

Self(ish) Sisterhood ---> https://jessclerke.com/self-ish-sisterhood

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Transcript

Brain Differences And Focus Tools

Motherhood Year Reflection

Reopening The Selfish Sisterhood

Lesson One: Mama Knows Best

Lesson Two: You Don’t Have To Do It All

Second Baby Mindset

Rest As A Non‑Negotiable

Identity Shift After Baby

Redefining The Village

It’s Just A Phase

Choose Fun, Presence, And Community

Closing And Calls To Action

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it's to be your damn self. My name is Jess, and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. And oh, oh man, oh man. Do you ever just feel like everything is flying by your eyesight and you're supposed to grab something you're supposed to catch on, but there's just so many things that you're like, I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to catch up. Or grab what I need to grab or remember what I need to remember. Even just someone texting me a few minutes ago, like, oh, what did you do this weekend? I don't know. I can't remember. Uh there's just so many things going on in our heads and in the world right now that sometimes it can feel so difficult to just grasp one tiny straw, one little thing. So we're taking it day by day here, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't have it any other way. Honestly, maybe I would have it a little more put together, but like that wouldn't be me. I was just thinking, like, I I am becoming more and more aware of how different my brain works and how different my brain feels, especially since having a kid, and just like there being a lot more chaos around and things you have to remember, and I have never been more present than since becoming a mom, because I have to be in that moment, I have to be right there because if not, my kid's probably gonna fall off the couch or something crazy is gonna happen. He's so busy, he's moving around all the time, and it's just I can't always remember or grasp everything that's happening, and my brain just feels not only so full, but it just works so differently than my husband's. Like he can have a clear task, he can see the task, and he can even just the dishes, like he can see the dishes, he does the dishes, I can see the dishes, I start the dishes, and then while I'm putting away the dishes, I also see this other thing, and I'm like, oh right, and then I said I was gonna feed the cat, and then grabs if I'm gonna feed that cat, I also have to get them clean water and the oh, there's something on the floor here, I probably should sweep that up, and like it's like a full runaround in order to get the one task done, aka the dishes. And I just have been noticing it more and more with everything, with not just you know, the task of doing the dishes, but even since sitting down here on my laptop, I've been talking about some different things that I've been like different tools, I should say, I've been putting in place to help me to to focus, like turning off some things on social media or you know, just a bunch of different tools that I've been trying to work with because I'm noticing it even more where I have such little time to get work done that when I do, I need these tools in place because if not, we're not getting anything done. We're just not getting anything done. And yeah, it's just kind of surprising when you start to see it and it starts to click more and more. You're like, oh, okay, I see where this is coming from. Yeah, I sat down at the desk to record this podcast episode, but then I had to light a candle, and then through that I saw these books on the shelf. I was like, oh, I gotta pick my next book to read. And then I was like, well, now I'm sitting here, I gotta pull it. It's just like so funny how it works. And I bet you listening to this, you can relate to that too. And I find it fascinating when people have a brain that can just see the one thing and do the one thing, because mine just doesn't do that. And I'm starting to tell myself it's a superpower, it's a gift that we have, right? And today I really wanted to talk to you about the things that I have been learning in my motherhood journey and the lessons that I've been learning in this motherhood journey because I have a one-year-old. When did that happen? I don't even I don't even think I always realize that I'm a mom, let alone now a mom to a one-year-old. And honestly, the time between 2020 and now is very blurry, and I I be real with you, I forget that I'm a mom. If he's not right in front of me, or like I'm not in mom mode, I'm not a mom. That's sometimes my brain just can totally forget about it if I'm off duty, okay? Don't don't be coming at me and thinking I'm not taking care of my kid, he's well taken care of. But I if I'm off duty, I can sometimes forget. And it's such a strange, a strange year to have this all-consuming life change happen and yet sometimes also feel like nothing changed at all. And I think when I sit down on this microphone and I have this verbal di I was gonna say verbal diarrhea, but like verbal diary to you of all the things that are going on in my life, and I hope by me being sh able to share it with you, you can feel things too. But through that process, I just feel like myself so easily that I can forget the outside world. And yeah, since I've been doing this now for a year, I wanted to share a few things with you that has been like the lessons and the things that have come up so often that I think we overcomplicate, especially as first-time parents, we overcomplicate a lot of things. And if we could almost have that second parent mindset, it would make this process of becoming a parent a lot easier. Because it's like, honestly, when we're beginners, we none of us are very good at being beginners, right? I just watched my nephew go around on a hoverboard and being all cool and stuff, and I was like, There's no way you were good at that the first try, because it was making fun of my husband who couldn't do it. And I was like, There's no way you were good at that the first try. And they're like, honestly, he was pretty good at it. And like, dang kids, dang kids, but they're the only ones. Most of us aren't good at things the first try, right? And so when it comes to parenting, we can overcomplicate a lot of stuff. And if you're listening to this and you're like, I'm not a parent, I'm not into listening to this episode, that's cool. You can fast forward, you can click that you finish it and move on. Or I think some of these things can be quite relatable to a lot of areas of our lives, not even just parenthood. And before I dive into these takeaways that I have been having and thinking about over the last little bit, I wanted to let you know that I opened the self-sisterhood back up. I know. I have been softly opening the door to some prior sisters and to people who have reached out who are looking for community as I dip my toe back into opening an epic space. There's right on my vision board in front of me, one of the things I really wanted to do was to create an epic community for women, which we all know I've already done. The selfish sisterhood is an incredible space, but I wanted to do it differently this time. I wanted to do it in a way that didn't overwhelm our calendars. I've been in a lot of communities where it just feels like too much. And I almost was feeling that way with the Selfish Sisterhood. It was too much on the calendar and too many activities, and I wanted to simplify it in a way that we could have really deep, meaningful connections without all of the extra noise. And this community has been created in a way that you can take it on the go in your pocket with our private chat and also be able to meet quarterly in person at brunches if you live in Halifax. It's an awesome community for those who are local and also for those who are away and are looking for that support. And what's different about this space is that this time around, we are focused on connection first. We are focused on you finding your new best friend, on you finding your new business partner, on you really making these deep connections because now more than ever, we need community all around us. And I, since closing the doors, I've honestly started to see that not everybody has that in their, not just in their pocket, but in their lives. And I really wanted a space that if someone needed something in a season that they're in, and I feel emotional as I think about this because I've had a lot of stories lately of people coming to me who needed a space in really dark seasons, and I wanted to have that for them. I wanted to have a space. And what's really wonderful about this space too, I could go on and on because I'm so excited about soft launching this into the world. I say soft because it's out there and it's open and you can join. But I'm not blasting it to the world yet because I'm just dipping my toe back in. But what's really great about this space is I've also created a commote, a component in it called the Selfish Moms Club. And they're together, but they're two separate chats. So if you're interested in this and you're not a mom, just know that there's two components to this. And I wanted to have that addition for moms who needed a space to just be like, hey, this is what my baby's going through, or this is what my teenager's going through, and I just want to vent about it, or I'm looking for advice on this, or has anyone tried this formula before? And like, what about this size diapers? And like, I really wanted a space that in the middle of the night, when you are crying and your nipples are bleeding, you're like, hey, I don't want to feel alone. And I truly believe that we need more spaces. Oh man, this is when I'm gonna get emotional. We need more spaces for women to come together so that they don't feel alone. And this is not just in motherhood, this is in all seasons of our lives. We need women friendships. We need our sisters now more than ever. And I was really feeling called to opening that door back up, to opening something that you could come and find those people and create the meaningful connections that you need in your life. So selfish sisterhood is back open. And I say that with like this like crinkle in my face because I'm like, oh my gosh, is this actually happening? Like, I just closed the doors in November. Am I really opening it back up? But I have been seeing all of the angel signs and I know that this is meant to be. This is a season to open something in a new capacity. And so if you're interested in learning more about it, I'll put the information in the show notes for you. There's a founding sisters rate right now for$22 a month for you to be able to hop in and get the best deal as we start to dip our toe back into the selfish sisterhood. But if you're looking for meaningful connections and the coolest group of women, this is the space for you. So I'll put the information in the show notes for you. And without further ado, let's get into some of these life lessons that I have been learning since becoming a parent this year. Okay, first one, which I think is a given, but the world doesn't always tell it this way, right? You are the parent, you are the mom, and mama knows best. You know your baby best, you know the situation that you're in best, you know best. And of course, we're gonna ask questions and we're gonna lean on people, but I truly believe that mama knows best. If you know your kid's stomach is upset because of maybe something they ate, or maybe they're teething, you you know, and you need to trust that. And if somebody is questioning, like, oh, or just brushing it off, know that you know best. And I think this one's really hard to lean into because as a first-time parent, you don't think you know best because you don't know what you're doing at all. But even if you don't know what you're doing, trust that mama intuition, trust that gut feeling. And if you think something's wrong, something's wrong. Call the doctor, lean in, do what you need to do. And if you think everything's fine, everything's fine. Trust that gut feeling a lot more than you think, because I know we can get caught up in all of the noise and all the things on social media, but you 100% know best. Okay. Second life lesson in this last year is that you don't have to do it all. This one, I am someone who is like, I'm gonna skim by. I'm gonna do what I have to do, but I'm not gonna go overboard on a lot of things because there's a lot. And especially when it comes to parenting, you do not have to do it all. You're gonna want to do it all. You're gonna want all of the fancy things and all the beautiful stuff, and you're gonna want to order this and that and do everything. Put them in swimming lessons and tap dancing, even though they can't walk. You're gonna want to do all of these crazy things, right? But you don't have to do it all. Do what feels good for you, do what feels fun, do what feels like it's gonna like help to bring things to life. But remember, you don't have to do it all. You can cut corners, you can ask for help, you can hire the babysitter, you can take things off your plate, like you do not have to do it all. And I think that that one's really important, especially for my first-time moms, because again, society makes us feel like we have to do it all, especially if you're like me and you didn't get a maternity leave, you feel like you have to do business and you have to do, you know, you have to be the best mom and you have to be the best entrepreneur and you have to be the best wife and you have to be the best sister and the best mom and all of the things like your plate feels really full and there's a lot of pressure on you, but you do not have to do it all. You definitely don't have to do it all alone. And once you start to take some things off your plate, delegate a bit more. Um, I think a couple things for me, especially when I think about this, is we combo fed for breastfeeding as best as I could, and also if he was still hungry, I would combo feed with formula from the beginning. Um, and i from even in the hospital, right? As I was waiting for my milk to come in, and this took a lot of pressure off of me thinking I had to do exclusively breastfeeding or pumping or whatever. There were some times where I was like, Ma boobs can't do it anymore. And to pass the baby to my husband and say, give him some formula was a lifesaver for me because it just took that pressure off of it needing to be all on me all the time. Another great example of this is the nighttime feeds or getting up in the evening. My husband and I split our shifts, especially in the beginning when he was awake a lot more. We would split the shifts and I would go to bed at 7 p.m. and wake up at midnight and he would have that shift and I would take on the rest of the time. Like it was really great to have that wonderful team, and I will I'm blessed beyond my means to have the most awesome partner. I wouldn't be I wouldn't have become a parent without Glenn, my husband, because he's just the best. And I knew that I could become a parent with him by my side. And so splitting this up was really, really helpful because I think sometimes we think as parents, especially again, first-time moms, where there's that pressure that we have to do it all, and you just don't. So find what works for you, take some things off your plate, hire a doula if you have to, bring family in if you can, ask your neighbors for help. There's been a lot of times lately that's been so cold out that I can't take the dog and the baby out together. And so I'll ask a neighbor to come over, like, hey, do you mind watching my baby for a few minutes so I can uh take the dog out for a walk? And everyone around us is dog lovers. So we have a lot of support in our direct community too, but ask for help, okay? You do not have to do it all alone. And all of the things that are on your registry that you're like, I think I need all of these things, you don't, okay? Just get the necessities and add where you need to because you'll be surprised to find out that you don't need it all and you don't have to do it all. Number three, and as I said earlier, I said have a second child mindset. It's like almost as if it's like your second time being a parent, but it's not, it's your first baby. But Glenn and I are both second babies, and we wanted to go into this again as we're we're older, we're 35 having our first kid, and so we've watched all of our friends do it. Whereas like we just had dinner at our best friend's house who has four kids, okay? Like we have seen a lot, and it had it helped us a lot to have that second baby mindset because again, where we were second babies and also have seen a lot, it took a little bit of pressure off. And of course, there's still a lot of things where we just went into it with not knowing anything, but took a little bit of pressure off to almost pretend like it was our second baby, okay. I it sounds kind of crazy when you think about it out loud, but anybody who has multiple kids, they look at motherhood and parenting a lot different because they're just a bit more relaxed with it. So we tried to make every decision be like, okay, if this was our second child, how would I react to this? Because oftentimes with our first, we're just like a lot more anxious with things, and our second are literally eaten snot and boogers off the floor, right? I ate probably ate snot and boogers off the floor. Honestly, if my mom listened to this, she'd be like, no, you did not. Um, but you're just a bit more relaxed, and then add on third and fourth, right? By the time you get to the fourth kid, you're just way more relaxed with every decision. And I think that that can come in handy in a lot of ways because second, third, and fourth babies are often calmer babies, relaxed babies. You're someone's gonna come at me and be like, nah, wait, Jess, like, no, mine was not, but they can be because you are also calmer, your energy is different, and we decided to kind of keep that energy with every decision when it came to our little guy, and also just to keep our nervous systems a little calmer. Like, is this something we actually have to freak out about? Or can I go into this with a second baby mindset? I went over to a girlfriend's house the other day, another friend of mine who also has four kids, and Oliver was eating Cheerios off the floor over there. And I think you could be a really uptight, high-strung mom to be like, oh my gosh, he's eating strange Cheerios off of your friend's floor, like what a crazy baby. But instead of letting that be the thing and that holds me back from going to different play dates or going out places, I try to be a little bit more relaxed with it because why? Why would I be like why? Just why? Okay, we don't need to be worrying about all the things we're worried about. You're stressing yourself out more than you need to. Go into it with a second baby mindset, okay? And if you need to catch yourself on that, because you can be like, oh, like, believe me, we caught ourselves many times being anxious about things we didn't really need to be anxious about. You can catch yourself and just be like, okay, if this was my second baby, how would I react? Would I be so anxious about this? Um, after you ask Chat GBT or Google or your best friend down the road, can you take a deep breath, relax a little bit more, shift your energy and calm down and see if you'd still be worked up about it? And I found just that really helpful in a lot of ways because yeah, we can be crazy uh about every little thing, and that's not helping anyone. It really isn't. So let your kid eat some Cheerios off of your friend's floor, or maybe even mud, a little bit of dog food. It won't hurt them, right? Fourth thing I have on my list here is that rest is a non-negotiable. Again, for me especially, I am a sleeper, I love my sleep, okay? And we all know a friend of mine said, Jess, we didn't have babies to sleep, right? And I'm like, okay, I hear you. I hear you, but I don't hear you, but I hear you, okay? Because that is the reality, right? I am now a 5 a.m. girly. I'm in the 5 a.m. club, and I never wanted to be in that club, but becoming a parent, just that's your reality, right? And so if sleep is important to you, it honestly, I think it should be. Rest is a non-negotiable for me, especially. My husband has a little bit more flexibility with it. Rest is important to him too, but he doesn't need as much as I do. So lately I've been like nine o'clock, I am in bed, hopefully asleep by 9:30, so that I can do this 5 a.m. thing and be awake and be alive without having to have eight cups of coffee. Same thing in the beginning when our little guy was up a lot more. We did shifts, like I said earlier, but also I'm just non-negotiable like eight o'clock in the beginning, because he would probably be up in a few hours. 8 p.m., 7 p.m. I'm putting my head on the pillow. It didn't matter who was over visiting, it didn't matter what dishes were in the sink. I didn't care about anything other than prioritizing rest because that is what I needed in order to be a good parent, in order to show up and period. Show up. That's it, period. Because it is a lot. And for me, if I am not well rested, I am a lot crankier. Glenn's gonna listen to me like, yeah, she is. I am just a lot crankier, and I don't want that energy projected onto my son. So I have to prioritize my rest above everything else. So if you ask me, are you watching this TV show? High chance I am not. Because once we get onto a kick of a certain show, like I'm in it, and then I have to stay up late. And those weeks that we were watching Stranger Things over the Christmas holiday is just not a vibe for me. We were up way too late. My son does not understand that I was up late. He's gonna still wake up at five, okay? So I just am always gonna number one choose rest. If I needed to, there's some days that I would nap. I'm not a napper, but if you're a napper, wherever you need to get the sleep, you get the sleep, okay? Prioritize it above everything else. And I know that's not realistic for everything. I get that. But if you can balance it out. And choose rest over wherever you can cut it. I'm gonna say scrolling on your phone, um, even checking your emails or what it is that it's that you think is so important. Ask yourself, will I feel better if I take a nap or go to bed earlier? And if the answer is yes, do that. Everything else can wait. The dishes can get done when the baby's awake, okay? You can't sleep when the baby's awake. So figure out the balance for you that works. But rest for me was like always my number one, my non-negotiable. Number five, I have here is all about your identity. Oh man. Oh man. I wonder if if you're new here, hey, welcome. So glad you're here. If you are new here, I'd be so curious for you to listen to one of these newer episodes and then to also go back to like 2021, 2022 episodes and be like, oh yeah, you are a very different person because the identity shift that happens when you become a parent, there's no explaining it until you go through it. I was actually just talking to another mom about this the other day, especially even with this concept of reopening the sisterhood. I needed to close it and reopen it because I am a new version of me, and I don't feel like that old version of the sisterhood could work with my life anymore. And I also just felt like I was almost trying to fit it into a box or fit me back into a box that it just didn't fit anymore, and I needed to close it, take some time, and see if I still wanted to do it, and if I did, build it in a way that feels good for this season of my life and who I have become because I do feel like a hundred percent different version of myself, and I never expected that. I expected I'm naive, right? We all know that. I expected to just like pick everything back up and keep going after taking eight weeks off, and I just had a baby, and oh my gosh, I feel so great, and I did feel so great, but I was deconditioning in that last year a lot of identity beliefs, beliefs about motherhood that I have built up for so many years because I never wanted to do this, and also beliefs around motherhood and entrepreneurship because I've only seen a few ways that it's been done, and I just couldn't see, even though I could see a possibility of it being done, I couldn't see really the beliefs that I had wrapped around it. The time, thought, the thought of time, the thought of finances, the thought of getting things done. And it's just like I've been deconditioning every single month who I am and what I've been believing. And even today, I booked an appointment with a brand new therapist because there's some things around judgments I have on myself and judgments that I think other people have of me that I really need to work through, and I just don't feel like I can do it alone. And those have only really started to come up because of these identity shifts since becoming a mom. It shakes a lot of things up in you that you don't really expect. And unless you have a space like this that you can have these conversations and really think about this, we often try to keep fitting ourselves in that old box, especially when everything has changed as a mom. You're just like, okay, but I want to get back to myself. That's the typical narrative. I want to get back to who I was, but there's no going back. Oh man, I feel this one deep. There's no going back. There's no going back, period. And that one's a really tough thing to realize that you're never gonna get to experience the version of you who was before kids. So if you're listening to this before you have your kids, this isn't to scare you. I actually think it's like the most beautiful thing to have these shifts and to see yourself in this new light. But it does take deconditioning and it does take you understanding that you're gonna change, and that be a beautiful thing. There's no going back to the version of you before kids, and that's not a bad thing. I actually think it's like the most expansive and beautiful thing you can ever go through, but you have to be open to that expansive, beautiful change and forget that prior version of you who you are going to have to mourn, but also know that you get to celebrate this version of you that you're in now. And I truly do believe this version you're meeting is going to become the best version of you. So instead of thinking, I want to get back to myself, how about you're meeting yourself where you're going and who you're becoming and allowing that to be something you celebrate instead of always looking backwards. Let's look forwards. Because you can become the best version of yourself now, right? Through movement and loving on yourself and doing these deconditionings and going to therapy, and you can do all of these things. You're just never gonna get back, you're always going forward. And so, motherhood is this journey of moving forward into the best version of you, and it takes a lot of work to get there, but it's so worth it as you start to see the light. And again, being a year into this, and now I have stopped breastfeeding for a couple months. I am start I see the light, I feel the light. I am feeling so much better, and it's a really, really beautiful gift to see to get out of the trenches, and I think that that's also giving me hope knowing if and when we do this again. Part of me is like, oh shooters, you still gotta get pregnant and you gotta do pregnancy again. You're putting your life on hold really for like a three-year period, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you are gonna feel like yourself again. Like you're going to feel the lightness and you're gonna feel the beauty, and your identity is gonna be shifted, but it's gonna feel at least for me, and again, I think this comes from the work I'm doing and the people that are around me, but the but it feels good. You're gonna feel good again. You might not be going back to a prior version of you, but you're gonna feel good and you're gonna find this version of you, and I think that's something pretty special, pretty special. Um, I have a couple more here that I just want to share with you real quick, but the first one is the village is gonna look really different for you. It's not the same traditional village that they talk about in the movies and in TV, and you know, we it takes a village to raise a child. The village is really lonely. I will be honest with you on that. And unless you create your village, it's it doesn't always feel like it's there. Everybody has really busy lives. Like, we have busy lives, right? And unless you're gonna be a villager and show up for other people too, it's hard to sometimes put that on yourself and think, well, nobody's here, nobody's showing up. Like, sometimes we just forget, right? When was the last time you thought about Sally Sue down uh down the road and what she's going through? Every house on your block is going through something. Every person in your family is going through something, and even if that's just the regular day-to-day life. So give everybody a little bit of grace here in this season, too, but ask for what you need also. Create your village. If you don't have the traditional, like, my family lives in the same neighborhood as me and they show up all the time. Like, we don't have a lot of family here, but we have built a village that is just the best. And it's been from neighbors and a few family members that we have here and also friends, friendships that we've created and things like the Selfish Sisterhood, we had so much food and people who dropped off food and showed up for us in so many ways from finding communities like this. And I think it's important that if you don't have a lot of family around you, that you build a village, whether that's digitally online and with the people that you meet in the space that you can just chat things out with, or locally with community centers and library programs and mom and baby meetups and people that you work with, right? Having a doula and all of the things you can make a village, okay? It doesn't look like they tell you, right? It takes a village to raise a child, that's not it. It does, it's important, but it doesn't come naturally, and we have to put the effort in to find it. And sometimes that also takes hiring it, okay? So find what works for you, but create a village. It's really, really important that you have one, even if it's just a couple people. It doesn't need to be this massive amount of people knocking on your door. Uh, a neighbor can go a long way, a mother-in-law can go a long way, um, family in general, anyone, right? Even your partner. Sometimes the village can just be a really great partnership with you and your partner and your baby, and that's enough too. But find what works for you and create that village because it's really, really important that you have one. And the last thing I'm gonna share with you right here is just it's just a phase, okay? I had a friend of mine once say to me, uh, I was going through this phase of like not great sleep, and I was just like, he was sleeping so good, and now he's not, and oh my gosh, is this my future? Is this every is every night for the rest of my life, and I'm not gonna be able to do this, and oh man. Looking back at that version of Jess, I'm just like, girlfriend, chill out, chill out, okay? It's not that serious, but you don't know it when you're in it, and even now when we have blips in sleep, I'm just like, oh my gosh, is this the new forever? But this girlfriend said to me, she said, it's just a blip, Jess. It's just a phase, it's just a blip. You're it's once it passes, we'll go back to regular sleep, okay? It's not going to last forever. And she was right. She was right. Did it happen again? Yes, it happens every every month. Let's be real. Sleep regressions are always, right? There's always something that's gonna mess with your sleep. But I found it really helpful to think in my head, it's just a blip, this is not forever. Because once we get into that spiral that this is the new normal and I am never gonna sleep again, it's not, it's not helpful. It's not helping you at all. For me, the chronic optimist needed to think it's just a blip, it's just short term, it's not gonna last forever. It's gonna last a couple weeks. And a couple weeks is gonna feel like 12 years, okay? But you can do it. You can do it again. Prioritize that rest where you can, but everything that starts to feel a little out of sorts, it's just a phase. It's not gonna last forever. Sleep will go back to whatever your normal sleep was before. This it's gonna feel like a long blip, okay? But it's not your forever. And even now on the other side, blinking with a one-year-old, I can be like, oh my gosh, the whole year is just a blip. The whole year is a blip. It they were not wrong when they say it goes by fast. The days are long, but the years are short, is real. Because you're gonna get to that one year mark, wherever you are in your motherhood journey, you're gonna get to that mark and you're gonna blink and you're gonna be like, holy crap, I made it through all the sleep progressions and breastfeeding or feeding my baby in general, however, you're choosing to feed your baby, whatever is best for you, but you're going to get through all of that and you're gonna be like, Okay, I did it. And it was a blip. The first year is like the blip the tiniest blip in the whole 18 years of you know, having a child, and even in 10 years, right? The first year's only 10%. That's crazy. So remember that when you're getting caught up in things and you're stressing about things, like this is just the tiniest blip. I know, I know it's hard. I say it and I'm like, it's the worst advice, too, because when you're in it, you're just like, shut up. This is hard. This is not gonna be easy, okay? But I actually say all the time, like, one is easy. But I was thinking about that as I was mentioning it to a couple girlfriends last night, like, one is so easy, one to two ratio, like so easy. But we all have our different definitions of easy, we all have different babies. Some of us are gonna have babies who are decent sleepers and decent eaters and you know, move around and do really things. I say that with a lot of grace because my baby is a great baby, he's busy, but he is pretty pretty easygoing. He's an easy-going guy, and I think that's a gift, right? And we are all gonna have difficulties and different things that we face in this journey as parents. But I want you to look at some of the lessons that you've learned and however long you've been a parent, or if you're listening to this and you're like, I'm not a parent, but think of the life lessons that you have learned along the way, that if you were to write a book or you were to meet a younger version of yourself, that you could pass this on to them so that they could go into this new season with peace and with a bit more confidence because life is hard. Being a parent is hard, and without some of these mindset shifts and thoughts that we have around really, really simple things like you know, get your sleep and know that it's just a phase and have a second baby mindset. These things can change everything. And imagine if you would have had this advice before going into parenthood, or you would have had this advice before even considering having kids. You'd walk into it with a very different mindset. So write down some of your things too. Send them to me if you can, because I love this stuff. I'd love to know what is like your number one life lesson in all of life, not just in parenthood, but like what's your number one thing that you'd be like, if I could tell my younger self this, I think it would change everything. She'd have such a different, she'd have a leg up in her journey that I didn't have. And I really do think walking into parenthood for us, with some of these things as our mindset, it made a big difference. It really did. I wanted to go into this, not necessarily with confidence because I had no idea what was gonna happen, but with a bit more relaxation, just a relaxed attitude because we don't know what's going on. We never know what's going on. Every day is different, every nap is different, every diaper is different, okay? Ever you're never gonna know what's happening. So just go with the flow a bit more. Release the stress that you have to have it all figured out. No parent has it figured out. And just have some fun with it. The more fun you can have as a parent, I think the better parent you can be, and also the more relaxed and energized you will be. I have never laughed more than I have in this whole entire year in my whole life. Like, I have just had the best time. I've also cried so much more, I am stressed so much more. I am like dreading having to get this baby in his freaking snowsuit to go for a walk. Like, oh my gosh, winter and babies and all of the clothes is just awful. But it's also the best because the other day when I was walking out of the house and walking to go to our car, which is in the garage, which is a little a little further down our driveway, and it was snowing, and he just like looked up and he could feel the snow on his head, because I'm that mom that doesn't have a hat on my kid. And so we just spun around and played and let the snow fall on us for a few minutes, and it's like you don't do that in the regular day-to-day before becoming a parent because we just are in a rush and we don't always make time to stop and let the snow fall on our heads, right? Or you stick your tongue out and you catch one on your tongue, you just don't do that regularly. But kids make you do that, make you pause a bit more, they make you be present a lot more, they make you laugh so much more because they think it's hilarious that they've poured their whole yogurt container on the ground, and yeah, you're not happy about it. But you can laugh a little bit more too, and it's just so much fun. So yeah, I'd love to know what your life lessons are. What are the things that you would just be like, yeah, that would be the one for me, because I don't know, we need to learn from each other. That's what community is all about, that's what the village is all about, right? Learning from one another so that I can learn from your life lessons and you can learn from mine, and we can all come out of this more connected, but also just more ready for what life's gonna throw at us. So please send them my way. I would love to hear that. And if you're looking for a space to learn from amazing women and connect with amazing women, the selfish sisterhood, the information is in the show notes. It is in the early stages, and a founding sister's rate is out right now. So I'd love to have you in there. I'm really excited to bring this space back to life. So I hope you are having a wonderful week. And I can't wait to hear from you and hear what your life lessons are. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget, you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.