[297] Build Your Life On A Foundation of Self-Belief

The world feels loud, the energy is weird, and anxiety is riding shotgun. We open the mic anyway and get real about what self-belief looks like when life is messy, opinions are everywhere, and you’re still figuring out who you are after big changes. A spark from a bold halftime performance kicks things off, but the heart of this conversation lives in the ordinary: showing up when no one’s clapping, protecting your power, and choosing your voice over the chorus of “play it safe.”

I share a simple, sturdy framework for building confidence that lasts. First, curate the right circle—the people who mirror your strength and hype you when your inner voice goes quiet. Second, stack small, measurable wins that prove you do what you say: buy the shoes, run the first kilometer, post the idea, make the ask. Third, visualize the you you’re becoming and reverse-engineer her daily habits, boundaries, and support system. We dig into identity shifts, people-pleasing traps, and how to stop outsourcing validation to likes, gatekeepers, or casual critics.

Subscribe for more real talk on confidence, share this with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a quick review so we can help more women choose themselves, speak their truth, and shine.

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Transcript

Retreat Sold Out & Vision Workshop

Halftime Spark And Authenticity

Why Self-Belief Feels Hard

Stop Handing Away Your Power

Navigating Identity Shifts

Three Pillars Of Self-Belief

Show Up And Stack Wins

Visualize And Reverse-Engineer You

Do It For The Little Eyes

Prepare For The Roller Coaster

Closing Love And Callbacks

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it's to be your damn self. My name is Jess, and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and I am sitting down. Let me paint the picture for you. Sitting down in my bathrobe, my pink bathrobe that I just got for Christmas, drinking a bit of peppermint tea, and trying, playing some frequencies to just try to calm my nervous system a little bit because there is just something in the air right now. Anybody else feeling that? There's just like some anxiety in the air, some energy in the air, and there's just like, oh man, it has been like hanging over me for a couple days now. And I find when that's the case, typically, I'm not the only one feeling it. And maybe I am, and I should look into my anxiety a bit more right now, but I don't think I am. I think a lot of us are feeling it right now. And if you're feeling the energy too, I'm sending you some love. I'm sending you a big hug right now because oof, it's tough. It's tough right now in a world that just feels like so, there's so much going on. And it feels like we don't have any control over it. And some of the things we don't. We don't have control over some of the things, but I will be clear with you. Today we are talking about the topic of self-belief, and there are some things we do have control over. So I just wanted to mention before we get into today's topic, Barbados Retreat is officially sold out. There isn't there are no spots left for this retreat that's coming up in May, uh, May 3rd to May 9th. But I will put in the show notes to get on the wait list. You never know what could happen, and spots could open up. So it's kind of what happened with these spots that did open up. A few people couldn't make it, so maybe that could happen again. And you want to be the first person to know if there's a spot that opens up. I'll put all the information in the show notes for you, but I have been dreaming and playing and organizing all the details. I think a career that I could be really good at would be travel agent. I'm just saying, I could be I could do it really well, actually. I do it for fun all the time. We used to travel a lot, my husband and I, and when we did, I could pinpoint all the details for everything. Like it was just the most fun thing to do. So I am loving planning all the details for this retreat that's coming up. And oh man, it's gonna be a good one. It is gonna be a good one, and I can't freaking wait. We are like 80-something days away, it's not even that far now, and I'm just so excited. So if it's something that, you know, intrigues you a little bit and you're like, oh, Barbados retreat, that'd be nice. Get on the wait list just in case, because you never know what could pop up, and you want to be the first one to know that it's there if it does. So all the details will be in the show notes for you to be able to hop on that list, but I just can't wait. And the other thing I wanted to mention real quick here too is that I am hosting a vision board workshop on the 15th, February 15th at 7 p.m. Atlantic Standard Time. Originally I had planned it for this past weekend, but I realized it was the Super Bowl. And by I realized, someone pointed out to me that it was a Super Bowl because I had no idea. And so we have postponed it a week. And the reason why I still want to have this, maybe you're like, it's a little late, Jess, for visioning. For most of us, it is not because many people have put it on the back burner, haven't made time for it. It's something that we used to do in the sisterhood every single year, and I have just noticed in the conversations that I've been having, it hasn't been happening, and that's okay. We're busy. So I'm gonna put something on the schedule for us to be able to get it done so that we can have this vision for 2026 before the year of the snake ends, before the year of the horse of Chinese New Year starts, which is on the 16th. So we're coming in a little close, but I think it's perfect timing for us to start visioning what we want life to look like going forward and not just next year, but in the big picture of our lives and giving us some time to dream and have fun. And if that's something that interests you, I will also put in the show notes the link to sign up for the workshop happening next Sunday at 7 p.m. Atlantic Standard Time. And I I just I love a good session to hang out and to dream together and to hear what's on your heart and what you want. And it's just gonna be the best time ever. Just a bunch of sisters hanging out and having a good time thinking about the life that they want to live and how we're gonna bring that to life, right? So I will put all the information in the show notes for you, and let's dive into today's topic. All about self-belief. If you're listening to this in real time, the Super Bowl just happened on this past weekend, and I'm gonna tell ya, I am not a person who's interested in football at all. I am not. It's not something that I look forward to. The Super Bowl snacks, cool. I've been to some Super Bowl parties, whatevs, but like I'm not into football. It's just not our thing over here. But it's always a really big deal every single year. There's always a lot of controversy around it, there's a lot of debates around it, there's a lot of bets around it, there's just a lot of energy around the Super Bowl, and great. Happy for whoever loves that and celebrates that and has the best time with it. I think it's awesome. But I will say today I did watch the halftime show with Bad Bunny, and I didn't know who Bad Bunny was before the Grammys this year. It's just not the music that I would typically listen to. But holy moly, what a magical halftime show! And I know there's a lot of debates around it, but I thought it was phenomenal. The symbolism in it, the energy in it, and just his beauty and authenticity, he's just like unapologetically himself. And I think that is something that we could all take note of. And it really is what sparked today's podcast episode because this wasn't even the topic I was gonna talk on today. It was not what I had on schedule, but it was the thing that I have just felt in my stomach that I needed to talk about. And when that happens, there's a reason for it, and I just trust it every single time. I don't know if you know this, but every time I hop on the mic, before I start to get all the information out there that I want to get out there, I pray about it, I meditate on it, and I really try to channel in what it is that needs to be said and needs to be heard by you. And I think that that's what connects with a lot of people because it's I just trust in the message that needs to come through. And today, this is the topic that needs to come through. All about the concept of self-belief, believing in ourselves. Oh man, does that feel like a hard one in today's society? Because every single thing that is around us all the time tells us not to believe in ourselves. Whoo, I feel emotional as I say that one. Every single thing around us all the time is a reminder why we shouldn't believe in ourselves. Social media, although the post can be motivational and exciting, there's a lot out there that reminds us that we're not doing enough and that we're not enough. We might also have a lot of family around us who don't always encourage our crazy ideas that don't always feed into the energy that we need when it comes to wanting to do life differently. They want us to stay small and to stay safe. And it can be really difficult when we have a different path on our heart and we have some belief, but if everybody else, and especially the people that we love, don't necessarily believe, it makes it really hard for us to push forward. But Bad Bunny had a really great message in the halftime show. I saw the translation about it, talking about where if if he didn't believe in himself, he wouldn't be where he was. Just in 2016, he was bagging groceries in a grocery store, okay? Like in 10 years, he is now one of the top artists doing the Super Bowl halftime show. In ten years, like that's not a lot of time. But because he believed in his abilities, he believed in his gifts, and he showed up for himself over and over again, it helped him to get to where he is now. And not even helped him, it got him there. Right? There's so many things that the rest of the world can help us with, but if self-belief isn't there, it's not gonna take us to that next level. It's not gonna take us where we need to go. We actually need our own magic in order to get there. And Bad Bunny said in his halftime show, I'm here because I never stopped believing in myself. Always believe in yourself. You're worth more than you think. And it just kind of had this like light bulb moment of how many times I have passed the mic to other people, figuratively, literally, that maybe didn't have that same level of belief, and not necessarily in self-belief, but just in general, right? We passed the mic to so many other people in our lives who we think are gonna be our greatest cheerleaders. They're gonna be the ones who are gonna hype us up, they're gonna be the ones that help to get us to that next level. When in reality, you're the person you need to hype yourself up and to get yourself to the next level. We put the power in so many other people's hands. When in reality, you need to just put the power in your own hands. Stop listening to everybody else and just trust and believe in yourself because you're worth so much more than you think. And for me, seeing someone up on this stage who unapologetically was themselves, is themselves, and all of their actions and all of their music and all of their mannerisms and all of the way that they say things and the vision that they have that is wholeheartedly, truly 100% themselves unapologetically, you start to think maybe I could do it too. Maybe there's something to this authenticity thing. And I've had a lot of people tell me throughout the years that I am 100% myself in everything that I do, but I will say these last two years through this transition of becoming a parent, and then this last year of being a parent, I have been still trying to figure out what that version of me is, and through that process, I feel like I've kind of lost a little bit of that authenticity because I just don't always know who I am. I can laugh when I say it, but it's like the truth, right? If you've gone through major life transitions, which we all have, coming out on the other side, you're like, I need to get to know the version of myself again. I need to find out who I am and what I like and where I'm going and all of the things, it can be really, really difficult to have self-belief when you're in that season of I don't even know. I don't even know who I am. But you can be in a season of not 100% being sure on what you're bringing out to the world and still believe that you have a voice and a message that needs to be heard. You can still have this burning feeling in your belly that you're like, I don't know what it is yet, but there's something there, and I believe I'm the person who needs to get it out there. And if you watched that Super Bowl halftime show and you left feeling fired up and energized and just like, oh my gosh, like, yeah, that's a really cool message. And I need to believe in myself more. I don't totally know how than today's podcast episodes for you. Okay. There's a couple things that I really wanted to share with you. And honestly, I don't think they're new things that I haven't shared on this podcast before, but I do think they are things that we need reminders of right now, especially in the world where we are starting to overcomplicate things and putting our power again in so many other people's hands when in reality we need to call our power back and hold it in ourselves and start to navigate some of these things through our own lens. That's one thing that I've really been leaning into a lot more this year. I think because I have felt so lost in who I am and who I'm becoming, that I stopped asking other people what I should do and what I should like who I should be and all of the things, and like, what do you think? And I really just started to call my power back so that I could have more time to process it. And yeah, it's taking me longer than I thought it would, but I know that I'm doing it my way because I need it to come from me. It really needs to come from that power of self-belief. And the more often that we are putting that power in other people's hands, it's really taking that aspect away from us. It's taking that self-belief away from us. And from my experience, nothing good can come from that. If you put your power in other people's hands, in people who you admire and people who you think want the best for you, and there are people out there who want the best for you. I 100% truly wholeheartedly want the best for you. But this happened recently to me where I gave someone too much power and they said something that absolutely crushed everything in me, and with that took away a lot, right? It actually shaped who I was starting to become, and it has also made me trust a lot a lot less, a lot less. And that's a really difficult place to come from, too. If you put that belief in somebody else's hands and they don't use it the way that you hope that they would, it is going to shape a very different version of you coming out, and it's gonna be a lot harder for you to make your way back to the top, for you to make your way back to a place that trusts that they're doing the right thing. And I say this with my whole heart as someone who guides so many women into the world of belief and magic and power. But you really need to know who you are and trust who you are and love who you are and believe in who you are first. It is not selfish to put yourself first. It's actually something we need to do in order to light up the rest of the world from a human design standpoint, which is something that I absolutely love looking into when you look in your chart, when you are working in alignment and you're doing the things that you love and the things that light you up, it literally lights up the rest of the world. Have you ever been around someone? Let's even think about the halftime show and Bad Bunny and Ricky Martin and all the people who had this great energy and were truly living in their element. That energy, you you feel that. It's exciting. It it lights you up too. To be around people who are following their passion and and living in alignment, it literally lights the rest of the world. And I bet you can also visualize those people who are not, they are not, and that energy to be around them too that you want to limit and protect your power and call it back. Ah man, this concept of self-belief should be so easy, but it's not. It's not because we have to keep choosing ourselves and reminding ourselves over and over and over again for a span of 10, 20, 30 years for when we might see a glimpse of it working out. Imagine having to tell yourself over and over again for 10 years, right? For showing up over and over again for 10 years when there's a lot of no's and a lot of people who don't get it, and a lot of people who are gonna judge you, and some people who are gonna pretend they have belief in you and then pull it right out of you, it's gonna hurt. But if you have self-belief, if you have a foundation of your own belief, none of that stuff matters. It doesn't matter if someone calls you a silly name, it doesn't matter if someone screws you over, it doesn't matter. And none of it matters because you know at your core where you're going and what you need to do to get there. And you believe that you're gonna do it. Right? And you believe you're gonna do it. That's the greatest slip-up for most people. You think you're gonna get there, and then you know, a few noes slapped you in the face, and maybe someone said something that hurt you pretty bad, those things, oof, and then your belief is just in the garbage can and you can't pull yourself back out, that's what's gonna trip you up. But if you can start to put your belief first at the top, these things that happen aren't going to shake you as much. They might still shake you a bit, like earthquake's still gonna shake you, okay? But it might not crumble you to the ground. And I would just want to remind you of that on how important it is to have that self-belief because again, we put that power in so many other people. We put that validation in how many likes we're getting on social media, we put that validation in, you know, if somebody connects with it. Even this podcast, right? It lights me up when someone sends me a message and they say, Oh man, I really connected with this episode. That's a great feeling. But I have to know and have to have this belief every single week to show up on this microphone, regardless of if anyone listens to it. Because if not, the energy is gonna be very different. If I was doing this just for you, I love you and I'm so grateful that you're here. But it's not the only motivator that's gonna get me on the microphone. Actually, I will say that one does get me on the microphone a lot more often than just myself. I will, I'll probably, I'll probably be real with you there. But it's time to put some of that people pleasing, not some of it, all of that people-pleasing tendencies that we have, which I know it's really hard, okay? But we gotta put that in our back pocket and we gotta start showing up for ourselves. And today I really wanted to talk to you about a couple things that if you're struggling in this department of self-belief and you're putting all of your power in other people's hands, there's a couple things that you can do, okay? So, first thing, and we've talked about this a lot, is finding your people. You gotta find those people that you trust who are gonna hype you up, who are your, you know, voices in your head when you are not that voice in your head. And I know I've said don't put your power in other people, but there's a difference between putting your power in other people's hands and surrounding yourself with the people who are gonna remind you of your mother freaking power when you don't always believe it. Okay? There's a difference here. There's a difference between letting other people take advantage of your power and your magic and, you know, use it to their own advantage, and also finding those people who aren't gonna do that, who are really gonna love you and celebrate you and be excited for you and help to show you that you can do it. Self-belief is really important, but sometimes, most of the time, when we don't have it and we don't believe in ourselves, we need to have those people around us who are going to keep hyping us over and over and over again until we finally believe it. It's like practicing, having someone in our ear that can just remind us. It's probably why you listen to this podcast, right? Because you know I believe in you no matter what. You could change your mind 750 times and I'm still gonna be in your corner hyping you up. That's part of this journey. That's part of the excitement, that's part of having the right people in our corners. So if you don't believe in yourself, the best thing you can do is to find your squad. Find the people around you who are going to be cheering for you, who are excited for you, and who are gonna show up for you, okay? That's really important. And again, do not settle on the wrong people. And and yeah, it can happen that we're putting the energy in the wrong people and we don't know it until we know it. That that can happen. I I it can happen, okay? But I really want you to know how important it is to find those people and trust those people and lean on those people when you find the right crew. And if you're like Jess, I don't know who those people are, I haven't found them yet. I want you to send me a message and know that I am going to be in your pocket and I'm going to be in your ear celebrating you the whole way. Okay. I promise you, I have your back. And if you don't believe in yourself yet, you will, with me in your ear, over and over and over again, because you can do it. You can do it, you will do it. It just takes that power of self-belief, and you have to get there. And sometimes we just need a little help to get there, right? The next thing on my list is to remind yourself to show up for yourself. Again, this is not new news. This is not new news, okay? We need to be showing up for ourselves because the more we put in that confidence bucket, the things that we want to do, to say, oh, I'm gonna sign up for this marathon, and you start to actually train for the marathon, and then you actually run the marathon, and you're like, oh my gosh, I can do these things. That's freaking cool. It starts to give you that belief a little bit more because you're actually starting to do the things that you say you're gonna do. I know that's the hard part, right? You're like, oh, I really wanted to do this, and now I gotta go do this, okay? I actually don't remember if I told you this story yet, but I did the 12 wishes uh between, I think it's with the 12 days of Christmas, basically. And so every day I had to burn a wish, release it into the world, and all of those were the universes, they're gonna take care of those. But there's one that I have to take care of. The last one that's there, I opened up. And do you know what it said? That I ran a twelve a 10k with confidence and ease, and I felt really confident in my body. Okay. And I said, Can't you do that one for me too? Because I don't want to do it. Just kidding. I actually really want to do it. It's one of those ones that I just need to make the time to do, right? And to build some of that self-confidence again and to build some of that self-belief that I'll actually do it is to first step get a new pair of running sneakers, right? I really need a new pair of running sneakers. So once I get that, then I can start running and I can start moving my body a bit more. And I can start, you know, showing up for myself because I am going to run a 10K this year. And I can joke around about it and be like, ha ha ha ha, but like I'm gonna do it. And so sometimes I just need to show up and do the things that are gonna get me there because that's gonna drop in that confidence bucket and helping to have more belief. So what's that thing for you that's on your vision board or that thing that you've been thinking about that you're like, I would really love to do that. Share on social media more, start a podcast, you know, adopt a dog. I don't know what it is on your on your vision board, but whatever it is, you could take a few steps to get there, do a couple drops in your confidence bucket and start to have a little bit more self-belief. It doesn't always have to be massive things like running a marathon, but it can be something really small that'll get you to that point that you start to believe that you're actually gonna do the things you say you're gonna do. And then the last thing I have on my list here is to visualize the version of you who you want to become. Like, what is this version of you that you're visualizing? And when you look at your vision board, when you when you think about self-belief, is there a totally different version of you? Like, I'll believe in myself when I look like that, I act like that, I have that job, I'm, you know, a mom, I'm married with kids, whatever it is. Like, what's that version of you that you see that you say, like, oh, have self-belief when? Write down everything that comes to your mind. Is it the clothes that she wears? Is it the job that she has? Is it the friends in her corner? Maybe you feel like you don't have that community around you yet, and you're like, I'll believe in myself when I have a couple friends that I can trust and can spend more time with and have more fun with. There's a version of you that you have in your mind that would believe in herself. And if you can see her, I want you to write down absolutely everything you can see, every single detail, every little bit of energy, everything you can see. And then I slowly want you to make a little checklist of things that you can check off that you can bring to life. Okay, so I'll have more self-belief when I get my run-in sneakers, when I sign up for the 10K, when I, you know, start can run a kilometer straight, right? Whatever it is, I want you to start to make that little bit of checklist. And by the end of the year, I want you to have everything on that checklist checked off. So that you can walk into 2027 and be like, yeah, I believe in myself because I did X, Y, and Z. I showed up for myself, I found my community of people around me, and I started to remind myself of my mother freaking power, right? Because you have so much power. Oh my gosh, I feel so emotional as I say that because you do. Man, if I had a magic wand and I could wave it and any wish could come to life, for me, that wish would be for every single woman to understand and to see the magic that they are, the power that they have. You wouldn't need to have self-belief, you'd just believe. We wouldn't be having this conversation because every woman in the world would just know that they're wonderful. And I know that's not the reality because the world we live in is really dark and really sometimes it's it's hard for us to see this. But I need you to believe in yourself because the sooner you believe in yourself and you start to emulate that into the world, the sooner the next generation is gonna feel that too. Right? And like I said earlier, sometimes it's easier for me to come on this microphone because I know you're listening and I know you need the message, but I also come on this microphone because I love to do it, right? I need you to also think about the little versions that are watching you at the bus stop and in the car and at school drop-off, the little versions, the little eyes, whether you have kids or it's just someone at the mall who sees you and thinks you're cool, right? I want you to do it for them. If you can't do it for yourself yet, I want you to do it for them because they are looking up at you and learning what it's like to be an adult, what it's like to be a woman in this world, what it's like to believe in themselves, what it's like to show up. And sometimes it's easier to do it for other people than it is for ourselves. So right now, as you're stepping forward and you're really trying to learn lean into this self-belief to bring all the things that you want in this world to life, do it for the little eyes that are on you. Do it for the little version of you that's watching, do it for me. Do it for me. Because I need you to show up and to see yourself and the magic that you are. Oh man, I can just picture you with all the little sparkle emojis all around you, and it's just like the most beautiful vision. Man, even a little bit like twilight. Oh man, with that like sparkle skin, a little bit of that. That's what I see when I visualize you in my head. I just picture you a little bit like a vampire, sparkly vampire. Because man, wouldn't that have been cool? Just be like glittering in the sun. Oh man. Anyways, let's not keep dreaming about vampires right now and come back to this self-belief. What if in a year from now you're living in a totally different version of your life because you believed in yourself? And let's even extend that further. Bad Bunny was doing this for 10 years. Ten years ago, he was bagging groceries, okay? Ten years. Can you put in the effort to believe in yourself for 10 years in order to come out on the other side and to be living your dream life on the stage at the Super Bowl halftime show? That's not my dream, but if it's yours, I'd love to help you get there. I'd love to be that voice in your pocket that just reminds you of your power every single time that you're doubting yourself a little bit. And again, we know this road is not gonna be straightforward. It's not like I believe in myself now and I'm gonna get there. No, that's not true, okay? It's not true. It's gonna be a roller coaster. There's a lot of emotions, a lot of anxieties. There's gonna be moments where you're just like, hell's yeah, I'm the best freaking person for this job. And there's gonna be other moments when you say, I am the worst. I messed up pretty bad. I suck, right? It's not, it's not one linear way forward, especially now that you start to believe in yourself. It's going to be a roller coaster. But if you keep these skills in your pocket and you prepare for those moments, the lows are gonna come, you are going to feel so much better when those lows come, okay? You're gonna have to start to find your people. Find the people that you can text and say, I am having a bad day. I don't, I feel like garbage, right? We got to find those people who are going to remind us that we're not garbage, right? And then we're gonna start to show up for ourselves and remind ourselves that we are capable and that we do the things we say we're gonna do. And then we're gonna also lean into that vision that we have, this vision of the version of us that believes in ourselves, the version of ourselves that is pure magic. Maybe it's that high priestess version of yourself, right? We're gonna have that vision and we're gonna start checking off the boxes of all the characteristics that they have that we don't have yet, but we're gonna start to develop, that are gonna help us to believe in ourselves even more. These things are really simple. You know, you know, these things are simple. But it takes that consistent action, it takes that showing up, it takes putting in the effort, and it takes the mental work of self-belief, right? Over and over and over again, reminding ourselves that we're powerful, reminding ourselves that we're worthy, reminding ourselves that we're a gift to this world because the world is not always telling us that that's the case, right? Build your foundation on self-belief, and everything on your vision board is gonna come to life. I promise you that. Build your foundation on self-belief, and everything's gonna come to life. I am so freaking proud of you for everything that you've been doing, for how you've been showing up, for how you've been handling all this weird energy in the world right now. You are working hard. I see you, sister, and I'm just so grateful that you're spending this time with me here. I hope you have the most magical week and that you start to see that you're magic too. I love you so much. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget, you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.