Self(ish) Confidence

[295] Why Your Screen Time Matters More Than Your Kid’s

• Jess Clerke • Episode 295

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We get honest about the modern routine: wake to a small screen, work on a medium screen, unwind with a big screen, and fall asleep with the small one again. I share why I stopped obsessing over my child’s screen time and started measuring my own. We explore the real costs—anxiety, comparison, memory slip, and that itchy feeling of never quite being here—as well as the real gifts technology brings when it’s used on purpose. If you’ve ever wondered why your day feels thin after an hour of reels, this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.

You’ll hear practical steps that actually work in a busy life: 5‑minute social media limits with the Be Present app, switching your phone to grayscale to dull the dopamine, deleting high‑drain apps, and moving long replies to desktop. We talk about morning phone fasts that reset cravings, buddy accountability to keep promises, and how boredom becomes a greenhouse for creativity and calm. Along the way, we return to what matters: modeling healthy habits for our kids, finding quiet rituals that lower the anxiety hum, and noticing the small joys—snow-laced trees, a neighbor’s hello, a child turning pages just to hear the sound.

Barbados Self(ish) Retreat --> https://jessclerke.com/barbados-retreat

Be Present App ---> https://www.bepresentapp.com/

If you’re ready to step out of the algorithm and back into your life, press play, try one habit today, and tell me how it goes. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find the tools and community to build real confidence.

Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!

Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess, and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Because, again, we're audio focused here and I find it helpful. I'm sitting here in my Your Magic sweater, drinking a cup of decaf coffee. I got a candle lit and I am just taking a little moment a piece. It's taken me a little while to get to the microphone, a little longer than it normally does, because as you know, if you're new here, maybe this is new information, if you've been here a while, I typically keep my glitter goggles on. I actually picture them to be like heart with like pink, the like the lens is pink, and I can just see the world through the goggles of love. Okay? Like the more glitter, the better. The happier, the rainbows, the butterflies, all of the beautiful things in the world is what I choose to see all of the time. And that is not saying that I don't see the darkness, I don't see the difficult things, I don't see the sadness, I see it, I feel it, I know it's there. I have just chosen to s keep the goggles on and see the positive, see the beauty, because I just don't think many of us do that. And that being said, I'm coming on the microphone today with some sadness in my heart because and I'm just gonna be totally transparent with you. I don't like to come on the microphone and record these episodes for you if I am not at my absolute best. But I have been thinking so deeply about this topic I want to talk about today, and I just knew I needed to get it out there, and I don't know if this sadness is gonna subside for a little bit. So we are a year this week since we said goodbye to our b big, fluffy, beautiful cat, Murphy. And that was really a difficult time last year. But I don't think I have had a lot of time to process it or to even think about the feelings and the emotions because we had our son about five days later. And so we still don't a hundred percent know why Murphy wasn't doing well. It came on suddenly, and we believe it is diabetes, but we still don't totally know because insulin didn't exactly do the trick, and it just it has been one of those things where it's like we we didn't know the answers and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse where he wasn't eating and was losing weight drastically. And so we had to really make an unfortunate choice, and um yeah, we didn't have a lot of time to process it because yeah, we had our son five days later, and so that has brought up a lot of emotions this week thinking about that time. And also today, if you've been seeing all my stories, I've talked about it a few times, I haven't talked about it a whole lot, but um our little kitty cat, who is our little kitty cat, he's our smallest cat, but he is also our oldest cat, he was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism about a couple months ago, and the medication didn't work for him and the creams didn't work for him, and instead of going the route of diet, we have decided to do this procedure that he is the perfect candidate for, but it is still a really scary procedure, and at least scary for us because we don't know anything about this world. And he went in for that today, the day that I'm sitting down to record this, and the house just feels so quiet and empty. And anybody who's listening who is a pet lover, animal lover, you know that feeling of just emptiness in your home, uh, regardless of if you've lost a pet or even just, you know, they're they're hiding somewhere in the house and you can't find them, which has been many times for us. But today it just feels exceptionally quiet and sad as we think about what happened a year ago, and then also in that same week we have our little guy going in for this procedure that he has to be in isolation there for up to five days. He might not come home until later this week, and that sucks. Truth be told, that really sucks, and that is just like making the energy right now just a little more difficult for me to sit down and record because yeah, I like to keep the goggles on. I like everything to be happy and beautiful and exciting and you know, celebratory and you know, all of the things, and that just doesn't feel like that today. And although today's podcast episode is not about cats and the cats I have in their illnesses, it is about something so much greater and really important for us to talk about in this season. But I just wanted to put it out there and give you that visual for you to be able to see that it's not always rainbows and butterflies, and as much as I come on here and I can ignore everything and only see the good, I will tell you this week it is very difficult for me to not cry on the spot. And it is also very difficult for me to just not put my anxiety aside. Definitely to put my anxiety aside. And yeah, it's not all beautiful, it's not all rainbows and butterflies over here at Selfish Confidence, but I can tell you I am always hopeful, and I know that come the end of the week he will be back home and things will be fine and everything will be good again. It's just this waiting period that really, really sucks. And so I appreciate your thoughts and prayers if you are listening to this in real time and want to send a little love to my little guy. But yeah, it's just like a weird, weird coincidence that it's literally happening in the same week. And all of these unprocessed emotions and feelings of a year ago are coming up again, not just because it's been a year, but because we are not necessarily facing it, because there's a lot of hope that there's a much better outcome for this procedure than for Murphy's, but it still is just pla it just feels weird. It's just like what a weird coincidence. But that being said, let me put my glitter goggles on for one more moment and say that also means that we are celebrating our son's first birthday in about a week's time, a week and a bit, if you're listening to this in real time, and it's just wild to think about being parents for a whole year and how much my life has changed, how much our lives have changed, and how much he has grown and evolved into the just just like coolest funny little dude who is just always on the move, always getting into everything. There's literally books all over my house all the time. He's just obsessed with turning the pages of books. He can't read, obviously, but it's just been such a wild year to go from this tiny little thing that came out of my body to what he is now, this massive kid who's just on the go and exploring and making friends and living his absolute best and happy life. And from a human design perspective, he's a projector, he's just like sitting and watching kids playing and just like I love seeing how much he has grown. And I'm really excited to see and continue to see his growth. But yeah, it's it's both this great sadness right now and this great excitement for celebrating our one-year-old. So two things can coexist at the same time, right? They can there can be sadness and there can be joy in the same chapter. And it's just part of being human, right? I think for so long we have only seen one. Like if we're in a darkness, we're in sadness, we're in anger, we're in despair, right? There could not also be joy. There could not also be happiness, but that's not true. We are humans with uh so many different emotions and feelings and and energies and thoughts, and I'm just sitting here in the middle of them all, crying all the time. Crying all the time, but that's just what it is, right? So I just wanted to kind of paint that for you today before we got into today's topic, because it just helps, I think, to know the humanness of the person who is sitting on the microphone, and I'm just not one of those people who's ever gonna hide what's really going on and how I'm really feeling, even though I am a chronic optimist and I'm gonna see everything through the glitter goggles. I'm gonna see it through the glitter goggles. But yeah, the house is feeling a little, a little tense and a little sad this week, but that's okay because today I actually wanted to talk to you. Oh, before I get into today's topic, I know, crazy, my brain's all over the place a little bit, but I wanted to remind you that we have two spots open for the Barbados retreat happening May 3rd to May 9th, and I am so excited about this retreat. The villa that we are staying at is next level, like absolutely incredible, with a giant pool and the perfect space for us to be able to do our confidence workshops, our daily confidence workshops. I have these incredible tours planned for us that we're gonna tour the island and we'll take our catamaran tour and we're gonna see some turtles and we're gonna go for a delicious dinner out, and we're just going to truly experience the island in the best touristy, but also local vibe. Because I lived there for almost two years, and the last retreat we went to two years ago was mind-blowing, beautiful experience, best retreat I've ever put on. And a week of being together with incredible women is life-changing for so many of us, and this is going to be next level same kind of energy. I have been focusing really deeply on the lessons that I want to bring to the table, and it is all about stepping into your magic, really seeing your magic and giving your magic the opportunity to come to life. And if you're like, Jess, I don't know what you're talking about, I don't have any gifts, I don't have any magic, that's the thing that we are trying to find in you is to show you what we are seeing and to give you the opportunity to see it in yourself too. And it's a whole week of us really working on that, helping you to see the gifts that you have and how can you bring them into the world? Because we all have gifts, we all have things to bring to the table, and sometimes it just takes someone else holding the mirror up for us so that we can finally see it in ourselves. And that's what this week in Barbados is all about. So if you are looking for a week to dive into your confidence, to hang out with incredible women, and to experience an island that has been life-changing for me, and I know life-changing for you too, if you come on this trip, check out the show notes or send me a DM so that we can chat. There's no commitment, and you sending me a message just to get the information and for us to connect on it. I can send all the details over to you, or you can also check in the show notes and get the details there too. But there are two spots open. So a spot for you and a spot for your bestie. You can share the room. Or if you're listening to this and you're like, I'd love to come, but I don't want to share a room. We can also make that a room to yourself. I can give you the information for that too. So just send me a message if it's something that's kind of pulling at your heart a little bit and you're like, hmm, a week in Barbados with Jess, that sounds pretty incredible. If you think that's incredible, just you wait till you see the other women who are coming on this trip and you're gonna be like, mind blown at the magic that's about to happen. So I will put all that information in the show notes for you. And that being said, let's get finally into today's topic. Today's topic that I have been thinking about non-stop for the last couple weeks is about screen time. And I truly believe that there's probably nothing in this episode that's going to be news to you. You're gonna be like, yeah, I know that, Jess. I know this, I know that. But I have been thinking about this a lot lately because especially as a parent, this topic comes up a lot. We all know we're addicted to our screens, right? We all know that for so long, even as kids, we were like addicted to watching TV shows. Not even addicted, I don't think, growing up, but maybe, maybe you were. But like we have been glued to screens our whole lives. And for millennials, if you're listening to this and you're in your, you know, 30s and maybe even early 40s, we grew up in this era of discovering screens. And I think it it's a really difficult one because we grew up with the excitement of screens coming into our lives, this new energy of the internet and having access at our fingertips of all different kinds of information, and through that we have developed an attachment to it that is really difficult to unplug from. Like we uh there's a good chance you listening to this, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, send me a message, tell me, but there's a good chance that you feel deeply connected to technology and our screens, and the idea of being away from it for too long makes you a little bit itchy. And I do think that we're coming into a season and an era where we start to want to detach from MetaBit because it's consuming our lives too much, but you might be so attached that it's making it really difficult. And this topic came up when I saw a reel from a really popular parenting podcast, and they are like a couple, and I actually don't know their podcast name, and I should look that up. I'll try to find it and put in the show notes for you. But they had made this post and it quoted one of their podcast episodes, and it talked about uh screen time that for as parents, we are always thinking about the screen time of our kids, right? We're always like, oh, well, what's the what's the secret sauce? What's the secret age? What's the secret amount of time? What's the secret shows, right? What should we be letting our kids do? And as someone like me, I've also been all consumed in this and ask people all the time, how much screen time do you give to your kids? What's your rules around screen time in your house? You know, what what do you think is the best thing that we should do? People who I think have well-rounded and beautiful children, I'm like, okay, well, what did you do? And maybe I can do it the same way. And like, I remember since having my son this topic coming up so much more because I'm just like all consumed in this concept of like, I don't want to mess up my kid by giving him too much screens, right? And in this post, it had said, like, if you want to be concerned with your child's screen time, instead of thinking about how many hours they're getting and how much time they're getting, put the lens on yourself. How much time are you getting? Stop caring so much about your kid's screen time and start caring more about your own. And it was like this light bulb moment for me of like, mm-hmm. Like we know that we lead by example. We know that there are little eyes watching us all the time. And even if you're listening to this and you're like, I don't have kids, you know how your screen time is affecting your life. And I'll share some things with you that I really have been thinking about this week, but also like it's it's affecting all of us, whether you have children or not. But one thing in particular, when you have a kid who's watching you all the time, you want to be better, you want to do better, you want to see better. Like it's all of these pieces, but I've also just only have thought about well, I should be limiting his screen time, I shouldn't be putting this show on. It's too stimulating. And what's the low stimulating shows for kids? And well, he's not even here yet, so I probably shouldn't even be giving him any screen time. But you know what? Mama needs a break sometimes, and we all can relax a little bit by watching a little bit of TV. Am I right? And all of these things that circle in our head, but it's like, I don't want to give him that show. Maybe that one's too stimulating and I don't want to mess up my kid and blah, blah, blah, blah, right? When in reality, the thing that's actually hurting our children more and hurting us more is our own screen time. How much time we're spending scrolling on our phones, how much t TV we're watching in the evenings, uh, how much how many hours we're on our computer. I saw this post too that talked about it's like, okay, I wake up and I unwind on my f on my tiny screen for about 15, 20 minutes, and then I get up and I get ready for the day, and I go to work on my medium screen from about nine until five o'clock, and then I come home and I unwind watching on my big screen, you know, from like seven until nine, and then I go to bed and then I unwind again on my little screen for another twenty minutes, thirty minutes before I go to bed. And in reality, we are on screens all day, all the time. It's actually kind of crazy when we think about it like that, right? It's like even the things that we do to relax are essentially a digital screen. And I just want to let that sink in for a minute. The things that we do to relax and unwind are the thing that's actually hurting us the most. And it sucks. Like, it sucks. Let's be real here, because it's so easy to unwind and scroll for a little bit. It's so nice to be able to just totally evaporate into someone else's world for 30 minutes because ours feels all too consuming. And this is not an episode of me saying, throw your phone in the fire and never be on screens again. That's not our reality. We know that. And it's not our reality for our families either. We we know that. Like, let's be real here. This is not an anti-screen, anti-technology episode that you're listening to this probably on your phone, right? You're listening to this on a screen, okay? It's it's the reality of the world we live in. But I do think there are some things that we need to consider when it comes to our screen time, because we had a sisterhood call not that long ago. I think it was probably in November, and there was a few of us that got on, and we talked about some things that help our screen addiction, but also just like how much time we're really spending on our phones. And oftentimes we're talking just our phones, right? We're not talking about the screens when we're working our our day jobs or even our TV. Like, it can be just our phone, and the hours that we can spend on that thing is next level, like next level. And I've been working with one of my clients, and we put her screen time into the thought of like that could be a full day's work, that could be like an eight or 10-hour day that I'm putting in at work that I'm spending on my screen. Imagine what I could be doing with that time. And I know easier said than done for us to cut back and to move that time into something else because it's so easy just to grab our phone and scroll for a few minutes. But this habit is significantly hurting our mental health, our social health, our our children's health, our family's health. Like it is significantly making an impact. And the more and more we give into it, the worse it's gonna be. This is something that's it's not going away. It's just only gonna get worse. Let's be honest. Like, screens are gonna take over our whole worlds, right? We're gonna have a robot in our house probably here soon who's gonna like make dinner for us. Praise the Lord. Like, can't wait. But also, he's gonna have a screen on him, and his name's probably gonna be like Ralphie or something, and he'll be the robot, but he'll also have a screen and he'll have a tablet in it, and we can watch our shows all the time. We don't even have to cook anything anymore. Anyway. This vision that I have of the future is quite wild, but seriously, it's it's only going to be more screens. So if we can get a better control on this issue that we're having now, I think in the long run we'll be able to adapt more to all of this new technology that's coming in. And again, not anti-screen, not anti-technology. I was so grateful for this gift. Without social media, I don't think I'd be as confident as a parent as I am because I've connected with friends online. I just went out to the out indoor playgro playground with with my kid and friends that I met on the internet, okay? I have people who I can text quickly when I have a question. You know, I had a question about something with my little guy this morning, and I could easily take a video, send it to a friend, and ask them what they thought too. I could take a picture of my kid's poop and put it on the internet, and people would have opinions about it, okay? Like there is so much that we can do that our parents didn't have, and I'm so grateful for that. I feel so much more confident in who I am because I have these tools in my pocket that just weren't accessible 30 years ago. But these tools can also work on those negative pieces. It can hurt the comparison. Think about, you know, I bet you could think about an account right now that you compare yourself to that you're just like, oh man, that girl got up and got her workout in at 6 a.m. and I am still scrolling on my phone. Ugh. You know, that lady made a healthy meal for her family, and I grabbed McDonald's again. Ugh, I'm the worst, right? It also can have this very negative effect on us, the comparison, the increased anxiety from being on our screens, not even just from the comparison standpoint, but that scrolling effect, it is hurting our brains. The dopamine that we are getting from a quick scroll is not reality. We can't get that in our regular life, right? It's something we can only get from that quick six seconds real on our phones. And that's definitely hurting things. I've also significantly noticed a decrease in my memory, which terrifies me because there is Alzheimer's that runs in my family, and I have just noticed it more and more that I can't even remember a week ago. I can't remember even when I send reels to my partner and he's like, Oh yeah, I saw you sent me some. And I'm like, I don't even remember what they were because we are watching so much content, we can't even register what we're watching. I I saw a post once that talked about how much we're actually consuming. Like what we consume in a couple hours is more than what our grandparents consumed in like a week. We are getting constant information all the time, and it's creating negative effects in our brain because we just don't have to think like we used to. Isn't that crazy? Like, I don't have to think about conversions for measuring cops because I could literally Google it right now. It's like when we were in middle school and we were using our calculators and they were trying to teach us math without calculators, because if we always used our calculator, then we wouldn't learn how to do the math we needed to learn how to do. It's the same thing with these tools like ChatGBT and you know AI functions and Google it and all the things. There's so many things we don't have to know how to do because we have it at our fingertips all the time, which is great because that saves room in our brain for other things, but it's also hurting our brains because we're not firing some of the receptors that we need to have a healthy and beautiful brain. Our brains are just shutting down because we don't have to think. But that's not going to help us in the long run. It is not helping me now. I know that, especially when it comes to my memory. So I've been trying to think more lately on ways that I can increase my memory function and ways that I can decrease my anxiety without this screen that's attached to me all the time. And I actually notice it in my son now too because he sees my phone and he's excited to grab it, and he already knows. Like he turned the flashlight on today, and he also turned it off, and I was like, dude, genius, that's so cool. But also, like, I hate that you know how to do that already. And I hate that you know how to scroll things, and I hate that you're already interested in this, and you're only a year old, but they're interested in what we're interested in, and that is kind of where I wanted to kind of veer this into we know the negative effects, and I don't need to share you a bunch of facts. I actually wrote a bunch down, but honestly, let's be real. I don't need to share a bunch of facts with you because you know how it's negatively affecting you. And if it is positively affecting you, I also want to know that too. Send me a message. We probably wouldn't have connected had it not been for technology and for screens. You probably follow me on social media, which is really awesome. You listen to this podcast on your phone. We would not be connected if it wasn't for this beautiful gift of technology, and I think that's wonderful. So there are some positive effects to this too. We are besties, we are sisters because of this gift that we've been given. But I have a good feeling that you listening to this podcast, I hope this isn't one of the things that increases your anxiety. This isn't one of the things that is having a negative effect on your life. So for me, podcasts, audiobooks, they're not the things that are the issue right now. For me, it's scrolling on social media. It is spending too much time uh getting content that I don't even want to get. And honestly, a lot of it's really boring. Let's be real here. So I know that this isn't the issue, but there are issues out there, and you know what yours are. Maybe you're addicted to Candy Crush. I see you. I see you, my sister. I am not judging you for that, okay? That one's a tough one. I love Candy Crush too. Maybe it is, you know, reading books on your phone, or maybe it is for you a certain particular app that you're on a lot. Like for each of us, it's going to be a different thing. And you know what it is. So I'm not going to give you any crazy facts, even though I wrote some down. But I'd rather spend more time giving you solutions than focusing on, you know, some jargon that just like doesn't really matter. We know what's going on here, okay? So let me just share a couple things with you that I have found to be really helpful to help decrease my screen time. And this is really only in the last couple weeks, okay? Because I have had fine hobbies off my phone on my vision board for over a year now. And I'm still figuring out and navigating this, especially as a new parent, where it's easy to just grab your phone. That's the first thing I want to grab. But it is so important that we start to have some things that are off our phones. So some of the things that helped me in the last couple weeks, especially, I downloaded an app called Be Present. It popped up on my, you know, Instagram ads. They're like, girl, you've been on here a while. Okay. I think you need something. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna give it a try. I'm gonna give it a try. And although it annoys the crap out of me, because I set parameters up that I don't think they're unrealistic. They're totally realistic. But sometimes you're like, oh, I just want a few more minutes. Uh, but I don't want to ruin my streak. So it sets a screen time as a whole. Uh, it sets a screen time like limit for you, whatever you choose that to be. It could be 12 hours, whatever you want it to be. Uh, you can exclude some apps from your screen time. I wish you could exclude specific apps. It's almost like you can exclude like a chunk. They like section them into certain chunks, and you can like exclude a chunk of apps, but I wish you could exclude specific ones. Because sometimes my son could be on FaceTime for hours with family during the day, and I don't think that should count as my screen time. Because it's not mine, it's his. Put that on his count. Anyways, that being said, it is a really great tool, and I set up the parameters that I can only open up my social media apps specifically, like different apps, um, 10 times a day and for five minutes at a time. I will tell you the things I can do now in five minutes. I'm often closing the app before that five minute mark even comes because I know I have enough time to like check these couple accounts I want to check or post a reel really quick or do this or that. I will, I will, if I have to, do more time, but I'm actually really enjoying that. It's cutting me off at five minutes. You can go again and again if you want to, but it is almost like cutting in my head the time. And I know now it's in five-minute chunks, so I can plan things like when I'm rocking my son and he's fallen asleep in my arms. That's like I do a chunk on Instagram, a chunk on Facebook, and that's 10 minutes. That's enough time for me to put them down, and I'm like, okay, walk away. He's asleep and go do my thing. It it's helped me see time differently, and you get less trapped in the hour-long scroll. You get less trapped and like sucked in there for hours and hours and hours because I see this me too. Because when I was using the regular Apple uh limits that they could set, like let's say I put 30 minutes on my social media apps, you can very easily ignore for 15 minutes. That's 15 minutes, like that's a lot of time, or ignore all day, right? And you're just like, okay, I'm gonna hit ignore and keep going. This is very specific on giving you those five minutes, and I have just found it really helpful. It has just helped knock things in my brain, and that's and I'm gonna say this like that doesn't mean that I'm not also checking my messages or answering messages on my laptop. This just means from a phone perspective, a scrolling perspective, it it's cutting me off on my phone. But sometimes if I need more time to go reply to DMs or reply to any comments, I will do it on my laptop. So I just want to be totally transparent with you. That doesn't mean that I'm only spending five minutes at a time on social media. I am just trying to cut that scroll time down with this function of the Be Present app. And then I'm using laptop time or work time to really dive into some of these other nitty-gritty things because sometimes I can't answer a DM in five minutes. Like I need more time to think or process things or write things out. So there are some tools and some little like shortcuts that I'm using that are making that a little easier for me as someone who uses my phone and social media for business. Okay. So just keep that in mind. But it has been really helpful and I've also deleted some apps that I just don't need to be scrolling on. If I'm not creating content for them, I don't need to be scrolling on them. So I have gotten rid of things like TikTok. I use Instagram, Facebook, and threads, and that's kind of just where I've put my energy into because I know if I get TikTok, I'm done. I'm out. It's going to be so difficult for me to cut that uh when it's just not helping me, and it's definitely not helping my mental health, if that's the one. We all have different vices, and I will say, Instagram is probably my vice. Another thing that I have found really helpful is putting my phone in black and white. I know it sounds like a really strange thing to do. I have the button, it's like one of the buttons on the side that if I hit it three times, I can put it in black and white, and if I put it in black and white, it's just not as exciting. Social media is just not as cool in black and white, okay. Like, let's think about going back in the day to black and white TVs. Like, I'm sure kids were happy that they had a TV back then, but let's be real. Okay, there's just Bugs Bunny in black and white is just not that exciting, okay? It's there. And so I kind of feel that way when it comes to social media too. When I'm scrolling in black and white, it is just not as fun. It will make me go a lot less than I have ever done if I put my phone in black and white. So I will just Google that. I'm not even gonna put in the show notes for you. If that's something that interests you, just Google, you know, put my iPhone in black and white and it'll tell you how to do it. It's so simple. It took me like one minute to do, but I do find it actually really helps because it takes some of that edge off of the excitement of social media and the excitement of my phone if it is in black and white. I also found it really helpful to create a buddy in this system. I have clients who are working with this right now, and I actually find through helping them with their struggles, with their screen times and with their social media, I'm able to also work on myself. I think that's a really beautiful thing about these relationships that I have with my clients is that I can lean on them and they can lean on me with some of these things that we're going through. And we had this call in the sisterhood too. Again, I said in November, and some of those sisters that were on that call, we were able to chat it out and to share things that are happening and also to be like, hey, this week was so much better, and here's the content, and you know, this is how much time that I spent on my apps. Whereas, you know, I was spending this much time, and it's just great to have someone who you can talk to about this, someone that you can send a message to and be like, hey, this is where I'm at, and this is what I need support with. And a community is really, really helpful. So send me a DM. If you don't have someone that you can talk to, send me a DM. I'm happy to be that person for you because I know we need support through this. And I also understand how wild and crazy it is for me to be like, okay, but go on that app and send me a DM because I know you're trying to not be on that app. Like I know it's strange, but sometimes we just have to make do with what we have and also celebrate what we have and know that if we can connect through this, it's gonna be really wonderful, but also use it as a tool. Remember to use it as a tool, not as a crutch, and just try our best. That's not all we can do, is try our best. But yeah, send me a DM. Okay, I know it sounds so backwards, but it's our best way to communicate. And also, if you have a friend who sends you 100 reels a day, maybe tell them to stop or mute them for a little bit. Say, hey, I'm just not gonna reply for a little bit because I'm trying to work on my screen time a little bit better, okay? I know we all have a few people, we probably do it too, right? And they we send away too many. Let's just stop that for a minute. If if you're like, but this is my way of showing people love, I see you. Cut it down to three. If someone sends me three or even one, I will definitely watch it. If you send me 20, I'm not gonna watch them, okay? So be s be a little bit more selective on the reels that you're sending them. And also like maybe just like space it out, space it out a little bit, okay? It's gonna help us, it's gonna help them all of the things when it comes to that extra piece, but really lean on your community in this, because if you have that person that you send a lot to, let them know you're trying to cut back on things. I bet they'll respect it because they understand they're addicted too. We're all addicted, right? So find those people who you can lean on in this season and use them to your advantage. And the last thing I'm gonna say about this is just be aware of what you're doing. I think that we get stuck in these rabbit holes and we don't even know how much time we're spending on it. Especially if you're someone who's neurodivergent or like just your brain works in a very different way and you can tunnel in on things and you are just like, I'm in. I'm in, and there's nothing in this world that's gonna get me out. Having an app that tells you is I have found to be really helpful in that. So just be aware of what you're doing, how long you're there. Set a timer, use some of the tools that you have in your life to help to bring you back. And again, I'm not saying throw it out the window and never use your phone again. That is unrealistic. But what I am saying, if you can be aware of how long you're there, it's gonna cut you back and hopefully help with your anxiety and maybe some of those depressive thoughts that you've been having, and you know, the impulse to eat everything because all you have on your feed is just like delicious food and recipes. That's one of my issues, okay? Just start to see the patterns. See the times of day that you're using your phone the most and you're scrolling the most. Maybe it's first thing when you wake up. I really don't recommend that. That sets you up for not a lot of success for the whole day. I had someone tell me, a friend of mine, tell me if you eat carbs first thing in the morning, it becomes the thing you're gonna crave all day long. I use that analogy also with my phone. If I'm using my phone first thing in the morning, it is going to be the thing that I'm addicted to all day long. So now I try my best to not grab my phone until my son's first nap, which is around 8.30 in the morning, and I don't connect in unless I have to for some reason, but I really try my best to stay off my phone until that first nap because I have that analogy in my head. If I grab this first thing in the morning, and first thing in the morning for me now is like 5 a.m., I'm gonna be stuck to it all day long. And I don't want that. So find something else to grab, find something else that's gonna entertain you. I have been bringing a book along, and it has to be a book that you're interested in. If this is you, you gotta be excited about it, okay? I have found a book that I am excited about that I want to keep reading, and that's what I've been carrying around instead of my phone, especially in those morning hours. I know my son will play independently for a bit. I can read my book, and I have been feeling a lot less anxious by using a physical book versus my Kindle versus my phone for my morning, especially. I have also been trying to spend some time listening to podcasts and also just journaling more, trying to get clear, meditate a bit more, move my body a bit more because and I'm saying a bit more, like it's not-I'm not talking a lot of time, little bits, little chunks here and there, because my anxiety has been quite high. And I know that as I mentioned, there are some external factors here going on, but also the phone is not helping. So, where can I cut some corners? Where can I make space for me to find hobbies that are off of my phone, for me to find things that bring me joy that are not on my phone? Because I don't want to live someone else's life through the screen anymore. I don't want to live someone else's life through a screen anymore. I want to live my own life. And that comes from putting the phone down, from being present in my own life, and I know it's uncomfortable, but it's gonna take some time to just start to feel like yourself again, to feel excited about your life, because your life feels boring compared to Sally Sue who's in Bora Bora swimming with some dolphins or something, right? My life feels boring when I watch like the bucket list family going on all of their vacations, or my life looks boring and feels boring when I'm also, you know, following this person who's traveling the world for their business, or following this person who's making these delicious dishes for their family, or following this person who's just gone out for a walk and I am not, right? Our life can feel boring. But that's also a gift. It gives us time and space to be in the boredom and to find our interests again, to find the things that light us up, to find excitement in our life, to move our bodies because we're so grateful to be able to do that. To put those glitter goggles on for just a few more minutes and celebrate the boring, beautiful life that we have. It might not be what you're seeing on social media, but it is really beautiful when you put your phone down and you start to see some of the little things. I want you to do that right now. You're driving your car, or you're walking the dog, or you're listening to this while you're cleaning the house, just like pause for a quick second. Okay, just pause and look around and look for three things that you'd be grateful for or that you're excited about. If you're driving, you're like, hey, that tree over there today, the trees were covered in snow and they were so beautiful. Imagine if my head was in my phone and I didn't get to see them. Right? The beauty of nature around us, what a gift. Or maybe you're walking the dog and you see your neighbor and you get to have a nice conversation with them for a few minutes. What a beautiful gift to have your head not in your phone so that you could see your neighbor and you could chat with them for a couple minutes. Or maybe you're on your lunch break and you're listening to this and you're also scrolling at the same time. Just put your phone down for a second and think about one thing that you see right now that's a little exciting for you. Maybe it is even boredom. Boredom can be really exciting because it pushes you in a direction of creativity that you just didn't give yourself the opportunity to see because we aren't letting ourselves be bored anymore. Play with this, have fun with this. Don't see it as something that you're taking away from your life, see it as adding to your life. And it is really uncomfortable for the first couple weeks. It's like literally an addiction. It is going to be so freaking itchy. So make it hard for yourself to give in to that addiction and give yourself some space to do something fun again. Look at the vision you have for the year. What do you want to do? And looking at my vision board right now, it's like reading more books and using the public library more and going for a run and you know, building a brand, and all these things that I have on my vision board are going to become a lot easier for me to do if I put my phone down and I start to focus on them instead. You can do the same. You can do the same, okay? Send me a message, connect with me, let me know what you are trying to kick because I am right there with you. This is not come easy to me. I am putting all the tools in place to make this easier because I just do not want my son to be addicted to his screens, so I need to cut my addiction too. Dang it, lead by example, am I right? I hate this. No, honestly, my life is really beautiful. And that only comes from me actually living it. And same goes for you. So I just want to send you a beautiful hug today. I wish that we were together drinking this decaf coffee and hanging out because yeah, this week is a tough one. But I'm just so grateful that you're here and that you're a part of my life because it makes it so much better. Oh man, I'm emotional even thinking about it. You make my life so much better. And I just want you to know you're a gift, and I'm so thankful to have you here. So I love you, my beautiful friend. I hope that you are having a wonderful week and that you can kick your screen addiction a little bit more because your life is beautiful. And it's time that you run out there and embrace it. So, talk to you next time. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget, you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.

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Jess Clerke

Host