Self(ish) Confidence

[291] From Hustle To Holiday Magic: Simple Shifts For Real Joy

• Jess Clerke • Episode 291

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Ever feel like December turns your brain into a traffic jam of to-dos, emotions, and expectations? Jess opens the door to a quieter, kinder holiday—one shaped by real trees, paint-by-number nights, and a craft-strewn desk that used to be all business. This is a heartfelt exploration of confidence during seasons of change, from the high of a big speaking event to the full-body pause of new motherhood, and the mental loops that follow when we worry what others might think.

We dig into the surprising power of creative play to break the hustle spell. Jess walks through three practical shifts for a lighter season: follow the smallest spark of curiosity, put in a little intentional effort, and make simple plans with the people you love. Even if your calendar is packed, there’s relief in booking joy into January and giving yourself something to anticipate. Along the way, you’ll hear how slowing down creates space for gratitude, how tiny traditions can refresh your energy, and why choosing fun on purpose resets your confidence better than any pep talk.

If this conversation gave you a lift, tap follow, share with a friend who needs a soft reset, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show. Your note helps us grow and keeps the joy moving.

Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess, and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and I know I've been a little MIA lately. It has been a season. It's been a like a strange little pocket of time. And if you're listening to this in real time, uh today is December 1st. It's kind of the kickoff. I know most people have kicked off like a month ago, but like the kickoff. It's the day you open up your advent calendar. It's the day you start really diving into Christmas, if that's what you celebrate, if that's what you are partaking in this season. And I know some people roll their eyes a little bit at that, but I think December 1st is the perfect time to kind of get started, to dive in. Today we actually went out and got our very first family Christmas tree, and it was just the most magical experience. I love picking out the Christmas tree every single year. It is one of my favorite things to do. Growing up, we always had an artificial tree, and I loved that. But then when I married my husband Glenn, he was like, No, we're getting a real tree. And I was like, I don't know what that means. I don't, I uh you're gonna have to show me. And we started our first tradition of going and picking out a tree together, and since then, we've now been married 10 plus years. It has been my favorite thing to do. And I always like to do it on December 1st, but we did go get it a little bit early this year, and I am definitely not mad at that. It is not decorated, it's just hanging out in our house. And if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know I love trees. I love touching trees, I love talking to the trees. Oh my gosh, I feel like such a weirdo as I say it out loud, but it's just there's something magical about being in the forest and really connecting with nature, and I absolutely love that at Christmas you get to bring a tree into your house. And today it was so cool to watch my little guy like also go and put his hands on the trees and pick out a tree and just like enjoy the magic of nature. It's just the coolest thing. But I was gonna give you a little update on where I've been, what's been going on, and today, as I sat down on the pod to record this podcast, I was like, oh, I have to move all of my crafting stuff off of my desk. And I have never really been a crafter, except like as a kid, obviously, and like a here and there a little bit of dibble dabble in some craft. Uh, every once in a while, I might get the itch and decide to craft. But I've only ever really used my desk for work. And even this space in general, like an office space, like it's always been focused for work, right? And in my head, it's like that's what an office is for, right? I have, you know, entrepreneurial parents, so we always had offices in our house. My mom had an office, my dad had an office, like it was the space that they could do work and get things done. And it was never really about play and fun and creation. And I've been dabbling a little bit this holiday season in creating more. And I think it really stems from a couple of things. A couple weeks ago, I went to one of my friends host a craft day every year. And the first time I went, I had no idea what I was doing, what I would want to do, what I'd want to create. So I just went and kind of watched, like the creepy person that I am that likes to watch people. I just sat and kind of ate some food and watched people craft. And through the years, I've gotten more comfortable. And this year I bought a paint by number. I know it's not like the top of the line crafting, but it was like where I could meet myself at to try something and dabble a little bit. So I brought my paint by number and I did a little bit of painting and I really enjoyed it. It was just nice to have something to focus my energy on that wasn't work, that wasn't my phone, that wasn't a baby. It was just me spending time with other people and crafting. And then last weekend I went to the Chapters and Chill Readers retreat. My one of my very best friends, Sarah, put together this amazing retreat. And I was so looking forward to two nights without a little guy waking me up. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was really looking forward to some extra sleep. But to my surprise, I did not get much extra sleep. We spent late nights chatting and connecting, and every time I went into a different room, there was someone new to have a conversation with, and I just spent most of the weekend chatting. I did finish my paint by number though, and I also got the opportunity to like uh I decorated my Kindle, I decorated my journal, I didn't get much reading done, I'm not gonna lie to you on that one, but I did get a lot of crafting done and I got some space to just do whatever I felt like doing. And I've been really leaning into that energy lately of trying to follow what feels good because I don't know about you, the month of November was very chaotic, and not just necessarily from like things on my to-do list to get done, it the energy was chaotic. There was about four planets in retrograde from like the middle of October to the end of November, and the energy felt really heavy, really heavy, and I know I'm not alone in feeling that because so many people I've talked to are just like, why am I questioning everything in my life all at once? There are a lot of reasons, okay? But I think a lot of us are going through an evolution, and it comes from facing some of these limiting beliefs we have, facing some of these self-beliefs that we've been talking about in our heads over and over and over again. And I think they're coming to the surface for a reason, for us to feel them, for us to think about them, and oh my gosh, I just felt like November was all about thinking. I was so in my head about every little thing. And it also was the month that we closed the doors on what was the original selfish sisterhood, and it was a really difficult month for that. It just like I was like, why did I plan this? I didn't, I didn't, let's be honest, I didn't really plan it. It just happened to line up that way. But like, why did I plan it in this month that feels so chaotic? There was so much heaviness, and it it just is how it played out, unfortunately. But like it was a very big month for contemplations, for thoughts, for really just navigating some of these things, these things that I've been playing in my head on repeat for almost a year. And I don't know about you, I'm sure you have things that play in your head over and over again. For me, I really struggled with just this belief of like, what are other people thinking about me? And I know I've read the let them theory by Mel Robbins, okay? I know I can easily say, let them, let them, and move on. But since last year, when I had my speak up event, and then going into becoming a mom, these two big massive things played this loop in my head of wondering and honestly, myself assuming what other people were thinking about this process of my life. Coming from this ultimate high, or what I thought was the ultimate high in my career, to almost like taking a pause on, well, not even almost, taking a pause on absolutely everything so that I could birth a human and keep it alive for now the last 10 months. I've come into this season of really just trying to figure out what I want and where I'm going, and it is tough. When you play this loop in your head of self-judgment, and I know we talked about this a few weeks ago, but of self-judgment and also these assumptions of judgments of other people, and I can know that no one's really thinking about you that much, and nobody really cares, but also I can know that everybody has an opinion, and they might not care, but everybody has an opinion, and they want to tell it to you. That's really how I feel about this process over the last year. It's like everybody has an opinion, and honestly, they really want to tell you about it. And you're just like, I don't want to hear it, and so it's put a lot of thoughts in my head, and I want to say negative thoughts, but I don't want I don't think they're negative thoughts, I think they're challenging thoughts. And for us, I say us because I bet you're going through something like this too. For us, I like to look at it as an evolution. Like there are there is something on the other side of this, and we have to face these difficult things in our life right now in order to come out the other side, in order for us to live a better life in 2026. And I definitely didn't picture my life to look like this in 2025 at all. I honestly had no idea what to picture with having a baby in January and knowing this year was just something I could never picture. But today, as I sit here and I was working on creating a family advent calendar, and you know, we just got our tree up today, and we're starting to really create some family memories and some family traditions. I can't help but oh my gosh, I feel so emotional. I can't help but just be so dang grateful for the life I never thought I was going to have and for the life I could have never pictured. Even last year being as pregnant and as miserable as I was, I had no energy to host any kind of Christmas function, and it it just feels so different this year as I sit here today doing my little crafts and creating my advent calendars and just, you know, I'm making a pot of soup upstairs for a friend and just like really leaning into this energy of love and how I can support other people in the season and it looking very different than what I had ever pictured life would look like. I've always been head down in business and there being nothing else. It's like business and marriage, and that was kind of it. And of course, friends, and there was other pockets of that, of course, but like my two top pillars were just like strong marriage, strong business, period. That's it. And I just didn't know that there could be other pillars that could really bring beauty and love to your life. And crafting has been one of them lately. Full circle moment, crafting has been one of them lately. I'd love to know if you're listening to this. Is there something that you enjoy doing? Is there a craft that you love? Or is there something you've always wanted to do? And you're like, I've always wanted to do that. I've always wanted to crochet like granny squares and make a granny square sweater. Oh my gosh, I would love to. Very daunting, very scary. But I I have I it'll get there. I'll get there, okay? I'm gonna stick with my paint by number. We're gonna get there eventually. It's just not maybe not a now, not a now thing. But I wanted to talk to you today about three really simple things that you can do this holiday season. And again, this is if you celebrate Christmas, and if you don't, you can apply this to any area of your life, whether that's this season or maybe in the new year. But three really simple things that you can do this season to help bring some of that joy back. If you've been feeling that heaviness like I have for the last couple months, this feels really difficult to do. The holidays are gonna feel really hard if we stay in that old stagnant energy that is focusing on all of the challenging things around us. Again, I think there's something really beautiful about the challenge right now. I really do think there's an evolution coming. But I also understand how heavy that can feel. And some of these thoughts that we're playing on repeat in our head, whatever you're keeping your frequency at is what you're gonna attract more of. I know. I rolled my eyes at myself too, as I say it all out, but it's the truth, okay? And so if we're staying in that negative energy, that difficult energy of just like everything's hard, you know, all of these people think I'm garbage. I think I'm garbage, you're gonna attract more garbage, okay? That's just the reality of frequency and the reality of like manifesting what you're thinking about. You can't manifest the perfect, beautiful, most abundant life if we're thinking we're garbage, okay? That's just not how it works. So there are three really simple things you can do this holiday season that are really gonna help to elevate your vibration and also help you to feel better this season, find that joy again, find the fun in it. I honestly was sitting here doing my little advent calendar. I bought these little boxes that build out a train because I'm a boy mom now. I'm like trains, yeah. Uh, and I wanted to build my own advent calendar so I could put my own chocolates inside and as many as I wanted, okay? No judgment here, right? And so I was building out these little train pieces and I realized just how much joy comes from doing something with your hands. And I was sitting here in absolute silence. A couple times I thought, should I put on some Christmas music? Should I put on a podcast? Like literally sitting here in absolute silence, just building these little boxes and putting some chocolates inside and eating a couple for myself every once in a while. And yeah, there's some really simple things that you can do, and one of them is finding the things that bring you joy, like following that energy of creativity, of curiosity. Like, what are you curious about this holiday season? Did you see an activity in your city that you were like, oh, I'd love to check that out? I might not have anyone to go with, but I would love to check out this Christmas theme bar. Or here there's some Christmas lights I just put up. It opened up, I think yesterday, in our public gardens. So, like in the evening time you can go walk through the public gardens and it's all lit up. Or I just recently went to like the Glow Gardens, which is an indoor version of like this giant light show. Like, is there something that sparks you just a little bit? Maybe it's a Christmas movie that they're playing at the movie theater or a play or something. Like, what is sparking you right now? And it could be like the dullest spark in the world, like it could be just like a little interest when you saw an ad that popped up on your social media or something. It doesn't have to be like this abundant feeling of like, oh my gosh, call me Mrs. Claus. I'm going to this. Like, no, like it can be a really, really simple and small thing. It's just like, oh, that recipe looks really good. Follow what you're curious about right now and lean into it in a fun way. Stop putting everything in your saved folders on Instagram and be like, I'll come to that someday. No, like actually do something, okay? Find the recipe, find the event, find the place, and and go there. Because the next piece to this puzzle is putting the effort in. It is so important that you put a little bit of effort in this season. It's not going to be Christmas magic if you just sit on your butt. It's not. Or you just stay home and watch another Hallmark movie. Sure, if that's your Christmas, I love that for you. Go for it. It is not mine. I am not a Hallmark movie girly, okay? I will watch a couple of the Netflix cheesy movies, but that's my limit. It's just not my thing. But if it's yours, I love that for you. But I bet there's another component to that that would help you to feel more Christmassy and more magical this year. And maybe that's getting out and seeing somewhere new or like what is it even that if you are a Hallmark girly, like what even is it that you love about them? And find that in your city, find that in your town, like a cute little cottage town, a farmer, whatever it is that you see in these movies that you love, like seriously, bring that to life. I I love to take inspiration from some of the holiday movies that we see that just bring a little bit of joy into the season. And if you notice something, even on your social media, and you saw that Sally Sue went to this thing, or she started to build this with her kids, like and it excited you, or you felt a little jealous, try that. Start there. Or go out to Michael's and buy a paint by number and just do something different. It doesn't have to be big, extravagant things. It does not have to cost a lot of money, but you do have to put effort into something. And maybe it's effort into finding the perfect gift for someone that you love. Maybe it's effort in how you dress and giving yourself that confidence boost and having a nice Christmas outfit. Maybe it's, you know, showing up for your family with dinner one night because you know that they've had a really busy week. Put effort in this season because that's going to come back tenfold. I promise you. We always think it's one-sided, and sometimes it is, right? Other people have probably felt that about you too, right? It's a one-sided conversation or it's a one-sided effort. We all go through seasons, but know that when you have the energy to put in effort, I want you to put in effort because it's going to come back for you on those seasons when it is a low. These people are going to show up for you. The energy is going to be there in a vault for you to be able to kind of access every once in a while because you put in the effort and the energy now. And maybe it is even if you have energy now, like meal prep, put that stuff in the freezer for that season, maybe in January when you don't want to leave your house. Put the effort in now. There is a buzz in the air, there's an energy, there's something really magical if you surround yourself with the right magical people about this holiday season. So lean into that energy. Use it to your advantage. And the last thing I have on my list here is to make plans with the people you love. I know the holidays are busy. Those couple days with Christmas, it is a lot. There are people everywhere. But I want you to have something to look forward to. Like this week, we're going to go see one of my girlfriends who's working with a play. We're going to go see her play this week. And it's a holiday-themed play, and I'm really excited. It's just nice to have something on the calendar to look forward to. Or maybe it's, you know, going to one of these light shows that you've seen or going to the movies, it doesn't even have to be holiday themed at all. It could just be a night out with your friends or anything, right? Last year we did Christmas bowling in our Christmas jammies. I showed up like so, so, so pregnant as Santa Claus and just like enjoying getting out with your girlfriends and doing something silly. What for you would that be? Find the people you'd want to be with and make a plan. Having something on the calendar is the best way to kind of stay in that spirit, to stay in good, like, I don't know, just excitement, right? To be like, oh, on Friday I'm gonna get to go do this thing. Next week I'm gonna get to go do this thing. Like really harness the energy right now. And if you are someone who this holiday season is like jam-packed, because I will say, by some magical miracle from God, we don't have a busy season this year. We missed out on getting tickets to Glenn's Christmas party, which is fine by us. And well, I am a solopreneur, okay? This is the Christmas party, this is it, okay. And like we just don't have that much on the calendar. And I really wanted to have everything done by December 1st so that we could enjoy this season. Like, if we were like, hey, we want to go see this thing, or we want to make a batch of cookies, or we want to do something, I want to craft whatever it is. We actually have time this season to do it, and that has just like never been our reality. Like it's always been every weekend there's something, it's so busy. And I just wanted to do things differently this year. And so for you, what is that? Like, what do you want to put on your calendar? But oh, what I'm saying is if you have a really, really busy season, make the plans for January. January is a difficult month, okay? It is dark, it is after the holidays, it's just not as fun, okay? There's probably a snowstorm or two or three in there. I want you to make plans for that season then. If this season is so busy that the idea of putting something on the calendar with your besties is just too much to handle, I see you, sister. Put it in the calendar for January. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing right now. It can't be like, I'm so busy, I can't, I can't, I can't. But you could do it later. Put it on the calendar for like two months from now. It's not a big deal to push it off, but put something on the calendar that you are going to look forward to, that you are excited about, that you want to do, that is a full body yes for you. Like, go for it. Because these three things, as simple as making plans with the people you love, putting in the effort, and finding those things that spark a little bit of joy, it's really going to transform a lot of things. When we follow joy, when we follow fun, when we are enjoying our time on earth, it is just going to make an abundant energy in your life in the best way possible. I think our world is so strange in this hustle. And I think that's why these last couple weeks I'm starting to kind of come out of that fog, like enjoying crafts and having fun. But we put this huge effort on production, on wanting more, on what we think we need more of. And I think if we could go in this flow of what's fun, we'll start to see in our lives a lot of things change. The energy just shifts when we focus on happiness. And I know it's not always happy, it's not always rainbows. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. And imagine how wonderful life could look if we saw the joy a little bit more, if we saw the fun a little bit more, if we were making plans with the people we love more, and we were prioritizing things in our life a little bit differently. The world is shifting. I promise you that. And the more we focus on the hustle, the more we focus on production and just getting things done, the more out of alignment we are going to become. And I truly do mean that. The world is shifting. We are coming into a new era. Things are changing in the best way possible. I at least think in the best way possible. It is going to be very chaotic for a little bit, but it is going to shift. And I've been having this voice in my head tell me, again, sound like a crazy person, but I've been having this voice in my head tell me a lot lately about doing things differently because the world is going to be different in a couple years. And I believe it. I know the world is going to be different, but it is really hard to let go of this hustle and to lean more into some of these other things because our whole society is based on this foundation of hustle. It takes so much deconditioning to fill your desk with crafts instead of the list of the to-dos. I don't remember the last time. Wow. Oh my goodness. I don't remember the last time. Oh my gosh, I feel so emotional to think about this. A Black Friday was spent crafting and not working out new offers and building more epic things and trying to get more sales and growth and growth and growth. Whoa. You just witnessed a whole realization over here. I don't remember the last time that happened. And I don't want you to look back on this holiday season and think, I wish I had more time for this. I wish I had done more of that. I wish that I spent more time with my family. I'm gonna be morbid for a second, okay? What if this was your last Christmas ever? What if this was the last Christmas of someone you absolutely adored? Put your work down and find the joy, find the people. Show up and put a little bit of effort. And even if you only have 1% b in your tank, take that 1% and put it somewhere that brings you light because there's only so much light that we can have in this holiday season, and I really want you to enjoy it. Because once it's gone, it's gone. The Christmas mag magic doesn't stay all year, unfortunately. I wish it did, but it doesn't. And so I really want you to lean into that energy this year. And I know easier said than done in a lot of ways. Trust me, I I know. Even today, as I'm rushing around and doing all the things, and Glenn's just like, I don't know how you're doing all this. Honestly, when you become a mom, my mom's listening now, you just do it. You get everything done. It just happens. It's actually a lot easier to get everything done since becoming a mom than ever before. I'm gonna tell you that. That's for real. So put a little bit of effort, find the things that light you up. And I really, really, really want to know what they are. So send me a message. It actually means the world to me when you connect with me about what was on the podcast because honestly, I'm just sitting here talking to myself. Let's be real here. Until I know, until you send me a message, I can see the downloads and I can see the numbers, and I know people are listening, but I don't know who it is unless you send me a DM and say, hey, I listened to the episode, and you know, this is what I'm focusing on this holiday season. It really, really means the world to me. And if you also have a couple minutes and you love this podcast, please leave a review. It is so helpful for getting this word out, and I really want to grow this podcast in a massive way over the next year, and you leaving a review really helps that. It makes it a lot easier for me to be able to grow when people can find the podcast. So I want to thank you so much. I want to thank you for being here, for putting the effort into listening to this, to hanging out with me, to hearing me cry every once in a while, and for also just like being you. Because there's something really magical about you, and I'm just so grateful to know you, to have you in my circle, and to hang out with you every single week. So I hope you have the best week ever and the best holiday season. Until next time. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget, you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.

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Jess Clerke

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