Self(ish) Confidence

[281] It takes a village (and I'm not talking about raising kids)

• Jess Clerke • Episode 281

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The world feels chaotic lately—there's a buzzing energy that's both exhilarating and exhausting. As summer unfolds with packed calendars and endless activities, many of us find ourselves yearning for space while simultaneously craving connection. This tension reveals a profound truth about human existence: we need our village.

The concept of "it takes a village" extends far beyond raising children. At its core, this phrase speaks to our fundamental human need for community in all aspects of our lives. Whether you're an introvert who cherishes alone time (like myself) or someone who thrives in social settings, having people around you who support, challenge, and understand you is essential for wellbeing.

We've been conditioned to celebrate independence and self-sufficiency, but this mindset can lead to harmful isolation. Your village might look different than traditional communities—it could include close friends you can call at any hour, family members who provide unconditional support, online communities that share your interests, or even spiritual connections that guide your path. The composition of your village is uniquely yours, designed to support your specific needs and goals.

Ready to expand your village? Join the Selfish Sisterhood—a diverse community of women supporting each other's growth and authenticity. Connect with me on social media or email jess@jessclerke.com to learn how your Human Design influences the community you need.

Join the Self(ish) Sisterhood.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello. Welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and I am just sitting down, freshly showered with a non-alcoholic wine in my hand, to record with you tonight or whenever you're listening to this, but I'm recording it in the evening because it has been a season. It has been a season Even though it's the beginning of summer. It feels like it has been forever, and I say that because there just seems to be this chaotic energy in the air right now and, honestly, when I'm recording this, it actually happens to be one of the luckiest days of the year, and not one of. It is the luckiest day of the year, and if you're like, what does that even mean? I don't know, but the planets are doing something and they're making it extra lucky for us and that comes with this beautiful weather we've had. So I have been baking outside with my son and just enjoying all of the summer beauty that there is. But also what comes with that and maybe you can connect with this too is just that like sun burnt outness, there's something about the summer that is like this myriad of beauty and blossom and fun and energy and all of the things. But there's also this piece of chaos and busyness. And like you look at your calendar with all of your weekends booked out for the next eight weeks with things that are happening and they're fun, things like camping trips and festivities and visiting family and all of the things but it's just also a lot.

Speaker 1:

I am a person who loves a lot of space. I love a calendar with a lot of space, because space for me allows opportunities. It allows for if my best friend messaged me and said, hey, we're coming up for the day, are you free? I could be like yeah, I am. I just love having space for things to go in whatever direction they're meant to go, and I'm just leaning into that a little bit more this summer, and I think that comes from being in another season of unknown, especially with a little one, where you don't know what the day is going to look like. Is it going to be a good day, is it going to be a busy day, is it going to be a day with naps, is it going to be a day without? You just don't know. And so I've been allowing there to be a lot more flow in this season, a lot more flow in my days, and I think I think it's working. I think it's working out, even though I'm sitting here a little sunburned, hanging out with you and just really excited to chat with you about this aspect of community.

Speaker 1:

And it takes a village and maybe you're listening to this and you're like I don't have kids, jess. This doesn't resonate with me. It takes a village, blah, blah, blah. We've all heard it right, but I'm actually not talking about it from a standpoint of children or raising children, although that is a huge piece of it and I do believe our society doesn't really lay it out that well for us to kind of have that village anymore. And there's a new vision when it comes to raising children and even in our lives what that village looks like. But today I really wanted to talk to you about it from a human perspective, of figuring out who our people are and surrounding ourselves with that village and why it's so important. And we can even think about this from a basic human needs standpoint. You know, why do we need people around us? Why is community so important? Why should we not isolate ourselves?

Speaker 1:

And as someone who is an introvert, I know it's hard to believe. Every time I say that everyone's like, yeah, right, you know what. I have energy around people, yes, but I need to recharge for a few days after, and I mean even like a week sometimes. Like I am out there and I can do the cartwheels and actually I can't do a cartwheel but I can like be wild jazz and fun jazz. But I need time solo, time alone, to recoup from that. So it's a really a balance for me on figuring that out. But every time I say I'm an introvert, people are like, okay, yeah, right, but honestly I'm an introvert. I really enjoy my time alone. I don't get a whole lot of it now that I have a little one, so I enjoy the precious moments of being alone even more. But that doesn't mean that I don't need community around me, that I don't need my people around me and I noticed this especially since having a baby but even just always having those people around me.

Speaker 1:

My dream was always to have a squad, and not even necessarily like a clicky squad, but just like people around me. I was always the kid that had tons of friends over at the house. I was like the center of, like bringing everyone together to get ready for the school dance or to have, you know, a movie night or a game night in the basement or to, you know, just get everyone to go to the church or whatever, like I always had a squad of people around me because community and these different voices around us was so important to me. There's something so beautiful about a variety of ideas, a variety of personalities, a variety of energies that can just change things for you. And, if we think of it again from a human basic needs, we need those people around us. There's a sense of belonging that can come with this. There's, you know, that need for a support system for us to be able to lean on other people, this, you know way for us to educate each other and share our ideas and share our purpose and have growth. There's just this power that can come from us. You know being in community can come from us. You know being in community.

Speaker 1:

And I think that we can sometimes isolate ourselves too much because the world is so overwhelming. And if you're like me, you feel like you can feel things so deeply that you need like six very deep breaths this week if you're listening to this in real time, because the world just feels so heavy, it feels so chaotic and busy and there's a lot of fear and unknowns. And I think, without our people that we can talk to about some of these things or we can lean on or even distract ourselves from some of these things. It can be really deadly for us to be just sitting alone and to play some of these fears on repeat in our head. And I think, if we even look back five years ago into the pandemic, a lot of us did that because it was what we were told to do and it might not have been the healthiest choice for us. Sure, maybe we didn't get a deadly virus Yay, that is so wonderful, honestly. But now we can look back five years later and think about all the things we missed out on because we isolated ourselves so deeply.

Speaker 1:

And I want you to look at your life where you are right now. Where are you isolating yourself when it comes to a certain area of your life? Where are you locking up some of those secrets that you have in your diary and not sharing it with other people? And even like not even secrets, dreams you know ideas, journeys that you want to go on when are you locking up some of these pieces of yourself and holding them back from sharing them with your people?

Speaker 1:

When I talk about it taking a village, we need these people in our lives to inspire us to do bigger things, to help us to execute some of our actions and things that we want in our lives, and even from a human design standpoint, which, if you listen to this podcast, I'm into human design. I think it's the coolest thing I've ever looked at. It just blows my mind every single time I think about it. But there is even an element in human design that talks about the importance of your people and if you have this element like, your people are where you get your opportunities. Your people are where you're going to find community, but also where you're going to get ideas, where you're going to get new job opportunities, like it's just like the aspect of your people being so important to you and my son actually has this in his chart. So I think about this often, with just where you're going to be able to put that importance of people and those people actually showing up for you.

Speaker 1:

And when we look at a village in the modern day society of what we need right now, we look at even having a best friend that we can call up and vent to about the annoying thing that our partner did this week. Right, we can think about having people in our pocket to not necessarily just Google, to right, because often we think, oh, I'll just ask that question to Google, but maybe you could ask a friend to see how they did things and to really see perspectives from a human experience. And I know now in this world with technology where it is and you know AI and all of the pieces that are so cool, sometimes we're forgetting that the people who are closest to us actually know a lot of stuff. Right, and asking the humans around us for their perspectives can be beneficial and even more beneficial, I think, than AI right now, because there's something about that human aspect that really gives it I don't know an extra touch, an extra sense of love, and I think we're losing that more and more.

Speaker 1:

The more that we choose an artificial village more than a real, and not even necessarily in person it can be virtual too, but a real, authentic village the more we're forgetting what this is all about, what being on earth and being a human is all about. It's about connections, about community, it's about having this life. That is an absolute gift and, you know, I think we often forget that we're here for play, we're here for fun, and that it's like those reels that we've been seeing. It's like I forgot that this was the whole point and it could be just us simply hanging out with our girlfriends or laying in the in the lake and just like listening to the birds and remembering that the whole point of why we're here on earth is is to experience things and to experience community. And from a standpoint of it takes a village.

Speaker 1:

I talk about this with a lot of my clients because we are so afraid to ask for help, we're so afraid to lean on other people, because we don't want anyone else to think that we don't have it put together and not even that. I think we just don't wanna bother, and I get it. We all have long to-do lists. We have stuff on our plates and you know, even adding now, having a kid, even just getting out of the house on time, can feel like the greatest chore and coming home. So I spent the day out at a girlfriend's house and we were just outside having the best time ever. But as soon as I came home, it meant getting the baby changed, bathed, doing the things At the same time as my cat is asking to be fed, my dog is asking to be fed, my dog has to go to pee, I have to start making dinner and like the list of to-dos, even in just a 20 minute span, is absolutely insane sometimes. So adding one more thing onto someone else's plate because we need help almost feels selfish, right, ironically selfish confidence right. But I truly do believe that leaning on other people is the way to us having better health, better happiness. Community is the way to truly living a fulfilled life period Like that is the truth. Community is everything. Even if you're an introvert like me, even if you're someone who, just like, doesn't want people around you, you still need your community.

Speaker 1:

Your village can also be the grocery store clerk that checks you out. It can also be the communities and the posts that you see on social media that you absolutely connect with and love. It can be the people you play video games with online. It can be your dog, because you enjoy that 30-minute walk that you take around the block with them. It can be really simple things, but understanding who your village is and who you go to for things is crucial, especially with everything going on in the world.

Speaker 1:

We need our village now more than ever, and this village looks so different than what it was back in the day, where it was literally a compound of people who gardened together and foraged together and, you know, went hunting together. Right, it's a very different aspect of a village. Now. It's not necessarily we all live on a compound and we share everything, or we're nudists and we just live in the nude. That's not what it looks like anymore, but there are ways for us to really lean into having a village that work for the life that we're in.

Speaker 1:

Like right now, where I am a mom and I'm figuring things out, I have found a really great village of people who I go to yoga with every week and we do mom and baby yoga and then we go for pizza and we go for drinks and we just hang out and talk about things, whether that's about our babies or about you know, different activities in the city or things that we find fun. It has really been so beautiful to see my life come to like a big light by getting out with these new people and connecting with them. I also have people who I can lean on when I need some help with the baby right or that I just want to go and visit and talk to people. It has really gotten me out of my shell to lean on more people, even just for conversation, for connection. For, you know, getting out of the house right now, in this season of having a baby right, the village looks very different. It's not necessarily about who's helping me take care of the baby, but it is about who I'm connecting with in order to keep myself sane In this season of having a little one right.

Speaker 1:

But this can go in so many different areas of your life. Maybe you're living the corporate life, you work a 40-hour work week and you're exhausted at the end of the day, but you don't want to keep isolating yourself away from people. You are craving connection, you're craving friendships, you're craving someone to call up and say, hey, you want to go get a pizza tonight, right, and there's only so much time that we can spend with our significant other, although they are an important aspect of our village, for me especially, like my partner, my husband, glenn, is just the most important pillar when it comes to my village. But I also need other pillars outside of that too. That's why I created a community called the Selfish Sisterhood, where, if you don't have a village or you don't have people who you can talk about this kind of stuff with, I wanted to create a space where you could come and feel connected, and it didn't matter what your background was.

Speaker 1:

We didn't all have to love dogs in order to be a part of this group. My dog is sleeping over there. That's why I keep thinking about dogs or it didn't have to be. We were all in the same business in order to connect, or even have a business in order to connect. I wanted it to be a space where anyone could come, no matter what their background was If they're a nurse, if they're a teacher, if they're an entrepreneur, if they're a mom, if they're not and where they could come and feel safe and talk about things and have fun in a space that just is enlightening. It is a virtual village for you to learn and to connect and to feel loved, and there's just something about these aspects of community that are really taking life to the next level lately, and if it wasn't for these pieces, I don't think I'd be where I am today.

Speaker 1:

I know I wouldn't be where I am today, and the more we isolate ourselves and the more we start to ask these artificial things for our needs, get them to like, take care of certain needs that I think we should be leaning on humans for and I'm not against AI at all, I think it's the coolest thing ever but I do think there is some kind of balance that we can have between artificial villages and the real freaking deal right, with those people who can hold your hand or can hold your hair when you're barfing, right. I was thinking about that today too. Last year at this time I was really sick, I was pregnant and I was really sick and nobody knew. And now here I am, a year later, spending a pool day with my girlfriends and my baby, like it just can blow your mind what can happen when we really lean into our village, and this is going to look different for every single person. I could sit here and tell you the important aspects of my village are, you know, my partner, my virtual community, the Selfish Sisterhood and also my in-person friendships that I can call up and talk to them about anything. Right Like we can have these different pillars when it comes to our village, and it's really about navigating what is important to you to create your village, and I could tell you, oh, this is the formula and this is what you have to do and this is what you need. No, it's going to be very different for each and every one of us, especially whether you are working in the corporate space, or you're an entrepreneur, or you have a flexible schedule or you don't, right, it can be so different for each and every one of us that when we start to understand what our needs are and what we need from a village, it is going to help us to piece together all of the things that are going to help us to thrive in this world.

Speaker 1:

And again, from a human design standpoint and maybe you're like Jess, I don't know what you're talking about with this human design thing. Please send me a DM, okay, and I will help to give you a little snippet, even like a little five minute voice note, about your human design. I think this could be really powerful. So, actually, if you're listening to this and you're like I don't know anything about this human design thing, jess, send me a message, a little DM on Instagram, facebook, wherever you're listening. Send me an email, if you want, jess, at jessclerkcom C-L-E-R-K-E, and I will give you a little synopsis on your human design. But what I need from you is your date of birth, time of birth and place of birth, and I can give you a little titsy tits bit thing for that.

Speaker 1:

But anyways, the whole point of this human design is that we are a collective and that we all have gifts and purpose when we come together to bring the world to life, to bring us to this like new way of being. And if we were to all live like 100% by our design, we'd all be happy and figured things out and really be able to lean on each other. I shouldn't say figure things out, I feel like we're all still figuring things out, but we'd be able to lean on each other in a way that society has never really done for us and it can be really helpful. Anyways, that being said, from a collective standpoint, we're all here with a purpose. We're all here for some kind of gift to bring to light and if we can lean on each other, we can see the world in a different way, we can learn from each other, we can connect with each other and feel that community. We can, you know, help others.

Speaker 1:

There's just something about this that I just feel like we're forgetting lately, and even the other day someone had posted that they just had a baby, and since having a baby myself and having people show up for me, it makes me want to even more help other people when they go through this season. This could be for anything. Maybe you can even think of like someone who lost a family member right, and you've experienced that before, and you want to support and love on other people, whether that's stopping by with a quick coffee or sending them a message or dropping off a meal. Like we can really lean and help help people, whether they're in our direct village or, you know, outside of it, and I think if we can all adapt to this, this mindset of it, takes a village, whether those outside people also impact your village or it's someone who you've only seen once on the street and you want to, you know, pay it forward and pay for their coffee, we can start to be the change and create a village that impacts others, even if it doesn't have anything in return. Right, the more that we do this, I truly do believe the more that will come to us and for me.

Speaker 1:

Let me just give you a little synopsis of you know, the important aspects of my village is having, you know, family, whether they're close by or not. My family lives three hours in one direction and Glenn's family lives three hours in the other direction, but we do have people here in the city, like my sister-in-law, who can help us with things. Or three hours is not that far away, you know. Know, getting in the car and going to spend time with family. It's become even more important than it ever was since having my little guy and recognizing this aspect of community is so important. That is like a top pillar family. Lately there's also community from the aspect of friends in person who I can call up and go out for a coffee with or connect with or to chat with. I can pick up the phone and call my best friend and share all of the things going on in my life, facetiming her kids, right.

Speaker 1:

There's this aspect of community that is so ingrained in us that we're just often neglecting even in the simplest things of spending time with family and connecting with people in person. And then there's also this aspect of growth. I'm about to hop on our book club, call in the Selfish Sisterhood, where we're going to talk about this book that we've been reading for the last couple months and really diving into the aspects of wealth and the different types of wealth, and them not all being about finances, right, finding a part of community and a part of my village that helps to enlighten my mind, that helps me to grow in a way that I never knew was possible until I found the people who were like-minded, right, who wanted the same things as I did, or wanted to talk about the same conversations that I did. There's people who I can talk, you know, about very simple things and that being an enjoyable conversation. And then there's other people who I can talk about deeper things. That feels like also an enjoyable conversation.

Speaker 1:

We need all of these different aspects in our community in order to be a well-rounded human right. I think In today's world, we are often celebrated by doing it all on our own, by being solo, and I just think that's the silliest thing, especially now I can see it since having a kid but it is very different. Being solo is not something to be celebrated, right, I think it's actually something that we think we're supposed to do, but the best thing you can do for yourself as a human is to build your village, to find the things that you need, the type of people that you need in your life in order to feel more confident, to feel more loved, to feel sexy, to feel wanted. You have to find your village and if you haven't found it yet, the selfish sisterhood is a great place to start. We have a wonderful group of women who are in the corporate space, who are moms, who are healers, who are, you know, working new opportunities, who maybe are figuring things out. We're honestly all figuring things out, but we're doing it together and I think there's something really special about that that can help us to see things very differently in the world that we're in right now.

Speaker 1:

And yeah, I've just been thinking about this so much lately around the aspect of a village and it being different than what I ever thought it was going to be, but also trying to step away from the artificial villages a little bit more and leaning deeper into human connection right now, slowing down. I don't need the answers right now. I don't need it in an instant. I'd rather wait and ask people and humans for their opinions and their thoughts, and not even just humans. This is going to sound so weird, but as soon as I said it it came into my head.

Speaker 1:

But the village of a spiritual village, right, the connections that we have with our spirit guides and the team of light Somebody asked me that at retreat, because I often talk about the team of light and it's just the people, the angels, the group collectively that are here to support us. There's not just one and there's not just God at least this is my thought. There's a team of people, of spirits, who really want to see you succeed, who want to help you and guide you. And even if we can lean into that, maybe through meditation or prayer or connection, of creating a spiritual village, it is going to elevate you. When we start to lean on others, whether they're in human form or in spirit form, whatever, I feel like such a crazy person sometimes when I think of these things, but it's what I believe it's when I need support, when I'm fearful. Lately and that has been a lot lately I feel emotional as I think about it. That has been a lot lately. Leaning on spirit has been really helpful for me and that is definitely a key pillar in my village.

Speaker 1:

Right, we have our in-person people who we can lean on and our spirit people, and I want you to think about that as you go forward into this week and you're just like I don't know, jess, what this village is. Maybe I don't have anyone in my village, or maybe it's just your partner in your village. It is time to expand, it is time to grow and that comes from you understanding what you need. And again, I could sit here and I could tell you you need this, you need this, you need this, you do not. It's going to be very different for every single one of us. Take some time, sit down and look at your goals, look at what it is that you want in life, the vision that you have for your life, and what do you need to get there. Is it more education? Is it connecting in person with people going to the library and finding, you know, a group of people who like to talk about cat facts.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what you're into, but all I can tell you is that there is a village of people out there who want to help you and want to support you, just the same as you are. A village who wants to help and support other people, like dropping off a meal for someone who just had a baby or taking someone's dog for a walk because, you know you, they rolled their ankle and they can't take them right. We can support others and we can be also supported, and I think that's a really important one to remember. We can support others and also know that we deserve to be supported too. That's what a village does. A village is going to help others and it is also going to welcome help for themselves too, and I want you to lean into that this week, especially if you're someone who struggles with this, who doesn't understand the aspect of a village. It goes both ways right. We are gonna help others and we're also going to be helped ourself.

Speaker 1:

And yeah, there's just something really, really special about the connections that we can have, and I've just been seeing it more and more especially since having a baby, but also just knowing that I need to support myself and take care of myself and allow there to be a village around me so that I can thrive, that I can do this podcast, that I can, you know, take care of my body and go to the gym. Like I need people. I need my village in order for me to become the evolution of a human that I am, or that I'm becoming right, and lean into that. Lean into that because the version of you that has the village around them is so much stronger than the one that is sitting there all alone or leaning into artificial villages. I'll send you a little snippet and give you a little insight into it.

Speaker 1:

But, yeah, send me a DM with your information and I will give you a little snippet on your human design and just show you what the aspect of a village could be for you, even just in understanding your human design a little bit more. So I love you so much, I am so grateful for you and I'm really glad that you're part of my village. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.

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Jess Clerke

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