Self(ish) Confidence

[279] Entering Your Soft Season

Jess Clerke Episode 279

Ever felt like you're constantly running to catch up with your own life? That pressure building inside when you keep putting yourself on the back burner? You're not alone.

Take a deep breath with me as we explore what I'm calling my "soft mama era" – a season of intentional slowness that's revolutionizing how I approach life, business, and motherhood. This conversation goes far beyond parenting though, touching on universal struggles we face when our plates become impossibly full.

Whether you're navigating motherhood, career demands, or simply feeling overwhelmed by life's constant pressures, this episode offers permission to find your own version of softness. Because when you finally create that space, magical things happen – including the ability to say yes to unexpected adventures without hesitation or guilt.

What would YOUR soft season look like? Listen in, then send me a message sharing your thoughts. And if this resonates, please subscribe and leave a review – it truly makes all the difference!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and I'm just sitting down sipping on some pre-workout to get a little caffeine boost, because we are in a season of.

Speaker 1:

Is my baby going to sleep tonight? And I have been bragging for a really long time about an angel baby and he's still a great baby, but I don't know. Is this the four-month sleep regression they talk about? I don't freaking know. I have no idea. I don't know anything about babies. All I know is he wants to eat all night all night. Maybe it's a gross word, I don't know. You never know, right, you never really know.

Speaker 1:

So we are coasting through, but I knew I wanted to sit down and hang out with you today. I have it on my list of like this is like non-negotiable. I want to hang out with the sisters on the podcast, and so we're sipping some pre, we're doing this and my husband is off with the baby and giving me a little bit of space, and I am thankful for that and I'm so grateful that we get to have a little moment here, so maybe you're getting a moment for you too, like grab your pre-workout, grab your coffee, grab your Cove Pops, whatever you're drinking today, because I really wanted to talk to you about my soft mama era, like a slow down season, and maybe you're like me and things have just been really busy lately. You're feeling really behind on everything. I said that to a friend the other day and they were like what, what do you mean? What are you feeling behind on?

Speaker 1:

And it's just when and we talked about this this last week if you listen to last week's episode about, you know, being able to pull off the retreat as a mom my first time ever doing an event where I'm kind of like doing two jobs at the same time and also, yeah, coming into a season of just like trying to figure out and navigate business and life as a mom and not wanting to miss the moments with my baby, because obviously that's so important to me, but also making sure that I am making time for the things that bring me joy, like sitting down and record these podcast episodes in the pockets that I have, but also my business and hanging out with the sisters. I've built something really epic with the selfish sisterhood and with speak up events and retreats and just so many aspects that I love and fill me up. None of it feels like a chore, except right now. Oh, I feel emotional when I think about it, like as I navigate, figuring out how to fit it all in. It doesn't feel like a chore, it just feels overwhelming sometimes because you don't have a lot of time, there are not a lot of pockets.

Speaker 1:

We are in a season and I've heard this about this like four to six months range of baby time that you know naps are sporadic and they're, you know, all over the place and sometimes sleep happens and sometimes it doesn't and there's just not a lot of rhyme and rhythm to it, whereas like zero to three months, and maybe, if you're listening to this and you're a mom. Maybe you you can tell me, because I have no idea. But zero to three months we got a lot of sleep. You know, I was feeling pretty good. Even during the day he would sleep and for the most part you could probably put him down in the docketot and like do your thing. This season just doesn't feel like that, and so my time to do my work, my time to spend with you and to hang out is a lot more limited than it used to be Like.

Speaker 1:

I used to be able to sit down and record these podcast episodes whenever I felt called to do it, and it was like when I felt the creative urge to sit down. Anybody read the book by Elizabeth Gilbert Big Magic. Oh man, that still is one of my favorite favorite books and I guess that makes sense on why I do all the work that I do. But anyways, when the creative urge would come, that was when I would sit down and record a podcast. Right, and for the most part I had a lot of time to do that whenever.

Speaker 1:

And now it's just not the case. It's not the same anymore, and so I need to be a little more in tune with what I want to say and where I want to do it, and it's just so limited, and I've always wanted to build a business in a smaller fraction of time, especially since learning about my human design and knowing that I work really efficiently and I can get things done efficiently so I don't have to work the same amount of time as you know, maybe someone else. And if you're like, I don't know my human design, I want to know. You know I have I've been feeling a little weird about how much I work. Can you tell me more? Send me a message. I will gladly help you navigate.

Speaker 1:

Learning about your human design it's something I'm very passionate about. I think it's the coolest thing ever and it changed how I see my life and my business and it's changed a lot of things on how I do my work. But for for most importantly, I do need a little bit more time than what I'm getting lately, and it can put pressure on you and maybe you felt that way too, just like in general, about, like, maybe wanting to get to the gym more, you want to be moving your body in a better way, or starting running again, or even just getting out to walk your dog, like what, for you, you have been wanting to put in your schedule, but it just always gets pushed to the wayside because other things come into play. Right, you know, maybe you got called to stay late at work or you had to go pick up groceries because, well, you only had mustard in the fridge and you can't make a meal with just mustard. You can't, I definitely wouldn't. I hate mustard.

Speaker 1:

So, like, those little things that get in the way but are so important in our lives can sometimes make the things that we want to happen. Keep going to the back, keep going to the back and as we do that, the pressure builds in our body. At least I know it does for me when I am putting the things on the back burner that I really want to do, like again moving my body or getting out and pulling the weeds. Okay, I did on a foggy day, went out and pulled the weeds because I just really wanted it done. But sometimes that can build pressure in our body and when it builds it just we start to feel irritated and frustrated and for me I feel bitter and just like, oh like, why can't I have a little pocket of time? Or why can't I pull away from this baby just for 30 minutes so I can eat a bagel. Right? It's a season of doing the necessities first, even though there's so many aspects of our life that we would rather do instead, and that's why I've been thinking about this a lot.

Speaker 1:

I think it takes a lot for us to start to learn how to slow down and to create space in our life, because we're so used to go, go, go, go go. We're so used to there being no space that when there is some, we don't always know what to do with it. And I long for and miss the days when you were a kid and you'd get home from school and, sure, maybe you had a little bit of homework, but there really wasn't anything else. That was a responsibility that you had to do and you could go run and play outside, or maybe play your video games, or go on MSN, chat and chat with your friends, like all the things that you could do in these quick little pockets of time. And you could numb and like, mindlessly do all these things. I don't even want to say numb, it was for fun, right, it was playful as a kid, but like you could like, mindlessly do them for hours and hours and hours, because you had hours and hours and hours.

Speaker 1:

Imagine a day that you would have hours and hours and hours to do something. What would you fill that time with? And if you're like me and you're like I have no idea outside of work what I would do, then maybe it's time to start to find that again. Maybe it's time to see where you can play a little bit more and that was a great big theme of the retreat last week was playfulness and like taking time to paint or taking time to look for seashells or, you know, having a really nice slow morning and sipping your coffee without there being any other responsibilities around.

Speaker 1:

And as much as I wish that was the case every weekend, and I do think, for me at least, having a baby once he's a bit bigger, is going to play into that really in a fun way, whereas just right now, obviously, he's just little. He's a baby and I'm going to, you know, treat him as a baby. I'm not going to expect him to be a toddler or grown up like. He's figuring things out and he's learning how to sleep and he's learning, you know, how to be excited about things, and soon we'll be playing with food and all these things. Like I know it's coming, but in this season it just feels especially difficult when you're on 24 seven, 24 seven, and so I've been thinking about where can I slow down, where can I take things off of my plate and not feel so behind all the time when it comes to the podcast or when it comes to, you know, the sisterhood or my one-to-one clients, because I am still seeing a couple one-to-one clients and I do have one space that's opening in June.

Speaker 1:

So if that's something you're interested in a Saturday morning, if that's, the best time for you is going to be when I'll be able to see one more one-to-one client. And I'm just keeping things really simple. And in this season too, my assistant is getting ready to have her third baby and she's going to be going on maternity leave soon. So we're trying to simplify as many things as possible, and it's been a really great opportunity for me to also see where we can simplify things even more in my business so that it doesn't feel this pressure, it doesn't feel like I have to put myself on the back burner in order to do some of these other things or in order to be a mom. And, yeah, I'm so curious if anyone else is in that season, and it doesn't have to be a motherhood thing at all.

Speaker 1:

It could definitely be work. Like, work is filling you all the way up and you are going to explode if someone sends you one more email that says, hey, if you have a minute, can you? And you're just like I'm going to punch you in the Like. It's just like it could be anything. It could even be just the housework right, mountains of laundry or having to vacuum, or there's so many things in our life that it's just like I have to do that. I don't want to, but I have to do that one thing or eight things and I'm going to have to put myself on the back burner. And it's just our reality as adults. We have responsibilities, we have things we have to do, and if you can start to find a bit more space for you to find your joy, I think we could all feel a lot better.

Speaker 1:

I really do, and so that's why I've been thinking so much about this soft mama era, right, where I'm simplifying things in my business and, as we're walking into summer, for some people this is their season to like hustle up, and I'm really trying to change my mindset around this season and around summer, especially now having a baby and knowing this is like the only summer he's never going to be running around that I can enjoy a slow and soft summer. And that comes from me finding things that help me to feel slow and soft. And I've been using the word soft lately because oftentimes when I think about just the hustle culture that we have 75 hard and like working harder and we're also coming into a season of like people wanting to slim down really quick, I feel like the pandemic helped to change our mindset on that in so many ways and now, with some magical pills that have been coming into play, it is changing things again and people want to slim down really quick and I get it. I definitely get it In a body that just doesn't fit into the clothes that it used to fit into, and wishing sometimes that I could wear, you know, my old bikinis and things like that, but it's just not the season for that and I'm really trying to shift my mindset around and I think using the words like soft mama season or soft mama era it's really helping me to do that and that really could be like soft sister area right, like that could be for any of us yeah Don't even want to just use the word mom Like for me right now it feels that way, but for all of us it could be just a soft sister era, like a season where we're embracing a little bit more softness.

Speaker 1:

And I talked to a couple of my clients this week about this who were both struggling with the season of hustle and like trying to get things done and prepping things and putting themselves on the back burner right. But what would softness and what would slowness feel like for you and look like for you? And for a couple of my clients it looks very different. For one it could be just having freedom in their schedule to be able to get up and go to the park if they want to go to the park or to, you know, run errands whenever they want to run them like, and not having to be so strict in these time pockets that we have. That freedom was softness and slowness. For them. It wasn't necessarily sitting down and not moving their body for you know, three days, whereas for another client maybe that is the case right, having total alone time and just hanging out with their pets and just relaxing and doing nothing can help them to recharge just a little bit more.

Speaker 1:

It looks so different for all of us and I think, if we can get down to that pinpoint of what does softness and slowness look like for you, it doesn't mean a full stop. It just means creating your life in a way that feels a little bit more peaceful, feels a little bit more, you know, at ease and less pressure, less of that pressure in our bodies of like, oh, these are all the things I want to get done, but I just don't have the time to do them, and you're just like it's going to like explode out of your head soon. It's the opposite of that feeling, and I think there's something really beautiful about being able to navigate what that looks like. For you and for me, it's like being able to go out for a walk and enjoy nature in the season, or, you know, not feeling like I have to rush back to get onto my laptop where I can really be present with my son and enjoy moments like going to the oh no, polly sitting beside me b-e-a-c-h. I can't say the word. She's gonna go crazy. Um, to do that, uh, during the week, when it's less busy. It would be just so wonderful. And for those of you who don't know, polly is my dog, by the way, and she really really loves the B-E-A-C-H. But if I say it, we got to go and I just don't have the time today, unfortunately, and it's raining.

Speaker 1:

But that being said, what does softness and slowness look for you? And even lately I've been trying to lean into the word of soft, because my body doesn't look the same way it used to. It is not chiseled. Right now I just had a baby Like it is soft and it is. Even the other day my son was taking a nap right on my boob, okay, and I took a picture and I sent it to my best friend and I was like you know what these used to be? Something sexy, something special, right and now it's a pillow, it is a soft pillow and you know what? I'm happy for him. I'm happy he gets to enjoy a nice place to nap, but it does. It just feels softer. It doesn't feel the same as it used to be, and I really think I need to shift my mindset around what a body needs to look like and what a body should be, so that I can see beauty in this season of slowness and softness.

Speaker 1:

So if we were to look at it as an opposite of 75 hard, like a 75 soft right, I don't even want to put a number on it, but seriously, like a soft season. What would that look like for you? What do you need in order to allow yourself a little bit more time to slow down, a little bit more time to enjoy and to be. And if it feels itchy and uncomfortable for you to slow down because I know that it does for some people um, what would filling your time feel better with in a slow season, like, maybe for you it's painting, like okay, I it's painting, like okay, I don't want to do nothing, I don't want to take a full stop, I don't want to take the pedal off the gas all the way, but maybe in just slowing it down a bit, what would I fill my time with? Is it a craft? Is it going for a nice long walk? Is it spending more time with family this summer, like if you were to take a soft season this summer, instead of forcing ourselves into our extra skinny jeans which I don't even think are cool anymore.

Speaker 1:

By the way, I've been wearing jeans a lot more lately, postpartum, because they're just like I got bigger ones and they're just so comfortable. I don't know if I've ever felt this way in jeans, because I always just get the ones that are probably a little too tight and super uncomfortable. These are really comfortable. I'm wearing jeans right now. It's unheard of, okay, it's unheard of, but it's just like what would a soft season look like for you? And I've been thinking about this a lot for myself Like what does this look like? And I really want to get into movement more. I just started a baby and mama yoga class. It's a little less of the yoga and a little more of the baby is what I will have to say, but it is something. It's a start, right.

Speaker 1:

And in this season, like you know what would moving my body feel good and look like in this season? Like what do I want to really step into? And it just takes some questions. It takes some navigating, because we've been doing things the same way for so long and same within my business. Right, where can we simplify things? Where can we slow down? Where can we enjoy there to be softness? And I think, in a world that only ever sees business as as business right, hustle and moving forward and more and more and more and money and money and money. Like where can we incorporate a different mindset? Where can we think about the people who are in this business, who we support and who we love and creating a really simple life? Because I think, if I can do that, it emulates that for more people.

Speaker 1:

And lately more than ever, there's been people who have been I didn't even know listen to this podcast and saying like I've enjoyed listening and hearing this season of motherhood for you, because I didn't know if I ever wanted it and I love that you're enjoying it or I've never. I've always wanted to come to one of your treats. This is what someone told me recently. I always wanted to come to one of your treats, but until you became a mom, I didn't really feel connected enough to do it. And these small little things have just shown me how being authentically myself attracts the right people. It attracts different people, right. It is shifting in so many ways, and that's not saying that anyone who's not a mom isn't gonna feel connected to this. Actually, that's two different people, right? One person who reached out who isn't, and one person who reached out who is, who feels connected with the season that I'm in, because I'm so brutally honest about it, that I'm sharing everything that I'm feeling and going through, because I know, if I'm going through it, somebody else is too, and that's why the focus of my business, the focus of this podcast, is about humans.

Speaker 1:

It's about people. It's about supporting you and finding your authentic truth and finding what feels good for you. It takes some trial and error. At least it does for me. I wouldn't have gotten to 35 figuring these things out without a little bit of play, without throwing some spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks and changing things when it doesn't, and even lately, with my assistant going on maternity leave. I'm like great. This is an opportunity for us to try things differently, to see where we can slow down, to see what we can take off our plate, because I think the more we can take off our plate and still see success and still see love in our life, the better it's going to feel for all of us, especially as women. We want all these things for ourselves, but adding more to our plates right now is just not an option.

Speaker 1:

I don't know about you, but my plate is full right. I used to say this to a client all the time. It's like picture your plate as the Chinese food buffet, because I love me some Chinese food. Okay, so you're at the Chinese food buffet and you're going around, you're filling your plate up. You're like, ooh, those spring rolls over there do look pretty good, but I don't have any more room on my plate. I got nothing. I got my chow mein, I got my chicken balls, I got my fried rice. I am full over here and I know if I put those spring rolls on my plate, they're either going to go to waste or I'm going to be over full, or it's just not going to feel good, or it's going to fall all over the floor.

Speaker 1:

And when you can visualize all the things that you're doing in that mindset of like this is this plate is literally full, there is nothing. Even though I want that really great thing over there, I have to take something off my plate in order to be able to have it. And I've talked about this recently too, noticing that, like you, I believe you can have it all. Like you can have everything you want. You can have the spring rolls, sister. You can have them. I want them too, but maybe not in this round of the Chinese food buffet. Maybe next time, when you come, maybe you'll get the spring rolls right. Maybe we can't always have them. Oh my gosh, I must be hungry when I'm recording this, always, always hungry, but is really just navigating. What is most important right now? Where can I make some space?

Speaker 1:

And if we start to slow down in our lives and allow ourselves this slow sister era okay, a little slow season, a little, you know, softness in our life, what would you be able to achieve? Where would you be able to go? What could you have if there was some room on that plate and you wouldn't have to say things like oh well, I don't know, I kind of want it, but can I? Or put it on your plate and then fall on the floor and you cry in yourself to sleep because you put too much there and now you're overwhelmed. I think we've all been there right, where you say yes to something that probably should have been a no and it just not turning out the way that you wanted it.

Speaker 1:

To Remember that, especially as we walk into the summer, where I know things can pick up and things can be busier because our weekends are full with travel and fun and things. But remember where you can find some softness, remember where you can find a little bit of slow in this season so that you can have space. When your girlfriend calls you up and says, hey, sis, do you want to go to the water park? And you were like, heck, yeah, that's a yes for me. Ooh, but my calendar is really full, like I. Ooh, my sink is full of dishes, but, ooh, like I don't. Like there's so many things that we can hold ourselves back on these like fun yeses.

Speaker 1:

Imagine if there was space and you didn't have to think twice about it and you're just like, yes, let's go to the water park or let's go to the Chinese food buffet, whatever that is for you, okay. And yeah, it's just been this constant reminder lately and I think, having I've always been really good at starting and learning to slow down, especially since learning my human design, it has allowed me a lot of space. But I think, now more than ever, knowing that I don't have a lot of space when I do, what does that look like and what would I want to do with it? I am not filling my plate with chicken fried rice, okay. I am saving room for those spring rolls, because for me I like, honestly, really like spring rolls, okay, and if I had to pick rice over a spring roll? No, thank you, no, thank you, no. But seriously, that's what. That's what I'm visualizing in my head lately. It's like if I only have these couple hours to sit down and record a podcast with you, or if I only have a couple hours to get in the sisterhood and have a really great workshop or a really great call, then that is what I want to fill that with. We've all seen those videos of like if you put the sand in first and then the rocks and then the water. Maybe you haven't, but and you're like, what are you talking about? Just, it's about filling your cup and efficiently filling your cup in a way that feels good.

Speaker 1:

Having some softness does not mean that you don't want success. Having softness does not mean that you are slowing down to a point that you're putting the brakes on and you're never going to get the things that you want. I actually think, in the world that we're living in, having softness and slowing down is like a stick it to the man kind of move. It's like I am slowing down and I think we think it's the opposite that we have to do more, produce more, show up more, add more to our plates in order for us to live in that energy that our world is in. And I think it's the opposite the more that you start to slow down, the more that you start to find peace, the more that you start to enjoy life. That is sticking it to the man, like that is sticking it to all of the corporates around us that are telling us we need to do more.

Speaker 1:

And, as women, for the last hundred years, we have been right. We started to work more, we started to have both a home life, a full-time job at home as parents, and a full-time job in the workforce. And instead of us enjoying the choice and slowing down, we've just decided to do it all. And again, you can't have it all, just maybe not at this right time. Right Focusing on one thing at a time, efficiently and really well, is going to help you create it into a lasting habit, instead of being like okay, well, I am going to do 75 hard and I'm going to do all of those seven habits every single day until I burn out. Honestly, if you can do that, I love that for you, and I know people can. I have seen it done.

Speaker 1:

I'm so jealous sometimes, but I also think there is really great productivity in slowing down and there being softness and creating space for the things that we really want to do, so that again, when I call you up and say, hey, we're going on a retreat to this place, you want to come, you can say yes, because you've created that space in your life to do it. We're like, hey, we're doing this really fun, social, you'll want to come. If anyone's watching the video of this, I'm literally putting my hand up like a phone, like a millennial does. Hey, what's up? Not like how people would do it these days. Anyways, it has been so fun hanging out with you today and just chatting all things slow season.

Speaker 1:

I'd love to know what slowing down or even softness I shouldn't even say slowing down softness looks like for you. I shouldn't even say slowing down softness looks like for you. Where can you just soften a little bit more? Enjoy a beautiful season as we walk into summertime. And, yeah, I'd be really curious on what that looks like for you, because I know it looks like it's so different for each and every one of us and it helps me to have perspective when you send me a message and you're like Jess, this is what this looks like for me. Or hey, jess, this helps me out. Or hey, I listened to the podcast and I really connected with it and if you did, I would love for you to drop a review, give us a little five-star rating down there. I know that that is not always the top thing that we think about it, but it makes a really big difference for us when you do subscribe and when you do give us a rating and I say us, it's me, hey, it's just me, over here on the microphone. I don't know why we do that. We always say we, or we say us, it's just me, hey, what's up. But it really does make a huge difference if you subscribe to the podcast and you give us a rating because us needs it, we need it. Anyways, I hope that you're having a wonderful day.

Speaker 1:

I am going to put also in the show notes all the information for what's going on this month in the selfish sisterhood. We have a really great workshop happening about hormone health, we have some awesome cis talks, our book club is also happening this month and there's just some really great things on the calendar. So, if you didn't know, this is a community for you to come and be 100%, totally yourself, to hang out with incredible women to navigate your dreams and to goal set and to just chat things out. Whether that's what you're going through in your life. Maybe you need just some nonjudgmental people to hear you out and to hear and support you and to love you. And that's what this community is. It's not just for entrepreneurs, it's not just for moms, it's not just for anyone. It's for women who are looking for a space to connect, to just be themselves, to have some fun, to learn new things and come together. Have a space where you can be seen and to come together. And that's what this space is all about.

Speaker 1:

So I'll put all the information in the show notes for you about what's going on this month and where you can sign up and join us, and I hope that you find some softness in this week, that you find a little bit of slowness, a little bit of love. Maybe it's just sipping your coffee a little slower, taking your foot off the gas pedal a little bit, slowing down and maybe not speeding to work or smelling the lilacs right now, because they're in season. That's one for me. Whenever I drive by, I always roll down the window so I can take a big sniff. I'm like you know what that being able to just see and be can be really productive in this season.

Speaker 1:

I love you so much. I hope that you have a wonderful week and I hope that I didn't make you too hungry talking about spring rolls in this episode. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.

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