Self(ish) Confidence
What if your confidence didn’t depend on fitting into a box you never wanted to be in? Self(ish) Confidence is the podcast for women who are done trying to live by someone else’s timeline and ready to trust their own.
Your confidence is your superpower but it can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When you’re caught in the scroll of everyone’s highlight reel or walking into a room full of strangers, it can be hard to show up as the truest version of yourself. Comparison kicks in. Doubt creeps up. And suddenly, being your full, beautiful, authentic self feels... hard.
Self(ish) Confidence is your permission slip to stop performing and start showing up as YOU. It is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life.
This podcast is all about building real, unapologetic confidence (the kind that doesn’t need approval). Whether your life looks unconventional, unexpected, or totally different than what you thought it would.. you're in the right place!
Each week, your host Jess Clerke, Confidence Coach and creator of the Self(ish) Sisterhood, will walk with you through mindset shifts, personal stories, and confidence-boosting truths to help you break free from people-pleasing, trust your gut, and build a life you’re wildly obsessed with.
This isn’t just a podcast — it’s your reminder that you’re not too much, never behind, and more than worthy of the life you want.
Let’s build that belief together.
Self(ish) Confidence
The Power of Asking: Why We Need to Voice Our Desires
Surrendering to life's seasons requires a special kind of courage that often feels counterintuitive, especially for those of us who crave control. Through my journey of early motherhood, I've discovered something profound: when I finally let go of rigid expectations and embrace the natural flow of baby's timeline, everything feels more magical.
This episode explores the unexpected growth that comes when we release our tight grip on life. From navigating postpartum body changes to asking for what we want, I share vulnerable reflections about finding confidence in life's messy middle. My husband's career journey began with what his friend called "a terrible voicemail" left for his potential employer—yet fifteen years later, we're celebrating his service anniversary at that very company. Why? Because he dared to voice what he wanted despite imperfection.
Looking for your confidence community? Hop on the Self(ish) Sisterhood waitlist!
Join me in embracing the beautiful surrender that leads not to giving up, but to finding ourselves exactly where we're meant to be.
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com
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My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and we're going to try that again.
Speaker 1:I just started hitting record, started the podcast. Glenn came in head to toe covered in vomit, so I'm still recording in, technically, the baby's room, but I am going to be leaving soon, leaving the nest and making my space downstairs in my office, just so that, yeah, moments like this I don't get interrupted. But it's been such an interesting season in navigating two and a half months essentially of being a mom and also just figuring, yeah, how to get all of these things done. I want to thank you so much for listening to this podcast, but also for being so flexible with me on when things are getting out and how things are going with the podcast. And I was last night sitting in the rocking chair in our nursery here and I had set everything up so perfectly because I was like you know what, every night pretty much this happens where I feed him and then he passes out. Especially at the time that I was like getting ready. I was like this is going to be perfect and Glenn and I had been discussing about like setting myself up so that if I do get nap trapped then I can still get the things done that I want to get done. So, as I said, I'm like I'm going to set up all my podcasting stuff. I can totally record from this chair, like I can record from the rocking chair. That's totally fine.
Speaker 1:And I fed him and he decided he did not want to go to sleep and I feel like it was a moment of clarity and realization of just priorities, right when I want to do a lot of things. You know that I want to be here, I want to be creating these podcast episodes, but so limited in the time that I do have for a lot of reasons. My husband, glenn, works full-time and I'm home, but also doing it when he is awake is just not an option. So the pockets that I do have to record and to sit down are limited. They're limited especially when you're breastfeeding and you're trying to do it like feed him, sit down, record all the things, right. So last night was a real big, eye-opening experience when I set myself up and I'm like this is going to be perfect. I can't wait. I have all these ideas and all these things that I want to talk to you about. And then he said, no, mom, no, we're just not going to do that, because I am the focus, I'm the priority right now and let's just not record a podcast episode. And I had to surrender to it.
Speaker 1:This has been such a season of surrender in so many aspects. It's when I finally surrender to the flow, surrender to the contact naps, surrender to my timelines and his timelines and just life in general. Everything's been flowing a lot better and I can honestly say postpartum has been a really magical experience and I know that's not everybody's story, but it is mine when I had such a hard pregnancy. Postpartum has felt really beautiful. It's been slow and magical and a lot of snuggling and a lot of just like really beautiful moments and of course it's not all rainbows and sunshine and butterflies of snuggling, and a lot of just like really beautiful moments and of course it's not all rainbows and sunshine and butterflies, of course, but it has been really nice in a lot of ways. And last night was that reminder where typically he lays and he sleeps and you know I can get some things done one handed but it was a reminder that parenting does come first right now and we're in a season of prioritizing family and baby.
Speaker 1:And although I want to sit down and share all these magical ideas that I'm having with you, sometimes I just have to surrender to the timeline and do it a little bit differently. And it doesn't mean I don't get to do the things I want to do. It just means I have to do them in different times. And that's what I'm doing now sitting down, hanging out with you and recording this episode, not in a time that I had necessarily planned, but we are doing it and I'm so glad that you're here to be a part of it. And maybe you're starting to feel that in the season you're in too, where you're just like I have to surrender to someone else's timeline Maybe it's your boss, your partner, your kids, anyone, right, and you're just like I am a control freak and I want to do all the things my way, but surrendering to it is actually going to be a lot easier, surrendering to all of these external things, societal pressures, all of the things that we've been holding ourselves to. If we could just surrender and let flow happen a little bit more, you're going to feel so much better.
Speaker 1:That one was a big learning opportunity with the contact naps, because I kept thinking when he's napping is when I was going to get things done right. That's what a lot of mompreneurs talk about. Entrepreneurs who are also parents talk about where it's like, oh, I get things done in the nap time, the nap time hustle right. Where it's like, oh, I get things done in the nap time, the nap time hustle right. And I was like, oh, okay, that's when I'll get things done. And that just hasn't been our story, because he wants to lay on me and he wants to snuggle during the day. Thankfully, at nighttime he is a pretty independent sleeper, but during the day he wants to snuggle and I'm not mad at that because I know there's going to be a moment when I look back and even thinking about it now makes me emotional. I'm going to look back on it and wish I snuggled him more, wish I snuggled him one more time, right, and I've actually found that he is a happier baby when I let him nap on me. So I've surrendered to it and I get things done when he's awake, and sometimes that's again still one handed because I'm holding a baby.
Speaker 1:But I'm making it work in the best way possible for our family and, yeah, I've just been learning a lot about surrendering. Again, I'm someone who likes to have things my way and control things a little bit more, but it's just not in the cards right now. So I'm focusing on parenting and family first, and then, of course, everything else is going to fall into place. But I'm just really, really grateful for you being a little more patient with me in this season and maybe you're just enjoying being a part of this messy middle season. I've been getting so much feedback from the solo episodes that I've been doing and it's just easier for me to do solo episodes right now than coordinating interview times and recording things with people with a crying baby in the background and we're just really working with the season that we're in, but it seems like you're loving it and I'm really really grateful for that.
Speaker 1:So, if you are loving these episodes and you've been listening, thank you for sharing them on your stories and for sharing them with your friends and family. Also, if you can drop me a review, that means the world. It helps to spread it out to more people who are searching for podcast episodes about confidence. So if you can take a minute and drop me a review and put your little stars on there I'm not going to tell you how to put, but if you'd want to put five, that'd be great. Five stars and a little review, it'll really help to push this podcast out there.
Speaker 1:One of the goals of mine for this year, where you know things are looking a little different. I really want to elevate this podcast for you. So, if you have ideas for episodes or people that you want me to connect with, main focus is on here and on the sisterhood, and I'm just really grateful that we can keep building community, because I think in this season I need community a lot more than I ever have. I need you, I need my sisters, I need my friends, I need my family around me. This is a time and I think that makes a really big difference in my mental health too is to have so much wonderful community around me. Maybe you're listening to this and you're like I don't have that kind of community. Jess, I got you. Doors to the sisterhood are opening soon. I'll put all the waitlist information in the show notes for you. But it's a place where you can come and connect with other sisters and to truly 100% be yourself. You could literally say anything in there and we are going to say I love you, I'm so glad you're here and be you Like. That is the number one thing I wanted a space where you could practice your confidence and authentically be yourself 100%, because I know we don't all have that in our everyday lives. So I will put that information in the show notes for you.
Speaker 1:But anyways, today I wanted to talk to you about something really special. Last week my husband and I went to a dinner for his 15 years of service at his work. He has been working for them essentially as long as we've been together. I think he started his job there and then we met in the same year and it was really special to see him celebrated for this milestone and they do them every five years. So there's people celebrating from five years to like 55 years of service, which is wild right how long you can spend at one job. But also, when you're good to your people, people are going to be loyal and they're going to stay.
Speaker 1:And what I want to talk to you about with this is that 15 years ago my husband made a call to his now manager and he left a voicemail and again, we weren't together at the time, so I don't know what the voicemail was like, but from the stories I heard from his best friend, it was not good. It was not good. It was just this, like simple voicemail. And at this time Glenn's second language is English. His first language is French, so he had just started working in a predominantly English industry, so he was newer to this and I think he stumbled over his words a bit in his voicemail and his friend said to him dude, if you get that job, I'm going to be shocked, like that was so bad. But it didn't stop Glenn from making the phone call, applying to the job, calling his shot and really sharing what he wanted, like using his voice to share what he wants, and I think men do this really well and I won't say effortlessly, because obviously that took effort for him to do but I do think that men typically can ask for what they want a lot easier than women do, and I don't know 100% why that is, but I have a good guess on it being part of the patriarchy right On this silencing of women's voices and making us not feel like, thankfully for him, he did that and he got the job. He got the job and don't get me wrong, I think Glenn is absolutely qualified and phenomenal at the work he does. But his manager saw something in him, even if his voicemail wasn't that great or his resume wasn't padded with a lot of things, because at this point he would have been quite young but he saw something in Glenn and offered him the job that he had really wanted.
Speaker 1:And I think there's something so magical about calling your shot, about asking for what you want and I've talked about this before on the podcast, because I remember, too, being in a job where a co-worker of mine got everything she asked for, like everything, and I was always so jealous because I was like girl, how are you doing this? Like, how are you getting everything? And I was always so jealous because I was like, girl, how are you doing this? Like, how are you getting everything? And I'd just be so bitter because you know she'd get the raise and she got a company car and she got her benefits paid for and all of these things. She just got everything she asked for. And I could be just the person on the sideline being all bitter and being like, oh, she gets everything, she's so lucky, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:But I never asked for anything. I was too scared and I think if I would have asked for something, maybe I would have got it too. And this can go for so many different areas of your life, not just work, not just your business. Maybe it's even asking for your family to watch your kids, so you can go out and do something. Right? The answer is always no. If you do not ask, that's the truth it's always going to be no right. We can sit and wallow in ourself and just be like, oh, I never get anything. Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish, right.
Speaker 1:But unless you voice it, unless you ask for what you want same with asking for reviews for the podcast. Unless I mention it, I feel like the podcasts that have a lot of reviews come from hosts who mention to review the podcast as much as they do. Right, and I just always forget. It's not a priority of mine, I always forget. And it's about putting yourself out there and asking for what you want, because it makes a huge difference and you getting what you want.
Speaker 1:I think one way is also in voicing and manifesting the things that you want right. By using your voice and saying the things out loud, you can automatically feel so much better. Right doesn't mean necessarily the person you're asking for from is going to give it to you, but sometimes, sometimes it's just about voicing it and the universe is like hey, I got you, I'll figure a way. I got you, don't you worry, it might not be exactly the way you think it's going to happen, but I'm going to get you what you want. Okay, it's going to happen. Or it can be from the person you're asking something for, even like asking someone on a date Okay. So what they say? Now, right. Or maybe they surprise you and they say, yes, you don't know unless you ask. And it's so important that you get out of your comfort zone and you start voicing what you want.
Speaker 1:We talk about that with selfish confidence right, having the confidence to be yourself, having the confidence to use your voice. We just had a whole event in the fall called Speak Up, about using your voice and confidently being yourself and using your voice, because I really do think, especially right now with everything going on in the world, that women's voices need to be amplified. There are people out there who want to dim women down, shrink women down. I saw a post the other day that talked about the beauty trend right now being thin again, right, like back in the 90s and the early 2000s, that thin-spiration, right. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels and that being the energy that's coming back, the trends that are coming back, and it's truly because of the patriarchy and how they want women to shrink right.
Speaker 1:When you're thin like that and this is not for everyone but when you've been dieting to be thin like that, you know we're small and our voices are a bit shaky, probably because we haven't eaten enough carbs, our brain fog, all of the things right that come with shrinking and come from dieting, that just are not helping the situation that we're in right now, and it can all come from us just using our voices a little bit more, asking for what we want, standing out in the crowds and truly being authentically ourselves, 100%, is what's going to get you to the next level. It is what's going to get you that job promotion. It is what's going to get you that sexy new boyfriend. Whatever it is that you're looking for and if my husband's listening to that, that's not the one that I want. Okay, baby, I love you, but no, honestly, it's so important for us to be using our voices more. And it comes from practice, like it really does come the first time you ask for something. Oh, oh man, how uncomfortable is that right Even now, sitting down and recording this podcast episode, and, you know, having to ask my husband to watch the baby for a little bit so that I can do something, or even like it feels so strange, but it can be a season of like even asking like, hey, do you mind watching the baby for a bit so I can go shave my legs.
Speaker 1:Like that's just the season that we're in and I have a wonderful partner who would never say no, I'm not watching the baby so you can shave your legs, but like, honestly, if you don't have those people in your life that you can ask for some of this stuff from. It's time for you to expand your network. It's time for you to find those real people who are going to help you to feel confident and loved and worthy of getting what you want. And I know you know this because you've been here a while, but or maybe it's your first time here. Hey, what's up? So glad you're here, sis, but I want to remind you, just because you asked for something today that you think is like oh, this is what I want to do. If it changes by the weekend, it's also okay. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to change what you want. It's okay to change what you're asking for, because you know, being here, you can change your mind as many times. It doesn't take just one.
Speaker 1:We actually had a question in the sisterhood on our live Q&A call. We did it on Friday night. We had a great turnout of sisters and we had a question about wanting to blow up your life. You know, maybe maybe you just blew up your life and you want to do it again, and from a human design perspective, you could spin this in a whole lot of ways based on your type, on. You know what's the best thing for you to be able to really authentically live your truth, but also from just a woman's standpoint. There's not one time you don't get one get out of jail free card to blow up your life.
Speaker 1:You can change your mind as many times as you want. You can ask for what you want as many times as you want. There is no limit here on what you can achieve, what you can do, and we're here on this earth to play and to have fun. I don't understand why we think there's limits to that. There's no limit to what you can earn. There's no limit to what you can ask for. There's no limit to how many days off you can get. There's no limit on how many times you change your mind. You can have all of those things as many times as you want, over and over and over again. You can literally change your mind every single day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some people are going to roll their eyes at you. Yeah, some people aren't going to get it, but they don't need to. They do not need to. All that matters is that you're following your heart and you're doing what feels good for you and you're moving in a direction that lights you the heck up, and I've been leaning into this energy a lot lately, because business feels different, everything feels different since becoming a mom and I've been trying to remind myself that it's okay that the vision is changing, the dream is changing and I think what before I would have thought?
Speaker 1:When I watched people who became moms, I just felt like they gave up. Right, they had babies and they threw in the towel. They couldn't do it, they gave up. That's not going to happen to me. I'm still going to want this, this and this, and it's not that moms are giving up. Sure, they're tired and they might not have the same energy that they had before kids, but I actually believe that something is changing, like something instantly changed in my business and who I am when I became a mom, and the vision that I have for the business and the asks and the wants that I have for the business are very different than they used to be.
Speaker 1:I used to think that everything had to be big and I still struggle sometimes to keep things manageable and to keep things, you know, at a smaller scale. I can sometimes go too big. But I also feel like everything changed and that I want things differently. It wasn't that I gave up on the vision of big dreams. The dreams just became more intimate, they became simpler, they became just different, and I just want to remind you, too, that you can change your mind, you can change the dream, you can change what you're asking for. It doesn't change anything about you, and I feel like this episode is a little all over the place, but it's because I have three things that I put in point form that I really wanted to talk to you about today, that have been on my mind, and maybe they don't take up a whole podcast episode, but I smushed them all three things that I've been wanting to talk to you about into one, and the last piece that I really wanted to chat with you about today was this vision of loving yourself.
Speaker 1:Right, I want you to love yourself enough to ask for what you want, love yourself enough to change your mind. But also this vision of loving yourself, you're just like and I think, as someone who's freshly postpartum and this goes for anyone who's in a body that's been changing, that looks different than what they had thought it would, or where they want to be this act of loving yourself, why can't it just be like when you first start dating someone? Right, it's not like you're in love on the first date, right, there's no way he all watched, like how I met your mother I shouldn't say we all watch it, but come on, how I met your mother. When ted tells robin he loves her on the first date and she's just like whoa, dude, and it ruins everything and they just become friends, right. Well, it's kind of like that.
Speaker 1:When it comes to this journey of falling in love with your body and falling in love with who you are, I think if we were to base it off of a relationship that we were having, like just started dating someone, we could slowly ease our way into love. It's like, hmm, I like this person. Okay, I like this body, I can work with that. Or maybe it doesn't even get started, like, maybe you're just like oh, I can tolerate this person, maybe I'll give him a second date. I can tolerate this person, maybe I'll give them a second date. Same thing when it comes to your body. We can go from tolerate to like, to interested, to finding them sexy, right? It's this span, and I think if we were to start to look at how we love ourselves physical, mental, all the things the same way that we would when we were dating someone, it would probably go a lot easier. This world tells us like we have to love ourselves first thing, but they would never, ever tell you that you have to love that person you just met right. They wouldn't say those things to you because that's crazy. So why do they think that we have to also fall in love with ourselves so instantly too Do?
Speaker 1:I think that we should allow ourselves patience and grace and sympathy on this journey, a hundred percent. But I think to go all deep into love after a huge transition of change, or even just a season of you navigating, figuring out who you are again, or just any of those, it takes time. It takes time to even like yourself, and I've been really leaning into this more when I look in the mirror and my body looks completely different than it did last year and I'm just like, okay, you want me to go from love, especially to society. That's been glorifying, you know, thinspiration and being thin, like I just had a baby right. And the sooner we can lean into this flow of allowing ourselves space and allowing it to be a slower process, I think it's really going to make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and in how you feel along the way. Right, we always see when I get there, that's when, when those jeans fit, that's when I'll love myself.
Speaker 1:No, but where can we start right now? And I really think this can even go back to that first lesson of adaptability, of allowing there to be a bit more flow and surrender when it comes to where we are in our lives and with what we're doing. And for me lately yeah, that's been in life and with the timeline and with things happening, surrender is also so huge right now with my body, and I know and I've talked about this before too about going out and shopping for your new body instead of thinking, oh well, I got to wait till my jeans fit, going out and feeling good and finding fashion and confidence in your clothes again, even when the size is getting bigger, even when things are changing, because I'm going to feel so much better in clothes that fit my body versus trying to squeeze my body into clothes that just do not fit. And this season has just taught me so much of that surrender aspect in so many areas and I just, yeah, I feel like maybe you need to hear a few of those messages today, because we're all in it. We're all in the thick of it.
Speaker 1:This world is so crazy and so difficult right now. It's not the same ease and flow that we had 10 years ago. It still blows my mind that five years ago we were in the thick of the pandemic, trying to figure things out. Five years ago, right? Do you remember when you were in high school and your teachers would ask you where do you want to be in five years? Where do you want to be in 10 years? I think we just blinked. And the last five years have flown by, and especially now that we have, like a timeline and a merit that we can put it out and be like oh right, five years ago we were in the craziest season and it's just been crazy ever since.
Speaker 1:But it truly does show us that we can be adaptable, we can change our minds and we can do things differently, because the last five years, I bet you were not the same person you were five years ago, but you've asked for some things that you never thought you'd ask for, and I bet you have had to surrender and be adaptable in this season because, yeah, the last five years were wild, am I right? So today, I'm just so grateful to have you here, to have you a part of this community, to be on this journey with you, because I know confidence is really freaking hard. Confidence is insanely hard, especially when you're in an ever-changing cycle of who you are, what you want, where you're going. You are right now, with whatever season you're in, because again it's going to be so different for all of us and confidence looks and feels different for every single one of us. So I can't give you a cookie cutter way to be like. Here you go, here's what you do to be more confident. What I can guide you and help you with is to find those habits that feel really, really good for you. So I love you so much.
Speaker 1:I hope you're having a wonderful week and, if you're listening to this in real time, good luck with your taxes, because that's what I've been working on and I finished them today. But it took a lot of brain power. I think that's why I'm feeling a little squirrely even tonight. It took a lot of brain power. So good luck with your taxes, my friend, and I wish you the best week ever. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
