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Self(ish) Confidence
What if your confidence didn’t depend on fitting into a box you never wanted to be in? Self(ish) Confidence is the podcast for women who are done trying to live by someone else’s timeline and ready to trust their own.
Your confidence is your superpower but it can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When you’re caught in the scroll of everyone’s highlight reel or walking into a room full of strangers, it can be hard to show up as the truest version of yourself. Comparison kicks in. Doubt creeps up. And suddenly, being your full, beautiful, authentic self feels... hard.
Self(ish) Confidence is your permission slip to stop performing and start showing up as YOU. It is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life.
This podcast is all about building real, unapologetic confidence (the kind that doesn’t need approval). Whether your life looks unconventional, unexpected, or totally different than what you thought it would.. you're in the right place!
Each week, your host Jess Clerke, Confidence Coach and creator of the Self(ish) Sisterhood, will walk with you through mindset shifts, personal stories, and confidence-boosting truths to help you break free from people-pleasing, trust your gut, and build a life you’re wildly obsessed with.
This isn’t just a podcast — it’s your reminder that you’re not too much, never behind, and more than worthy of the life you want.
Let’s build that belief together.
Self(ish) Confidence
[272] You're Right Where You're Meant to Be: Following Life's Synchronicities
Have you ever noticed those magical synchronicities that show up just when you need reassurance that you're on the right path? From angel numbers to meaningful animal encounters to technology seemingly communicating with you (like my rainbow light turning on by itself!), these moments remind us that we're being guided, even when life feels uncertain.
This episode explores the profound power of trusting that you're exactly where you need to be—even when that place is uncomfortable. I share my journey through what I call the "messy middle"—those transformative periods where we've left one version of ourselves behind but haven't fully stepped into the new one yet. For me, pregnancy was that cocoon season, and now motherhood has completely transformed how I view success.
Whether you're experiencing a high point, low valley, or confusing middle ground, try spending time in quiet reflection instead of numbing with distractions. Listen to your intuition and trust that everything is working out exactly as it should. What small step might you take today toward what feels most aligned?
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com
If you're on instagram, come say hi!! 👋👋
My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and, yeah, I'm just having a little bit of a moment as I sit down here to record this podcast episode for you. I have been thinking about this all day and really wanting to sit down and record, but, as you know, I am in a life season that I can't just do things on the fly like I used to be able to. I have to plan them out a bit more. I had to wait till my husband got home from work so that I could sit down and record this, but I've really been thinking about you all day and wanting to come and chat with you when I had this idea that popped into my head last night. It just sometimes they pop in my head at the most random hours and now that I am up breastfeeding in the middle of the night I get more ideas and they come at the weirdest time and I always wonder should I stop and write this down or should I just go back to sleep? And I really regret it when I do not take the time to actually write it down because I'm not going to remember it.
Speaker 1:Have you ever read the book Big Magic? It is my favorite book hands down, my favorite all time book by Liz Gilbert, and she talks about the idea of creativity and these ideas that come to you and you can either say like yeah, I'll take on that project, or like no, go find someone else that maybe this is better suited for. Right now I don't have the time or the energy for it. And I truly do believe in that magic that when these podcast episode ideas or, you know course, ideas that I have or anything that pops into my head, if I don't write it down, it goes out of my head and it goes on to someone else, because this idea needs to come to fruition, it needs to be put out into the world. If it's not through me, it's got to be through someone else, right? And I always found that just a really magical way to think about creativity.
Speaker 1:And I don't know if you know this, but I do a lot of these podcast episodes on the fly and maybe you're like, yeah, jess, we can tell You're a little crazy, we can tell that you do these on the fly. Or maybe you're like oh, I thought they were so thought out or you wrote everything down. I'm sure in the beginning I wrote down more, but I've always found and this is the same thing with a lot of speaking opportunities that if I write too much of it down and I structure too much of my talks or my podcast episodes, I stumble over my words a lot more when I can like sit in the flow and release that energy and let it go where it's supposed to go. And again, I've been doing this for three and a half years. So maybe it's practice or maybe it's just surrendering to what message needs to come out. It always turns out so much better.
Speaker 1:Now, although I do these on the fly, I do kind of have a process before sitting down and hitting record, like you know, making sure I'm in the right headspace and I have the right energy for this, and you know I've had a snack and some water and maybe some caffeine and whatever it is that I need to just feel like myself and I think that's why I really struggled with a lot of podcast episodes and podcasting through pregnancy, because I didn't feel like myself at all, I felt like an alien and I still pushed for a lot of these episodes but they didn't feel as connected to me. And maybe it's because, again, I was in that transition middle season that we talked about last week. That messy middle. Pregnancy was a very messy middle for me and maybe that's part of, too, where I've kind of emerged back into becoming this version of myself. And that was like my cocoon season, the middle part of that cocoon you know, butterfly soup season that I was in in pregnancy. And yeah, I just wanted to share with you that I do a lot of this on the fly.
Speaker 1:The ideas come to me throughout the week, oftentimes in the middle of the night whenever they come, and then I try to compound around those ideas to create a really magical episode for you. And they do feel more magical to me when I am doing them on the fly, right it's. It's so interesting to me because I used to think it had to be structured, it had to be all written out, I had to do it a very specific way in order for it to be right, like, oh, that's what all podcasters do. But the more I've leaned into this you know, doing it my way, doing what works best for me it really does flow a lot better and my energy around it is a lot better. And I had this really magical moment as I sat down to record tonight and again, I've been thinking about this all day. I've been really wanting to chat with you all day, but when I sat down in this chair in my son's bedroom which I was saying to Glenn, I'd like to start to move this stuff downstairs. That's one of my goals for the next couple weeks is to just start to move my podcasting stuff downstairs so I can, you know, set myself up in a way that feels more aligned in the space. But I had this moment tonight as I sat down and I did a little card pull and I put some music on so that I could really connect and meditate a little bit before you know, just popping on the mic and do a little bit of journaling and do what felt good for me in order to get into this space. But what was really magical in this moment was when I sat down in the chair my light.
Speaker 1:If you've ever seen my soundbite episodes on, like my social media platforms or maybe on YouTube or anything like that, I have a light that I have on behind me and normally I use a particular color based on, like, what works best with what I'm wearing or the lighting in the room. But I often pick a solid color because I don't want it to be too distracting if you're seeing those little clips. But when I sat down in the chair today, the light came on by itself. Yeah, I know a little freaky, and if you're into the woo, you might be like that's really cool, and if you're not, you're like If you're into the woo, you might be like that's really cool, and if you're not, you're like Jess, that's freaky. But the light came on by itself and sure, it's a remote light. I could have hit the button by accident or you know it's plugged in right behind my chair, so maybe I hit, you know something that made it come on. But the light came on and then it started blinking red, which typically means error, and that's happened a few times and I often take it as a sign. I take it as like, hey, attention over here, you know. And then it went from the blinking red to rainbow lights, and again I always pick a solid color, just because it's less distracting. But today I'm keeping the rainbow light on because it wasn't me who picked it, it was something else.
Speaker 1:Someone, something else wanted this message of these beautiful lights and this reminder that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and maybe you've been seeing some synchronicities in your life too that remind you of that. I like to follow angel numbers and maybe you're like, okay, jess, that's weird, but probably if you're listening to this, you don't think it's weird. Angel numbers are like number sequences, like three, three, three, or you know, four, four, four, one, one, one, whatever, 11, 11. A lot of people are like, oh, 11, 11, make a wish, that's an angel number. Those are really beautiful ways to just have reminders of like hey, you're on the right path. Or I often see like signs of like animals, birds in particular, if I see eagles or hawks, or just like a beautiful bird that I don't normally see. When I was in Barbados it was like this little yellow finch-like bird. I don't think it was a finch, but it was like a little yellow bird. And now when I'm back in Canada, when I see those any kind of yellow bird, I always take it as a really beautiful sign. Or ladybugs in my home I take as a sign and they're just like little reminders that you're exactly where you need to be.
Speaker 1:And maybe right now you're in a really difficult season and you're like Jess, I hate that. This is where I need to be. I see you. My friend, I love you was there too. I was there not that long ago after nine months of being sick and really not even sure, because everyone kept saying, hey, it's going to be all worth it.
Speaker 1:But when you're really not sure because it's your first kid, if it actually is the case you just feel miserable and depressed and sad and uncomfortable and all of the things. And maybe you're in a season where you're feeling some of those things, regardless of if it's pregnancy or things. And maybe you're in a season where you're feeling some of those things, regardless of if it's pregnancy or whatever it is that you're going through in your life. It's so hard when you are seeing these synchronicities and when you're seeing these signs and you're seeing these messages and it's exactly telling you that you need to be in this season. Oh, it's so uncomfortable because you don't want to be there. You do not want to be in that season, right, and this can go with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in our lives, and we're seeing these synchronicities. I want you to just trust easier said than done but just trust that you are right where you need to be, that this is a lesson that you need to learn and something that you need to pursue, and that there is something out there guiding you and pushing you into this, into the light that is coming for you. I truly do believe that there's light for everyone and there's light at the end of some really dark seasons. We just have to keep moving forward and keep moving through them.
Speaker 1:And I wanted to give you just a little life update on where we're at, what's going on, and if you're listening to this in real time, it is spring season. It's the season of me walking into almost my 35th birthday, my first birthday as a mom, which I never thought I would ever be doing. Last year at this time we were getting ready to host I say we, it was me but host the Barbados retreat, my first international retreat, and my husband and I went a week before the retreat knowing that it was going to be the start of when we would start trying for a family and it was really scary time to actually admit that we were going to potentially start a family but also knowing that this big season of hosting my first international retreat and then going into this season of a big event coming up in the fall, everything felt so big last year, like everything had to be big, and now that I'm looking back on it, I'm realizing more and more how things are shifting. I always believed that everything had to be big and I was watching. You know other podcasters host big events and you know people who I admired so much doing big things that that just felt like what I was supposed to be doing. And now, in this season of motherhood, I'm starting to notice my dreams changing and shifting and it's not a way from following my heart and sharing my message with the world and doing all the things that light me up up is just doing it in a smaller way and I think that comes from limited time right, I don't have the same energy and time to be able to put on big things. But I do also think something shifted when I became a mom. My priority shifted to what was most important.
Speaker 1:And I was asked this question early on in motherhood, like really early. Obviously I'm still pretty early guys, it's 10 weeks, right but, like in the first couple weeks, somebody asked me what's more important to you, jess? Like talking to a room of 100 people and sharing your teachings with them, or teaching this little boy all of the things that you're meant to teach him? And I really was stumped on that question, because this has been my life for so long doing this podcast and building the sisterhood and creating live events and doing connections. And even as I think about it, I just beam and light up with excitement for all of the things that have happened and all the things that are coming, even if it looks different. But even in those moments of someone asking me that I was just like, I can't give you an answer. They both feel very important to me.
Speaker 1:You listening to this podcast is very important to me. You being a part of this community and being a part of my life and learning and growing in your confidence is so important to me. It's also what I've known for so long and all of a sudden I'm thrown into a new path of being a mother and not really sure truly what I want to teach this boy, what I want to teach my family, where I want it to go, and so I've just been trusting more and more to follow the path that feels good, and lately that path has just been more intimate, like retreats and the sisterhood and really leaning into the people who are right in front of me. And no, I don't need rooms of 100 people for that to happen. I thought I did, but I think that was more my ego than it actually being what felt aligned and from a human design perspective.
Speaker 1:I'm just someone who has to do a lot of trial and error. I have to try these things out, like hosting events and, you know, starting a podcast when I had no idea what I was doing or what was going on, or even, you know, figuring out times to start recording these podcasts. Like, I have to try it in order to find out if it's what I like to do, and I think that's why I'm so passionate about sharing these journeys of changing your mind because I have to try things and if I don't like it, I'm so passionate about sharing these journeys of changing your mind because I have to try things and if I don't like it, I'm going to change my mind on if I'm going to do it or not, and that goes in so many areas of your life. I actually one of my mentors, keisha Get Mary. She changes her mind all the freaking time, all of the time, and it really has inspired me to also do the same, and having those examples ahead of me helps me to do it, to hopefully also lead by example for you.
Speaker 1:Maybe you listening to this right now you've been stuck in a season of doing things that you thought you were supposed to be doing and you want to change your mind. You want to do something new. You want to shift away from what you believed was meant for you and it's not. And I see you. I know it's freaking hard, but I hope that you know, by watching me change my mind a hundred different times, that you can also do the same. And that was really just a long way of me telling you that I've just been working really hard to follow my heart, to be in the place that I feel is most important, and right now it's with you and focusing on this podcast. It's with the Selfish Sisterhood and focusing deeply on the connections and the people in there and putting all of my energy into that space I should say all of my work energy into that space in the limited time that I have, and also raising my son and putting all of my energy there first. The two focuses right now are raising my son, focusing on my health, and then what energy is left goes into the podcast, goes into work and goes into everybody in the Selfish Sisterhood. And it's actually worked really well in these last 10 weeks for me to be sitting here and recording this with the energy that I do have late in the evening after momming all day. It is just reminding me more and more that I am exactly where I need to be, that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing and that I'm divinely guided to sharing this message with you but to also do what feels right for me.
Speaker 1:And I had a lot of guilt around that, especially in the beginning. You know, the first six weeks of parenthood, just trying to navigate what business and work would look like. And when I started to release that piece of it and I could just focus on what was important and what was right in front of me and what needed my attention the most, which is my son, everything else seemed to fall into place, and I don't know if that's ever happened to you before, where you've had something that you've wanted or something that you felt you should do and then you started to follow the steps to get there and things just started to work out. That is just the absolute magic, right. Like that's how it's meant to be. Not that everything doesn't take effort, but I do believe in ease and flow, and I saw this reel the other day of this girl who started to use this saying that said like I'm so lucky, everything works out for me and things in our life just started to fall into place, and I've been trying to implement that too. Like I'm so lucky, everything is working out for me and work has been falling into place and life's been falling into place and it just feels really good that I can go with.
Speaker 1:That ease and flow that I bring a lot to this podcast can also happen in other areas of my life? I don't know. I'm just saying Maybe you need to hear that too. You need a little more ease and flow, that sometimes we don't have to plan every minute or plan every launch or figure out all of the behind the scenes of our business or our lives or all of the pieces. You don't have to have it all figured out in order to make magic happen in your life and really to take those steps in the directions that feel right for you, regardless of what your mom says, regardless of what your partner says, regardless of what sometimes your brain says. Follow your heart, move in the direction that feels right and take steps. That way we don't have to go all in. You do not have to cannonball.
Speaker 1:I used to have a saying on my wall. It said like leap and the net will appear. But I don't think you really have to leap off a cliff in order to take that step in the direction that feels right for you, in order for you to be going where you need to be going. You can tiptoe, you can dip your toe in the water. You can take the smallest steps in that direction to get there, to feel more confident in your decisions. You do not have to leap, because sometimes the net does not appear Okay. We know that that's the truth. We can have faith that everything's going to work out. But it's going to be rocky.
Speaker 1:And again that goes back to maybe, if you're in a season of highs or a season of lows and you aren't feeling like the synchronicities and the things are lining up in front of you. I see you, my friend, it can be dark. It can be really dark if you're in that middle messy season that we talked about last week. But know that if you're taking the small actions that feel really good for you or even just like feel okay right now in these seasons, it's going to take you where you need to go.
Speaker 1:And some of the things that I do, especially in those dark seasons, I try to just spend a lot of time in my head. I don't necessarily always think you have the time to sit down and journal, and especially now, as I have a kid who doesn't really let me do a lot of things right now, journaling isn't always on the top of my list. Yeah, I had some time to sit down before doing this podcast episode, but that's not the norm and if that's the case. I just try to spend time in my head, to turn off those numbings like scrolling on my phone or watching another episode of TV, and just spend time in my head. I find it makes a really big difference. It's about like drowning out the noise, and I think for so many of us, the noise is what makes us feel safer. It's what makes us feel more comfortable, because we're used to there being a lot of busyness around us. We're used to life being big and everything just like being there. There's always a distraction. There's literally always a distraction that you could lean on and that you can numb with. And if you can spend a couple minutes a day in what I like to call a nothing pocket or, you know, in just your head, and let it all flow, whatever comes up in your head, whatever message needs to come out in your head, let that be the message that you spend time with today. I think it makes a really big difference and maybe you'll start to see too that it doesn't have to be big. The message and the next step, the action that you need to take, does not need to be big.
Speaker 1:Unlike last year I thought everything had to be big and this year I'm noticing more and more the importance of simplicity in my life, the importance of ease and flow and just following the direction you have been connecting with these episodes. I have been getting so many messages from people about how you've been connecting with these episodes that I've been creating since becoming a mom and I'm going to tell you I have been questioning every single word that comes out of my mouth because I'm so nervous of the direction that this is going to go that it's going to piss someone off or someone's going to feel uncomfortable with the direction or they are not going to connect with it anymore because I'm a new human. But I'm starting to see that when I lean into my flow and when I'm sharing what's authentic to me, you connect with it more and I am just so dang grateful for you. I'm so grateful that you're on this confidence journey with me, that we've been navigating these last three and a half years together, that you have seen me come, and maybe you're new here and you're like Jess, I haven't seen anything. I am so glad you're here. Hello, my friend, and it's been a journey okay. And if you're just starting here, cool, you're seeing a very new chapter. But if you've been here from the beginning and you're just like Jess I remember you in Barbados, I remember you stepping into podcasting and all of those pieces I am really grateful that we've been on this ride together, that you've been seeing it all, that we've been on this ride together, that you've been seeing it all. And as I step into this new year for me, my 35th birthday coming up in a couple weeks and again my first birthday as a mom, this new chapter of my life I am really excited to bring you along for the ride.
Speaker 1:This podcast is not going anywhere and although I don't always see the vision as it being the biggest thing in the world right, like I used to like it had to be big I think simplicity has beauty in it too, and just allowing it to reach you and reach who it's meant to reach is part of the magic too. So maybe you're in that season where you just want to release some of that expectation that you've been heavily weighing on yourself over the last couple years, or even last couple weeks, sometimes just taking that off your shoulders and just be like hey, however it's meant to be, however it's supposed to play out. I'm going to lean into that in this season right now. It's way better than letting the ego run the show and be like it has to be this way, it has to be perfect, it has to be, it has to have impact right. But I think if I can impact just one person and knowing in these last few years it's been more than one person and even now I can confidently say it is at least one person being my son, I think there's something really magical in that too and I'm like that is the biggest thing ever, right. And going back to the story of what's more important right now a hundred people listening to this or teaching my son I still truly believe that they're equal. I still feel like there is really big importance in both of those, and I know my mission and my purpose here is to impact people, my family included and also you. So I am so glad you're here and I'm going to be honest with you. A lot of that was not what I wrote down in the middle of the night to chat with you about today. It just kind of flowed in a different direction and I am assuming it's what you needed to hear today week, because I have a really great topic that I really want to talk to you about.
Speaker 1:But I don't want to make this episode too long because, if that's the case, we all know my husband listens to podcast episodes that are like five hours long. Like can you tell me? That's crazy, right? So when I was talking to my girlfriends about it, they're like no, no, I feel like most women, we are like a 30 minute chunk kind of thing. Like if I can't listen to the episode when I'm walking the dog, I don't know if I'm going to listen or ever finish it. Meanwhile, for him, he'll just play it in the background or like have it on throughout his whole day when he's getting in and out of the truck. Like just play it. Like it's like almost like he just keeps his friends on FaceTime like all day, like almost like that. You know what I mean. Like it's just like hey, friends on FaceTime like all day, like almost like that. You know what I mean. Like it's just like hey, I just keep them in the background. But no, I couldn't and wouldn't.
Speaker 1:And maybe you listening to this, you're like Jess, I listen to five hour podcast episodes. I love that for you. I feel like most of us were in that 30 minute range, so I don't want to go too far over, but I have a really great topic and idea for you for next week, so stay tuned for that. And I just want to remind you that you are exactly where you're meant to be. Everything is flowing for you. You are so lucky. Everything is working out for you, even if you're in the low, low season, even if it just doesn't feel right right now.
Speaker 1:Start to take some steps into the light of what does feel right and know that it's all going to work out. I love you so, so much. I'm so grateful that you're here and that you're part of this journey, and I'm just beaming from ear to ear as I make this podcast episode, knowing that it's what was meant to come out. It was what, what was meant to be said today, and I wish you the best and most confident week ever. I'll talk to you soon. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
