Self(ish) Confidence

[271] Between Now & Next: The Messy Middle of Transition Seasons

• Jess Clerke • Episode 271

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Life's transitions often leave us dangling in "the in-between" – those disorienting periods where we no longer fit our old identity but haven't fully stepped into our new one. Whether you're navigating postpartum changes, career shifts, relationship transformations, or any significant life event, these middle spaces can feel both uncomfortable and sacred.

But what if the in-between isn't something to escape? What if it's actually where the most profound transformation happens? When we slow down and allow ourselves to exist in this space of becoming, we discover parts of ourselves we might have missed if we'd rushed ahead. The discomfort we feel isn't a sign we're doing something wrong – it's evidence we're growing.

The confidence we seek isn't waiting for us on the other side of transformation – it's available to us right now, in the messy middle, if we're willing to claim it. 

Ready to transform your relationship with yourself during life's transitions? The Confidently You 12-week program might be exactly what you need. Through targeted weekly exercises and personalized coaching, you'll build sustainable confidence from the inside out, no matter what season of life you're navigating. Join our community of women embracing their evolving selves – because the in-between is where we discover who we truly are.

Grab your Confidently You + 1:1 Bundle here. 

Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and I am just always in awe of when I finally have time to sit down and record these podcast episodes. Just how different it is than it used to be, whereas before I would just pop on the mic whenever I wanted um, oftentimes when I was home alone and like had a moment of quiet and I knew the dog wasn't gonna bark and I would just flow with it and flow with with whatever I wanted to say. And it's just very different now because, even getting ready to sit down and record this podcast episode right now, I had to pump before I got on here. Not that I had to, but it was probably best to get that done before I hit record and make sure that everyone's situated. I wanted to make some hummus, so I did do that before I got on here, too, have a quick snack, all of the things that I just before would have sat down and just hit record. It takes me a little longer to get here than it used to, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, I think it's just. It takes a lot more planning in my life to coordinate making an episode and, yeah, I'm just. It's just so interesting to me how different life is than it was, you know, a couple months ago. A couple months ago I just could do this whenever I wanted but honestly, I just didn't have the energy then. I feel so much better now through this season of postpartum, and I know that's not the norm for a lot of people. It's also not the norm for a lot of people to be sick, as I was for your pregnancy, but it's just been so interesting to see, yeah, life on the other side and even all like.

Speaker 1:

When I record this, I typically record it on the weekends, when my husband is home, so that I have a little extra support. And I'm not trying to do this in between naps, because that would just like stress me out, because we're in a season where we don't even have a structure for naps and it just, yeah, it could. It could be five minutes, it could be an hour, we have no idea. So I've been planning my office hours and essentially my work time around when he's home, like one evening a week. We have our sisterhood calls on Tuesday nights, so on Tuesday nights I have some time, and on the weekend, at some point I was trying to make it Saturday mornings, but just, you know, life is happening and it's we're making it on Sunday evening instead, and that is totally okay. It's a season of flow and flexibility and and I'm working with it and I had this question on my stories last week when I was talking about, just like you know, ask me anything.

Speaker 1:

Somebody asked like what's the most surprising piece about motherhood for you? Like what's the most surprising piece on this journey? And it's how much I can get done on little sleep and even from the beginning. And if you hear a cat crying Benny's in here and he's chilling with me If I open the door and let him out, he's going to cry on the outside of the door. So it's just deciding do we keep him inside or do we let him outside? We don't know what, so it's just deciding do we keep him inside or do we let him outside? We don't know what's the right choice, we never know. But you might hear a little kitty cat, and that's my guy, that's Ben. But it's just so surprising, yeah, how much you can do before.

Speaker 1:

I am a person who loves my sleep. Like maybe you are too and you're listening to this and you're like I love a good afternoon nap. And I always said to people who had kids like I don't know how you do it Now, being on the other side, and I only have one and he's pretty young and he naps quite a bit, but you just do it. You just I don't know. The energy for me is insane. It's the most surprising aspect. I thought I would have no energy. I thought I'd be a zombie all the time, but I feel really good and I don't know if it's like adrenaline or what, but that's one of the most surprising pieces. And the other piece that I found like really surprising is just how sore my nipples are, like all of the time. All of the time, like even just trying to pump right before getting on here and I'm sitting here and I'm like okay, like you're just so aware of your nipples and I never really gave them much thought before having a kid and that's probably like the two most surprising pieces to me.

Speaker 1:

This journey, like the whole thing is really like even just getting trapped in a nap today and just being stuck on the couch and probably for a couple hours I just enjoyed it so much and that really surprised me Really, really, really surprised me, because I just thought that that would be one of those things that I would see as a nuisance and I probably did for like a week, because, again, society tells us to create independent children from the beginning. It's really kind of the normal thing to like get them detached as soon as possible, right, and to bounce back, but I just love sitting there snuggled up and he's just so stinking cute and it's just the best feeling. And I never thought that that would be the case either. I thought I'd be hustling and busy and doing all the things, but it's really nice to slow down in this season too, and I've been trying to lean into that more and more.

Speaker 1:

If you're listening to this in any way, this could be advice for anyone, not even just a new mom. If you're someone who's really busy, try just like slowly taking a layer back, to just slow down, just even for like five minutes. I know for some people they don't feel safe to do this because you're just so used to being busy, busy, busy and go, go, go, go go. But there's something really special in that slow down too, to enjoy and to relax and to just, yeah, take in the view, take in the moments, because now they come a little fewer and far between. There's not always moments for us to do that. So I'm really surrendering in the times that I can and enjoying the slowdown process.

Speaker 1:

There are so many things I wish I also could be doing, like sitting down and making more episodes or even just reading a book. Lately is something that I've been really wanting to do. I got some books from the library and I am bringing them back to the library pretty much with like a chapter read in each of them. I should have known that I wasn't going to be able to sit down and read a book. Audiobooks are the way to go right now. Podcasts are the way to go right now, but it's just. Yeah, I'd love to be able to do some of these things, but that's for another season and I know we talked about that a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 1:

I've been really, really enjoying everybody's feedback on these episodes because, I'm not gonna lie, this is a weird in-between season for me of me trying to figure out where this podcast is going and who I am even in this, and I've always brought you along from the very beginning. It's never been. You know, I have this all figured out. Let's, let me tell you this, let me teach you this it's really always been about navigating who I am in this season and bringing you along for the ride, and I feel like this season of motherhood and postpartum it's no different. I want to bring you along for the ride, but the ride feels strange because I'm in the in-between, and that's what I wanted to talk to you about today the in-between.

Speaker 1:

And I noticed this more the other day when I was going through my closet and I felt this too when I was pregnant and I was getting bigger, I was in the in-between right, not necessarily in maternity clothes, but definitely not in my old jeans and it was this weird in-between season where you're just like I don't know what to wear, I don't know what's going to fit. I am a whole new body and I think we go through this a lot growing up, right, especially as we age out of clothes and we grow out of clothes. But that's kind of how it's supposed to be right. We know we're going to grow out of them and, for some reason, when we become adults and even through you know, pregnancy but also just growing as a woman, we are going through changes in our bodies all the time and, for some reason, if we don't fit into our high school jeans which I don't even want to fit into those, those are like butt crack city. Okay, like fitting into our, you know, old clothes when we were younger is what our society, you know, celebrates. Right, oh, I can fit into my old jeans. How exciting is this?

Speaker 1:

And don't get me wrong, I'm all about health and feeling your best and physically, you know, feeling strong. But you can feel strong and also have massive changes in your body. I feel physically really great right now. Postpartum, I've healed really well. We're hiking in the woods as much as we can, I'm out on walks every day and no, I'm not back in the gym because my physio said maybe just hold off a little bit longer and I don't want to hurt myself.

Speaker 1:

But also, physically, when I look in the mirror I don't see the way that I feel on the inside. And maybe that's you too in the season that you're in. You're looking in the mirror and you're just like. It just doesn't match what I have in my head or how I'm feeling on the inside. And I often call this kind of the in-between. And this happened the other day when I was in the closet too opposite to when I was pregnant. It's like's like okay, well, I'm not necessarily in maternity clothes anymore, but I'm definitely not in my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm in this weird in-between where I'm just like I don't know what to wear, what my style is right now. Or you know, partly I don't want to wear some of my nicer things because they're probably going to get vomited on and some things don't fit. So you're just in this weird in-between season where physically you feel really strong, but maybe that physical body doesn't reflect that to society standards, let's say.

Speaker 1:

Right, I could see all of the changes that feel really good and the energy that I have and the health that's coming back and, you know, my body replenishing Again. I can also be an optimist, you guys know this. I have and the health that's coming back and, you know, my body replenishing Again. I can also be an optimist, you guys know this. I have my glitter goggles on and I'm just like everything's great. Let's go for a run when, in reality, your body's still healing and should probably take some time for rest. But I just feel physically well.

Speaker 1:

But when I look in the mirror and I know I can't put my jeans on, you're just like wait a second, am I not? You get stuck in your head, you get caught up in your head of of, am I really not as healthy healthy as I thought I was? Because society tells us that health is a size, health is a, you know, a specific body. There's an image that equals health and the in-between that you're in between, you know, maternity and regular. I don't even know what I would call it typical, my typical self, my pre-pregnancy self. It's just a really, you know, interesting place to be. I don't even want to say difficult, because I'm not rushing to lose the weight, but I also just want to feel good when I look in the mirror and I'd love to know how that lands for you too.

Speaker 1:

When you look in the mirror and you are looking at your clothes and you're looking at your body and your clothes, how are you feeling? Because body confidence is a huge aspect to the world that we live in. I think we can mentally be in one space and can really work on that internal confidence. That space is so important to get your head reprogrammed, to finally see yourself in a different light, to see yourself as beautiful, to see yourself as confident, to see yourself as the magical human that you are Like. It takes a lot of work mentally to get there. It also takes a lot of work to see that reflected on the outside, and when those two things don't match, it can be really, really confusing for you and for me right now, it's not even just the physical aspect of my clothes or my closet or just, yeah, being in this in-between in the journey of postpartum.

Speaker 1:

It is also the in-between of becoming a new version of myself where I'm not exactly the person. I'm not definitely not exactly, not at all the person who started this podcast over three years ago. Right, if we don't change in three years, like, why are you still here listening to this podcast, right, obviously person, not even the person I was a year ago, but I'm still not the person that I'm becoming and I'm in this in-between of figuring out what do I want to share. What's this podcast about? Where are we going? Like all of these pieces, where it's just like navigating this season of change.

Speaker 1:

And I'm in the in-between and I've been getting so much feedback from people who've been listening to these recent episodes, these first couple episodes since having a baby, and people are connecting with them. You're connecting with them and maybe you're not. If you're listening to this and you're like, actually I'm not, jess, I'm out of here. Peace, thank you for listening. I'm so grateful that you're here and that you gave it a shot. If it's not for you, I totally understand, but for the people who've been listening, whether you're new here or you've been listening for a while, you've been connecting with it and maybe it's because you can relate to this new journey that I'm on too.

Speaker 1:

I don't know exactly what it is, but I was telling a few people last week about the episode of what's your Green and what's your Gifts and listening to it back and just trying to figure out like, oh, am I even cut out for this podcasting thing anymore, but listening to how much you've been connecting to it, I'm just in my head, because in the in-between, again, when things aren't equal, right, the outside experience and the inside experience don't, you know, connect. It is really confusing. And when you're in these seasons, again, we know I'm not an expert here. This is just what I do is I really try to work on figuring out who I am through the process? There's no like I don't know what the final destination is. There's no like, oh, when I get here, it's going to be X, y, z.

Speaker 1:

It's just about understanding who you are in these changes and asking yourself those really simple questions to understand who you are. You know, what is it that I want to do for dinner tonight? Right, not just from a standpoint of, like I'm exhausted, I don't want to cook anything, but like, what do I want to do? What would I want to have? If I could have anything, regardless of if this is actually going to happen or not, but if I could have anything, what would that thing be? What would I want to have for dinner? Or, you know, if I could do anything it's my day off and I could do absolutely anything. What would I want that to be?

Speaker 1:

And really starting to get clear on what it is that you want in your life in this season right now. And that's the best thing to do in the in-between, because, as you're becoming this new version of yourself and I truly kind of believe that I say I truly kind of, no, I believe that we're always in the in-between, right. We're always becoming a new version of ourselves. It's just sometimes more clear that you're in the in-between, like when your genes don't fit, or you know you're switching careers, or you know you're just getting married, or there's so many in-betweens that can be really transformative in your life. I think that COVID and that period where we were just in lockdown for so long was an in-between, because we're just like everything feels like a pause button. The world is on pause, and maybe your world feels on pause right now. It's such an important time for you to just start to get to know yourself in a new way. I find, when I'm in these in-betweens and it's been like this for postpartum too is just sometimes you doom scroll or you get caught up because you're just like I don't know where to start or where to go, so I'm just going to stop, hit the stop button instead of the pause button or instead of just like making that, like slowing down just a little bit and you need to do what's best for you and it's in between, maybe it is slowing down and hitting the stop button.

Speaker 1:

I really like to journal in this season. I really like to. I've been dabbling a lot into podcasts where I've taken a bit of a pause a podcaster who's taking a pause in podcasts because I just was trying to figure out out my own stuff in my head before getting into other people's heads. And one of the things I've been wanting to share more about lifestyle things going on in my life and I know that you often connect really deeply with the content that I do, but I could get caught up in my head of like, well, it's not valuable. People don't want to see this, you know, especially where I was child-free by choice and then now, all of a sudden, I'm a mom. People do not want to see my mom content. People do not want to see, you know, insert the things that we tell ourselves, right. But it's about tuning in to what it is that you want to do and I've been really wanting to share more lifestyle content. So it's about stepping into a version of myself that feels confident to do that.

Speaker 1:

Where can you let some of that creativity flow for you to be able to I don't know get to know this new version of you, get to know yourself in a new light? Maybe you like doing puzzles and you never liked doing them before. You don't know unless you step into it. You don't know unless you try things. So what could be that thing for you?

Speaker 1:

I know still, I love being in nature and I really want my son to love nature too. I'm like please, love it outside. I want to be outside. I hope you like it too. So every day I've been trying to get him outside, whether it's in the carrier and I'm carrying him, or on the weekends we try to get out in the woods. Glenn, my husband it was his first time, you know, finding a carrier that fit for him, so he got to carry the baby and it was just like a really nice way for me to encourage our baby to like it outside, to hope for the best, I think.

Speaker 1:

I think we're going to get one that likes nature, but you never know, and it's so important to find those things where it can be your creative outlet, especially in this in-between. Maybe it's painting for you, maybe you always liked painting, but the season just kind of feels a little strange and you're not sure if that's the thing for you anymore. So try something new, try something else. But I think the worst thing we can do in these seasons is just to numb out and be like, okay, well, when I get to the other side, that's when I'll pick clothes that fit, or that's when I'll get back into my fun creative outlets when I get there. But there's so many things you can do in the in-between too, and in this season, even though it doesn't feel like there is really small things make a big difference.

Speaker 1:

That's what the year of confidence was all about. If you're not, you're not sure what that is. I started this project called the year of confidence was all about. If you're not, you're not sure what that is. I started this project called the year of confidence when I first started this podcast and it was my way of getting to know myself again in a season that was coming out of darkness. It really was a pause season for me. Coming back from Barbados, barbados was like a pause season because there wasn't much that I could do and we lived there for about a year, year and a half and so coming home and starting this year of confidence project, it was all about small little actions and it feels like that again. It feels like this season is about small little actions into finding myself in motherhood and, honestly, I never have felt more like myself than I do now in motherhood and I told that to a friend the other day, because I think we don't always hear that narrative, we don't always see the positive side of postpartum, and for me, thankfully, it's been a really, really positive experience and I'm getting to know this new version of myself. But I really like her, I really like Jess as a mom.

Speaker 1:

It's a really great balance of navigating, slowing down and enjoying these moments with a newborn, but also getting my creativity back and finding my muse again and finding all the things that just feel really good. And so if you're in an in-between season, I just encourage you to start small. Start with you know, finding something that lights you up a little bit. Five minutes of joy a day can go a really long way. Maybe that's reading a book or grabbing a puzzle, or taking a bath, shaving your legs oh man, is there anything better than just like shaving your legs and just feeling like clean? I don't know. I do really enjoy soft legs or just playing ball outside. Finding ways to just bring joy back into your day is really going to help you. In this in-between season. That's what I've been doing a lot of, and I've also been surrendering a lot to slowing down and allowing myself to get nap trapped sometimes, allowing myself to find peace to sleep in if I need to like. Just finding those pockets where I can find peace and joy and rest is so, so, so important in the season for me right now.

Speaker 1:

And if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, a year of year of confidence, that sounds really cool, like I really want to access my confidence again. I want to feel my best. I created a program called Confidently you. It's a 12-week program that helps you to discover the version of you that you're becoming, and every week there's a different task we go through. You know physical aspects of confidence, mental aspects of confidence. You know, know yourself, but also different habits that I created and that I did throughout my process of the year of confidence. And every week there's a different thing for you to try and it's not overwhelming in the sense where you're like I got to do all of this stuff.

Speaker 1:

Like, oh my gosh, if you know me, I don't have a large attention span. Glenn was telling me the other day how he was listening to a five-hour podcast. Okay, I said women do not do that. We are like a 30-minute podcast Gang, like we are not listening to a five-hour episode, but my attention span is short. So there are activities that you can do in five minutes or less a day and it is guaranteed I shouldn't say guaranteed, I think it's guaranteed if you were to follow this plan, you are going to feel more confident walking out of 12 weeks of making yourself a priority and it helps you to build your own year of confidence. And I'm pairing that with one-to-one coaching so that you can feel your best and also have that support to learn and ask me questions along the way. And through that process you also get access to the Selfish Sisterhood. So it's really this beautiful bundle of working on yourself for 12 weeks alongside me, one-to-one, so that I can get to know you, that I can share and help you along this journey of finding yourself again in a really like, customizable and personal way, and then have that community aspect of the Selfish Sisterhood, to really connect with other people who are going on similar journeys, who are trying to figure things out.

Speaker 1:

Our workshop in april is all about financial self-care tips and I'm just so excited to lean into this season, as spring is blossoming, to become more confident, walking into the summer. Right, and that has nothing to do with my physical body, it has to do with the inside pieces of me, figuring out this in-between season, because I know, if I get caught up in the aspect of I'm only focusing on physical, I'll only feel confident when these jeans fit again, or I'll only feel confident when I can wear anything other than leggings. That's not going to work, because I'm going to be in leggings for a while. Well, I actually probably could go out and buy a new pair of jeans. That's probably what I will do. But anyways, that being said, until I go out and buy a new pair of jeans, I'm going to be in leggings for a while, and I don't want to wait until I become this version of myself that I'm becoming in order to feel good, in order to feel confident, I want to feel good in the in-between too, and yes, this is a freaking rollercoaster ride. Some days are going to feel really good and some days I'm going to look in the mirror and just be like what the heck just happened? Okay, my boobs aren't looking that great. My belly's got stretch marks on it.

Speaker 1:

This is the season that we're in, okay, and if I can only look at myself in disgust when I look in the mirror and not in love and in confidence, it really isn't going to go very far. It's really not going to be good for anyone if I'm hating on myself and how. What's that teaching this new little baby in our lives? What's that teaching, you know, my goddaughters and the people around me and the women in the sisterhood who I lead every single day? What's that teaching them? That they can only love themselves when they're at a certain weight, or that they can only love themselves when you know they can look in the mirror and not cry? Well, that's not helping them too.

Speaker 1:

So it's so important in these seasons to really put yourself as a priority, but that priority not having to be a 24-7 thing, because you know especially anyone listening who's in a busy season. I know a lot of you are. There's not time for us to put ourselves that self-care first a lot of the time, right? So five minutes a day can really make a big impact on your life and we do have five minutes. I know it's harder to find, and I can see that especially now sitting down on this mic. All the things that I had to do just to get here.

Speaker 1:

I know it's harder to find, and I can see that especially now sitting down on this mic all the things that I had to do just to get here. It's like we had to take the dog for a walk and, you know, had to get food for the baby and I wanted to make a snack for myself and then, you know, I had to pump a little bit and then I really like to get in the zone with, you know, getting my head mentally here before moving forward and it and just like so many things that take time and take energy that we don't always have a lot of in our day. So I want you to know that you can be confidently you. In five minutes a day or less, you can make moves in who you are becoming and in the season of the in-between, in not a lot of time, you just have to make it a priority to know that in the in-between you can still do some things. So maybe just like cut back on the scrolling and add five minutes of meditation in right. Or cut back on watching binge watching Love is Blind, which you know.

Speaker 1:

Obviously, we all know I did I've been watching a lot of TV lately. Cut back a little bit on the TV and put that podcast on. Maybe that's what you're doing right now. I love that so much for you. I'm so grateful that you're here and that you're part of this community, because without you we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't still be recording podcast episodes three and a half years later, and the feedback that I've been getting lately honestly every message that I get brings me to tears. Every time that you share it on your stories, that you're listening to a podcast episode or that you connected with it, it just makes me feel so grateful that I keep showing up, even in the in-between, even in these seasons where I'm just like not sure where it's going or not sure what's happening. But we're figuring it out together and I'm just so grateful for that.

Speaker 1:

So if you connect with this podcast episode, please share it with a friend. Please share it on your stories or send me a DM and just be like Jess, I loved that one. You know I'm in an in-between too, or hey, I'm trying to make five minutes for myself. Love to be some accountability buddies, like I'm with you on this journey of trying to navigate the in-between and, yeah, I'm just really, really grateful that you're here. So, with that being said, thanks so much for tuning in this week and I will put all the information for, confidently you with that one-to-one coaching and the selfish sisterhood bundle in the show notes for you to be able to check out that maybe this is the season that you take a little extra time for you and the next 12 weeks if you're listening to this in real time, we'll be heading into summer and that's a really great time for you to be stepping into your most confident version of yourself, maybe with your own year of confidence, and you can build that through this program confidently.

Speaker 1:

You so I love you so much. I hope you're having a wonderful week and remember, fear in the in-between it's okay, it's just the in-between. It's a period of time where things might feel a little strange, but there is light at the end and you are going to get there. We're going to get there together. So I hope you have a wonderful week and I'll talk to you soon. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.

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Jess Clerke

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