Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
It's OK if you can't see the vision ✨
In today's podcast, Jess discusses the unpredictability of life and why it's okay not to have a clear vision for the future. She emphasizes embracing uncertainty, taking time for rest, and pursuing joy as ways to find clarity and adapt to life’s changes.
• Reflecting on personal life transitions and how they influence planning
• The importance of openness to change in crafting life visions
• Emphasizing the necessity of self-care and rest
• How small actions can generate clarity amid uncertainty
• Creating personalized vision boards to nurture joy and reflection
• Allowing space for development and unexpected opportunities
• Inviting guidance from the universe in times of confusion
Join Confidently You, a revolutionary 12-week program meticulously created to empower you, boost your confidence, and help you cultivate lasting habits that will elevate every aspect of your life. (https://jessclerke.com/confidently-you)
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Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started.
Speaker 2:Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and it's just me today. It's just me today and I think this is the first time sitting down recording a solo episode in 2025. Like, how wild is it that it's 2025? I think the last five years is a blur and I only say that because I can kind of like pinpoint, obviously, what happened five years ago and I know you can too and it's just so interesting to think how much can change in your life in five years. And do you know, like in high school or even like today, right, we have these moments where we're like, five years from now, I want to be here. I bet I could find a journal from before 2020, even like 2019, where I'm looking at like where I want my life to be in five years. And here we are sitting down five years later and I am 37 weeks pregnant at the time of this recording being released and I don't think I would have written that on the paper. I know I wouldn't have written that on the paper and it's just been a really interesting season of figuring that out, and today I really wanted to talk to you about it being okay if you can't see the vision, it being okay if you can't see five years down the road from now or even one year down the road from now. Last year I was having a really hard time mapping out business goals and life goals and you know, as someone who does this regularly with my clients, but also with myself, I really couldn't see what 2025 could look like and even now it still sometimes feels blurry. But with some practice I was able to get like bits and pieces and start to see a vision. But it took a lot of effort and I wanted to talk to you about that today, but before I do, let me give you a little life update, since it's just you and me hanging out. I wish I was drinking something more fun, but it's just some water over here and my whole life in the last three weeks looks very different.
Speaker 2:Although I'm recording in the same space that I have been recording since we moved into this house three years ago, the room looks different. The room looks different because this is what's going to be the baby's room and Glenn, my wonderful husband, moved all of my office stuff downstairs into our what was our guest room, which is now going to be my office space, and move and started to build the things that we needed to build in this baby's room, like a crib and a dresser and a change table and all those things Right, and thankfully he did that. He's an action guy and if you know me, you know I'm not always in that fast pace world. So thankfully the space is done and ready and we're ready for whatever whenever this baby decides to come. But we decided to keep my podcasting space in the corner in the nursery for right now, because it takes me a while to get used to a space that I'm recording in and I didn't want to throw everything off and bring everything downstairs and, knowing that we're not really using this room for anything other than like changing diapers and changing outfits a little bit for a while anyway, I figured it'd be a great space to keep recording.
Speaker 2:I know the sound is good in here, I know all of the things, but it's just interesting to be sitting here and not looking at my desk in front of me and not looking at what I usually have like these murals on the wall and motivational posters and my diploma and things like that. I'm literally looking at a crib Weird and sitting beside our change table dressing. What is this called A dresser? Yeah, a dresser dressing. What is this called A dresser? Yeah, a dresser. And yeah, it's just so different than how I've ever sat down to record and although I know my life is like about to change and obviously has been changing for the last nine months, it still feels really surreal to be sitting in this space and to be sitting in this room and it not be the room that I've been like building a business with for the last like three years and it not be the space that I have been recording podcast episodes in for you for the last three years and it's just. Yeah, I had that transition when we moved into this house. It took me a little bit of time to get used to a space because, again, I just have to adjust. I have to feel the Everything has to feel right in order for me to sit down and record these episodes for you, and if I'm not feeling it like I can't do it, and I know I could force myself, but you would know Like I think you, listening to this, you'd be like oh, I know Jess is not feeling it today and I'm sure there's been some episodes like that through this pregnancy process. But today is not that day. It just is a different vibe because, yeah, we're surrounded by baby items and not my usual office stuff and even with that, life's been pretty unpredictable around here holidays, because I really wanted to unplug and take a break.
Speaker 2:But we had one of our cats got really really sick on Boxing Day and then again just before New Year's, and so we were just in like healing mode for this guy and we are still in like healing mode and nurturing mode for our big guy. He's our orange cat. His name is Murphy. He's the freaking cutest, he's the cuddliest and he's the best. But he is also really lazy and he doesn't really care to eat. And when I switched up some of his food because of some dietary restrictions that he recently went on, it messed things up. And when it messed things up, he got super constipated, super dehydrated and we were just like what is happening, what's going on? And so after a few days in the emergency vet he came home and he was doing better. But even now he's just not a hundred percent. He's like he's the guy that, like you know, a picky toddler when they're eating and they're just like I don't want to eat that. That is my friend Murphy right now, and so he might have like a few good days of eating, and then other days he's like I am not going to eat this garbage that you're feeding me, and he has to eat specific things right now, and so it's just been a really funny journey of like waiting for his poop and then when his poop comes, like feeling it, like to see like, yeah, someone listening to this is like you are absolutely nuts. You're going to have a baby any day and you're feeling your cat's poop. But yes, yes, we are. Glenn is literally syringe feeding this guy like several times a day. He's on laxatives. He's just yep. It's been a journey.
Speaker 2:So 2025 has started really interestingly over here and it's just, yeah, one of those things that it shows you and reminds you that everything is unpredictable. You literally do not know what could happen tomorrow, and especially for someone who's pregnant. Obviously you could go into labor at any moment at this point, but you too, like you listening to this, if you're not pregnant, tomorrow is not guaranteed. You do not know what's coming tomorrow, what's going to happen tomorrow. We can think, we can have our agenda, we can write our plans out and be like, okay, I'm doing this recording this day and I have a doctor's appointment this day and I'm going to have dinner with my husband this day. Like, you can write it all out. You can have the vision right, you can have the perfect vision board and the perfect dream, but it doesn't mean it's going to go that way. It does not mean it is going to go that way at all, right, and for my planners they hate that. I know you're listening to this right now and you're like shut up, jess, my plan is going to happen, but you literally do not know.
Speaker 2:Tomorrow is not guaranteed and I think, when it comes to this vision that we have for life, or even the vision we have for a business or our job or our family, we can see things and we can picture things, see a vision, maybe some steps and some tips that can help you to start a process, to just see something or to move in a direction, or even to just rest. But even if you're the person who has the perfect vision board planned out, or the roadmap to success in your pocket, or everything that you see five years from now, this is where my life is going to be there's a good chance it's not going to look like that and I don't want to be a Debbie Downer on you, and I'm not even trying to be a Downer at all. I'm just being realistic in this sense that nobody predicted what happened five years ago and I think because of that, everything is different now. Everything is changing now and there's some big things happening in our world that are going to shift things very soon and, as that happens, I just think we have to walk into things with an open mind. We have to walk into life with an open mind and even if you're very clear on what that vision is and what you want, I love that for you.
Speaker 2:I was so clear on where I wanted to be, what I wanted my business to look like, especially even the beginning of last year, like I just knew things were going to change, but I had this vision of success and the event and the retreat. And as soon as those things happened and I even checked the boxes, or even really since, like getting pregnant everything just shifted. And even though the vision happened and I checked the boxes and everything on my vision board was like oh sweet, you did it, cool, good job I still didn't feel aligned. So even if you're on that track for the vision that you have, it could still shift and change and move into different directions. And one of the things I really learned last year even the year before that, when we first started talking about changing our minds having an open mind and an open door was the best thing I ever did, because I could be really closed off when I have an idea and I have a vision and I'm like this is it. This is the only way it has to be this perfect vision and there's less flexibility with it, less openness with it. It can't evolve into something even better than what you had ever pictured.
Speaker 2:So let's say, you pictured life a year from now and you wanted to make a certain income in your business, or you wanted to have this many kids in your family, or you're going to be married to Brad Pitt or whoever it is, and you have this like vision. You're like that's it, it's this, this or bust. You don't know there could be something better on the other side. You don't know what could be there. If we start closing doors, like I did and said I am never having kids, like I am never doing this, and once I closed that door and I was pretty secure in closing that door. I couldn't even see that there might have been something different for me and something better for me.
Speaker 2:And I'm not saying, if you are closed, like on certain things in your life, and you're just like the door's closed, and I am okay with that, I love that for you. Do what you have to do. But sometimes it's okay to question it and sometimes it's okay to open the door, even just a crack, because opening the door doesn't mean you're going to get pregnant, okay. Opening the door doesn't mean that you have to do the thing. It just means the door is open and there's possibility to go in or out.
Speaker 2:And I found that to be really helpful for me in this journey, especially with visions, because, instead of being so closed off that I was just like nope, not for me, never, ever going to do that thing, having the door open allowed there to be space for conversation, allowed there to be space for the vision to change and allowed there to just be opportunity for my life to be a little bit different. And it didn't mean we had to do it, it just meant the door was open and I think, if we can walk into 2025 with the vision boards we have, or the ideas we have or the goals we have or the life that we want. If we can walk into this with an open mind, it will make a really big difference in as things ebb and flow throughout the next five years and even just year in general, as things start to shift, that we can adapt and that we can change. And if you start to get these feelings in your belly or you start to hear this little voice in your ear and it's like hey, maybe there's something better for you, maybe there's something different over here that it doesn't totally rock your world, and if you are really clear on what the 2025 vision is and where you're going and what you want in life, I love that for you. I really do.
Speaker 2:But most of my clients and most of the people that I've been talking to lately, especially in the sisterhood, they're starting to see things feeling a little different, not quite sure where they want to go or what's next and what's the steps, and there's just a lot of confusion. It almost feels like, and when that happens, when you have this confusion in your vision one, it could, because you're in this like middle holding period and maybe you really need rest, one of the number one things that you can do for yourself in these seasons where you're just like, okay, but the rest of the world's hustling, and you know I gotta hustle too and I gotta do this and I want to be really clear on my vision and you know I'm going to do 75 hard and I'm going to do, you know, insert all of the major big goals that we see people doing on social media right now, or even probably in your life. Just take a quick pause, take a step back and allow yourself a little bit of space to rest. I had to do that for a while last year and I got really uncomfortable with it because I was making these big moves, my business right, having a big event like speak up or, you know, planning an international retreat or, you know, growing my client base and all of these things. But I needed to make sure that I had the space to allow there to be the growth that I needed, but also the rest that I needed. In those rest periods, in the times that I slowed down, I could give my body and my brain a break in order to understand and see where I wanted to go, in order for me to like, prioritize what was important and in order for me to just like, allow there to be space and also like, sometimes to try some new things.
Speaker 2:I don't think we often give ourselves enough time and space to play and rest. Society, for some reason, as adults, has told us that it's like okay, we got to grind. As soon as you turn this age, you graduate university, you get your job, you do your things, and then you grind until you die. And I just don't want to subscribe to that mentality. And so last year, I think, getting sick for this entire pregnancy really forced me that space to slow down and to see my business differently, to see my life differently, and sometimes we just need to step back.
Speaker 2:So if you're feeling like the vision is not clear for 2025 or even just for the next five years, allow yourself a little bit of space, and it might feel super uncomfy, like it probably will feel super uncomfy, but give yourself the time and the grace to be like hey, I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what the vision is. I'm gonna find out someday, I'll get the download eventually, but right now, I'm gonna take this season to rest, and that can be really hard to do in january when we watch the rest of the world hustle. But from a totally different perspective, the winter is the worst time for us to be hustling Like if we were to go back to our natural roots, this is not the season that we would be setting goals and hustling hard. We would wait till spring, when you know life is coming back.
Speaker 2:Wintertime is a great time to hibernate and to slow down, and so I think if we can lean into that energy a little bit more and like that natural rhythm of the seasons and give yourself some space to hibernate and slow down and do some things that are fun for you, the vision is going to become clear. It's not like you're forever going to be in this period. Somebody said it to me the other day like well, what if I never see it? Or if I slow down, I'm never going to speed back up again? Right, but the trees always bloom and the flowers always come back and you know the butterflies come out and life goes on. It never stops. Nature does not stop. It can just slow down and take a break, but it always comes back, and I think if we can lean into that energy and know that slowing down isn't a bad thing. It always comes back and I think if we can lean into that energy and know that slowing down isn't a bad thing, it's really going to help you to give yourself that space you need for this vision to come to you.
Speaker 2:And for my impatient girlies who are listening to this and they're like, yeah, okay, jess, rest and slow down, like maybe from a human design perspective, my generators, my man gens, who are just like idea, idea, idea, life, life, life, things, things, things moving on. For myself, as a projector who takes things a little bit slower, who sees things a little bit slower, maybe you want to be in that hustle mode and you're just so frustrated with the fact that there's not a clear vision. So you try doing what Sally's doing and I saw someone so set a goal and I'm like, okay, I could try that or that sounds pretty cool, and you go off of what other people are doing, which is totally fine, lean into the inspiration, follow what feels good, but also know that their visions are not yours and you probably have a totally different, a better version of your vision for your life. And if it's not coming clear and through to you right now. There's a couple things you can do in this season, and we've talked about this so many times that action breeds confidence.
Speaker 2:Taking action of some kind can help you to have more confidence, right? We think you know, oh, I'll never be able to feel good in these outfits, or I'll never be able to break dance like that. But you know, if you take some action on it, you probably will feel pretty good about it pretty soon. And the same thing goes for your vision. You can start to ask yourself some questions. So a journaling practice, or even just like talking to yourself like a crazy person while you make soup, is speaking from experience right is just a great way for you to start to get clear on what you want.
Speaker 2:Maybe you're someone who needs to talk things out with a friend, and that can be really helpful, especially in our selfish sisterhood. When we do sisterhood chats, I feel like there's light bulb moments sometimes, too, where it's like, oh, I never thought of it like that, or maybe I could try that thing in my business, and I think it makes a big difference to either chat things out with other people I like to do this on my own, so I'll journal things out or just spend some time in my brain, and it can help you to have some clarity on what that next step might be, because you don't always have to know the 20 steps ahead or what that final destination is. You can just know what the next thing is, one little step in that direction, and maybe that's signing up for a race that you've been thinking about, or joining a club that feels really cool, or, you know, watching a YouTube video and learning to paint if that's something that feels good for you right now, like a small action step. Paint, if that's something that feels good for you right now, like a small action step, again doesn't have to cost anything. You could do totally free activities, but it is going to take you in the direction and when you I think of this like as like the Robert Frost program, like about the two roads, right, you come to that fork in the road and you can't take both roads. Or it's like when you're reading a Goosebumps novel and you can pick one way or the other way, like you can't pick both directions, it has to be one or the other.
Speaker 2:But I do find, as we pick one thing, it we're gonna have that fork in the road again. Something else is gonna come, we're gonna have to make a decision again. So, say, you sign up for the pottery class and you're like, cool, I did this. Whether you like it and you want to go to level two, cool. Or you didn't like it and you want to try something else and you move into watercolor painting, like it is always an action and a movement that is going to help you to get closer to that vision, closer to that thing that might be for you and instead of putting pressure on yourself for it to be like the thing, like I gonna be a potter now, like, instead of being like, this is it or this is the vision. Maybe we can try a few things for fun and see what's going to take us in the direction, because I truly never thought when I started this podcast that I'd be here recording this now talking about these things.
Speaker 2:I honestly, I probably didn't even think that I'd make it this far into podcasting, if I'm being real, and it just helped to take the step forward to buy the mic, to sign up for the course, to, you know, hire a coach or whatever it was for me, like that one step that helped me to get there got me here three years later still recording episodes, still hanging out with you on the microphone, and that just wouldn't have been the case had I not taken some kind of action. And so if you're struggling to see the whole vision, especially, like I was last year, to see what 2025 could look like at all, knowing that my life was going to change dramatically this year and even knowing through pregnancy I had no idea it was going to change dramatically this year, and even knowing through pregnancy I had no idea it was going to change as dramatically as it did getting pregnant I thought I was just going to be like smooth sailing Everything's going to be fine, don't have to worry about it. I had to shift the vision so many times. And when it's unpredictable or when we can't see what's next, you can just take some kind of action, one little step in the direction, book the trip, come to the next selfish retreat, meet a friend for coffee, whatever it is, the smallest things. Join the sisterhood and join us for a sis chat and chat things out.
Speaker 2:Little things can make a big difference and I find too, looking at your life and the things that bring you joy in your life can be really great umbrella effects for seeing the future vision too. So one thing that we do in our vision board workshop, which is happening this week in the Selfish Sisterhood if you're listening to this in real time, it's happening on Tuesday and if you're in the Sisterhood I'll see you there, and if you're not, doors are still open for a little bit if you want to hop in. But one of the things that we do is we go through our camera, roll to see what things of last year brought us joy and what we can put on our vision. That's like physically from us, because stock photos sure cool. If that's your jam and that inspires you, awesome. But I think inspiration from your own life can be really helpful, so I like to use photos. You know from photo shoots that I've had with my partner, and maybe you know different things that I've had in my life or pictures of my dog or whatever it is that brings me joy. I want to put more joy in my vision, so I will use pictures from past versions of myself, or even just like snippets of things in my life that brought me joy.
Speaker 2:I don't think the vision always has to be big, and I don't think the vision has to be like perfectly curated pictures from the internet. I almost prefer it being things that I have tangibly felt and seen in my life, and sometimes I struggle with like it being so pinpointed into. This is what I want to happen in 2025 versus five years from now. I have a vision for my life that I know is not going to come true this year. Like this is just not possible for it to even happen, and so sometimes I can get be like, oh no, it's only for 2025. But the vision can be future to like way, future 10 years from now, like if you're someone listening to this and you're young and you can't even see the future, but you know, someday you want to get married and you want to have a family, or you can see that you want to move to New York City, but it's not happening this year, maybe it's happening in five years. Right, you can put those pieces and those visions on there, vision board of some kind that I like to keep in the background of my screensaver on my laptop. And then I also really like to make a paper one and I create different little images in Canva and I print them off and I put them on this like cork board that I have in my office.
Speaker 2:And as things changed last year, I just started to take things off and I'm like that's not aligned anymore. Or oh, I got that thing done, sweet, let's evolve it and change it into something else. Or like I let it be a board that had that could evolve, that could change, that could. It wasn't like there was only one way of doing things. Because, again last year, as things started to change, I was like that's not the vision anymore and I don't think that's the vision for 2025. Like there's no point that's the vision for 2025. Like there's no point in saving those papers for next year, like that's just not in the picture anymore and I'm totally okay with it. So let's take it off and let's rip it out and allow there to be space on my board for something new, something new that I might know or something new that could come.
Speaker 2:And if the vision is not clear for you and you're just like there's a lot of space and you hate to leave the empty space, leave the empty space. It might feel uncomfortable and maybe, if you want to put like some flowers or something that helps you to like it not be totally blank but it still brings you joy, cool, do that. But I like there to be space because, again, I know things are going to evolve, life is going to change and I think having space on my vision board allows there to be new things that maybe I never thought were going to happen. Fit in somewhere. And I also think just one little side note real quick as I wrap up this episode it's okay if your vision board is blank, if it is a white wall, if it has nothing on it and you have no idea what you want. Just create a vision board of space, just create a mind of space, and maybe you can ask for some guidance.
Speaker 2:I will ask like, hey, spirit guides, team of light, like I don't know what next year is going to hold or I don't know what the vision is, but can you give me some ideas? Or can you help me to see things every day? That might help to spark inspiration for my vision. And things are going to start to pop in front of you. You might not notice everything, but you are going to start to notice some things and you're like oh, I never even considered going back to school. I never even considered that person as my lover. I never considered this. You know, moving to this city, like whatever it is.
Speaker 2:But sometimes it can help to spark some things when we ask for help and when we ask for guidance and I know that's a little woo, someone listening to this is like I am not asking for help, but I truly do believe that our team is there and they want to help us. So why not lean on them, especially in these seasons of the unknown and these seasons of like I don't know what's next and I can't have a vision? Well, you know what I like to think? There's someone out there who does, and if it's not me, it's probably my team of light, it's probably the universe, it's probably God. There's someone there who has a vision and they know what's coming for you. So why not ask them? So if you're unsure in the season and you're just like I don't know what the vision is, I don't know what's coming, everything feels strange.
Speaker 2:Either give yourself some space for rest, allow it to be a season of hibernation, and that be okay, like that, truly be okay or take some kind of small action that's going to lead you in a direction that could go one way or could go another way. It's just going to help you to have some kind of clarity along the way. And if you're like me, I did that through the project called the Year of Confidence, and if you're like I would love to do something like that. I do have a course called the year of confidence, um, and it helps you to walk through the steps of building your own year of confidence. I will put that information in the show notes for you too, and you can just kind of check it out and see if that's something that might help you to spark some inspiration for the vision. It takes you through, like my 10 main habits of building your confidence, of stepping into, you know, the most confident year of your life trial and error for a few different things and then into how to build your own going forward. I just took a bunch of ladies through the program and it was incredible to watch them step into their confidence in a new way.
Speaker 2:But you can also just take some kind of action in your life. Sign up for the course, you know, go, take yourself out on a nice date, like, do something that's going to take you in that direction of you having some clarity eventually. And also, if you're in a season of the unknown, embrace the unknown. Let it be a white space, let it be a white wall that you could literally do anything with and just be like, hey, I don't know what's coming, but I'm going to create space for it because I know there's something coming. I'm not just a human that never evolves. Something cool is coming. So let me just embrace a season of not knowing and allow there to be space on my vision board for something cool that's coming.
Speaker 2:And if you're a little woo like me, maybe you'll ask for some guidance, maybe you'll say some little prayers pull out your cards, pull out your crystals full moon is coming and just lean into asking for support, even if you're like I have no idea what that means or what that looks like. Hey, team of light, god, can you guide me on the direction of me finding my vision again, of me finding my inspiration again and just see what pops into your life? It can be really discouraging to not see the future because, again, I think our society sets us up to we're supposed to know, right, you're supposed to graduate high school and you're just supposed to know, but we don't. And it changes and life changes and big changes are coming for all of us in this world. And so just allow there to be space and openness and fun and play and rest and all the things that you need in this season in order to see that vision a little more clearer.
Speaker 2:And when you get a tiny glimpse, like when that fuzz starts to like show up a little bit more, and you're like, okay, maybe I see something, step in that direction. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be 100%, but it can take you to that next space that shows you something new. So I hope you are having a wonderful week. I hope you're having a wonderful start to your new year I, so I hope you are having a wonderful week. I hope you're having a wonderful start to your new year. I hope to see you in the vision board workshop in the sisterhood this week and, if not, send me a message with what that blurry vision might be, and if you want some support, I'm always there for you, my sister. So I hope you have a wonderful week and I'll talk to you soon what's up, sis?
Speaker 1:I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
