Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
Life Lessons of 2024: Reflections on Luck, Change, and Finding Peace Amidst Chaos
Ever wondered how to keep the magic alive when everything seems overwhelming? Join me in this Selfish Confidence Podcast episode, where I open up about my journey from being child-free to embracing the desire for motherhood, and the unexpected support from my community that redefined my perspective on luck and abundance.
This year has been a whirlwind of change and lessons, with pregnancy and organizing the Speak Up! event teaching me the importance of surrendering to life's flow. I discovered that luck and success aren't confined to financial gains, but are found in the beauty of embracing change and new beginnings. By stepping back from daily stresses, we can find clarity and appreciate the magic we bring to our surroundings, enhancing our personal relationships and well-being through setting boundaries.
Get all the deets on the 2025 Self(ish) Retreat is happening May 23 - 25 in Nova Scotia.
Wishing you a joyful holiday season and a magical new year, filled with unexpected blessings and growth.
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Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here. We're sitting down for a little one-on-one time with you before we walk into the new year, and maybe you're feeling like me and you're like what the heck is going on.
Speaker 1:I'm in this middle blur of like it's Christmas. Where did that come from? I remember begging Glenn to put the Christmas tree up early even though we get a real tree and we can't put it up earlier than we do and like wanting Christmas this year so badly. And now it's literally here, if you're listening to this in real time, like on the day it's released, like we are so close to Christmas Eve, christmas day and I just I don't totally have it in me right now to keep going or to get the things done. I'm actually recording this episode right now because Glenn and I are going to go run out and do our final bit of Christmas shopping and prepping things for our Christmas Eve dinner that we host here, and it's just I can't believe it's here.
Speaker 1:I think is the thing, like, where did time go? Where have the days gone? How is it Christmas 2024? I feel like it was like Christmas 2021, like just yesterday, like where did all of this time go? But it is here, alas, it is here.
Speaker 1:It is the holiday season and I hope that you're getting some time to sit with you, to hang out with yourself, to spend some quality time with the most important person on this earth and that is you. And if you're not getting that because you're rushing around from house to house, I hope you find a moment in the car on your way to your next activity or when you're wrapping the gifts, that you have a moment to just sit and to be and to enjoy it, because I know, as time has flown by so quickly, especially in the last little bit, that it's so important to cherish a moment for you, a moment in peace, a moment of whatever it is that you need in this season, because, yeah, it is crazy and it's crazy that it's come and gone so quickly. Maybe you're listening to this in the new year and you're like, yeah, it is crazy and it's crazy that it's come and gone so quickly. Maybe you're listening to this in the new year and you're like, yeah, that was a blur. I see you, my friend. I'm sending you a big hug and I just want to remind you that you are the key piece in the magic this holiday season. You are the key piece in the holiday magic this season. Regardless of if you're feeling the magic or not, regardless regardless if you're feeling in the mood for the holidays or not, you are Christmas magic and that is just like period. Leave it. I could close the episode right now. If that's, the only thing you take away is knowing that Christmas would not be the same without you.
Speaker 1:And what I really wanted to talk to you about today in today's episode, is some of the lessons that I've learned this year that have been really eye-opening when I think back to 2024, which has taken me a lot more effort than it normally does. This is like going back in my camera roll seeing what has happened this year, because everything feels like an absolute blur and right now, being in the thick of pregnancy I'm 34 weeks pregnant now and I'm like out of breath making this podcast episode, if you notice that, and also just like it just every day, can feel a little hard in this season like physically, mentally, all of those pieces. It just feels everything feels more difficult. Everything feels more difficult and it's just been this clear reminder that sometimes we need those reminders beyond the thick that we're in, beyond the fog that we're in, because everything feels so blurry. But going back on my camera roll checking things through, connecting with people who I connected with this year, has been really eye-opening for reminders on how magical 2024 has been when we take some of that fog away, when we take some of that pain away and I know it can be really hard to do that, especially if you're like down in the well. Okay, you are deep, I don't know why I'm thinking like Timmy stuck in the well down below. We are down in the trenches sometimes. Maybe you feel like that with the holiday season and wrapping and getting everything ready and cooking a turkey and I don't know all of this stuff right, and you're just like do you see that reel going around? That's like no, sally, I'm not ready for Christmas, I'm not even ready for today. Like that energy, that feeling. Maybe you felt like that in that holiday season and you can't see that there's magic and joy coming, or you can't see that there's still beauty in the season that we're in.
Speaker 1:And so this week in our Selfish Sisterhood, sisterhood chat, I wanted to reflect with some of the sisters who were on live. Now this is our last call of 2024. And in our sisterhood chats we just kind of hang out and we talk about different things and sometimes random topics come up or ideas come up or we're celebrating things. But this particular talk, I really wanted to talk about the highs and the lows of 2024 and maybe what lessons have come out of it. And for some of us it was really easy. People were like oh yeah, this is like totally the highs and this was like totally the highs and this was like it's been a really good year and I had this happen and this happened and so many things to celebrate. And then we also had some people who went through some really difficult things and they had a lot of lows, struggled to see some of the highs and there were lessons in each of the lives. Very different things have happened in so many of the different sisters' lives and to hear the lessons was like really powerful, and I took notes because I wanted to share some of them with you today, along with the lessons that I've learned this year, to maybe spark a little bit in you to be able to look back on this year. And if you're looking at this year only seeing the difficulty or only seeing the glitter, only seeing the good which is sometimes what I do right, I got the goggles on and it's all I can see. But if that's you, this might help you to be like, hey, oh, I learned that lesson too, or like that's a really good point. I'd love to take that into 2025 with me. So I'm going to take a moment and share with you some of the highs that I had in 2024 and some of the lows.
Speaker 1:I walked into 2024 with, like, the glitter goggles on. I was like this is an eight year. Eight is all about abundance. I had a couple card readings before the year even started and I just kept getting like really good, really lucky cards and I was like, sweet, this year is going to be a breeze. I see, you know, abundance. I see the business growing. I see potentially, maybe us having a baby, which you guys didn't know that we were thinking about that, but I knew it might be coming this year and if all went according to my magical plan that I had, it was going to like all work out so well, my magical plan that I had. It was going to like all work out so well and well. As we know, plans don't always go our way and it was just so interesting walking into the year with what I perceived was going to be like the coolest year of my life. 24 is also my lucky number. I'm born on the 24th and I was like 24? Heck, yeah, this is my year, and I'm not saying it was a bad year at all Actually, we'll talk about that but I am saying it was very different than what I had seen in my visions or what I had seen with my glitter goggles on.
Speaker 1:We started the year with my amazing program, launch of Confidently you, my 12-week confidence boosting course, which is all about creating your own year of confidence. We started with that which was so cool to have. And I was just like, wow, I created something that is freaking cool and created something that people really enjoyed and implemented in their lives. And, leading after the high of that, I went to California, spoke on my very good friend Krista Hukoba's stage at her Galentine's event, which was so fun and very like last minute, like hey, you should come and you should speak, and I was like, sweet, get me on a plane. And it was that reminder that I could just like get up and go, that I could get up and go and I could do things. Great enlightenment at that event because I was able to see that I could have it all. I could have the baby, I could have the business, I could have the happy marriage, I could have the home, I could have the happiness. Like I could have it all. And it was kind of like that like oh yeah, like this is the year we're gonna do it. All these things are coming to light and as I moved forward through the year, we had our amazing Barbados retreat.
Speaker 1:So we went back to Barbados for the first time since we lived there and Glenn and I got to vacation for a bit, visit some friends and family and also we got to bring eight women with us, which was really cool, and experience an international week long retreat that I didn't know I could do. It was a very clear, clear, like I don't think I could host people for a whole week. Let's see how my energy goes with this, because weekend retreats they can be really busy and like by the end of the weekend you are tired. Okay, this was a whole new, magical experience doing a week-long retreat because for me, it allowed me more space and it allowed the women coming to have more space and it was just like a really eye-opening experience that I almost preferred a week-long retreat to a weekend retreat. And that's me saying they're only going to be week-long retreats.
Speaker 1:Actually, 2025 is a weekend retreat here at the Ocean Stone Resort in Nova Scotia Stunning. We are going to be doing spa experiences and breath work and sound baths and having this clarity through a weekend which, yes, is going to be busy. When we're trying to fit all of my activities into three days. It's going to be busier than when we're fitting all of our activities into a week, but it is still magical. And I've picked this space because we'll have a chef on site, we'll have the spa activities. There's going to be a lot of components that can be hosted in this space that I've never done before and I am so excited for it. So I believe that's May 23rd to 25th. I'll put the information in the show notes because we still have three spots left. So if you're looking for a little escape in may and you're looking for something Really unique and something that I've never done before like never hosted a retreat at a spa before this is going to be for you and it's going to be all about your confidence, stepping into who you are, but also stepping into this version of you that maybe you never even anticipated could come out, because we're going to allow the space to help them to feel safe, to be able to come out. So I'm really, really excited for that retreat and it's probably like the first thing I'm doing coming back from maternity leave. So there'll be a little bit of a pause there in the middle, but I'm so excited for this beautiful, magical experience I've never done before. So, side note on that if you're looking for something in 2025, maybe this retreat is for you.
Speaker 1:But back into 2024, year in review, right after Barbados retreat, I remember telling the sisters at the retreat hey, I think we're going to go home and we're going to make a baby. And that was like one of my first times really admitting to my community that I was considering making a really big life change and I was so scared of the judgment that could come, or knowing that a lot of my friends are child free, also by choice or in this season child free, and some of them the last time they saw me I was speaking on a stage about being child free by choice or in this season child free, and some of them the last time they saw me I was speaking on a stage about being child free by choice, and it was just so eye-opening when all of them embraced me with love that it was like, oh okay, I guess it's not that scary or people are still going to be really supportive, and it was just such a weight off of my shoulders to know that my community and my people were going to love me regardless of the life choices I made, and I've built a community that would hopefully do that. But for some reason I struggled with seeing it reciprocated for myself and I get emotional as I think about that because I feel like I give it to a lot of people Like I love you, no matter what choices you're making in your life right now. Absolutely to my core love you. But you couldn't love me for making such a big choice like or making such a big change Like. I thought you loved me because I lived on this path right and again, worked through that and a lot of therapy and coaching and all of the things, which has been really helpful too. But it was a really eyeopening experience and so we came home, we got pregnant really quickly and then I went on.
Speaker 1:Kind of my final hurrah is what it feels like. I went on a trip with my best friend which we have never gotten to go and do a trip like this before for another friends of ours wedding and kept the secret of I'm pregnant from everyone except my best friend. And that was kind of the final hurrah because after that I started to get really, really sick in this pregnancy and I think that's where because I'm still in that blur of sickness through pregnancy I think that's where I got stuck. That's where I'm like I can only see that it's been hard or that it's been difficult, and I tell you this not to scare you off from ever getting pregnant, because every pregnancy is different. The amount of people who tell me they love being pregnant blows my mind, or the people who never had any nausea or never vomited or anything like that, but for me it's been just a lot of nausea, a lot of sickness, and I think it's my body forcing me to slow down and also my body just allowing me to see things differently, and I take that as one of the big life lessons of this year.
Speaker 1:Life is going to throw you a curveball. You don't know what's coming tomorrow. We could walk into this year with a particular plan 2025, you're like, yes, this is the year I do this, this and this, or this is the year that. Insert what you've been telling yourself and you can create a plan and you can create all the steps, but it might not go exactly as you anticipate. It's going to go exactly as it's supposed to, but it might not go how you see it going. So sometimes we need to take those glitter goggles off and remember that that blur, that that fog we're experiencing, or that roadblock that seems to just like not go away, or that lesson that just keeps coming up and up and up, isn't a bad thing. It's there for a reason and it is going to change your life if you lean into it.
Speaker 1:So I leaned into a lot of rest after that and also through the prep of getting everything ready for Speak Up, which was absolutely incredible. To have so many of you here in person was so cool and even though I was still kind of in that blurry haze of pregnancy that has taken over my life, is what it feels like, it still was a really magical experience to be able to see the event that I had worked so hard for so long come to life and to see all of you experience it. However you needed to experience it was really, really cool and it all came from that place of surrender, like what's meant to be is meant to be, because I think if I didn't do that, I would have been way too uptight for the event. I had to be as relaxed as possible. I had to let everything flow how it was supposed to, including the stress of ticket sales and, you know, having vendors show up and planning all the mini details and the finances of it all. Like there was a lot of stress that came with that event and I needed to let go of some of that and let it flow how it was supposed to flow. And it was a tough life lesson to learn, especially going into a year where I thought everything was going to be like butterflies and rainbows and glitter and everything beautiful. And when things got hard I had to also see that there was butterflies, rainbows and glitter in some of those hard things too.
Speaker 1:And I had this great perspective shift last week that came from chatting with a friend of mine around what luck was Right. I pulled these cards earlier this year about what the year was going to look like and I was told it was going to be a really lucky year and same, with it being a year of the eight abundance, all of the things really lucky, right. And what I always saw as luck was finances abundance, and finances Abundance meant money and I'm not saying it doesn't, like I'm not saying it doesn't, but what I am saying for me this year, walking into it, I was like 100% abundance, money. It's going to be the best year financially for my business. But luck can actually mean a lot of things. Abundance can actually mean a lot of things. It doesn't always mean dollar signs. It actually can mean a lot of different things.
Speaker 1:If we start to look at areas in our life Like maybe you finally found the dog that fits your life and your family so perfectly this year and no, that is not, you know, financial abundance, but it's abundance of love I still would see that as like the luckiest thing that could happen to you, right, to find the perfect dog for your family. For me, I've had to shift that perspective to getting pregnant on the first try Absolutely the luckiest thing ever. Right, there's so many people who I know who battle with this and we got so lucky to get pregnant on the first try and not only that, other than the nausea, like no complications, a really healthy pregnancy baby is growing. And I had to shift that perspective around what luck looked like in my life in order to see that it really has been a lucky year. Right, I got to follow my passions of speaking on many stages and traveling to places I had never been before and experiencing like a reunion with a land that started it all, started this whole podcast.
Speaker 1:Right, there's so much luck that happened this year that sometimes we can be blind to if we only focus on the foggy and the difficult and the hard things. If you are having a hard and difficult 2024, I see you, and difficult 2024, I see you, my sister, I see you so deeply. I challenge you to also find at least one high in this year. Maybe it's that you got to the beach, or that the weather is nicer the sun is shining right now and it has been raining here for a couple days and it is just beautiful to see that light back or you finally found forgiveness in yourself and in others. That's one thing I've been really working with is finding that forgiveness in myself, and that is luck in itself. Right To finally have that eye-opening experience, or to even see the lesson. That is your 2024. That's luck. Right there, there's perspective, there's air in my lungs. There is a Christmas tree in my living room. It might need the only decoration we have up, but there is luck in this home.
Speaker 1:I often think about it too. Oh man, I'm going to get emotional with this one that I have like the best partner in the entire world, and he'll listen to this hey, what's up? Glenn, I love you. I have the best partner in the entire world, and that is luck in itself. Partner who's been so supportive through this whole pregnancy, who, on the days that I feel like absolute garbage, that I've got nothing done. I've often felt like a big burden through this because it's just been like it's hard to get things done sometimes and he has never once let me feel that way. He is the most supportive partner in the entire world and even with the vision of speak up and the burdens that it could put on us, he was so supportive in actioning it out and being there and in seeing him cry in the back of the room was like one of those moments of just absolute honor to know that I literally have the best partner in the entire world. That is luck. Like, oh man, like that is so much luck.
Speaker 1:And I think sometimes we just need that perspective shift when it comes to our lives, because what society tells us is luck and what actually is for you is going to be two different things. Society is going to tell you dollar signs and gucci bags and insert whatever it is it's often very expensive things that don't matter numbers on social media, that also don't matter the amount of friends you have or whatever. It is right. Society is going to tell you one thing, but in reality, when we break it down and we look at our lives, we can find the beauty. And we look at our lives, we can find the beauty and we can find the luck in so many cracks and crevices that we probably wouldn't look if we were only looking at society's merits. So I can 100% say to you that one of the biggest life lessons this year is that luck can look different than what you think luck is and sometimes it takes a little bit of digging and changing of your perspective.
Speaker 1:And sure, winning the lottery is really lucky and I'm so grateful for the people who get to have that experience, like I'm so happy for you. That's freaking lucky. You are so right. But luck can also be finding $5 on the ground in a parking lot. Luck can also be, you know, having pets that want to snuggle you 24-7. Luck can also be getting home from work after a really hard day and your kids running to the door to give you a hug. Luck looks very different for each of us and I just hope that you can see, even in these blurry seasons, even in these difficult seasons, that there is still good and there are still highs. And if you can't see them because you are so in the thick of it. I'm just sending you a big old hug. I am really truly sending you all the love that I can send through this microphone into your life, because I know that feeling. I've been there a lot this year and it's been difficult to see anything good, but I had to really sit down with it and think deeply about how lucky I am and it takes like conscious action. So that's one of the biggest lessons. I also want to share with you some of the lessons that the sisters went through this year, some of the things that they were feeling, and I'm not going to share whose you know lessons these are because I don't think that would be very fair to them, because I didn't ask them any permission, but I did want to be able to share with you some of the things that they learned this year.
Speaker 1:One of the big ones that I heard from a few sisters was to take the trip right, that one that you're like someday I'll go, someday I'll get there. But like what if you just booked it and you took the trip, the trip that you've been thinking about for a really long time, the trip that you and your partner want to go on and experience together? Take the trip. Go, do it. Just make it happen, even if it feels like it could never happen. Maybe now is the best time to do it and if you're feeling called to it, take the freaking trip.
Speaker 1:Another one that we had in the sisterhood was that I can make time for myself. I think we often tell ourselves that we can't, or you have little kids and you're just like this is never going to happen, I'm never going to be able to make time for myself. You can make the time, find the time, find a pocket right. You can make the time for yourself. And it doesn't have to be hour long workouts at you know, wherever you go. It just can be little pockets, like lighting the candle and reading in your book for a bit after the kids go to bed, or finding you know your favorite food and cooking it for yourself. Like you can make some time. You can do it. I know you can.
Speaker 1:Another one is to do the scary things, the things that are just like oh gosh, I could never start that business. I could never speak on that stage. I could. For me, I could never make a baby. Like that is so scary. But do the scary things, because those scary things are the things that are going to change your life and it is worth it for you to look back on, let's say, this time next year, to look back on and be like I did that I created that and my life will never be the same for it. So follow that, do the scary things.
Speaker 1:Another one was time away can be a good thing. Taking time away from, maybe, your business, taking time away from your family, taking time away from the thing that's stressing you out right now, taking that time away can really be a good thing. And in this perspective, it was time away allowed there to be more space for my partner to miss me, or for my family to see how much I do for them, or for there to be this enlightenment that could change my relationship because I took time away from it. So follow that, listen to that, take the time away if that's what you need right now. And the last one I have on my list here is that boundaries make a difference. Sometimes, setting those boundaries in business, setting those boundaries in your family, setting your boundaries around the holidays, can really make a difference. No matter how scary they are, no matter how hard they are for you, they make a massive difference in your life. And those are just some of the life lessons that some of the sisters had this year, and I was blown away with every story that was shared of the highs and the lows and the lessons that they learned, because sometimes we don't always see that.
Speaker 1:There's a lesson I know for me, it's one that I've been sitting with a lot this year and I just keep saying like it's so blurry, everything's so blurry, the future's blurry. You know, today is blurry, everything is so blurry. But if you actually take the time to sit and to be still and to spend some time journaling it out or spend some time, you know, not numbing with our phones, not numbing with more Netflix, not numbing with you know the kids work, insert what you're numbing with and you actually take the time to sit in it, the blur starts to go away a little bit more. The shades start to open, the sun starts to come out and we can start to see the lessons that are in this season. The lessons that are in this season, the lessons that are in those hard conversations, the lessons that we're finding around the corner, that we didn't know were there because we just kept sitting in the blur.
Speaker 1:So, if that's been you, too this year, I send you, I'm sending you a hug and I'm also hopefully sending you some time to be able to spend with yourself, to relax, to put your feet up this holiday season and to enjoy your own company Because, again, as I said at the beginning of this episode, you are the magic of Christmas. You are. Christmas would not be the same if you weren't here. This world would not be the same if you weren't here, and I am so grateful that you exist. So just remember this year, as you walk into 2025, as you walk into the holiday seasons, wherever you're focused on right now or wherever you're listening to this right now, remember that you matter, that you are the gift this Christmas, and no matter what you're going through, there is light somewhere. You can find a little bit of light, even just a smidge of light, like your coffee was the best coffee today, or the sun finally came out after a couple days of rain.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you exist, that you are part of this community and that you're consciously thinking about the lessons that you learned this week or this year, I should say, and yeah, I'd love to know what luck looks like to you. Maybe it is winning the lottery, and I love that for you. Let's manifest that. That would have been mine, too a year ago. I'd be like you know what would be great Manifest winning the lottery, but learning now that life is very different than it was a year ago and we're about to step into a season that I think I need to see that luck looks very different than a super successful business.
Speaker 1:You know podcasts off the chart, all of the things because this is going to be a season that focuses on something very different, right, of course birthing a human and bringing life into this world and keeping them alive. You know all of those things that we need to figure out as we go. It's just that luck is going to look very different going forward, and so, if you would love to send me a message, I would love to hear from you and know what luck looks like to you. Truly would love to know. Please send me a DM, connect with me online and, yeah, let me know what luck looks like for you.
Speaker 1:And if there's any life lessons that you learned this year, I would love to know what was like your biggest like life lesson moment and, yeah, I'd love to be able to share that here on the podcast or with the sisters or with the community on social media, because I do find that that can make a big difference for people Sometimes. To be able to hear through your lessons and what you've learned is really, really cool. So I hope you have a happy holiday season, a happy new year, and I will be talking to you very soon. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
