Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
For those in a hard or unpredictable season, this one is for you!
What if pregnancy isn't just a journey, but a powerful transformation? Join me, Jess, as I share my personal experiences navigating my hardest season yet of pregnancy, where each day is a lesson in adaptability and self-discovery. Together, we’ll uncover the empowering aspects of embracing uncertainty and building confidence amidst the unfamiliar territory of bringing new life into the world.
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Here, we emphasize the importance of self-compassion, flexibility, and rewriting our narratives to prioritize personal growth and well-being. Discover how to cultivate a routine that nurtures self-care, allowing us to navigate tough times with resilience and kindness towards ourselves. Tune in to find inspiration and encouragement for your own path, reminding you that every tough moment is temporary and part of a greater journey.
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Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It is Jess here, and I have been thinking about a lot of things that I've been wanting to talk to you one-on-one as we step into a season of the holidays a busy season for so many of us and then after that, for us, a season of the unknown, of like, when is this baby going to come? And for those of you who don't know, we are due late January with our first baby boy, and I say first as if we're going to have more. We have no idea what we're doing, but you know it is. We don't have any other kids, okay, so this is just new. We are in a season of everything being new, and every single day is new, because I have never been 33 weeks pregnant before and that's about to happen really soon. So it's just been a really interesting season of every day stumbling and figuring things out. And if you're like me and you generally really like to know what's coming tomorrow, this is a difficult season to be in, because I have no idea what tomorrow could bring at all. We are in a season of complete unknown and it has felt like that for months, honestly, yeah, months, and probably since the beginning of my pregnancy, because, again, this is something I've never done before and if you're listening to this and you're like Jess, I don't want to hear about your pregnancy. Actually, I haven't had anyone say that to me. So thank you for being so supportive and loving in this community and for you know, being on this journey of me changing my mind and changing things up. But also, this is not an episode all about pregnancy, but it is an episode about the hardest thing I've ever done, and I didn't give enough credit to the women before me who have done this and so many women right. To the women before me who have done this and so many women. Right, I wouldn't be here had a woman not done, you know, pregnancy and birthed me into this world, which is so weird to think about, but it's the truth. I didn't give enough credit to any of them and I just wanted to say I see you, I love you, I thank you. You're a superwoman, you are a superwoman and it's been just such an interesting journey of the unknown right.
Speaker 1:Every day is different. There hasn't been a day that I could wake up and be like, oh yeah, today is a totally normal day. I'm not going to pee my pants and I'm not going to barf and I'm not going to insert the list of things that could happen and, honestly, the peeing of the pants one, yeah, but that was an issue for me before. I'll just say that for anyone listening who is like I don't want to pee my pants all the time, that really hasn't ever been my strong suit. I did pee my pants before, not just because oh my God man. Not just because, but like if you're jumping on a trampoline or anything before, kids never said, oh, you know, after you have kids it's really bad. I just always haven't had the best bladder control.
Speaker 1:Anyways, that is not what this podcast episode is about. I wanted to talk to you today about the hardest thing I've ever done, and that has certainly been pregnancy. I have never birthed a baby, so I don't know what that's like yet, but I think that's the thing that everybody always talks about, the only thing they talk about when it comes to having kids, and I see it on social media all the time, like the beautiful bumps and then you see the videos of you know, birth and things happening. Glenn and I just took a labor and delivery class on the weekend, which was phenomenal, with Ashley from Birth Baby Sleep, who's been on the podcast several times. It was a phenomenal class and, honestly, I was really engaged the whole time.
Speaker 1:I'm not a person who enjoys I shouldn't say I don't enjoy learning. I love learning, but I don't often prepare for things that are happening in my life and Glenn's going to listen to this and he's going to be like, yeah, girl, I know, but I thought it would be really helpful for both of us to have and also for him to have to just get a general idea because, again, my social media is blown up with mom stuff and babies and births and what's in your hospital bag and food and all these things. It's just like okay, can I have the cute puppy videos again, please? Thank, thank you, but you're just, it just blows up, and I'm not sure his is blowing up like mine. So I thought maybe it'd be really good for us to have a class and it was awesome, like really informative, really easy to stay engaged and to understand and to just be a part of. So if you are in the Halifax area, I'm going to give a shout out to Ashley at Birth Baby Sleep who creates these courses. They're also virtual. If you're listening to this and you're like I don't have anything in my area, I'm in a small town or I don't know where to go. She has everything virtual too, but it was a really, really phenomenal class and this weekend we're going to another one on feeding and family and just something to think about if you are also in this season of just like have no idea what's coming and what's happening. But anyways, I don't think enough people talk about pregnancy in the season and even just the realities of pregnancy, unless you find the right influencers who are sharing, you know, not just the cute belly pics and not just the cute things that they're popping in their hospital bags or the snacks they're eating cute things that they're popping in their hospital bags or the snacks they're eating, like the actual nitty gritty pieces of it, unless you have those people or know those people in your life.
Speaker 1:I recently learned. I was over at my girlfriend's house the other day and we were just chatting about all things. You know, baby. She had recently had a baby and by recently I mean like over a year now, and she is someone who I've worked with so much in. You know, we've worked together for events and in speaking engagements and things like that and I just we were just chatting about stuff and she was like, oh well, jess, I didn't have the nausea and I didn't have, oh, I didn't have that piece. And you know what? Honestly, it was pretty easy for me. And I told her straight up I'm like I'm never believing anything you say ever again because you told me birth was easy, pregnancy was easy, having a baby is easy.
Speaker 1:And what we learned in this conversation is not that it's easy, it's just that your brain forgets, totally forgets, all of the bad things, right, it just erases them because, again, your body wants you to do this as many times as you possibly can. It's just innate for our bodies to want this, and I'm not saying, if you're listening to this, that you should do this, and I'm also not saying that you shouldn't. I just wanted to talk to you about this being a really difficult season of unknowns and it being because pregnancy is really confusing and complicated and crazy, but once that baby comes out, you essentially forget everything. So if you've ever wondered why your friends aren't telling you what's happening and all of those things that happen through this 9 to 10 month period, it's because they really don't know. It's almost like your brain wipes it clean. It's because they really don't know. It's almost like your brain wipes it clean.
Speaker 1:And as I was talking to my friend about this the other day, we started remembering some of the things that had happened in her pregnancy. She's like, oh, yeah, I did have that thing. And like, oh, my gosh, yeah. And like you literally forget. So that's why I wanted to create an episode while I'm in the season, which I don't typically do, because I often want to have things figured out to share for you afterwards. So it's like I can be like oh, but this is what I did and everything's okay Right, hence why I lived in Barbados for a whole year and nobody knew that. It was just like one of the hardest things I've ever done, and even looking back on that season, I can be like, oh well, glenn and I were just doing this in the car, like what a delicious frescante we had. Which were these? Oh, they were so good. It was like a coffee milkshake thing. Oh man, I could go back to Barbados today just to go and get one and and things that we really enjoyed, and sometimes we only remember the things we enjoyed.
Speaker 1:We often forget, you know, the volcanoes and COVID and dengue fever and all of the things that we went through down there. We forget those pieces and you only remember the good ones, and our brains do this to protect us. It's not a bad thing that this is what happens. It's just a way to keep us safe. It's a way for us to, you know, find joy again.
Speaker 1:We don't want to live in these cycles and in these loops of all of the difficult and hard things, but I did want to make an episode that if you ever were like, hey, jess, tell me really what's going on or how things have been for this pregnancy for you, I'll be like I don't remember, but I did do an episode on it once, back when I was eight months pregnant, and in this season, the thing that I'm just finding really difficult is again that unknown. I don't know how I'm going to feel tomorrow. Even right now, being in the holiday season, planning for Christmas, is really difficult because I don't know how I'm going to feel in two weeks. We didn't go to Glenn's Christmas party that we have typically gone to every year, except when we were in Barbados, because I just didn't know how I was going to be feeling when tickets went on sale and I was like I don't want to be going to that party as pregnant as I am. But you know what, now that I'm here, honestly I'm feeling not that bad. Could I wake up tomorrow and be barfing all day? Yeah, I could, but for the most part it hasn't been that bad in this season and if you're in this season of unpredictability right, you have no idea what could be coming next week or tomorrow, whether that's, you know, maybe the workplace that you're in and you don't really enjoy your job, or maybe it's sickness and illness that you're living with right now.
Speaker 1:That has been really difficult to manage. Or maybe it's even just your kids, right, like you have kids and you're just like every day is unpredictable and I bet there's someone listening to this who has kids right now. They're like, yeah, just you wait, sis, ha ha ha. But you know what? We're not going to do that Just you wait stuff, right, because we're supportive and we're loving in this community and we don't always put that pressure of just you wait and fears on people here. I just want you to understand and know that if you were in a season of absolute unpredictability and you're just like I don't know what next week is going to bring, I don't know what the holidays are going to look like, I don't know what 2025 is going to look like, I wanted to share with you a couple tips that have been really helpful for me in this season, in a difficult and hard season, especially with unpredictability.
Speaker 1:That has just helped me to get here, because there's been a lot of days. We're almost 33 weeks, or maybe I am 33, I really don't know. Anyways, we're pretty pregnant, okay, and it's been a while, and in season I've had to change the ways I do a lot of things and I've slowed down a lot, and one of the top things that I would say to someone who's going through a season and they're going to roll their eyes and they're going to be like shut up, jess, would be to give yourself grace. We give everyone else grace all the time, right? Think of your kids, think of your partners, think of you know that co-worker at work who hasn't been showing up as hard as you think maybe they should, but you know at home they have a sick parent, or they have a lot going on, or they got 18 kids and counting, whatever it is, and you give them grace anyway, regardless of how you feel about how they've been showing up.
Speaker 1:Imagine if you could do that for yourself. Imagine you could flip it around and you could actually give yourself that love and that grace that you've been giving other people for so many years. Or if you're thinking about somebody else in your life who's been pregnant, it's really easy for you to be like, oh, here's the most comfortable chair and here can I get that glass of water for you, and oh, do you want a snack? Or how can I help you. But when it comes to yourself and I did this just yesterday and I feel really emotional as I think about it is that you don't give yourself that same love and that same grace. We just don't.
Speaker 1:We can be really hard on ourselves. We can tell ourselves, oh, get up off that couch, you lazy lady, and you go, do all of these things that you said you were going to do. Oh my gosh. Like really you can't power through. Or you know you see that other entrepreneur online doing all of those things and like why can't you do it? Jess, you're only eight months pregnant. It's not that bad right. The baby's going to be here soon. You're not going to be able to do as much like make use of this time now.
Speaker 1:And I can be really hard on myself in this season because I think I should be doing more. And then I post it on the internet or I put in a podcast episode, and I get a flood of messages from people who are like are you crazy? Like go take a nap, go slow down. Can I rub your feet Please? Yes, come on over.
Speaker 1:But no, honestly right, because we can give other people grace that is really difficult for us to give to ourselves. And just the same as I'll get a flood of messages from people who are like girl, slow down. It's okay. You know you only have this season once, maybe, right, and if that's the case for you like and it's easier for you to give everybody else in the room and in the world grace, but you've been really hard on yourself lately. I just want to remind you that the grace that you give to yourself is going to make a huge difference, like beyond huge of a difference, in your life. And if you can be like, hey, it's the end of the day and I only got 2,000 steps today and I spent a lot of time on the couch and maybe I didn't eat as well as I should have, or maybe I yelled at my kids a few too many times or I got a little snippety, it's just a really good reminder that those days are going to happen and that's okay.
Speaker 1:We can apologize to those around us if we've been a little grumpy, sure, but I think that if we were to picture ourselves as our best friend right now and you got a message from them and they said oh man, I've had a rough day, I've been a horrible mom, I've been a horrible coworker. You know, I didn't get anything done, I've been sitting on the couch all day you would message them back with the kindest and the most loving, grace-filled message that you could right. It's time that we start to reverse, that we bring it right back to ourselves and if you don't have someone that you could text that to, who you know is going to send you that response back, because sometimes it is easier to lean on other people, like, hey, I just need a little pick me up I did that with a friend yesterday like I've been a little hard on myself, especially when it comes to business and with work, and they're just like, hey, it's just a season, you know, and we need those reminders from people because we have to rewire our brain to give ourselves that grace too. All right, it's just a season, this is not forever. This is not going to be my new norm. Hopefully this is just going to be until his baby gets out of me, and then I'm going to be in a new season, of course, but the nausea and the sickness and all of the you know difficulties I've had with this pregnancy, which are honestly minor in comparison, but again, we're not comparing, isn't that what I just told you not to do? All right, but still, they're the typical things Fatigue, nausea, food aversions, low iron, things like that. But in those seasons, if we can learn to give ourselves grace here, imagine what we can do when we're feeling better, when we're feeling our best, and we come out of these hard seasons and we come out of the cocoon and we're the beautiful butterfly and we're like hells yeah, I freaking did it, my friend.
Speaker 1:Because the next thing that I think is so important in these seasons is that flexibility. I have had to create a very flexible schedule, even with recording podcast episodes, because I'm trying to bulk record a lot so that we have them, so that you can still listen to the podcast even when I am birthing a baby, that you'll be able to still catch up and to still check in and have all these good things. But I've had to be quite flexible with that schedule. Some days I can do a lot and some days I can't, and everyone's been really accommodating in that sense. But it's just that reminder to be flexible with yourself and hopefully create a schedule for you that is a little bit more flexible, and I know easier said than done for so many people. I am blessed that this is the beginning of the stages. I don't have any kids yet, so if I have to take a nap, I go and take a nap and I move my meetings around and it's totally fine.
Speaker 1:I know that's not the case for everyone, but be flexible with yourself where you can. Maybe it's, you know, moving that dinner date around with your friends because you're just feeling like you're overstimulated and overtired, right. Do what you can in this season to be flexible. And then the last thing that I have on here that I just think has really been helpful in this season is to cut back on all the things that aren't bringing you joy. And maybe you're like okay, jess, I'll make you a list, right, especially in pregnancy, where you're like I'll make you a list of all the things, but just limit making plans. One of the things that a friend of mine gave me advice, and she's like Jess, after the baby comes, I know we think we're super and we're going to be able to do all the things. Don't buy tickets for a concert six weeks after your baby's born. Okay, I just don't recommend it. I did it. It wasn't a good time.
Speaker 1:Okay, allow there to be a lot of space in your schedule. Allow there to be a lot of space in your life so that again, you can have that flexibility and cut back on all the things that aren't bringing you joy. Especially the season around the holidays. It's busy, there are Christmas parties, there are family gatherings, there are gifts that we have to pick up. All of the things, where can you cut back right now?
Speaker 1:Because the season that you're in might be difficult, or the season could be a little more challenging than what you had anticipated. And even if you're listening to this and you're like, well, my situation's not that bad, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah no, even if you're thinking that you're in a hard season right now, regardless of what it is because, again, hard is subjective it doesn't matter if I don't think what you're going through is hard or you don't think what I'm going through is hard, it can still be hard for you. So don't let other people's opinions change that for you. But cut back where you can. If something is not bringing you joy, like you don't want to send out Christmas cards because there's a postal strike right now anyway. So we can't, or you don't want to, you know, go to that party or anything, right. Cut it out right now, literally like cut it out and limit the plans that you have, because that's going to allow you to have more grace and more flexibility for yourself if you can cut some of those things out of your life. And that's what I've been doing a lot of.
Speaker 1:Again, saying no to the Christmas party this year or limiting you know what, how many holiday plans that I'm making, keeping things really, really simple this year, because I want to be able to go to the things that I want to go to with joy and love and excitement, and I can't always do that if my schedule is full. So if you're in a hard season too, you've been listening to this and you're like Jess okay, I'm not pregnant, my friend, but work is really busy this time of year, or I am feeling the burnout Like it's coming for me, or the kids are wild and they're hopped up on sugar because you have advent calendars every single day and they're just eating candy all day long, or you're a teacher and this time of year can be really, really difficult, right? Anything, whatever that is for you, even if you think, on a scale of zero to a hundred, that your hard season is a two. So you have no right thinking it's a hard season where somebody else is a 10, it doesn't matter. It does not matter. What matters is that you consider this a hard season and that you are finding things difficult right now, and if that is the case, then I want you to give yourself some grace. It doesn't matter if your mom thinks that this is not a hard season or your aunt Sue thinks that you're being overdramatic. If you are finding right now hard, right, put your blinders on, don't compare yourself to anyone else and give yourself that grace. Allow yourself to take a nap in the afternoon. Find that flexibility in your schedule. Cancel plans with Uncle Joey to go Christmas shopping, because it just really doesn't matter, right. Do what you can right now. Fill your calendar with the things that bring you joy and that are going to re-energize you, instead of filling it with all of the things that are going to be really difficult and add on to the stress that you already have and make things harder for you. It's not worth it, and if you need that reminder a few more times in this season, I created something last year called the 12 days of confidence, and if you're someone who's been listening to this podcast for a while, you probably remember it, and I really wanted to do it again this year, but it was one of those things I just had to cut back on, because creating 12 episodes right now while also trying to bulk record for the new year, it was not not my ideal situation.
Speaker 1:So, unfortunately, this year we're putting it on pause, but it'll come back. But, that being said, I have created an email sequence for you to be able to get it in your inbox every single day for 12 days. So maybe you need that reminder of short little episodes that can help you to get through this season, setting the right boundaries, you know, putting things in place for yourself that maybe you wouldn't on a normal day, or prioritizing you All of the pieces that we've talked about when it comes to self-care and when it comes to building a holidays that is also your holidays. This is for you, and I'll put the information in the show notes for you to be able to get on the email list. It's 100% free. All of the episodes are there. You can also scroll back and listen to the episodes, if you want, from last December, but this has just been an easy way for us to be able to pop it right into your inbox and you can click the link and get started and start listening to the 12 Days of Confidence. But sometimes we need that reminder every single day, just a little confidence boost, a little something in our pocket to be like, oh right, I am doing a good job and things are, you know, working out for me, even in the hardest of seasons. So check that out. The information is in the show notes.
Speaker 1:But as we walk into the holiday season which I still blows my mind that this is December and as we walk into 2025, I just want to send you a big old hug. If you're having a difficult season two or things just feel like a lot of pressure this time of year, I am sending you the biggest hug and a season filled with love and a reminder. That is your holiday season two. It's not just for the kids, it's not just for our parents, it's not just for our dogs, it's for you, and so make sure you're prioritizing yourself and that you are giving yourself that grace that you deserve. I love you so much. I hope you have an awesome week. Talk to you soon. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
