Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
Celebrating 3 Years of Self(ish) Confidence 🥳🥳
Three years, already?! 😮😮 Where does the time go?
Picture this: from the initial uncertainty of starting a podcast to the heartwarming anticipation of raising a son, all while navigating the complex myths of pregnancy. This episode is a heartfelt reflection on embracing new beginnings, cherishing the support of loved ones like my wonderful partner, Glen, and the joy in expecting a baby boy. Join me as I share insights on the importance of taking that first step, whether it's starting a family, a new career, or simply planting a seed of change in your life.
Learn more about Confidently You starting October 28, 2024.
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
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The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and today we are celebrating something really, really special. We are actually celebrating three years of the Selfish Confidence podcast, which blows my mind that it's been three years, that I've been consistent enough for three years and also how much my life has changed in the last three years. I don't know if you can relate to that and you feel that You're just like it has been a season of change. I feel like since starting this podcast, I don't even recognize the version of me that there was two years ago, three years ago and beyond that, and it's been just such a wonderful journey to be able to share that with you, to take you through the highs and lows of what's been going on in my life and also through this new season of change, like what who would have thought selfish confidence would be having like a little mini me coming out. And what's really exciting about that is I was just outside taking a few photos to post about the gender of the baby and maybe you don't know. I know I told some people. If you were there at Speak Up in person or if you maybe have seen me in person, I've probably told you. But if you're someone from far away and I haven't seen in real life, then there's a good chance that you probably don't know what the gender of this baby is and I will tell you right now. Okay, it's a boy. I know Things are going to get blue over here and I am shocked.
Speaker 1:I was literally shocked when the doctor called and said yep, there's a penis there and I said nope, there can't be. It's 100% a girl. It has to be. And they told me I was wrong and I think all the wives tales right. Everybody tells you all of these things as you go through this journey and you have no idea Like I have no idea what's going on, what's happening, what I need to do, what I need to get. All the things I have no idea, which I guess is a fun thing for all of us. We can figure it out together.
Speaker 1:But what has been like the most surprising thing was most people said if you were sick a lot, it's a girl, that girls steal your beauty. That's what they say. And I was sick, like really sick, sick all the time for about 20 weeks and with that I was like a hundred percent it has to be a girl. Then, because that's what they say, there was a couple people who guessed boy and everybody else in my life was like team girl, it had to be a girl. And uh, it was very, very surprising to find out that we were actually having a boy.
Speaker 1:And what's been really sweet about this journey is that it just makes me appreciate my partner so much more. Like Glenn is phenomenal and I know I talk about him a lot on this podcast, but he really is such a wonderful partner and for the world to have another Glenn is just like the coolest thing in the world. And so to have something that's part me and part him but that can grow up and to like support women in the way that I thought I would be teaching a little girl to do, I can also teach a little boy to do so it has been just like this really cool journey of navigating what this next season will look like and even imagining my family with one a baby at all, but a baby, that's a boy. I'm like I have no idea what is coming for us next year, but I'm in for it. I'm ready for it. Well, I'm not ready really, really for it, but I'm going to figure it out as I go as best as I can and step into this journey and just trusting the process wholeheartedly. Have you ever done that with something in your life? You're just like you know what I'm going, all in and I'm just going to trust that this is the right direction, that I'm supposed to go, and you really don't know until you start to go down. That path of it is where you're supposed to go. When it comes to a baby, you should at least think a little bit before, or maybe not. Maybe we just go in blind, but that's what the journey has been these last couple weeks of navigating Just after Speak Up, giving my body a lot of rest, putting myself and this pregnancy first for a little bit, because I haven't been for a really long time and really stepping into the unknown, and I really feel like that was what happened when it came to this podcast too.
Speaker 1:When I came home from Barbados in July of 2021, I also didn't know what this next chapter of my life was going to look like. I had this like itchy feeling of change and something different. I just had this gut instinct and also this like voice in my head that just like kept nagging at change, and I have been working really hard in building an online brand for a long time. It wasn't like I just started a podcast and, you know people started to listen. It really wasn't like that at all. I had been doing health and fitness online and for if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time, you know this. I was in this world of doing health and fitness online for years and that was really what pushed me into that online space and into getting my face out there a bit more on Instagram, and so starting a podcast really wasn't like starting from zero. I had some practice with the unknown in the business space online and I started feeling this pull into the direction of confidence.
Speaker 1:Working with women in health and fitness was really awesome, but I didn't want to just focus on workouts and movement and, you know, nutritional supplements and things like that. I really wanted to focus on that mental aspect of navigating self-confidence and that's, just, like always, the direction that I felt the pull in. I wanted to help women have more confidence. That's why I went into health and fitness coaching to help people feel like the badass selves that they are. And it became more clear with more time in the pandemic and in life in general. It just started to become more clear that that was the focus, that that was the main focus, and it wasn't about the movement and the workouts and things like that. Although those are really key components in confidence, they aren't the only components. Like, you could be confident exactly as you are right now, and I think that's one of the things that I love the most about this journey.
Speaker 1:But I had this nagging feeling to step into something different, to step into the unknown, and even through starting my podcast, I wouldn't even say that I dove all in right away. I was still doing my health and fitness coaching online. If you've listened back to, like those beginning episodes. I was still in that space and doing that and it was actually on this podcast that I had a guest on early on and I remember this so clearly, sitting on the floor in my old office in my old house and having this moment of just like, hmm, I think I'm on the wrong path, I think I'm focusing on the wrong things. And this particular interview, this episode that I had, really gave me that clarity to just let it go to blindly trust, starting something totally new, stepping away from that focus of fitness and step into focusing on confidence, whatever that looked like. And I launched my confidence coaching business from there and it really just started to kind of blossom into different directions.
Speaker 1:And I think it's really cool that three years later I can sit here and have this episode with you and know that we've evolved and changed in so many ways at Selfish Confidence. I've brought you along on the journey through all of the changes and through that. You know we've had about 250 podcast episodes, 25,000 downloads, an amazing digital community called the Selfish Sisterhood that has launched several different courses that help women to access their confidence in different ways. We've had four amazing selfish retreats, three which are local, in Nova Scotia and one in Barbados, which still blows my mind that I could do a whole retreat for a week. We've had tons of socials, tons of local connections, so many just amazing ways to connect with women, both online and in person, which has just been really cool. And then, of course, most recently, speak up like never in a million years did I think that I could actually pull off that event, and we did.
Speaker 1:It was phenomenal and it just still I feel like a beginner, even three years later. I'm just going to be totally honest with you sitting here listing off these things and thinking about the journey that has happened in the last three years later. I'm just going to be totally honest with you sitting here listing off these things and thinking about the journey that has happened in the last three years. For Selfish Confidence, I still feel like a beginner. I feel like I'm just figuring things out, and I think that's because it's always new and it's always evolving and there's something always different and we're trying new things all the time and we're stepping beyond that expansion. Like every single day, every single episode, every single week, we are looking at what's next and I say we, it's me team me over here but it's just been a really cool journey, and so I wanna say thank you for being a part of it. Whether you're a new listener and you just started listening to the Selfish Confidence podcast I'm so glad you're here or you are someone who's been around since day one and you've listened to the episodes from the beginning. Thank you so much for your love and support here. I am just in awe of the journey that has been, and I want it to be a reminder to you.
Speaker 1:If you've been thinking about starting something, this could be a garden in your yard, okay. Or stepping into a new career path. You know, leaving your job and starting something new, whether that's a business or just going to a new company, or maybe starting a family, or stepping into creating a course of some kind. Like, there's so many different avenues that we can take in this world and I think all you got to do is just do it. And I think all you got to do is just do it. Take one leap, take one step forward, and that step could be signing up for a course that teaches you how to do it. That step could be talking to your boss about what you've actually been thinking about.
Speaker 1:Or maybe you're like me and you just have this feeling in your gut and you say, okay, let's get on a mic and let's share it with the world. And it's really, really, really scary and really hard. I'm going to tell you I think that's why I still feel like a beginner three years in that maybe you listening, you're like Jess, you are not a beginner. You've been doing this for a while and you're pretty good at it, but you don't feel that way. Right, the outside can see you in a different way than how you see yourself, and even though I'm three years in and celebrating something really exciting and some big things that have happened in my life, I still feel brand new. I still feel like I'm learning, I'm figuring things out, I'm stepping into a season of the unknown, and so I tell you that, just so that you have this moment. Actually, someone asked this in the sisterhood not that long ago Do you ever feel like you've made it, like I don't know if that ever comes, because that like merit for made it, that merit for what we think success is just keeps expanding.
Speaker 1:It just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, and it's so hard for that to become this moment of like. Hey look, mom, I made it, you know, like from Panic at the Disco. I don't know if that happens. At least it hasn't for me, and maybe you can be listening to this and you're like Jess, that has happened to me. I made it. I feel that. Send me a message, because I think that would be just the coolest feeling.
Speaker 1:But for me it's just I've told you this before I struggle to sit in the present moment. I struggle to sit with where I'm at right now because I'm always like, five years ahead or even five months ahead, right, like I'm thinking about, well, years ahead or even five months ahead, right, like I'm thinking about, well, when the baby gets here, I'm thinking about, you know, next event or next retreat or next, next, next I'm never, really often here and that can rob you of that feeling, that feeling of like oh my gosh, I made it. And even sitting at Speak Up, having like I'm thinking about all of the other things, I'm not necessarily thinking of this moment of like. Oh. So I've been really trying to sit as I go through the pictures and the things that I've seen coming in from Speak Up. I'm just really trying to like, sit in this like magical energy of like we did something. Whether I feel like I made it or not, that's a whole other story, but we did something here and I can celebrate that. So I'd love to know what you're celebrating, what you're leaning into in this season.
Speaker 1:Right now, maybe you're like me, in a season of the absolute unknown. It's hard to plan five years ahead when you don't even know what life's gonna look like with a baby. But it's been an absolute beautiful journey doing this together for the last three years, bringing you along, sharing some very personal things that we've been going through in our lives and also being really vulnerable about the ever-changing life that it is now and the fact that we're having a boy and I still have no idea what's going on there or how to do that. So it's been just really, really fun. And, that being said, I wanted to talk to you today about the concept of self in the aspect of confidence, because I did a workshop last week on this where I really wanted to focus on that piece, that key component of self.
Speaker 1:And if you're like, what are you talking about, jess? I mean you, babe, okay. Self yourself, your self confidence. I think we don't often think of those as two separate words. It's just like I wish I had more self-confidence and we loop it all together into one thing and often that one thing leans more on that confidence side of things and less on the self side of things. And I think we're looking at this all wrong backwards, actually, because without knowing and understanding that concept of self, there is no confidence.
Speaker 1:You can't fake your way to confidence. We've talked about this so many times. You cannot just be like fake it till you make it. Um sure, there are components of it that you can, but if you are wearing like I'm going to think of something that's totally opposite for me, I'm going to be like, you know, a full designer dress and the cool shoes and the fancy bag, you can tell that that's not me, because I don't even know what any of these things are called right out of character for me that I could not feel confident in that version of myself. And don't get me wrong, we can feel good and we can look in the mirror and be like heck, I am hella sexy right now. We can do that, but there's always that piece of being authentically and truly yourself that we lack, that access to self if we're focusing only on some of these external things or the pieces that society tells us and maybe you've been on this journey too where you know is what I did right, I got married.
Speaker 1:I, you know, graduated from college. I went and did all of the things. I checked all the boxes. I started the jobs. I, you know, took different directions. I tried this and I tried that and did all of the things that society told me to do Check, check, check, check, check, check, check. And I still didn't feel confident. And I think a lot of us can relate to that. Right, we do all of the things that our family tells us to do or our friends encourage us to do. Oh, you'd be really good at that, you should try that. Right, you should go to school for nursing because you know you're really good with people and you're really into health.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, you know you're going to pass out if you see some blood might not be the best direction for you definitely wouldn't have been for me and unless you know those pieces of yourself, of course it doesn't hurt to try new things, but it can be really difficult to feel confident in any of these situations if we're always focusing on the external pieces and the things that other people tell us to do. Right Advertisements tell us, you know, try this product or do this or do that, but if it's not really aligned with who you are and who that self is, you're never going to feel good about that direction. And so if you're like I hear you, jess, I understand I need to know myself and maybe you've been on this journey again with me for three years and I'm so grateful for that Maybe you understand and know yourself a little bit more because of that. But it really takes you asking yourself some really tough questions. I think the reason that I feel more confident in this journey towards motherhood I feel even emotional thinking about this is because I've put in this work for so many years. Do I feel confident knowing what I'm doing? Heck to the no. We have no idea what we're doing. But I know this journey with my body, this journey with stepping into something new and something unknown. I feel more confident in it because I know it's the right choice for me.
Speaker 1:I took a lot of time to think about it and I put out the pros and cons and I asked myself a lot of questions and I really started to navigate what I wanted in order to step in that direction. The same thing goes for any area of your life, any area, the job that you're in you know, signing up for basketball lessons for yourself, taking a pottery class, whatever all of these things. It comes from you starting to ask yourself some questions and of course, there's some trial and error through this process. But I think you can also start to ask yourself like, hey, would I be interested in reading this book, or would I be interested in checking out this new social, or what would I be looking for in a new friend? And really starting to get clear on what it is that you want and that's going to help you to step into that direction of self. That's what helps me to just kind of like veer in the direction before I even take the action of buying a mic, of setting it all up, of starting to record these podcast episodes, of just putting myself out there.
Speaker 1:It wasn't just an instant thing. Sometimes I make it sound really easy, but it came from a series of questions that I started to ask myself and navigate, and you can start to do that too. It's really really simple for you to start to ask yourself more questions and do it in a way that's for only you. So you could do this through a journaling practice. If you're someone who looks for journal prompts, I'm happy to send you some too. But, like, just start to write out some of your thoughts and feelings and questions that you have for yourself. I like to do this talking out loud to myself, walking around the house I'm home alone a lot, praise the Lord so that I can actually sit and spend some time with myself and understand what are the next directions that I want to take, or what do I even want to make for dinner. Right, what am I craving today? This has been a really cool one when it came to navigating pregnancy, because your food changes all the time. What you can eat one day might not be what you can eat the next, and so navigating some of those things has been like oh okay, today I want this and just going after it because you don't know when you're going to want it again. Really, just getting clear on some of these really simple questions you can ask yourself so that you can go deeper in the seasons that you need to go deeper.
Speaker 1:A few other things that was really helpful in this workshop and I'll put the recording of the workshop in the show notes for you. If you want to check it out. I am thinking about doing it again in the show notes for you. If you want to check it out, I am thinking about doing it again. If you missed doing it live and you want to do it live with me, send me a message, because then I'll be like you know what, if there's enough interest, I will do the whole thing live again so that we can really interact. There were so many amazing women on and that really helps me because it's like oh, this is really fun to be able to connect with you and to see some of these things.
Speaker 1:So in that aspect of self, we went through the process of adjectives that describe who we are and describe the version of us that we'd want to be. It doesn't always have to be this version of self right now. It can also be that higher version, that dream version of self that you want to become. So what characteristics do they have? Are they smart? Are they someone who studies a lot? Are they someone who is fashionable? They like to, you know, go shopping and get really nice outfits, like. Are you, someone who you know is a little bit silly or eccentric, or all of the things right. You can really think about these adjectives about yourself and almost create a character that is you. And that character that is you you can lean into on the days that you might not feel like self, you might not feel like you're 100% the version of you you'd want to be, but you could take a little step in that direction because you know that version of you is a little bit silly. So what would make you feel a little bit silly today? Is it doing a dance party in the kitchen? Is it reading the funnies in the newspaper? Like, what is it for you that would help you to feel a little more silly today? Or maybe some of those pieces are like loyalty, right, like, so what are the things that you could do today to help you stand in that pillar of loyalty for you?
Speaker 1:And I think understanding these components of self, these adjectives that we might have for ourselves that describe who we are, who we want to be, it really helps us to find that confidence a little bit more, because there's different components of it that can help us to see different pieces of ourselves. We're not just one thing. I think you know that we're not just one thing, I'm not just silly or I'm not just funny. I am a whole array of different characteristics. Leaning into one thing at a time might be helpful for me to understand it a little bit deeper. But we can take this step by step. We can take this one day at a time. It doesn't have to be big things. So for you, you know what are some of these pieces that are you and what would help you to step into that today.
Speaker 1:And I really do think that, looking to that future version of you because sometimes it's hard to see it in the today You're just like ugh me, am I right? Hide me in a closet. Nobody wants to see this, right, because we can be really hard on ourselves. You are a gift, one exactly as you are right now, even if you can't see it. But there's also that higher version of you that you could become even a week from now if you just started to understand what it is that you want. So just write some of that stuff out. Who do you want to be when you look in the mirror and lean into that? Lean into that and make it happen, because she's right there waiting for you, like 100%, and the version of me three years ago that started this podcast would be in awe. Oh, I feel that one deep. She'd be in awe of this beautiful transformation that has happened in our life. She'd also be shocked. She'd be like you pregnant girl, you crazy, but she'd be in awe.
Speaker 1:And so remember that the future version of you is going to look back on this moment where you are right now and just be so grateful that you stepped into something that you put the effort in and the energy in to get to know yourself, because the world needs you. They don't need the version of you that your mom told you to be, the version of you that society's told you to be, the version of you that your partners told you to be. We need you. You know, like Taylor's version right, but not Taylor's version. You know your version Like, for me, jess's version right.
Speaker 1:Leaning into that is just going to be the best thing for your confidence and I know easier said than done in so many ways, but you can do it if you put the effort there and if you're like me and you just need a little extra push. You need someone to hold your hand a little bit more. I have hired a lot of coaches through this journey to help hold my hand through this, because I didn't know what I'm doing. Like I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. Same thing why we sign up for labor and delivery courses because we have no idea what's going to happen in that hospital room. I want to know from the experts and I want to be able to lean into their experience and their expertise so that I can step into my confident self a bit more, and that's why I created a course called Confidently you. Maybe you've heard of it. We've only run it once before. This is the second time we've ever gone through it guided, and I'm just so excited to bring it back to life because, as I was sitting here reading some of the testimonials from our last round, it is beautiful to see what can happen when you take action.
Speaker 1:You take aligned action and you follow a guide that someone helps to set out for you, and this program is all about you being you. It is not like this is what worked for Jess. Step by step, check the boxes, do this, this, this and this, and you'll be more confident. It's those aspects of trial and error. Every week we have a different habit to focus on whether that's releasing some of these old beliefs. We have stepping into moving our body a bit more, you know, trying breath, work out, releasing some things when it comes to our social media pieces like that, that we can really start to understand ourselves and take what works for us and leave the rest. So what we do is, every week for 10 weeks we are focusing on a different habit and all you need is 10 minutes a day. You do not need a lot of time in order to make this a priority. It's like max 10 minutes a day. And this program has video lessons every single week that help you to navigate that and a journal that goes along with it, just for you to be able to dive into it a little bit more.
Speaker 1:And every week we'll be doing a weekly group coaching session so that not only do you get to know yourself, you're going to get to know some of the other women who are in this community and really be able to discuss what you've been facing when it comes to accessing your confidence through these new habits. And at the end the last two weeks we build out your own year of confidence plan. So it's like trying a bunch of things that might work for you, finding the ones that do and, when we see those ones that do, building them into a plan that we can take in that year forward. That's going to help you to have the best reset when it comes to your confidence. This step into like quantum leaping into the most confident version of yourself and I think that's what I love so much about this program is if you put the action in, you take the time in and you enjoy connecting with yourself and connecting with sisters who are doing the same thing, you are really going to have a beautiful leap in your confidence.
Speaker 1:My whole life changed in that year of confidence, like I can 100% say that, and I know it can for you too. So I wanted to build a program that could be adjustable for you, because we are all different. Even if I were to give you a step-by-step guide every single day do this, you might not have more confidence. Right? It's about you finding the things that work for you. So we'll be doing some trial and error, figuring things out and building a plan that is yours, and so this is going to be starting on. October 28th is our first day that we'll be accessing the program, stepping into having group coaching calls, starting on Wednesday evenings, and I'm just so excited to bring this to life with a wonderful group of women. The next person that signs up I only have one more spot left for this is going to get a free one-on-one session with me before we start the program, and I have one swag bag left that I would love to be mailing out to someone. The next person who signs up for, confidently, you.
Speaker 1:This program again starts on the 28th. It'll be 12 weeks long, so we'll be going into mid-January, which is the perfect time to be able to start your year of confidence right and perfect time for me because I'll be going into labor shortly after that and it's $5.55 Canadian for the 12-week program With all of the coaching calls. You'll get access to the Selfish Sisterhood for three months. Also, I'll put all the information in the show notes for you to be able to check it out. There's also a four-month payment plan, if that is more accessible to you and something that can help you a bit more. It's $150 a month for four months.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to kick this off. I need it too, being in the season that I'm in again, in that unknown and just big season of change, I want to be able to step into this season of motherhood a lot more confidently than sometimes I feel right now, and so I'll be doing it right alongside you with our group coaching calls with myself and also expert guests who are a part of the program with me. It's just going to be the best 12 weeks and such a wonderful way to kick off 2025. So check out the information in the show notes. If, confidently, you is for you and if you want to step into it with us, send me a message. I can give you all the information or answer any questions you have. But we do start October 28th so you don't have much time to hop in and to really take advantage of the last time that I'll be coaching people before I give birth. So if that's something that catches your eye, it'll be really awesome to be able to have you in this program. So information in the show notes for that.
Speaker 1:But all I have to say is step into yourself. Remember that aspect of self is the only way you're going to have confidence. So really lean into understanding and knowing yourself and loving yourself. Loving yourself through the journey, accepting yourself through the journey. If you can't love yourself yet and know that that is the key, you are literally the magic when it comes to confidence. So don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. You don't need new clothes. You don't tell you otherwise. You don't need new clothes. You don't need new hair. You don't need new nothing. Okay, all we need is you, babe, and I'm just so grateful that you're here on a part of this journey with us. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
