Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
Summer Self-Love ✨ Bringing simplicity back into your self-love routine
What if you could transform an ordinary summer day into an unforgettable experience? From lazy mornings in a zero gravity chair to spontaneous road trips, Jess reveals how embracing unplanned moments of solitude can enrich your life. Discover the contrast between her introverted daily demeanor and her energetic event persona, and why these serene summer days are so essential before the hustle and bustle of September arrives.
Ever battled with fear and anxiety when organizing a big event? Jess opens up about her personal journey of overcoming these challenges while planning the upcoming "Speak Up" event. Featuring an exclusive VIP sunset cruise for early networking, and a main event designed to foster genuine connections, this gathering is all about inclusivity and self-discovery. Jess invites listeners to be part of this transformative experience, emphasizing the importance of self-love and finding supportive communities.
Grab your Speak Up! Tickets ---> https://jessclerke.com/speak-up
Feeling drained and looking for simple ways to boost your energy? Tune in as Jess shares practical tips for integrating small, meaningful acts of self-care into your daily routine. Whether it’s enjoying a mindful cup of coffee or taking an afternoon walk, these little habits can significantly uplift your day. Jess’s insights on self-love and confidence will inspire you to nurture your well-being, even during the busiest times. So, let’s embrace these small joys and show the world your shine!
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
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My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and today is just feeling like one of those like true full-on summer days. We had a rainy couple of days over here on the East Coast and then this beautiful, bright, hot, shining day today. That just felt like summer. Summer has been a busy season for us. It's kind of been like one of those all-over-the-places just trying to figure things out day by day, focusing on work and life and all of the things. But today just felt like one of those really beautiful summer days where time just kind of slows down and you're able to do anything you want to do, like there's nothing better to me than a full day open with like no plans, no schedule, and you can do absolutely anything you want. That's what today felt like, honestly no schedule and you can do absolutely anything you want. That's what today felt like, honestly. That's what this whole weekend has really felt like, and maybe someone listening to this right now is like I'm a little jealous. Jess, we had a full out weekend and everything was crazy. But for me as an introvert and someone who likes to just take things slow, projector life over here, it really was such a gift to have a slow weekend, and not just a slow weekend with me, but also a slow weekend. My husband was home, like Glenn was here, and we were able to really spend some quality time together and it just filled my cup up so much. That's my love language quality time. I love just that like perfect one-on-one time and it just felt really like a beautiful slow weekend. But today was like the perfect summer day and Glenn's outside right now mowing the lawn while I sit in here to record this and it just feels like, yeah, summer is here and I know we're almost the middle of August and summer is slowing down, especially for my American friends. It's back to school season soon, but here in Canada we got a few more weeks and we're going to soak them up while we have them. But today I've been thinking about that a lot Like what in this season do I want to just cherish for a little bit longer?
Speaker 1:I talk often about like holding on to something, having that memory, having that thing that we can like be just like thing, having that memory, having that thing that we can like be just like I don't know, soak up, like get all the juice out of that lemon. And how can we do that, knowing there's only a few weeks left of summer and I know, if you're on the East Coast like me, we get beautiful weather into September, but September typically means back to school, it means back to crazy, back to routines, back to just busy, busy, busy life. And there's something about this like lack of schedule, beautiful sunshine, being able to sit in my zero gravity chair and just enjoy time being a little bit slower in the summer than in September, when things are crazy. And then, of course, back to travel mode. For me, I have a couple of trips that I have to take in September and then, of course, speak up shortly after, that being October 5th and 6th, so like September, is going to be a little crazy.
Speaker 1:So what is it in this season that I love so much? Or on a day like today, a beautiful, sun shining summer day that I would want to absorb and take into the rest of the year? And one of the things that I was thinking of today and I probably think of this a lot again being someone who loves my solitude. I love that I work from home and I have less distractions and I get to spend time alone. I know if you've met me in real life, in the outside world, or especially at events event Jess and everyday Jess she's. She's two different girls. Okay, event Jess is just like soaking up the energy of everyone and wild I love her. But also everyday Jess is a little more quiet spending time at home, probably in my pajamas, with, like, all of my animals around me. That is just my everyday go-to.
Speaker 1:But I loved having that quality time this weekend and I think that I want to take that into more seasons and having that something on the regular, like being able to have a day where there's nothing on the calendar but we could watch Monk, which is what Glenn and I have been watching lately this like detective show from like the early 2000s. It's on Netflix in Canada if you want to check it out. It's actually pretty funny. But just being able to like sit and watch Monk or take the dog to the park or today we got to do a little mini road trip and we stopped at a few different bakeries and got to take a nice walk and all the things and just had this like beautiful day of just the two of us with no plans I would want to take that into more seasons and I know we are a married couple without kids so we have a lot of time together, but also we really don't. Like Glenn has a lot of hobbies he likes to do. I have a lot of events that I have to go to.
Speaker 1:It's not often that we have a whole day where there's nothing on the calendar, that we can just chill and soak up a little bit of extra time together and I really feel like that's something I want to put on the calendar more. And it can feel really boring for some people not for me. I love it, but it can feel kind of boring. You're looking and you're just like, oh, we have nothing on the calendar for another weekend. That's so weird, but I think it's so important to have more space in our lives and that's really not why I came on here today. I have a theme. I promise there's something that I want to talk to you about today, but I really do think that when we can have more space in our calendars, it helps us to have this expansive energy.
Speaker 1:It helps us to have time to see things differently, to get ideas, to get energy, and there are some people maybe even you listening to this right now who are really, really busy, and when you look at your calendar from Monday to Friday, it makes you throw up a little bit in your mouth. I have a few friends like that. When I look at their calendars, I'm like whoa, that's a lot going on, and some people thrive in that, and again, that could be you. But I do truly think that when we allow ourselves space and I've said this before too if the only time that like ideas and things are coming into your mind or like your mind is racing when you put your head on the pillow at night, it probably means you didn't have enough space during your day. Or if all your ideas come to you when you're driving your car or you're in the shower, it probably means you don't have enough space in your day. And I know it's hard for a lot of us.
Speaker 1:But just scheduling a 10 minute nothing pocket or finding a little solitude in your week, maybe even like an hour that you could like pencil into your calendar so people think you're in a meeting but really you're just taking some space to go for a walk, to hear the birds, to just let everything calm down and those ideas start to flow again. And if you're in someone who has been feeling a bit of a block myself I haven't been feeling a block necessarily, but I've been feeling a shift and I'm trying to figure out what that shift is. And I can't figure it out unless I allow myself more space. And for me that's often space alone, space away from my phone I've been scrolling too much lately and just sitting with myself to allow whatever ideas need to come through, to allow whatever this shift is in my life to come through. But sometimes it takes more space. It's as easy as that, I know. And I say it's easy and I can like cringe a little bit because there's someone listening to me who's like Jess, it's not easy, but this can also be your 15 minute drive home. Go a little slower, take that pace down a notch and just allow there to be more space. Maybe park at the back of the parking lot when you're going to get groceries and, like that, walk into the grocery store. Let there be a little bit more space. Go to get groceries by yourself or just like, try to find these pockets.
Speaker 1:If you're someone who's really struggling with finding time to do nothing or time to slow down, just strategically, start to do it a little bit day by day. I have I'm a chronic rusher. Like I could be like rushing for no reason. If you see me in the grocery store, I'm probably going as fast as I can because I'm like just get me out of here. But that energy doesn't always align with who I am. So I'm like rushing around and then all of a sudden I was like, wait a second, what am I rushing for? Like I have no reason to be at a certain place at a certain time. Like I am blessed with extra time right now. So like, just slow down, jess, it's not a big deal. Or when you're speeding, I can be a little bit pedal to the metal. You can be speeding for no reason, like it's not, like you have to be there sooner, taking little steps, like slowing down when you're driving, slowing down when you're doing your groceries, slowing down when you're making your breakfast that can even allow you a little bit more space. So if you're someone who's like I, just have no room for space, just take your speed down a little bit. If you're listening to this in like two speed right now, I see you, I love you, just like. Take it back down to regular speed for a little bit, because it's going to help us to just process things a little more normally. And I don't know about you, this Amazon prime society that we live in is really hard to keep up with, both mentally and physically, because we think things need to be coming sooner and faster and all the time over and over, and that it's just not realistic Long-term. It's not realistic. So if we can start to slow things down, I think the pace of our mental health is going to feel a lot better. That's just personally. That's for me.
Speaker 1:And when I pulled a card right before this, because sometimes I need a moment to sit down before, I like to just get in the zone. Before I start to record with you, the card that I pulled was like take a deep breath. I was like, okay, I see you. I see you. This card was all about fear and always being fear first instead of focusing on love first, and I've been focusing on fear first often, right, and to be totally transparent with you, I can focus on fear in so many different areas, but most being work and right now being speak up. Like you can think of all the things that go wrong, even though I know everything's going to go so beautifully and so smooth. I can often go to that place right, that place of like, oh well, we should figure out this and make sure we have a backup plan for this and all the things. Just take a deep breath. I know that you can focus on love first here and today I really wanted to talk about self-love and that act of self-love in these seasons where it just can feel really, really busy.
Speaker 1:And before I do, I am going to talk about Speak Up for a minute here, because it's coming up really soon, like we just passed two month mark and I was like, okay, we've been planning this for over a year, and I say we. But let's be real. It's me and I was like, whew, okay, we've been planning this for over a year. And I say we, but let's be real. It's me Like I am doing 95% of all of the behind the scenes things that come to this event, like booking the hotel rooms and planning the speakers and working on the schedule and all of these things. I do have some help with the print materials and things like that, but it can be a lot and I'm just so excited to see that it's finally coming together.
Speaker 1:And when I start to let that fear sink in, like oh my gosh, like we are less than two months away, like are we going to be able to pull this off? All of the things. When you're planning your first big event like this, I just have to remember how epic it's going to be. And then I sit in that energy and I get so excited. I'm like, oh my gosh, like it is going to be the most epic weekend. And if you haven't gotten your ticket yet, you are going to want to get on that sis. Okay, you are going to want to get your ticket, whether that's VIP or general admission ticket. Your VIP night ticket includes the sunset cruise that we're going to have on October 5th, the night before the event, from 5 to 7 pm, and I made this the night before for a couple reasons.
Speaker 1:I'm a person, again, who needs a little bit more space. I want to be able to process things, and smashing it all into one day just doesn't work for me. It is just too much, too many people, and I really want to soak it up all weekend long. So we have it the night before so that you can come in and meet new people and connect before the event even starts. So then you'll be able to meet some people and be like oh hey, suzanne, you want to hang out and sit together tomorrow, or you see someone at lunch that maybe you saw the night before. It just helps to ease into it, especially for people who are coming alone.
Speaker 1:I have always loved when events spread things out a bit more so that we have more space not only to process it but to connect with people, and this event is all about connection. So, if you are coming to meet new friends and really find your people, vip night is for you so that you can do that a little bit longer, even before the event starts, which I love. And then, of course, on the 6th we have our full day event, doors open at 9am and we'll be able to have all of our amazing speakers, some awesome activities, great opportunity for you to connect with more people. But the reason I laid it out like this is really for you to be able to sit in that room and find your BFF. This is not about you coming and having the glam squad and you can if you want. If that's you and you're glam, I love that. But if you are someone like me who's a little more laid back, maybe even a little more introvert, this is the space for you to come and find those connections, to feel safe, 100% who you are wearing, whatever the heck you want to wear, you can come in your pajamas, for for if that's what you want to wear, or you can come in your prom dress. Again, be you. But it really is about being authentically you, and if you don't know who that version of you is, that's okay. We're going to meet her at, speak up. You don't have to, you know, grab a microphone and speak your truth or anything like that, but you do have to come with an open mind, because it is going to be an awesome day for you to start to access that level of you, to start to define your story and really meet some new friends who are going to help you to pull that out a little bit more.
Speaker 1:All of the speakers and most of my very good friends I met at events like this. I met going, getting uncomfortable, sitting with people who I was afraid to sit with and really connecting with people in this room. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like being in a room of women who truly believe in women, supporting women, and I shouldn't even say just women. Anyone is welcome, like anyone is truly welcome at this event. Whether you want to bring your partner, whether you don't identify as a woman, that is okay. You can totally come to this event. There's going to be a lot of pink, we know that, but you're still welcome. All are welcome here, and I just think it's going to be a beautiful weekend for you to not only connect with yourself, but to connect with the people who you need to connect with in order to feel like your truest version of yourself. Like that is it. It's all about you accessing this new level of knowledge and who you are, but also finding the people who are going to support you in that journey.
Speaker 1:And this room is filled with epic people, not only just the speakers. The people, the ticket holders, people who've gotten their tickets so far are incredible women. And I'm just so, so excited for this weekend, like beyond excited, and so if I'm ever feeling that fear of like can I pull this off? I'm just one little lady. I remember how epic this is going to be and I'm going to get emotional to think about it. I remember the people who are coming and the connections that are going to happen in this room and the energy that's going to shift in this space of love, like oh, and the fear just goes away. Like I don't have to be scared when I just know how beautiful and amazing this event is.
Speaker 1:And if you're listening to this and you don't have your ticket yet, you're going to want to get on that Ticket prices do go up at the end of this month, so you're going to want to grab your ticket before August ends and you're not going to want to miss this weekend. You're not going to want to miss this weekend at all, I know that. And then, if you do, you're going to have the FOMO. I promise you, and I'm so, so, so excited about it. But anyways, that being said, even though I could talk for hours and hours on all the details of Speak Up, and some of you listening would love it, there's other people, probably like me, who just want to show up and have fun.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to talk to you today about self-care not even self-care, really self-love and those acts of self-love that we often put to the wayside when things get a little crazy, or even not even when things get crazy, when things get lazy, like personally for me, I will start to get lazy in that self-love act or even in like a morning routine or even in just a routine in general. That typically, for me, helps me to feel really good. When I start to have seasons that get a little busy, or even I'm just exhausted, like the heat and this season lately, I am just so tired that the self-love piece doesn't get stretched too far. You know, sometimes I can be really deep in meditation, really deep in moving my body in a way that feels good, really deep in spending less time on screens, but honestly, lately I haven't been in many of those spaces because I've been doing the out how we can have many self-love pieces in seasons where we just don't feel like we can do a whole routine. It's not even necessarily that we don't have time, it's just it could be a season where we don't have the energy, we don't have the light to do that extra self-love right now, and that's okay. It comes in waves.
Speaker 1:I think that's the beautiful thing about these journeys that we're on this one in particular, this confidence journey, this self-love journey it comes in waves. There are going to be weeks and months where we can go hard, where you're just like I'm all in on this journey. Maybe even after Speak Up, you'll just like walk out of the event and be like, okay, let's go. We got how many days until 2025? Awesome, I'm going to make the most of them.
Speaker 1:But there's also seasons in the middle where that's not the case and it can be more difficult for us to find the time and not only just the time, the energy for these self-love practices that we have. And so I wanted today to talk to you about how you can make these self-love practices really, really simple and really, really small, so that you can still do them on the days when you don't have the energy. And this truly starts with you understanding what fills your cup up. And if you're someone who's like I, have no freaking clue what fills my cup up. Jess, like I don't remember the last time I filled my cup up, unless it was my coffee cup. Okay, I see you. I know how that feels. It can be really difficult in those seasons when you're just like I don't even know what it is that works for me and that again comes from you, just like having some trial and error, practicing some things. Maybe it is A long time ago, my very first therapist, that I had talked to me about this mindful practice, because, again, I've always really struggled with slowing down.
Speaker 1:I come from a busy family and so slowing down and enjoying a moment was difficult. So she told me that if meditation wasn't a thing for me, if that wasn't something that I could sit down and do regularly, then maybe I could try a more active approach to meditation. So when I'm having my morning cup of coffee, you know I'm feeling how the cup feels in my hands and I'm feeling how the temperature of the coffee feels in my mouth, or the flavors of the coffee feel in my mouth, or how the scent of the coffee makes me feel right or same with a cup of tea or a glass of milk or whatever it is that you want to practice with, but having those moments that are basically around the same thing we're doing every day. For most of you listening, you probably drink a cup of coffee every day and maybe it's really rushed and you're pouring it and you're running out the door and you're dropping the kids off at daycare, or maybe you're picking one up on your way to the office and you drink it throughout the day and it probably goes cold. You don't even remember the last time you had a hot cup of coffee, right? It's these moments that if we could slow down just a little bit and take it in and cherish it a little bit more, that's an act of self-love. Like that is truly an act of self-love, and we can do those in many moments throughout our day.
Speaker 1:One that I typically like to do is one. I don't keep my phone in my room at all. That I typically like to do is one I don't keep my phone in my room at all. I because I have anxiety. I do often think like what if an intruder comes in the house and they kill Glenn and I can't reach my phone and all the things right. We think that, but those are really low chances. Okay, it's really low. So I keep my phone typically in another room, plugged in somewhere else, because I don't want that to be the first thing I pick up in the morning.
Speaker 1:And that is one way that I like show myself love, because to me if I pick up my phone and start scrolling first thing, that's what I'm going to be doing all day and I just don't want to start my day with someone else's energy. So I take a minute when, hopefully, all my pets are pretty chill and everyone's still sleeping in bed and I can take that moment to just lay there and just soak it up. Soak up having a few extra cuddles with my little fur babies and just having a moment before the day even starts. For me, starting the day slow and I know this isn't for everyone and it's not available to everyone but for me, starting the day slow sets me up for success, it shows my self-love. I can take this too far, sometimes I can be really slow, and then it's noon and I'm like oh whoops, I got to catch up right. But there are moments if I can just take even the first hour a little bit slower, whether that's when I'm having my tea or having my breakfast or just laying in bed a little bit longer. Those moments are gifts to myself. So what, for you, fills your cup up? That would give you that feeling of like, oh, this is a gift to myself. I love myself.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's the nutrition that you have, it's packing yourself a really nutritious and delicious lunch, one that you're not dreading. I used to do this when I worked in the corporate world and I would like healthy. Jess would pack her lunch Ugh, hate her sometimes and it would be like the worst stuff, like bland chicken and rice and all the things right, or just like a salad that was so boring. Putting that effort into what you eat so that you are not dreading that lunch, that you're not running out to go get takeout instead because your lunch sucks so bad, that is a gift to yourself. A nutritious, delicious lunch that you packed for yourself, that you put the energy into creating for yourself, is such a gift. And some of you might not be that picky. Maybe you are like I'm not that picky, I'll eat your old salad. I don't care, I am, I'm not a huge leftover girl, so like it does have to be something tasty and exciting, and so taking that extra time to pack a lunch that I actually wanted to eat was a gift. It showed myself that I cared and that I loved myself.
Speaker 1:Maybe for you, it's that morning routine getting up and moving your body in a way that feels good, or reading for a bit before the kids get up. There are small moments that you can take, or small actions even that you can take, that are going to help to show yourself a little extra love. It doesn't have to be hours and hours of morning routines or taking a whole weekend away to go do something. Of course it can be that, but I truly do think the acts of self-love that feel the best for me are ones that I can do every single day, and ones that I can do really, really simply that do not have to take a lot of energy, because right now energy is low, right, and if that's the case, then I'm going to slide things off and be like, oh well, I'll just pick up lunch, or oh, I don't even need to eat, right, but we do, we know that, and these small little things that you can do for yourself right now are going to show yourself that you care and even think them like ahead of time, like where are the pockets of my day that I need to show myself more love? Is it like you're rushing out of the morning, like out the door every single day? Okay, how can I allow myself a little bit more time? Or maybe it is that you're skipping lunch or even skipping dinner. When you get home you're just like eating chips on the couch with a Coke zero because it's delicious.
Speaker 1:Or those pockets of the day where you just like doom scroll, doom scroll for so long that you don't even remember the last time you got up to pee. There are so many pockets that we're sabotaging ourselves in, and I'm not saying don't scroll and I'm not saying don't eat chips. We all know I eat chips and I scroll too. But it's about finding the things that work, that are going to show yourself some love in those seasons. So maybe it's again moving your body a little bit more, getting out in the sunshine. Do your doom scrolling in the sun? Do your doom scrolling while you're walking on the treadmill?
Speaker 1:There are moments in your day already that you could just, you know, show yourself a little bit more love, deep breath, even right now, like, take a deep breath with me. What was the last time you took a deep breath? Those small pockets are actions of love, and so I'll wrap this up, because I think that even you listening to this podcast episode right now and taking a little moment for you is a true gift and a true sign of love. I think those of us who spend the time investing in our own minds, investing in our own personal growth really do show ourselves love a lot more than the people who don't and that's not stab my, my sisters, who don't always take the time to do that, but really a small action once you figure out what that small action is for you, because maybe lunches you already got taken care of and you're like I'm good there, jess. Or maybe you don't scroll at of and you're like I'm good there, jess. Or maybe you don't scroll at all and you're just like I'm good there, jess, I love that for you.
Speaker 1:So what is the thing that you need right now? Is it in the evenings, maybe less TV and more puzzle time? Is it an afternoon, like actually shutting your laptop, taking a lap around the block and coming back? What is the thing for you. That's going to help to fill that cup up, that you can be like okay, I'm re-energized and I can actually do this today, like I didn't think I could do it and now I can, and it really goes a long way by showing yourself these small mini self-love actions every single day, every single day. You can do it, as long as they're small and manageable and you can already fit them into your busy life.
Speaker 1:Okay, I love you so much. Go and grab your speak up ticket I'll put the information in the show notes now and show yourself a little bit of love. You deserve it. You truly do deserve all the love in the world. So give yourself just a little bit more, because I know you need it, sis. So give yourself just a little bit more, because I know you need it. Sis, I love you. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
