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Self(ish) Confidence
Self(ish) Confidence is your reminder that you don’t need to become someone else to create a life you love.
Hosted by Self-Discovery and Empowerment Mentor, Jess Clerke, this is the podcast for women who are ready to stop second-guessing themselves, let go of the “shoulds,” and start living life on their own terms.
We’re talking confidence, self-trust, identity, boundaries, relationships, motherhood, ambition, personal growth, and all the messy in-between moments that come with becoming more YOU.
Because confidence isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to trust your choices, even when they don’t make sense to everyone else.
Each week, Jess brings honest conversations, real-life stories, mindset shifts, and practical tools to help you question what you’ve been told you should want and get radically honest about what you actually want instead.
You don’t need more permission. You need more trust in yourself.
Welcome to Self(ish) Confidence. A place to trust yourself, own your truth, and live life on your terms.
Self(ish) Confidence
[238] Practicing Your Confidence in Seasons of Change
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What if your biggest limitations are the doors you've closed?
Discover the incredible power of staying open to change in every facet of your life. Drawing from my experiences in my 20s and 30s, I'll share how closing doors can limit your potential, while embracing openness can lead to unexpected and positive transformations. We'll explore the benefits of re-evaluating your values, adopting new perspectives, and remaining adaptable to life's transitions. Whether you're navigating job changes or shifting relationships, staying open-minded can build your confidence and help you uncover better opportunities aligned with your evolving truths.
Self(ish) Sisterhood ---> https://jessclerke.com/self-ish-sisterhood
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Embracing Change
Speaker 1Welcome to Selfish Confidence , a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self . My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want , even if it's unconventional . It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices . We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth . I know it can be scary , but we're in this together . Let's get started . Hello , hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast . It's Jess here and I just am . So I just got this beaming smile . I'm so excited to be sitting down and hanging out with you today and I'd be like Jess you say that all the time , but it's honestly so true these one-to-one conversations , these times that we can sit down and we can just like hang out two friends just just living their lives and sharing their truths and being all about it is just one of my favorite moments of the week , and maybe it's one of yours too . I'm so grateful that you're here . I want to say thank you to everyone who is listening to this . Maybe you're listening to this while you're walking the dog , or maybe while you're nursing a baby or on your way to work , and you chose to pick up your phone to put on selfish confidence and to be a part of this time together , and I do not take that for granted . The fact that we've been doing this for two and a half almost three years , and that you're here and you're a part of this is so big for me and I just want to say thank you . Thank you so much for supporting this podcast , for being a part of this community and for being here and being a part of my life . This has been like the craziest journey to create something and to come on here , and now sometimes it feels like there's a little bit more pressure because we are two and a half years in . We add video in . Now . It can sometimes feel like a lot , a lot different than the old version of me and the version of me who created episodes on her carpeted floor in her office of her old house house that I don't even live in anymore to where we are creating and building this now . It still blows my mind , and the fact that we're taking this live to a stage also totally blows my mind that speak up is happening in like two and a half months in person , where we're going to get to hug and hang out and be together , blows my mind that this is where it's taking me and I just want to say thank you , thank you for being a part of it .
Speaker 1Whether you're coming to Speak Up in person or you're someone who listens to the podcast or maybe this is your very first time listening in hey , what's up ? I am so glad you're here , but I just truly , from the bottom of my heart , want to say thank you . It means so much that you're here and that you've been with us through this whole journey of so much transformation and change in our life , from the beginning of the year of confidence , coming home from living in Barbados to going through so many challenges and and taking life into business and becoming , you know , a speaker and all of these things . It's been a really wild journey and when there is so much change in your life , I feel like sometimes you need to take a little bit of a step back and see yourself in this new light . I feel like when we were kids and we would have a birthday every year and on that birthday we would start to get to know ourselves again . We'd start to step into this new , evolved , beautiful version of us . And now that we're older , maybe you're a kid listening to this and , hey , what's up , I love that for you . But there's probably a good . Maybe you're a kid listening to this and , hey , what's up , I love that for you . But there's probably a good chance . You're a millennial like me and you don't always get the chance to reflect on who you've become , except maybe on New Year's Eve .
Speaker 1Right , we think about the year we just had and the year that's coming ahead , and outside of that , we don't really think about our evolution . We don't really think about the steps that we're taking in our lives . We might have some goals , maybe some monthly things we focus on and things that we're like , oh yeah , I really want to do that thing , but we don't think about the transformation that comes with doing that thing . Right , let's even say , like , I do this example a lot . I don't know why it's always I think it comes to my head , maybe it's because I always wanted to do it but I couldn't finish it . It's like a 75 hard challenge or even like a hundred day challenge of anything . Right , we have these ideas and we're like , okay , sweet , I'm going to train for a marathon or 75 hard or you know something of that magnitude , and we don't think about anything other than the physical transformation that can come with that sometimes , or maybe even some of that mental transformation . But we don't always think about how it physically changes us , and I'm not just talking about cool abs and sexy bods and all of those things . You got cool abs and a sexy bod right now , exactly as you are . You don't even have to run a marathon . Okay , girl , I see you . You look hot . But I'm serious .
Speaker 1There is a transformation that happens and it changes who we are when we tackle some of these big goals in our lives , but we don't always think about that full transformation of it changing who we are . I've heard this a lot lately from people about how motherhood can also change you , and that's not something that I've ever experienced , but it is something that I do think about . When that transformation happens , we don't always take the time to get to know this new version of ourselves . We're just like whoa , that was big . This thing happened , it changed me . Who is this new version of me ? Who am I and I wanted to talk to you today about how these big seasons and these changes that happen in our lives , how they can really affect who we are as we've evolved as humans and you forget to get to know yourself . I say this a lot too .
Speaker 1We get to know our kids . We know their favorite cake , what they want for dinner , how they like their sandwiches cut . We know all of these things , what they want on their way to school . If you were going to order takeout , what they'd eat , like you know all these things about your kids . You know all these things about your partner , like what kind of sandwich they'd want . Or if you were going to the candy store which Glenn just did this for me the other day and it was the best knowing what candies they would want , like what would be the treat of their choice , what would be that thing that's just going to light them up and be like wow , like you know me , we know those things about so many people in our lives . I bet you could right now , look at the Amazon Prime Day deals and think of all of the Christmas gifts that you could get for other people , or even the things that you would like for yourself . We know these things , but do you know really what you want , or what job you'd want to be in ? Or you know if you're going on vacation next week , like where would you want to go , or if it was your birthday and you were just like , oh , like I would want confetti cake , like do you know these things ? And if you know them , are you able to express them and share them with people ?
Speaker 1I think about this a lot because I've been going through some big seasons of change and as I go through these seasons , I think about the evolution of my business . I think of the evolution of who I am and who I want to be and how I want to show up in the world . And as we go through this evolution of creating a massive event , what's the version of Jess that I want to show up on that stage and share with the world ? Like , who is she ? I don't feel like I can get on that stage until I truly know who I am through authentically , all the things , because I do not want to step on that stage fake . I do not want to step on that stage and think , well , this is the version they want to see . Right , I want to be me , but until I know who that is , I can't do that .
Speaker 1And when we go through these big seasons of change , the pandemic being one of them we change Our values , change how we see the world , changes . You know who we want to be around . Changes Like friends have changed with this right . Maybe you got a new job and your friend group has totally changed . That happens in big seasons like the pandemic , like motherhood , like switching careers , like leaving a partner . There's so many things that can affect who we are that we forget that it truly does change a piece of us , and maybe even not just a piece , the whole freaking thing . You are a whole new human and I can tell you right now , like post-pandemic Jess and pre-pandemic Jess are two different versions , and it might have also happened with uh .
Speaker 1I turned 30 when the pandemic hit . 2020 was the year I turned 30 . It's been four years since then . I know , sis , can you believe it ? It's been four years and I am a whole new human . Like that blows my mind , and maybe you can see it like that sometimes too . But who is this version of you ? Do you know her favorite color ? Do you know what she'd want to do for dinner ? Do you know ? You know what would be the perfect date night ? Do you know if she even wants to date ? Like what is it for you ?
Speaker 1And as we step into figuring this out , I think it is the best thing you could ever do for yourself is to take the time to do that self-discovery , to know who you are after every life change , not just on New Year's Eve when we think about all the things that we did wrong the year before and we're like well , this year's going to be better and we'll do it differently . I'm going to do these goals , not even just from that perspective of a goal's sake . It's more about getting to know who you are right now in this season . You know the size pants you wear . It doesn't matter , but it's good to know when you go to the store what size you are , even if that's changed . And it's good to know what your go-to meal would be right If it's a Saturday night and you're like I want a treat . It's good to know these things about yourself .
Speaker 1And sometimes we can take that even a level deeper , based on our values and who we are and what we want , because that stuff can change too , as you're changing what you want in life can change too , and I think we've come a long way from believing there's only one way of living . Right , that life that we created in grade 12 or maybe that our guidance counselor told us would be a really good idea . And so we start to take that path . Right for me . I went into dietetics my year university Maybe it's the major that you picked too and you're just like , yeah , was not for me . Okay , I don't even think you guys could picture me as a dietitian now . It's hilarious , but at the time I thought that was the direction and had I stuck with that one , I'd be a really bad dietitian right now , and two , I would be miserable and unhappy .
The Power of Embracing Change
Speaker 1Right , sometimes we can see that when it comes to careers , but we forget that when it comes to relationships or family or lifestyle , we get so comfortable and I know this because I did it too in my 20s and in my 30s and as I'm figuring things out , I went through some some seasons where I was really , really sure and I thought I was really sure and I closed a lot of doors . And when you close doors , even if we think that that's what we want in the time , sometimes it can be really hard because we've totally blocked that from happening in our lives . Maybe you're certain on some things , right , like maybe you've gotten married . I'm pretty certain , I found the one , he's pretty good , I'm good to close the Dayton door okay . Maybe there's some that you're really certain on , but there's others that maybe you could leave open a little bit of a crack .
Speaker 1Because what I'm learning this year and probably one of the biggest lessons I'm learning this year , and I feel really emotional as I think about this is that when we are open to things in our life , like when things can flow , things can change . And that is not saying that one direction is better than the other or that you're going to go one way or the other , but as you're evolving and as you're changing as a human every single year , every single day , there is so much power in being open to the change that truly your life could look very different a year from now . And you had no idea and it all came from you just having an open door . It doesn't mean you're going to go through the door . It just means there's room and space for you to think about things and I've been thinking about this so much lately , when we can be so deep in ourselves and being like okay , even like from a politics standpoint I don't even want to go into politics , but like you're , like , I am this way . Right , that's me , 100% , that's it .
Speaker 1But what if you were to look and be open to the ideas on the other side , even from a conversation or just from like a thought ? It's going to help you to see things differently . It's going to help you to see life differently . And as we go through these evolutions of change I promise there's a point to this as we go through these evolutions of change in our lives , how we think and feel about certain topics changes and if we're so set on one way of doing things , we're not going to be able to see there's so many better options for us . Change is huge .
Speaker 1And knowing yourself again from that simplicity standpoint of what kind of cake you want on your birthday , what you want for dinner , you know what style of clothes you like to wear , it's all really really great , right ? It's so good to know these things about ourselves , to understand personal style and all of those pieces are important . But it's also really important to understand your values and this comes from you getting clear on if they change . So confidence really steps into knowing that truth , even if that truth changes and that truth can change . How you feel about things can change , but it can be really scary . It can be really scary and as you step into this newer version of yourself that maybe believes things differently , it can take some time for you to get really clear on that .
Speaker 1So one of the things that I do when I'm in a season of change or even you can do this at the new year I think you should do this like as frequently as possible , but especially in seasons of change again transitions in jobs , transitions in relationships , transitions in your life in a variety of different ways , maybe even just like you've been in a relationship for a really long time . I've been with Glenn since we were 21 . We are now 34 . We got married at 25 . Even when you're in the same thing for a really long time , you can change . You think you're really comfortable in a place , but maybe it's important to look at the values of your relationship .
Exploring Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
Speaker 1What do you both want ? What would be a good date night for you , how do you communicate , and all of these things . But it takes some time to get clear on that , and so the best thing that I do when I'm in these seasons and I'm in these this season right now is just get clear on what it is that I would want , and it doesn't matter if what I say today changes tomorrow . Okay , that does not matter . What matters is that you just spend some time thinking about right now , in this exact moment , what you want . Do you want to stay in the job that you're in ? Do you want to keep going with the partner that you're with ? Do you want to get a cat ? I always say yes , you should get a pet . I think it's the best thing ever . But to each their own . To each their own , okay .
Speaker 1But you can start to ask yourself some of these questions and the answer might stay the same . Right , it might be the same that it was last year Cool , awesome , it's the same . Check that box , keep , keep moving . I'll ask myself again later , right , but starting to get clear on what these things are and what you want in your life is really helpful , because they can change and , again , it can be really scary when they change , because it might be difficult . But there's ways that you can step into this and I'm going to share it with you too . But making sure you take the time to get clear on what you want before you talk to anyone else is really helpful , because other people's opinions are going to be different than yours and it's going to be really hard to know what's yours .
Speaker 1Especially , again , human design world and I've said this a few times Open crown center . We can absorb from other people all the time . Any center that's open , you can absorb from other people . And you might be like Jess , I have no idea what you're talking about . Send me a DM , I'll tell you all about it . Okay , I think it's the coolest thing ever , but it's a gift that we have to be able to connect with other people in that way and to share ideas and to share thoughts and to take from other people what they have strengths in right , and sometimes that can get really confusing in our heads when we talk to other people and we're around other people , because it might not be so clear on what you want . So that's why it's really great to spend some time alone to journal on these things .
Speaker 1What are my values ? Okay , what do I think is important ? You know everywhere in life , you know being kind to people and you know , helping animals in need and helping people in need and all those things right . Whatever it is for you eating lots of donuts , whatever your values are , put them on the list , okay , and then you can start practicing this with safe people . There are people in my life for different things . There are people in my life that I can go to when I'm questioning certain things in business . There are people in my life that I can go to when I'm questioning certain things in business . There are people in my life that I can go to when I'm questioning things in my relationships . There are people in my life that I can talk to different things about and knowing they're not going to judge me . They're not going to judge my partner . They're not going to judge anything . What they are going to do is they're going to be supportive and loving and they're probably just going to listen . They might share their insights , they might share their opinions . They also might not , and having those people in your life is so important . I call these people my safe people and , in the Selfish Sisterhood , I've done my best to make it a space that you feel safe to come in and to ask some of these questions and to talk about things and to really just be yourself . But sometimes it takes some practice too , because it can be uncomfortable to be really vulnerable about some of these things that we're just figuring out .
Speaker 1I was always so afraid to be one-sided on anything and I have learned from human design again that there's some cool stuff in that that on why I'm'm like that . But also I just didn't want to have a like a set view on anything . I am very open on a lot of things and it was really difficult for me to close doors or to be one-sided because it felt right or it felt like that's what I should do really . It didn't feel right . It's what I should do Really . It didn't feel right , it's what I should do , right , it made sense to close the door or it made sense to stand on one side and I think the world kind of makes us do this with niching and all of these things , but like we stand firm on one thing . I've never been very good at that .
Speaker 1I can see all sides for political parties . I can see all sides for lifestyle choices . I can see all sides for lifestyle choices . I can see all sides in partners Like I'm the best person to come to if you and your partner are having a fight and be like , hey , this is this , is this and this is that . But I need both of you , because I need to hear both of your opinions , because I can truly see both sides . It's the coolest thing . We need those people in our lives that we can go to and we can talk to about anything .
Speaker 1But maybe you have specific people for specific things , because then you'll get to start to practice sharing these new thoughts that you're having , these new values that you're having with different people . You can see how they feel about them , see how it changes for you . But you got to get clear on your things first , so that these people that you talk to , although they are safe , they can't truly change what you're thinking and feeling , and then you can start to practice living it in safe spaces . So maybe it's a sexuality choice , maybe it's , you know , something really big in your life . You can practice sharing this and living it in safe spaces until you're ready to like live out loud , speak your truth . You know when people are like live your truth , sis , and you know I say it a lot , but there are steps for you to take before you get to that Like live your truth out loud , let's go .
Speaker 1We can really start to just practice it with safe people Ourselves first . So getting clear on what we want is the first step and starting to discover this new and evolved version of ourselves . Because , again , you are new and evolving every single year , like every single life thing you go through . It's changing you . Okay , you're going to be a new person tomorrow because you experienced things today . So remember that . Get to know yourself , start to feel safe with some of these things that you're thinking . And so remember that . Get to know yourself , start to feel safe with some of these things that you're thinking and feeling and changing into . And then you can start practicing it with your safe people to talk about and to share with them . And then start practice living it in your safe spaces .
Speaker 1And if you don't have a safe space , I invite you into the Selfish Sisterhood , a space where you can truly come and 100% be yourself , share absolutely anything with the life that you're going through , with what's going on , anything we can talk about your poop colors , all the way to your relationship , stuff that's going on . There's so many spectrums . Sometimes our sisterhood chats can go in a whole bunch of different directions , but what I love about that is it always goes in the direction that someone in the sisterhood needs . It goes there because one of us is going to take it . There we're going to ask questions , we're going to share a little bit more , we're going to get vulnerable with each other . So if you don't have that in your real world , in your everyday life , in your workplace , in your family , then finding a community like this I'll put the information in the show notes for you is really , really powerful , because the best place to be able to practice these things without judgment , without it having to really change anything about you until you're ready to step into it , I think practicing it is the best thing you can do .
Speaker 1So if you are going through a season of change , I pulled a card right before we stepped on this podcast and the card that I got was taking risks . Man , sometimes when I pull cards , I'm like damn it , that is exactly what needs to hear . But it's not exactly what I wanted to hear . I wanted to be like peace and love . Everything's great , but sometimes we have to take the leap . Sometimes we have to take that jump and take the risk , because it is what is going to change you . It is what is going to actually push you into that direction of your authentic life .
Speaker 1We don't want to be living in closets and we don't want to be living behind these doors that we've closed just because we think it's safe , just because the world tells us that that's a safe decision and society thinks that it's the best thing for us . You know what the best thing is for you . You do , simply as that . It's a matter of having the courage to step into it . It's a matter of having the courage to believe it and to take that risk and to live it . And I'm going to read with you what the card here says . It's absolutely . It's a beautiful card .
Speaker 1It says here , when you draw this card , it's time to step beyond your normal everyday life and take some risks . Face your fears , do things in a new and even unorthodox way . Listen more to your inner voice than to the voices and the opinions of others . Rather than running from potential failure , embrace it . History has shown that those who are willing to face failure will often succeed in a massive way later . That's the truth . Your success is coming . It is going to take you out of your comfort zone . It is going to step you into that next direction of you taking the risk and being truly who you are , who you were made to be . So get to know this new version of you , step into this evolution and maybe don't close so many doors . Be open to what can happen in your life and I promise you , if you do , it's going to change your life in the best way possible Scary , but best way possible , because it's taking you one step closer to who you are and who you truly are , and that's what this podcast is all about .
Speaker 1You wouldn't be listening to this if you didn't want to live your authentic truth , if you didn't want to step into the most confident version of yourself , and that most confident version of you comes from the most authentic and aligned version of you . You will not find confidence in being a fake version of you . Sorry , it's not how this works . You got to be you and that's going to come from you really taking in the work , doing the steps and doing that self-discovery , which I know you're already doing because you're listening to this podcast . You're part of this community and I know you want the best for you . I want the best for you If you have questions and you're in a season that maybe you don't have someone you can talk to .
Building Community for Support and Growth
Speaker 1Send me a DM . It's me answering them . Okay , they're always open . I would love to hear from you and to chat a bit about what you're going through , because I know it's hard to do this alone . That's why I've built communities and created spaces that have allowed us to not do it alone , and now events that are making it that we don't have to do this alone anymore . So I love you so much . Check out the show notes for all the information on the Self-Shisterhood to get your speak up ticket whatever it is you need , whether that's in person or digital communities . Right now we got you and I can't wait to see you next week . Talk to you soon . What's up , sis ? I am so glad we could hang out today . If you love this episode , send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world . And don't forget you are magic . Let's show the world your shine .
