Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
Embracing your unique Summer body confidence
Ever felt like your self-worth is tied to the number on the scale? Join me as I share my personal journey of grappling with body changes after being diagnosed with SIBO. This week on Selfish Confidence, we'll dismantle the toxic societal conditioning that equates worth with body size, especially for millennial women.
From finding the perfect bathing suit to embracing the vibrant energy of summer, we’ll explore practical steps to build confidence and self-acceptance. Hear about my own experiences with buying bigger clothes and how that led to a profound mindset shift. We’ll talk about the importance of self-kindness and how gradually expanding your comfort zone can lead to greater self-confidence. This episode is all about shifting from negative self-critique to appreciating your unique beauty.
Remember, you are magic, and it’s time to step into your confidence this summer!
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Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and I just thought I would come on the mic and have a little riff with you today, just like old times when we used to do our lives, our live episodes, and I would sit down and I would just talk about anything on my mind. That's what I've been feeling today, and as I was sitting outside eating my yogurt and my berries and just realizing that it's really freaking hot out right now, I thought that this would be the perfect time to talk about summer body confidence. Right now, I thought that this would be the perfect time to talk about summer body confidence, and this is something we typically talk about every year. It comes up all the time and I just see it more and more, especially post pandemic, as our bodies have changed a lot and if you're kind of like in the same life phase as me in your thirties, figuring things out, your body just looks different than it used to and sometimes that can be really difficult to navigate. And because last year was such a big year for me in body changes as I was diagnosed with SIBO and my body was just like, nah, girl, I'm going to do what I want, I really felt like I came through this new body acceptance and this new season of confidence in my new body that I just had to learn to navigate. And maybe you've been in a season like that too, where your body has changed and you had to go through that process of figuring out and learning how to accept your new body. Maybe it's buying new clothes, maybe it's just learning that sometimes our bodies change.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's not being so hard on yourself in seasons like this and really stepping into how powerful you can be when you figure out that worthiness, when you notice that worthiness outside of your body and I know as women, this can be really, really hard, because we've been programmed especially my millennial women and even beyond that right, we've been programmed to believe that our worth only comes in our body. We've been, you know, it's all over the magazine covers. It's something that we've been told our whole lives that our worth comes from the size of our body, from how small we can be. Right, it's like, oh, did you lose weight? Awesome, I'm so freaking proud of you. What a great job you did.
Speaker 1:It has nothing to do with the things that we're doing in our lives, the seasons that we're in, these big transitions that we're going through and I noticed this a lot in just like everyday, regular conversations, and I truly do believe that we can fight back on this talk about body. It is getting better, it is getting better, but there is some generations that are still holding on to that being our worth and that being the most important thing about us, and I'm finding it more and more hard to navigate Myself. Personally, I love my body, like I am happy with where we're at, with how we're feeling, with what we're doing, with what my body can do. It's absolutely incredible, but it took time to get here. And if you're in a season right now that you're not feeling that way, that you're in a season of not accepting where you're at and not loving where you're at. There's a couple of things that we can do and I thought we could talk about it today and I want to remind you this is like a no pressure podcast.
Speaker 1:You know that when it comes to confidence, it's going to look very different for each and every one of us, and navigating what that can look like for yourself is the most important thing, because what works for me, I can suggest it to you, I can share it with you. I can be like girl, this has been working for me, but it might not work for you. Just the same as when people give me advice on what I need to do, sometimes I can. I don't always take it because I know it's going to be different for me. I'm unique, right. I appreciate when people want to share what's working for them with me, but I know that it's not always the case for everybody and it's so important that you find the things that feel really good for you in the season that you're in and this is not a podcast episode, to be like it's when you have to do your 10,000 steps a day. Girl, I'm not getting 10,000 steps a day. Ok, that's all I got to say. I'm not even getting anywhere near that right now. It's freaking hot outside. The dog is lucky if she gets a decent walk because she's also a hot dog, so it's just one of those seasons right now.
Speaker 1:So what is it that you need today to start to accept your body? One of the first things that I did when it came to accepting a newer version of my body was buying clothes that fit. And this might seem like a really simple adjustment, but buying the size up it can be hard on your mental health. 100%, because we again have been told our whole lives that if we have to go up a size, that it's not a good thing. Have you seen that reel that goes around it? It's like girl, you don't need a bigger size, just suck it in. And they're like and I know it's a joke, right, but it really is the reality in a lot of families and a lot of people that that is what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to stay the same in that same body our whole life and as women. That's just not the reality.
Speaker 1:Okay, our bodies are changing every single day with our cycle, like every single day you are waking up in a new body and then we do it again for another 28 to 30 days if you're regular, but every day it's changing and some days you're going to wake up and your clothes don't fit, and some days you're going to wake up and you're going to feel really freaking sexy. That's just how our bodies work as women. And now, as we age and things are looking different and feeling different and our bodies are, you know, maybe expanding a little bit more, the best thing you can do for yourself, especially this summer, for summer body confidence is buy some clothes that you feel really good in. Buy the swimsuit that you feel really freaking sexy in, like that is so important this summer. Above anything else, buying clothes that actually fit is the best thing you can do for your confidence.
Speaker 1:And if you struggle, like I did, with getting that size up, with looking at these sizes and be like, oh, that's a couple more than I used to be, or you know that is a different range, we are shopping in a different range. Now I want you to think about some people, celebrities in particular, but people in your life who maybe have different body shapes than you do and what do you think about them? And again, I know I said we weren't going to be thinking about bodies, but I find this practice to be really helpful because there's a lot of people in my life that I look at and I am thinking, damn, they are gorgeous, they are such a beautiful human inside and out and it has nothing to do with their body. And it helps me to put into perspective that these sizes that I'm looking at don't really matter. I don't think anyone's looking at the size of my jeans and saying Jess is a good podcaster or not based on the pant size she wears, or Jess is a good person or not because she wears that size top or that size bra. I don't think anyone's saying that. So why am I saying it to myself? Why am I saying these really hurtful things?
Speaker 1:And I had to go through this a lot last year as things just started to look different. My life looked really different and I needed to make these changes because, if not, I was just going to be walking around naked everywhere because I had no clothes that fit, or I was just going to be wearing sweatpants, and sweatpants don't really help your confidence. I don't know about you, but they don't really feel that great to me, especially to like be going out and doing things. They're just things that I want to wear around the house and be super comfy in, which is great, but they don't boost my confidence. So I needed some clothes, particularly some dresses, that I could wear out to dinner, maybe a couple pairs of shorts that I knew were gonna button up even on, like, my most bloated day ever. They are like the confidence boost in shorts that look good and feel good, like that is so important.
Speaker 1:And then also a bathing suit. A bathing suit Like do you really wanna go the whole summer without going to the beach or without going to the lake or the pool or without swimming with your kids? One bathing suit that you feel really good in. That's all that matters. It's a color that you like, it's a shape that you like. It helps you to feel safe and secure. And the girls are in or maybe they're not because you want to show them off. And the girls are in or maybe they're not because you want to show them off. But finding a bathing suit and a couple summer outfits that feel really good are really going to boost your confidence this year. Like I promise you, above anything else, having a couple new outfits makes a huge difference, because that's the first step in accepting your body and accepting this new version of yourself by buying clothes that actually look good on it. Right, you are beautiful, like wholeheartedly drop dead gorgeous. Okay, it has nothing to do with your body and the size that you're wearing. So buy a couple pieces that feel really good, that look really good and that you feel sexy and confident in the next piece. That really helps with that sum of body confidence. And, honestly, like body confidence all the freaking time right is let's compact onto that. Like buying clothes that feel good.
Speaker 1:It's just about getting out right and we stop apologizing for things like oh, this is one of my pet peeves, okay, and if you do this, I love you, but you need to stop. Okay, it's when we apologize for ourselves right, oh, don't mind my hair, it's just a little messy today. Or people pop on social media and they say that, right, oh, don't mind my hair, or don't mind this, I think you're stunning. I think you're absolutely stunning all the time. It does not matter how your hair looks or what you're wearing or anything, just be you. And I think if we can stop apologizing for how we're showing up, it really is going to start to like tune into your body a little bit more, that like, hey, it's okay that I look like this, it's actually a really great gift that I look like this, the fact that I woke up today is a great day.
Speaker 1:And if you are feeling like your hair and your clothes and how you're showing up and your body is worth an apology right now, then it's time for you to do some of that mental work and that mental shift to take care of yourself so you don't feel the need to be apologizing for yourself all the time and I know that can be a really hard one. But if you're feeling like that, every time you show up to a party you're a little embarrassed about where you're at and who you are, and you know how you're showing up. We can change a few things right. You can do your hair in a way that feels really good. You can change that. You can put some makeup on if that's going to make you feel a little bit better. But the importance of having those clothes that you feel good in are going to help you to feel good in this new body in this new version of you, or maybe it's the same body you've had for years, but this is just something that keeps coming up over and over and over again.
Speaker 1:I think it's so important that you just start to shift in the direction of accepting and loving yourself a little bit more, and that really does start with not apologizing for how you're showing up and maybe you come from generations and generations before you that did that when they showed up places, or you know you feel like they've passed that on to you that you need to apologize for being yourself, but you don't, you don't. And that one is, like probably my biggest pet peeve, because that shows me, like right off the bat, that you don't feel comfortable in who you are and you're a little embarrassed about who you are and you don't need to be Like you really don't. You are so incredible, you are so beautiful, were so incredible, you were so beautiful and it's just a matter of you starting to see it, even if it's like the smallest way of you starting to see it buying yourself some clothes that fit and feel good, seeing yourself as someone who's worthy of taking up space, showing up to a party and being like heck, yeah, I'm here, it's me, yeah, and it doesn't even have to be from like you, like loving and totally embracing, and be like, hey, yeah, I'm here and I look freaking fierce. It doesn't have to be that, it actually took me a really long time to. It's just about showing up and not apologizing. That's the first thing.
Speaker 1:Just show up and don't apologize, and then maybe you can start to step into showing up and like feeling good about what you're wearing and who you are. It's just going to come with more practice. We've talked about this so many times. When it comes to confidence, it is like a practice game. You have to show up, you have to put yourself in the uncomfortable situations, you have to step out of your comfort zone, because confidence doesn't really come in that bubble. It comes every time you step out and you feel really freaking uncomfortable, your confidence and your comfort zone starts to expand just a little bit more, and then next time you take another step out and it expands a little bit more. So getting those outfits and not apologizing for who you are and your body, it really starts to make a big difference.
Speaker 1:And the third thing you can do to really start to step into that summer body confidence a little bit more is to be kinder to yourself, right? These are all tips that you could implement today. Like you can go to Old Navy and you can get yourself a beautiful dress. I got myself a romper and I actually got a tall girl romper. I'm not really that tall, but it has this like nice extra room in case we need a little extra space, covers my butt a little bit more. It feels really good. But you can just start to accept yourself a little bit more and be kind to yourself in this season. I don't know about you, but the summer can bring out that inner mean girl a little bit louder than in the winter, when we're in our jeans and we're in our sweaters and we're, you know, feeling cute and cozy. Right, fall vibes they're coming to my fall girlies out there. They're so happy. I'm a summer girly. But you can just start to be a little kinder to yourself. Every moment that you put on those jeans and I feel emotional as I say this, which means somebody listening to this is struggling with it right now I feel it really deep today as you put on those shorts or you put on that bathing suit and you look in the mirror.
Speaker 1:Instead of instantly looking at all of the things that you hate about yourself, all of the things that are your biggest insecurities and maybe have been for a really long time, I want you to look at one thing that you love and like I truly do mean love, love and like I truly do mean love. Maybe it's your eyes, maybe it's your hair, maybe it's your smile, maybe it's your eyebrows, because you just got them done. I don't care what it is. But before going to that negative thing that you automatically want to go to, I want you to just shift it and, like look at the thing that you love. One thing and I know we want to skip this step. Maybe you just want to put the bathing suit on and just go to the pool because it's easier than looking in the mirror. I really, really want you to look in the mirror. I want you to see what I see. I want you to see your beauty, even if it's just one thing, like I like my ears, whatever it is I want you to find that thing and focus on it and think about it and remind yourself that that's a piece of you, like that is a beautiful piece of you, and you can do that every single day as you put something on, and maybe those things that you have been saying to yourself are your negative features that aren't that sexy about you they slowly start to shift and you start to think you know what, maybe I do like my belly, maybe I do like my thighs, maybe my butt is great, it's a great cushion, super sexy. And you start to shift your mindset, like with one small thing at a time.
Speaker 1:Body acceptance doesn't come overnight. Summer body confidence doesn't just shift right. You can make a big, drastic shift of not caring, if you want, but this body acceptance isn't about not caring. It's about you know, stepping into who you are and being okay and accepting who you are physically. Sometimes I've noticed this a lot, especially with retreats and different events. I get to spend a lot of time with women and I'm so grateful for that and as I do, I get to hear their stories a little bit more and I can hear where they accept themselves and where they don't.
Speaker 1:And this doesn't always have to do with our bodies. It can sometimes come from you know what? I'm really confident at work. I'm really great at what I do, like I'm so good at what I do, but when it comes to being a parent, I struggle in that department. When it comes to coming home, I struggle with my confidence there a bit more. Same thing goes with our bodies. You know, maybe in your work clothes you wear suits and you look all fly and you're looking all good and all the things You're like. I feel really good in my work clothes, but coming home I don't really have a lot of casual clothes that feel good. I don't have summer clothes that feel good. All the clothes I buy are just for work. Start to notice those things.
Speaker 1:Right, if you have certain places in your life that feel really good, that you feel really confident in physical, mental, however, notice how we can bring some of those things home. Maybe when it comes to your clothes, you buy clothes for work because you need to. You know, look nice at work but you don't really care when you're at home, so you're just like don't feel as confident at home. Shift that and buy a few nice casual things for home. It makes a big difference. Same thing goes if you're really really good at your work and you feel so confident in that space, how can you bring that home? Where can we find a little bit of that confidence at home. Maybe it's a way that you bring a piece of work into your personal life, sharing a little bit more about your passions at home. Maybe we can, you know, step into how you show up that confidence and how you show up at work having that same energy when you walk in the door after a long day.
Speaker 1:I don't know about you, but I am the person who sits in my car and I'm home a lot. I work from home, I live at home. Obviously I'm home a lot, but I still need like that reset when I get somewhere. So if I go to the grocery store, I'm in the parking lot for like five minutes before I can get into the store. Or if I'm coming home from an appointment or anything, I need those like five minutes in my car to just reset before I walk in the door. And maybe it's not five minutes, it might just be like more, like a minute, but sometimes we need that.
Speaker 1:And as you have that time to shift from work just to home just, or work whatever to life, a different version of your life, use that time to reset and say how can I keep some of this confidence going into the house today. How can I keep a little bit more of this as I walk into the office or whatever that is for you? Because you can bring your confidence into different areas. It's just a matter of, you know, changing the perspective a little bit right, you might not. If you're like a surgeon or something and you're bringing your confidence from the surgery room home, then maybe that's not really like ideal, but you can still take some of those qualities that of when you're at work into how you are at home, and this especially comes in that physical self, in that body self. So what can you do for yourself today that is going to just boost your confidence a little bit more this summer? How can you shift your energy into accepting who you are physically and stepping into this power? Because I promise, once you do it, just once, like one time, it really makes a positive shift to take that step to the next level.
Speaker 1:This was huge last summer when I had to buy bigger clothes and absolutely everything All my jeans, all my shorts, all my shirts, everything. It's really hard the first time and if you need me, send me a DM, connect with me and be like hey, jess, I'm going in to buy some bigger clothes today, and it's hard, because I really do think that this doesn't have to be something we go through alone. We're all doing it. So why not actually step into this just a little bit more? Step into making community around it and feeling good about the physical changes that we have?
Speaker 1:I love you, I think you're absolutely incredible and I truly do believe that this is the season that you can embrace and love on your body a little bit more. So go out, get that bathing suit that you feel freaking, fly in that you feel really good in and make some freaking cannibals this summer, like, why not totally embrace the beauty of summer, that childlike energy of summer, and truly start to love ourselves a little bit more. Step into that confidence, sis. I love it so much. I hope you have a wonderful week and I'll be talking to you soon. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
