Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
Embracing life's transitions while finding your happiness and confidence
Navigating life's transitional seasons doesn't always have to be daunting. Whether you're contemplating a new hairstyle or making a pivotal life decision, prioritizing your happiness is key. Learn practical ways to manage these uncertain periods by asking yourself vital questions and tuning into what your body tells you. We also talk about empowerment and confidence, highlighting the upcoming Speak Up event and sisterhood panel. This is your moment to embrace your power and let your voice be heard. Remember, you are magic, and your journey is uniquely yours.
Apply to speak at Speak Up!: https://forms.gle/hhA76ZzGj6DLYDq69
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Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and I have been waiting to sit down and to chat with you about a few things. I don't know about you, but there's something really special about being able to sit here and hang out with you one-on-one. I love doing interviews, I love connecting with people in that way, but there's something really extra special about using this platform to connect with you on a deeper level. You come back, you keep listening to these episodes, you're a part of this community. You have been since we started and I'm just so grateful that I get to spend this time with you, and I've been using this podcast for so many years now as an opportunity for me to go through what I'm going through in my life and bring you along for the journey. It all started back when I first started this podcast, going through the year of confidence, trying to find my confidence again, and how could I do that? And the steps that I took and bringing you along for the ride. And you know it's gone through me moving to different houses and tackling different things in my life and really just like stepping into this new business and into life, and it has been just such a wild journey that I'm so grateful I've been able to share everything with you as we step through these processes and I've been thinking about that a lot.
Speaker 1:I recently got home from a trip with my best friend. We went over to Manitoba it's in Canada For those of you who are listening from outside of Canada, it's pretty far from where I live and we were going for one of our childhood best friend's wedding and it was such a beautiful trip to be able to spend that extra time with her, knowing that you know we don't know when the next time we're going to get to do something like this is. We knew we weren't going to have any kids with us and we weren't going to have any partners with us and we were just going to be able to, like, get in the car and do whatever we want, eat whatever we want even if we wanted to eat like Doritos for breakfast, like we could and it was just such a beautiful trip for us to do this. This was my very best friend since seventh grade. Seventh grade, we met on a soccer team going into the seventh grade and truly has been like my ride or die since that day and it was such an awesome trip.
Speaker 1:Like I don't know when was the last time that you just got to get in a car and do whatever you want and spend time with someone who you care so deeply about, because the world that we live in and life that we live in often has so many responsibilities that we don't get to do that, and I wish that that could be something we did every day, right, focus on the things that make us happy, following our heart and doing whatever we want to do. But life doesn't always allow us to do that. You know, we have responsibilities and we have families and we have jobs and we have things we have to do. We have to pay the bills right and we forget to focus on the happiness, to focus on the things that are going to bring us joy. And the reason I bring this up today is because I've been seeing this a lot, not only in clients and in sisters and in myself going through a transitional phase, something that is like life changing. It can be really hard to focus on the happiness, to focus on the things that are bringing you joy, and I feel really emotional as I think about this, because it's the truth. So many of us really struggle to see the light when we're in these transitional phases.
Speaker 1:And if you're like, what do you mean by a transitional phase? I'm still me, jess, and I see you. You are still you, but maybe you're going through a job change, maybe a total career change. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe it's not even work-related at all, it's home life. Maybe you had a baby, maybe you are transitioning into your kids growing up and leaving the house or a relationship going in a different direction.
Speaker 1:There are so many different transitional phases that we forget that these transitions in our lives are changing who we are. We're not the same person we were before this transition. Everything is always changing and as these big things happen in our lives, we forget. We always think, oh, I'll come back to myself. I got to come back to myself. When am I going to feel like myself again? But you're a whole new person. When you go through these changes, these life changes, both beautiful and difficult you change. That's what a transition is right, and I think of it now in like social media world, like these cool transitions. I wish I could do them. I can't. But as we go through these changes in our lives, we physically change, our mind changes, our body changes, how we see the world changes.
Speaker 1:And a friend of mine recently brought up about changing our minds and she said, jess, if we aren't changing our minds, we're not living. And I was like whoa, I never even thought of it like that. I think it's because, as a society, we are told to go to school, to you know, go to university, to graduate, to find the partner, to get married, buy the house, get in the job and stay in that job until we're dead. And I laugh, but it's true, and you know it's true. I was told for many years that the dream was to get into the government position with the good pension to stay there until you die, and I just never saw that as the dream. And I don't want to say I never saw that as a dream because when I first came out of university I thought that was it. I thought that was what was going to get me into this beautiful place of happiness, and I tried it and it didn't. It didn't get me there.
Speaker 1:And maybe you're in a season of your life right now that you're transitioning into something or you want to transition into something, but you're really scared and happiness feels like the last thing you could think about right now. But it needs to be the first thing you're thinking about. And I know someone's going to come up here and be like Jess, you're so privileged to be able to think about happiness. But I've been having a lot of conversations lately around this and I'm noticing more and more that it doesn't seem to be able to think about happiness. But I've been having a lot of conversations lately around this and I'm noticing more and more that it doesn't seem to be the thing we're thinking about. It actually seems to be the thing like we're putting on the bottom, not even thinking about our happiness or the glimmer of joy or anything in our life other than the transition in front of us, this really difficult season in front of us, and I see you, I'm right there with you, and it can be so hard when the fog is thick and everything in front of you is just blurry and you have no idea what the next week, month or year is going to look like in your life. And I really want you to know you're not alone Again. I've been having this conversation a lot and if you're looking for support and you're looking for community, really want you to know you're not alone again. I've been having this conversation a lot and if you're looking for support and you're looking for a community, I want you to look into coming to speak up on October 5th and 6th here in Halifax, where you can meet some of these people in person or check out the selfish sisterhood, where you can really connect with people who are going through similar things in a virtual community. That's where you can really step into being yourself and to practice who you are.
Speaker 1:I created these events in this community for moments just like this and as we step into this transitional season, into the season of just being like what the heck is going on in my life. What do I want? Where do I want to go? What will make me happy? We need to be asking ourselves these questions and I thought today, as we would bring up transitional seasons maybe one that you're going through right now, or maybe this is something that you'll save and you'll come back to for when you're going through something in your life Like I think, especially in our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s I don't really know, because I'm not there yet, but we go through these over and over and over again, even if we think they're really really small transitions in our lives.
Speaker 1:It could be a transition of your style, a transition of you know, a new haircut. All of these things can really have a bigger impact on us, but it comes from us focusing on our happiness first. When we're feeling that gray haze and that blur, it's really hard to even think about our happiness, right? Especially if this is a transition that involves a lot of people. Maybe it involves a partner or a family or a coworker, anything and if it involves other people, it's hard for us to think about ourselves. But I am challenging you today to think about yourself. I don't want you to be thinking about how this is going to affect anyone else, even those most important to you right now.
Speaker 1:What will make you happy in this season and maybe it's a Queen drive-thru, is it, you know, stopping, you know, on the way home to grab takeout on the way home instead of having to cook dinner? Maybe it's getting a new outfit or taking a walk For me it's always going in the woods. What is it for you that's going to give you that glimmer of joy in your life today, of joy in your life today? Focusing on joy and happiness in these transitional pieces is going to help you to move through them faster and better. I know that it might be hard for you to see that, but even just these small actions are actually going to help you to push through it a lot faster than you would if you're just focusing on the one thing in front of you.
Speaker 1:There are so many different directions that this transition can take you. There's so many different avenues that you can go and roads you can take, and some that are darker than others. There are options for you to look for some rainbow roads that are going to help you to step into a little bit of more joy through this process, and I'm not saying that every day is through this process and I'm not saying that every day is going to be beautiful, and I'm not saying that every day is going to be hard. What I am saying is that you get to choose today, in this moment, what's going to make you happy and when. I'm in these seasons of trying to figure out all of my life decisions, all of the choices that I've made, which ones are good and which ones are bad and which I would change, and all of my life decisions, all of the choices that I've made, which ones are good and which ones are bad and which I would change, and all of the things I'm a firm believer in. Like, every decision is the right decision. But as we're going through these seasons, it can be really hard to see that.
Speaker 1:There's a couple questions that I'd like to ask myself, and I want to share them with you today because, if you're going through this, maybe this will help you too. So I'm a person who likes to talk to myself a lot, and when I do, it's typically around what I need in the season that I'm in, knowing that seasons are ever-changing, that what I need today might be different than what I need tomorrow. What I'm looking at right now, what my plan is, might be totally different than what's coming up for me, but the first one that I like to focus on is how important is my happiness in this equation, in this life, in this decision? How important is my happiness? Because in some transitions it has nothing to do with us. It might be all about another person, and I get that.
Speaker 1:But does your happiness, does your opinion on things, does your situation matter here and really sit in that for a little bit? What's going to feel good for you and what do you need? But how important is my happiness? And once you have that figured out, let's take it one step deeper to what's getting in between me and my happiness. What is that piece that's in the middle, there, that's, you know, restricting you from really stepping into that happiness right now, stepping into that joy, stepping into that glimmer like the smallest little thing? What's getting in the way of that right now? I know that in these transitional seasons, life can throw us some freaking lemons right and we don't feel like making lemonade. And when that happens, what's the piece that can take us from sitting in the darkness to having maybe just a small sip of lemonade. It doesn't have to be big things. Little things matter here. So what's getting in between you and your happiness right now?
Speaker 1:And the last question that I like to ask myself is what's one thing that'll make me smile today, right now, in this moment, and sometimes we have to sit in our bodies. I know that I've talked about this a few times and it can be so freaking weird, because we're always in our head, especially in these seasons that we're trying to figure things out in our lives. We're in our heads so deeply that we can forget that our body has the answers. So, really, just like getting clear, taking a deep breath and sitting with our bodies for a few minutes, you know what would be one thing that would make me happy today, what would make me smile? And the first thing that pops into your head, go with it. Or maybe you're someone and I've talked about this with human design too but like, maybe you're someone who needs a couple options. So maybe you can ask a friend or you can Google a couple things and see, like the one thing that stands out. Maybe it's like I got ice cream on the mind I'm not going gonna lie to you so like ice cream is top of the list right now on what's gonna make me smile.
Speaker 1:But leaning into that energy of options to try to figure it out sometimes getting into your body doesn't work. What do you need right now in order to figure out some of these things that are blocking you from feeling like your best self? And I get it. If you're in a season that your best self is just not coming out, I 100% understand. I've been there too. But we can take small steps every single day to do what we need. And again, if it's calling in sick, if it's taking a day off to focus on yourself, if it's getting a sitter for the kids so that you can take a little break, do it. Do everything in your power right now to put yourself first, to put your happiness first, because these transitional seasons are hard and the more often you can focus on yourself, even for a little bit of the day, it is going to make a world of a difference.
Speaker 1:And I hear my mamas right now. They're just like Jess, you don't get it. I can't do that. I don't have time. Mom, guilt's too big. All of the things Make a pocket of time, like again 15 minutes in the car, lock yourself in it and find something that's going to bring you joy. Maybe it's listening to the new Eminem song, because it's bringing me joy right now too. Okay, maybe it's eating a chocolate bar in the car when no one else is going to ask you for a bite.
Speaker 1:My best friend and I were talking about that on the weekend too, when we were in high school and you would get a cookie in the cafeteria. I don't know if they sell cookies in the cafeteria anymore, but back in the day you can get a cookie for like 35 cents a small cookie. It was great, but everybody would always ask you for a bite and then you had no cookie left, so we would lick it and hope that nobody wanted a bite after you licked it. But we were in high school, we didn't care about that. That was pre-COVID times. Or when you get an order of fries and everyone asked you for a fry and it's not selfish for wanting all your fries. Okay, you're hungry. We were growing kids. I would cover mine in ketchup, like to the point where it was so bad, it was so gross even thinking about it now, but it was more my way to just like not have anyone eat your fries. Well, it didn't really work. I'm not going to lie to you, but those are pieces that would bring me joy Having a cookie, or in the cafeteria getting a chocolate milk or, you know, playing hooky for an afternoon so you could go for a walk with your best friend.
Speaker 1:Whatever you needed in that season, it was easier for you to do because there was less responsibility In that season of high school and that season of being younger and having less responsibilities. Right now, I know it's harder. What can you do for yourself today in the shower? What can you do for yourself today in the shower? What can you do for yourself on your lunch break? What can you do for yourself in that pocket of time between leaving work and picking up your kids? Maybe it's a cold ice cap made with chocolate milk. Had one of those the other day too, like I went all nostalgic while we were away and it was the best it really did. Light a spark in my life. Light a spark in this season that has been really confusing.
Speaker 1:So what is it that you need today? And again, keep it freaking simple if you have to. If you need to pack up and go on a girl's trip to Manitoba, then by all means also do that. But for some of us it can be in the simplicity of the little things every single day. One small thing can go a long way when you're in the blur and in the gray.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I just wanted to remind you, and if you're in the season, you're just like I don't know, I can't see anything. Jess, send me a message. My DMS are always open. I am the person who answers them. I am the one who's there. I promise you you're not alone in this, and I'd be happy to figure out what makes you happy, sit with you for a little bit and lean into that energy. So I hope you're having a wonderful week.
Speaker 1:I have been thinking a lot about these things, especially as we get ready for Speak Up, which feels like the craziest, biggest thing I've ever done in my life, and it has been so glorious I talked about this a few weeks ago too like so glorious and also so scary in stepping into that power and to stepping into that version of myself that owns a stage and invites people to speak on it, and so if you're listening to this and you're like I want to speak on that stage, I see you, sis. We have our panel. Our sisterhood panel is open for applications until June 15th, so you have a little bit of time to send in a 90 second video of you and your story, of you stepping into your power and stepping into your opportunity to speak up. What is it that you want to share with this incredible room filled with amazing women? You have a voice. You have a voice and it deserves to be heard.
Speaker 1:So grab your ticket, submit your application. You have about a week and a half if you're listening to this live, and I can't wait to see you there. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally Thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
