Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
Daydreaming in dark seasons
Prepare to be uplifted as we tackle the art of finding light in even the darkest of seasons. I recount the personal challenges of confinement during a volcanic eruption, emphasizing the growth and resilience that can sprout from adversity. We'll explore the significance of carving out time for oneself, no matter how brief, to reignite passions and dream of future endeavors. From the anticipation of Speak Up to the power of shared dreams, this episode celebrates the unique magic we each hold and the collective joy of bolstering one another's confidence. So join us on this journey, and let's together illuminate the world with our inner shine.
Join the Self(ish) Sisterhood Waitlist.
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com
If you're on instagram, come say hi!! 👋👋
My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here, and we're going to have a little heart to heart.
Speaker 1:Today. I was just feeling called on my heart to hang out with you, to spend some time just sharing what's been going on, what I've been feeling, and I've been doing a lot of really awesome interviews that are going to be coming up for you very soon, but I didn't want to release those today because I really just wanted to spend some time with you. That's it. I just wanted to hang out and chat about some things that have been going on in my mind, and maybe you have a lot going on in your head too, and I just want to thank you so much for being here, for spending time with me, for making selfish confidence a priority to you. Like, it is such a gift to spend this time with you, and I put a lot of energy and effort into being here, into showing up, into giving you value, into filling your cup up, and what I was thinking about today was this pressure that we put on ourselves sometimes to always be showing up, to always be on, to always, you know, having value, to input. I hear it all the time from clients of mine like well, I don't really want to post on social media if it's not adding value and it's like you know what? I don't know about you, but I'm watching, like Swedish love is blind for fun, right now, to fill up my entertainment cup, and that is not adding value to my life. It's all I got to say, because one it's not even in English, so it's just something fun to do, and I think we forget that life gets to be fun too. It's not all about what we can learn, what we can give, what we can do, how we can do more, how we're not enough, how we're too much. All of the things right, how can we be not enough and too much all in one go? But sometimes we just have to sit back and spend some time with those we love, and I want to say I love you so much Like I really truly do you being a part of this journey with me is is the greatest gift I've ever been given.
Speaker 1:And I'm wondering what I've been thinking about. I'm wondering what you need today. What do you need today, in this exact moment? Maybe you're rushing out the door, you're in your car on your way to work, you're out walking the dog.
Speaker 1:Typically, people who are listening to podcasts are often multitasking when they're listening to podcasts, so there's a good chance. You're probably doing two things at once right now. What would you rather be doing and I don't mean what would you rather be doing than listening to Selfish Confidence, okay, but I mean what would you be rather doing for yourself right now? You're probably doing something like washing the dishes again, driving the car, walking the dog, doing something for others. But like if you were to take a deep breath in right now and you were to get really clear on what it is that you want today, what would that be If, all of a sudden, with. Like the snap of a finger, your schedule opened up and you could do anything. Today, what would it be?
Speaker 1:I've been thinking about that a lot lately as my schedule fills up and life gets pretty busy and we're getting ready to head down to Barbados, and all of those feelings that have been coming up as we prep and get ready to go down to Barbados for the first time since we left in 2021. There's just so many things that keep popping into my head. For a while, it was so much excitement, like so much excitement, and it's still there. But as we get closer we're about a week and a half away from when we leave things are starting to pop up because three years ago today, I was looking at my Facebook memories and three years ago today, I was putting tarps over our pool in the backyard. We had like this little plunge pool and it was freezing. It was never very warm, so we didn't use it very often, but I was covering up our outside furniture, bringing the cushions in and prepping for the craziest thing I've ever experienced in my life, which was a neighboring island.
Speaker 1:The volcano had erupted on their island and it had been. They'd been waiting for this for a while they knew it was coming. And when it finally erupted on their island and it had been. They've been waiting for this for a while they knew it was coming and when it finally erupted, all the ash went up and the way that the wind took it, it was coming right towards Barbados and so the whole island was prepping by covering things up and getting ready for ash covering the island. It had happened once before, like 60 years prior, and everyone was just kind of like panicked, getting ready for this because nobody really knew how much was coming and how often the volcano would erupt. And I was watching my stories today.
Speaker 1:Yesterday I was watching as I was prepping for this to happen, not even understanding what was going to happen for the next couple weeks, but within 24 hours it had erupted four times and the ash was slowly starting to come to the island and it just looked kind of like gray and hazy outside and there were parts of the island that went totally dark, just like the solar eclipse the other day. If you were in, you know where it was totality. It was like that because ash was covering the sun and it was the wildest thing I've ever experienced. And I think about that often, because it's just something totally different than what we're used to here in Canada or even in the US or wherever you're listening to this. It was just such a unique and, honestly, really scary experience. And so from that moment, the ash starting to come to the island over the next two weeks it was ash coming every single day, more and more and more, to the point where I was just like when is this going to stop? Like it was almost like it was like toxic snow outside and you weren't really supposed to breathe it in, you weren't really supposed to be outside in it, you weren't really allowed to use your AC units or your dryer because it could spark things and it was just so much unknown for two weeks.
Speaker 1:Memories. But as we're getting ready to head back down to Barbados and as these memories start to surface, all of the things I thought I had dealt with are actually coming to light more and more every day. And I'm still so excited to go down there. We have dinner plans with you know people who we met when we were down there, and we just are so excited to go back to our favorite beach and to spend time with the turtles, and for one, glenn and I are going a week together to relax, to spend some quality time together, to remember this time. And then the girls are coming down the week after for a retreat and I am just beyond excited to show them this beautiful island.
Speaker 1:And I can't help but think about these things that we went through when we were down there and I knew emotions and feelings would come up as we prepped to take our adventure back. But that was just like one of the most wildest things I've ever experienced. And when I was on my walk with Glenn last night I told him about that, I was like this popped up on my memories. This was three years ago and he said the same thing wildest thing we've ever gone through. We've gone through a lot of things together, but that one was by far the craziest and I think it's also interesting. It was only three years ago. Like when I think about three years, I don't think of it as a big amount of time, especially now if we were like making it in chunks of time, with the pandemic too, and with what life was like only four years ago, it feels like just yesterday. Sometimes there's so much that can change in your life in a short period of time and both good and both hard. It can change really freaking fast and I wasn't recording podcasts. Three years ago I was prepping my house and getting ready for some volcanic ash to come and hang out on my front lawn, and I think about that because life looks so different than where I was three years ago.
Speaker 1:And today I just wanted to share with you not only that story of the craziness that happened with the volcano, but also how simple it is to make lemons out of lemonade. Right? Is that the saying Lemonade out of lemons, whatever? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade whatever it is. But life dealt me some lemons. I love lemons actually, it's my favorite juice of all time Lemons and grapefruits. The more sour the better. But life dealt me some lemons over the nighttime in Barbados, beyond the volcano, hurricanes, termites, being away from home, all the craziness Like there are so many things that happen but life dealt some lemons. Is that even a saying? I'm going to go with it and I think of this today because maybe you're dealing with some lemons right now. You got sour season over there.
Speaker 1:There's something going on in your life that's really freaking hard. Maybe it's even that you just can't get through your to-do list. Maybe your kids are at an age that's a little difficult right now, or you're facing some trials in your marriage or relationships in general any kind. Maybe work sucks. Maybe there's just some lemons hanging all over your house right now. I see you. I see you.
Speaker 1:These seasons can be hard, especially when we didn't expect them. There might have been some meteorologists who expected the volcano to erupt. That is not what I expected in my time in Barbados at all. Okay, I don't think I ever expected that to be something I experienced in my lifetime, and it didn't, you know, make or break the situation down there. It was just another thing on the list of the experience. It's all about how we handle it and how we take it going forward. We can prep for it and it's still not turn out the way that we thought it would. This definitely did not turn out the way that I thought it would. I did not think that I was going to be stuck inside for weeks and weeks and weeks. No, ac in Barbados is hot. Okay, it's really hot, but what's so beautiful now, looking back on those moments, is that it didn't break us. We can laugh at it a little bit. We can know that it was one of the toughest things we've ever gone through, but we can also see it as something I'm so grateful I experienced One because it's really freaking unique and really freaking cool to look back on, but also because it made me stronger and it got me here. It got me sitting here in this chair sipping my sugar cookie Christmas tea in April and spending some time with you.
Speaker 1:The lemons that were dealt are actually the things that are going to bring our life to life, bring moments, bring us clarity, bring brightness, even if it feels like I am never going to see the freaking light. I felt like that. I literally felt like I was never going to see sunlight again. And we push through it. We make it Because just beyond that darkness is something really freaking beautiful. It's your story, it's your experience, it's your life. You are stronger because of the things that you have gone through, and had you not been given that, you would not be where you are today. And it's the same thing for what you're facing right now, in this exact moment as you're listening to this that hard thing that's in front of you, that hard thing that you feel like you are never going to get beyond. When you get beyond it and you look back, maybe you might not be grateful for the difficult thing that happened, but you are going to see a lesson, you are going to see a reason behind it. Hard things happen. It's all about how you deal with them. It's all about how you move forward.
Speaker 1:And if you're going through one of those seasons right now, I challenge you to go back to this beginning of the episode where I ask you what do you need today? If your schedule cleared up and you had all the time in the world today, what would you do? And find the time to do it, even if it's for five minutes today, find the time to do it. It's going to make a really big difference and I would love to know what that thing is Like. What is that thing that you would love to do? And again, even if you don't have the time, even if you're just like there is literally no time in my day, but if I did have the time, I'm going to dream about this. What is it? Send me a message, connect with me on it, because I think, the more we can dream and lean into that energy, it just brings a newfound light. It just brings something so special, even if it can't happen.
Speaker 1:I am a big dreamer. I've always been a big dreamer and even when we were living away, I spent a lot of time dreaming of our new home. I knew when we came home that we were going to sell our house and we were going to move, and it was one of those things that kept me going, that kept reminding me on why we were there Because we could make a bit more money, we could come home and we could buy our dream house. I didn't predict that the market was going to do what it did, which also worked into our favor with selling, not in our favor with buying, of course. But it was so special for me to spend time on websites looking at the houses that were coming up and just dreaming and being in that energy of dreaming. I still do it to this day for so many things. I do it for our next house. This is not our forever home. Well, if it is, I won't be mad. I love it here. Dream of being like in a private lot on the lake you know, I can see our garden, I can see, you know, walking trails on our own land and like, even if that dream doesn't happen, I still enjoy sitting in it.
Speaker 1:Same thing goes for the event coming up Speak Up. We have some really exciting interviews coming in May that is going to highlight all of the speakers who are going to be coming to Speak Up. And if you're listening to this right now, you're like, oh my gosh, I got my ticket. I'm so excited, I can't wait to hug you Like I am so excited for this event. Everyone who has bought a ticket has bought VIP, so I think those are going to sell out pretty fast. So if you're listening to this and you're like I want to come and I want to come VIP, you're going to want to get your ticket soon because they are flying. I've only sold VIP tickets, which is just really, really cool and I just think about that event a lot.
Speaker 1:I can daydream in who's going to be there and what it's going to be like and what the speakers are going to talk about and how the layout is going to be and how the energy in that room is going to feel. Oh, actually I could cry just thinking about it. I dream about that one a lot and even just in visions, like in vision board things and trips I want to take and travel I want to do. And even just a dream day, like again, like what is that dream day? If today I could do anything today, what would it be?
Speaker 1:I dream about that stuff a lot because your dreams are a gift. They are actually what you want. They are telling you something. So even if it feels so big like maybe you have a dream of building your own house somewhere, or you have a dream of buying a house, or you have a dream of starting a family, and it feels so freaking far away, like you could never get there even just living in that dream and bringing that energy to light can help you to get there faster. It's helping you to bring clarity to what you actually want. Because then you're like oh, I didn't even know I wanted that thing. I didn't even know I wanted to travel to Germany, to go to the Christmas markets. It's on my vision board, right in front of me. I didn't even know that. But now that I do, I can sit in that energy a bit more and I can take steps towards that dream, even if they're really freaking, small and daydreaming is probably my favorite way to bring light into dark seasons again.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's hard to see beyond the haze, beyond the fog, beyond the noise. But even if you can dream for a few minutes a day that you're not in this moment and when you get out of this moment, what it's going to look like, what you're going to want to have, the relationships that you're going to have with your kids, because you've gotten through this difficult season with them all of these things that we think about and they might, they're definitely not going to come out the exact way that you are seeing them in your head. Okay, I'll just tell you the truth. It is not going to come out that perfect way we see in our head, but it's going to come out pretty dang good and it's going to come out the way it's supposed to and it's going to come to life in a beautiful way, even if it's not perfect. For my perfectionists, who are listening right now, we're going to lean into the imperfections a little bit more. Okay, nothing's perfect, we know that and it's really, really hard, but beautiful things are coming, like beautiful things are coming. We just have to get beyond this tough season. We have to get beyond these lemons and really start to see what's possible for you. So what is it that you want? What's possible for you? So what is it that you want? Whether that's just for today, when your schedule clears or when the kids go to bed and you can do something for you, what is it? What do you want to do? Or maybe it's bigger than that, maybe it's five years from now.
Speaker 1:You have a dream of a business you want to bring to life. You have a dream of a podcast you want to share with the world your voice. I didn't even know three years ago, as I was prepping things for a volcano to erupt, that this was the dream. I did not know that this house that we're in right now, oh, I feel emotional as I think about it. I did not know that this house was the dream. Oh, I feel emotional as I think about it. I did not know that this house was the dream.
Speaker 1:At that point in my life, I didn't even know being a dog mom was the dream. I had two cats. I didn't even have a dog. I didn't know she was coming soon. I didn't know how good life could be, because I was so focused on the ash, I was so focused on the haze. I was so focused on one thing getting home, getting to Canada. Everything would be better when I got beyond it, and sometimes that was all I could think about. That was the only thing that was going to get me through. But the dream was so much bigger and so much better than I ever anticipated the fact that I'm playing an event for 200 women, for you to come and hang out in person, and that I can hug and spend time with and speak on stages and travel the world and do all of these things and host retreats and even just sit here sipping my sugar cookie tea, recording this and spending time with you. I am living a dream I didn't even know was mine.
Speaker 1:So focus on those dreams, think of the things that you want and be flexible with them, because, again, they're not going to turn out a hundred percent how you thought they would, but they're going to turn out exactly how they're supposed to and that's really freaking good. One thing I used to say, especially when we were house hunting, because house hunting if you've listened to that podcast episode with my real estate agent way back in the day it was an adventure. Okay, it was an adventure, and I just used to lean into that energy of it's this or something better. If it's not this house, it's going to be something better. How beautiful is that to think about all the time? It just means like, if I think this is the dream, this is it, this is the capacity that I have for the dream, but that doesn't come to life. That doesn't actually happen the way that I think it's going to happen. It's going to be better. It's going to be better than this.
Speaker 1:So what you're dreaming of today and the things that are on your heart, even when life looks so freaking hard like you cannot even see beyond it, it's going to be better. It's this or something better. It's this hard, dark moment or something better. It's the dream I see for my life in one year, or something better, and that's the energy that I wanted to bring into those really dark times. And I can tell you it's hard. It is not easy to do. But once you start to get clear on what is it you want, where you want to step, where you want to go, take few steps in that direction and then be flexible if it changes. I don't even know why. This was what was on my heart tonight, but it just was. It just was I didn't want to release an interview.
Speaker 1:I really wanted to hang out with you and tell you some of the feels that I have been going through and some of the things that I've just been thinking about more and more and more, and I am incredibly grateful every single day that I have a place that I can do that and that I can trust you with my vulnerabilities and with what I'm facing and with my emotions, and I hope that you know that you can trust me with those too. Maybe you're looking for a place that you can, you know, share a little bit more about what you're going through. Send me a message. We open the doors back up for the Selfish Sisterhood. In May I have an amazing workshop lined up with Katie Saltzman. I have some great sisterhood chats, morning club where you can come work on your morning routine.
Speaker 1:But one of the things that I am loving the most about the sisterhood is that you learn how to use your voice and share anything that's on your heart, like literally anything. Last night we had a beautiful sisterhood chat talking all about you know some of the things we're facing in life as women, and you know, sometimes, the hard things that we're facing in life as women and it was just such an authentic and beautiful conversation and it all happens in the sisterhood chats Like you get to come and share exactly what's on your heart from, you know, talking about the Barbie movie, talking about love, is blind, but also going deep on some of these other topics that are on our hearts. So if you're looking for a space to do that, I'll put all the information for you to get on the wait list for the doors opening for May in the selfish sisterhood and grab your ticket to speak up. If you want VIP, you better grab it soon, because there's actually not that many available and every single person who's bought a ticket has bought VIP. So I am just so excited for this event. Again, I'll put all that information in the show notes for you.
Speaker 1:But what are you dreaming of today? I would love to know. Send me a message, connect with me. I love dreaming. It's my favorite thing to do in my spare time. So let me dream with you. I hope you have an amazing week and I can't wait to see you next time. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
