Self(ish) Confidence
Your confidence is your superpower… but what if you don’t have any? It can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When we go out, or even scrolling on the couch, it's easy to get trapped in the comparison game, making it even harder to be beautifully you. Self(ish) Confidence is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life. Every week, we'll chat through barriers that could hold you back. Follow along with me, Jess Clerke, as we learn to find our confidence together and begin to share our magic with the world.
Self(ish) Confidence
What's holding you back from doing what lights you up?
When we peel back the layers of a dream, we often discover more than just the goal itself—we unearth the strength and tenacity within us. That's the essence of today's episode. Feel the pulse of dedication as we discuss the final touches of the confidently you program, bask in the anticipation of our Barbados retreat, and sketch out the early blueprints for the big Speak Up! event. For those itching to make their own mark with a podcast or event, let this be the wind beneath your wings – a testament that the journey is packed with hard work but the destination is nothing short of extraordinary.
Let's raise our glasses to the magic of pursuing passions and the power of collective empowerment that comes from sharing our triumphs with the world.
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Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where you can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence podcast.
Speaker 1:I think I sometimes forget just how far we've come through this process and everything that's been happening with this podcast and with life and with everything we're building. Until the other day, I saw a Facebook memory of episode 29,. So almost like 200 episodes ago. It just blows my mind how far this podcast has evolved in a short period of time and the fact that you are listening to this, whether you've been here since the beginning or you have only just started listening. Welcome, I'm so glad you're here. We've come a long way.
Speaker 1:I don't want you to ever listen to these podcast episodes and compare yourself to like oh well, I want to start a podcast, but I want it to be like that or I want it to be like this, and we put these like extra layers of expectation on ourselves when so many of us who've been doing this have been doing this for a long time. I used to do that all the time. I'd compare like the people who I was dreaming of being, like people who I admired so much. I would want to be where they're at. But we got to put in that nitty gritty work, like we got to put in the work. We got to put out the awkward episodes. We have to put out the mess and do all the things and keep showing up in order for this dream that we have to come to life. And that's what I've been noticing more and more as I have been stepping it up with some action items, and I wanted to talk to you about that today and if you follow me on social media, at Jess Clerk on Instagram, I talked about the other day, about today being the day that we would have a new podcast cover, a new intro and a new outro, and it was going to like be so exciting and such a big celebration.
Speaker 1:I typically try to do this every year to just keep things like fresh and keep them relevant for what's going on in my life and what I want to talk about on this podcast, because you're evolving with me as I go through this process, which is just like the most fun thing, but it's been a little crazy over here. Like a little crazy, I often downplay how much is going on behind the scenes and I'll say, oh, my team is doing this or you know I have so much support and I do. But there is a lot going on. Right now we're building out the final stages of confidently you, which is our 12 week confidence boosting program. We are currently on week 10 and I have been building it as I go along and we only have a couple of weeks left, which is really, really cool and it's a beautiful program. The women who are going through it are incredible, but it takes a lot, as you know, to build a whole new program something that I love doing and I want it to come from a sole place, like a soul centered place. I don't want it to ever come from a should or I have to, and so that takes up a lot of energy.
Speaker 1:Same thing goes right now with Barbados retreat, we are like I'm a month away from leaving and then retreat happens a week after that. So Glenn and I are going down to vacation in Barbados together a week before and then we'll get to the villa and then everyone will come in, which is really, really, really exciting that we're like I don't know like 38 days away from the retreat happening, but Glenn and I will be in Barbados in less than a month and I am just putting on those final details on the itinerary so anyone who's coming knows what we're doing, can make plans for the free time, can be like oh well, I wanted to do surfing or I wanted to do, you know, wanted to go check out that store, and they can plan that before we even go, so that we're putting the final details on now too, which is sticking a lot more energy than I also anticipated. It always takes more energy than I anticipate. I'm not going to lie to you there. And then, of course, we have the big speak up event in the fall, and I know the fall is so freaking far away, but we are literally already planning 2025. So the importance on 2024 and putting all those details and working with sponsorships and trying to navigate. You know speaker lineups and all of the things.
Speaker 1:The details are a lot and again, I downplay this and I tell you this now because there's someone listening who wants to do this. I know there is. There's someone who's listening right now who either wants to start a podcast, who wants to plan a big event like this, who wants to plan retreats, and I see you, like you 100% can do this. If I can do this, you can do this Like I know that, without a doubt. But it does take a lot of energy, it takes sacrifice from some things and it takes effort. And for myself and the human design world as a three five, I can just like be like oh well, it's so easy, everyone can do this, and that other people try it and realize how much work it takes, and then they either give up or they're just like this is a lot more than I anticipated. And I was like right, I should have told you that and that's on me. I don't want anyone listening to this to be like okay, well, just said, it's super easy and it's not going to take that much time, I'll just start a podcast and then you realize how much time it takes, and I did you a disservice by not being real with you about the behind the scenes things.
Speaker 1:I do have a lot of support soundbites on social media. They are done by Emily, my virtual assistant. Show notes are often supported through AI. Like, I do have tools in place that make this a little bit easier, and I've been doing this for so long that it does feel easy. Sometimes it does feel easy.
Speaker 1:Episodes take less editing. They might take less time. It's just a very different season. But I just want to remind you, if you're doing this, you can 100% do it Like, I see your potential, I see your light. I know you can do this and the world needs more people, especially women, using their voices, speaking up and really shining their light in the world. Like, we do need more of that. Like, when you're doing what you love, we inspire the world to do what they love, and it just is like this really cool ripple effect that we need more of in this world.
Speaker 1:But it does take effort. Okay, it does. It's going to take energy, it's going to take effort, and sometimes you're going to have to sacrifice doing something you want to do in order to be consistent in this, and sometimes you're going to sacrifice. You know the project that you're doing in order to be consistent in your life and in order to do things with. You know your family and what you want to do. It really is about navigating what needs you in this season and what needs you right now, and that was a huge reason why we went down to one episode a week, so that I could focus on the sisterhood and so that I could focus on creating these courses and planning retreats and events, because I cannot do that stuff with two episodes a week, like that's just the truth. When it comes to my energy and my output, I only have so much.
Speaker 1:This is not for me to rant about. Energy is just for me to put into perspective for you, like what it might take to do something like this, and I don't want you to ever doubt if you can do it or not, because you can, especially when you have all the information, especially when you have the right plan, especially when you have the right support around you. Maybe you need to hire a coach. I'm opening up one to one sessions and I'm really happy to help you with that, but you can 100% do this. You can, you can do it, and I truly do mean it when I say if I can do it, you can do it. It just takes energy, it just takes effort and it really takes honing into your creativity.
Speaker 1:That's one thing that I think we don't talk about a lot, too is the mental power that comes with some of this stuff, and, as it comes in, it takes some time for your brain to go. We hear about this a lot. When people are writing a book right Writer's block it takes time and practice to get those creative juices going sometimes, and there's gonna be blocks and there's gonna be days when you're just like I don't know what I wanna talk about. Well, today I knew what I wanted to talk about and we're talking about those societal standards that the world puts on us, right, and they're holding us back from stepping into our potential. Maybe that's why you haven't started a podcast. Maybe that's why you haven't done the project that you wanted to do or the course you wanna put out there, or even just to speak on a stage, whatever that is for you that you're just like I wanna do that thing, but I don't wanna get laughed at, I don't wanna get made fun of, I don't have the mental capacity for it.
Speaker 1:Right now, we have all these reasons and these blocks that sometimes hold us back from really stepping into that power that we have within us, and I've been noticing this more and more, even in myself, that those societal norms and those societal pressures that we see all the time are really making it hard for us to step outside of the box, to do life differently. And I know if you're here listening to this podcast, you're all about doing life differently. You want to do things your way, and maybe that's being an entrepreneur or having 18 kids and counting, whatever it is for you that you feel called to do. Society makes us feel weird about it, but I actually truly believe that at our core, we are all unique. We are all a bit weird, and especially in this structure that we've been created, and if we could just step outside of that and show it a little bit more, it will create that ripple effect in women and in people all over the world to start to let their light and their quirkiness shine too.
Speaker 1:I want you to just have a little fun with me here for a second, like what is one thing that you would want to do, but as soon as you think about it, you're like I could never do that, oh my gosh. But it's kind of like a jokingly I could never do that, but I wish I could, kind of thing. You know. You know that one that you're talking about. You're like, oh, because even when I was sitting at my desk and thinking about what I wanted to talk about today, the thing that popped into my head was to read for an hour a day, and especially like read in the sunshine for an hour a day, and I was like I could never do that. I have so many things going on. I can't even get an intro and outro to this podcast done. Like I could never sit and read for an hour a day. But I bet, if you looked at my screen time, I'm calling myself out here, but if you looked at my screen time, I have an hour that I probably spent on scrolling Instagram or on, you know, opening random apps that don't need to be opened just to numb my brain.
Speaker 1:If I were to take that time and put it into something else, it would fulfill my heart. It would make me feel so much better, because that's truly what I wanna do Like to read for an hour a day. I just got a pile of books and I wanna read them and I know if I don't make the time, they're not gonna get read and they're gonna go on the bookshelf and never be seen again. You know what I'm talking about. What is that thing for you? And it could be even something bigger than just reading, right, it could be. Oh well, I would wanna start a podcast, but I could never do that. Or I would want to homeschool my kids, but I could never do that right, because society is gonna deem us as weird and antisocial and all of the things right. We can think that way, but that is telling you your true desire, right there. Like you know it. You know what you wanna do, but it's actually the outside world societal standards that are making it really hard for us to step into that, to actually live in that truth.
Speaker 1:Imagine if I were to tell, like a boomer, that I sat in the sun every single day and read for an hour. They'd be like must be nice, I worked my butt off to get here and do this and all the things right. It's just like so different than how we were brought up For you to have an hour a day for any kind of hobby or fun thing would be just like unheard of In our previous society. Now I do think we're coming into a world where we're gonna be able to do these things, or we're gonna be able to do the things that light us up and fulfill our hearts and just help us to become happier people in society, because, again, that's not the norm. So what is that thing that you said? I want you to send me a message. You can actually be online and be like this is the thing.
Speaker 1:This is what I would do, okay, but I feel like I can't Just tell someone. Let me know what it is, because what's really cool is, once we start to see it, maybe we can break it down into micro little things, like I don't have to read for an hour a day, but that doesn't mean I don't have to read at all. It means like 10 minutes. Maybe I could do. What could I actually commit to right now. That would fill me up a little bit. I could do that. I could handle that. I can't do it today because, well, it's not sunny out, but I could do it inside. I could do it inside.
Speaker 1:So how can we make that happen for you too, and maybe it's something as simple as an outfit, something you have in your closet you've wanted to wear. Or you were out shopping and you saw and you're like I love that, but I could never wear it. Okay, but why, why? Why didn't you? I get it. You'll feel a little weird. I have outfits like that too, that you're just like. This is so far outside of my norm of what I typically wear, which is sweatpants. Okay, it's so far out of that that I feel weird in it, but I love it so much, like I want to fit into that, I want to see myself in that light, and so the more you do it, the more you become confident in doing a little bit of different things, like, especially when it's a new style.
Speaker 1:So get the piece, put it on. You don't have to go to work in it, you don't have to go to your family function in it, because you know they might be like wow, that's a little weird, that's a little out there. They might also be like oh my gosh, that's so freaking cool, you look great, you choose right, you choose what you do. But you could wear it to the grocery store. You could wear it to go get your drive-thru coffee right. You could wear it around the house. That was a big one for me. It was like I would wear some of these outfits around the house so that I could get more comfortable in my safe space in it, so that when I went out there I was already a step ahead from just putting on the outfit and going out into the real world and be like, oh my gosh, I'm such an imposter, you're not okay.
Speaker 1:We just have to get more comfortable and confident with this new versions of ourselves. As we are always evolving, we always need to be asking ourselves these questions. That is like a huge piece when it comes to confidence is knowing yourself, and it really takes us asking these questions over and over and over again, because today it might be that I wanna wear this outfit or I wanna read in the sun, but tomorrow it might be something totally different, and that's okay. Like we are allowed to change our mind, we are allowed to evolve. That's part of the process. As if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that we are forever evolving and doing new things and sharing new things, cause as I learn things, I'm gonna share them with you and as you learn things, you're gonna share them with me, and that's part of this beautiful new society that we're building. And I think if we can all just commit to stepping outside of the box a little bit more, we're all gonna start to see it and shine a little more and really lean on each other for that inspiration.
Speaker 1:It is a ripple effect. I was on a sisterhood call just the other day and someone had brought up about some boundaries that they were setting in their life and it was this ripple effect in the group you could see it on everyone's faces of like. Well, if she could do that, like, maybe I can do that, maybe I can set some boundaries with myself, maybe I could set some boundaries with my family, maybe I could, you know, figure out this thing that I have been wanting to do or wanting to bring up at work, but I just can't haven't been able to because I am freaking scared and society tells me to keep my mouth freaking shut, right. But when we see other people do it, it really creates a magical ripple effect. The same thing as me creating this podcast, right. Maybe it created a ripple effect in you to start yours, and I know it came from a ripple behind me of someone who started Thurs. It really is this beautiful, magical thing that when we start to step into the things that we want, it really shows the world what's possible for them too, and they might not want most likely, they do not want exactly what you want. Okay, there's a good chance you want something totally different, but you seeing me follow my dreams is going to inspire you to follow yours, and you following your dreams is going to inspire someone else to follow Thurs.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't have to be big, massive dreams of creating stages for women. It could be something as simple as wearing an outfit that you want to wear. It could be something as simple as speaking up at a family dinner when typically, you're quiet in the corner. What, for you, is going to help push you out of that comfort zone a little bit more and stand in that power that you have? I see you. I see you. You got this. I feel like I got a little preachy there, but it's just so important for us to really step into it a little bit more. It really really is, and I think we think it's just us, it's one person we're affecting, but it's not. It's the whole world. It is the whole world, it is your whole family. And it's just really powerful as women once we start to stand together and stand up for what we want.
Speaker 1:And today, when I was asking for a little bit of guidance for what I wanted to share or what needed to be heard, today I pulled a card from one of my Oracle decks and if you're not into this, I totally understand, but I like to use the MES tools for messages just to help me with guidance, especially when it's just like a little reminder that I need. And today I pulled the card. Has a big, giant peach on it and a beautiful full moon and it is the card of fulfillment. And what I thought was really interesting when I pulled this card because today I really wanted to talk about the things that are lighting you up, the things that feel really good and like why the heck you're not doing them? Why the heck am I not doing them too? Right? I'm in this with you. Okay, it's never that I am 10 steps ahead of you. We are in this 100% together. But this card is. It says here fulfillment is at hand.
Speaker 1:No matter what is occurring in your life, put your attention on what is splendid, pleasurable and luscious.
Speaker 1:Find bliss in the moment.
Speaker 1:Love fully, deeply, without hesitation. Cherish your friendships. Fill your life with people, experiences and places that give you delight. Let go of people and things that don't feel empowering and drag you down. You no longer need to put the needs of others ahead of your own, and if you've had any health issues, a right peach represents a return of better health. Save your life with gusto and with grace. Experience and embrace life in all of its pre-mutations. So I'm just saying, when I pulled this card, it was a clear reminder on how important it is for us to step into these things that light us up more, to really prioritize our needs, and I know that that can be really hard, especially for my mamas, who are listening, especially for my caretakers, who are listening, but you deserve some time too.
Speaker 1:It's not all about taking care of everybody else, and it is 100% true when you take care of yourself, that is a reflection in the rest of the world. Right? I am a better wife because I take care of myself. I am a better daughter because I put my needs first, because, if not, I'm just gonna be a grumpy old lady who doesn't wanna go to anything. Who doesn't wanna do anything because, well, I haven't taken care of my needs first and I feel used and I feel abused, right?
Speaker 1:So what is that thing that I asked you earlier that you would do but you could never do? What's that thing? Right? Because I bet it's not as scary as you think it is, and I bet you're like me and you don't wanna get to the end of this life and say I wish I should have I, if only right. And we don't know when the end of life is. Oh, I feel that one deep. We don't know, it could be tomorrow, it could be tomorrow. And do you really wanna waste today doing all of the mundane things that you don't wanna be doing?
Speaker 1:So why not put that grocery order in for pickup and take that time that you would've spent at the grocery store doing that thing that you wanna do? Because, just remember, we do not know what tomorrow's gonna bring. We do not know how our life is gonna change and, god forbid, we do not know if another pandemic's coming and we're gonna get locked in our houses again. Okay, I'm just saying this because it's true, we didn't expect it. Then we won't expect it again, okay, so lean into what you can do today for you, because today is all that's guaranteed, and I would love to know what it is. Okay, please send me a message, connect with me online, because I think it's so inspiring to see what that thing is, regardless of if you do anything with it or not.
Speaker 1:Telling someone can be just as scary as doing it. So lean on me, send me a DM on Instagram at jessclerk and just be like. You know what, jess. This is what it is. This is the thing. It is crazy, right? I promise you I'm not gonna think it's crazy. I also won't tell you to go run off and do it that's for you to decide but I'm gonna tell you you can do it if you want to, and I'm really, really excited to hear what it is.
Speaker 1:Also, if you don't mind, if you love today's episode or you loved any of the episodes that come from the Selfish Confidence Podcast, if you can take a minute and leave a review today, either on Spotify, on Apple, wherever you listen to your podcast, it would help so much. I don't think we realize how simple that little action can make a huge impact on a podcasters day, but it really does. It helps people to find the podcast. It helps to promote the podcast. It really helps in so many ways. So if you have like one minute to leave a review, please, that would mean the absolute world to me and, as I said a couple weeks ago, I will be happy to hop on a free confidence chat with you. So you just send me a screenshot of the review that you placed and we can hop on a little chat, connect a little bit more and talk about what it is that you have on your heart and the things that you want. It is totally free. I offer them typically on Fridays, and so just send me a little screenshot of that review and I'd be happy to hop on a chat with you and connect with you just one-on-one, just the two of us.
Speaker 1:So thank you so much for listening and for being a part of this journey and for watching me step out of that comfort zone and do the thing that I thought I could never do. And here I am, two and a half years later episode 200 and something I can't even keep track anymore, and living my absolute dream. If I can do it, you can do it. Have an awesome week. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
