Self(ish) Confidence
Self(ish) Confidence is your reminder that you don’t need to become someone else to create a life you love.
Hosted by Self-Discovery and Empowerment Mentor, Jess Clerke, this is the podcast for women who are ready to stop second-guessing themselves, let go of the “shoulds,” and start living life on their own terms.
We’re talking confidence, self-trust, identity, boundaries, relationships, motherhood, ambition, personal growth, and all the messy in-between moments that come with becoming more YOU.
Because confidence isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to trust your choices, even when they don’t make sense to everyone else.
Each week, Jess brings honest conversations, real-life stories, mindset shifts, and practical tools to help you question what you’ve been told you should want and get radically honest about what you actually want instead.
You don’t need more permission. You need more trust in yourself.
Welcome to Self(ish) Confidence. A place to trust yourself, own your truth, and live life on your terms.
Self(ish) Confidence
Overcoming your doubt to shine with confidence
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Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads, struggling to give your thoughts a voice and craving the courage to be truly seen? Join me, Jess, as I recount my own transformative journey of self-discovery and the realization that my voice matters—a revelation that podcasting has brought to life. My personal narrative begins at a Galentines event hosted by the wonderful Crystal Jacobo, where I found myself enveloped in the warmth of a community that championed open dialogue and sincere connection. Together, we'll explore the essence of finding our voices and the profound impact of a nurturing environment that encourages and celebrates each unique story.
As we gear up for the thrilling opportunities that 2024 promises, I invite you to celebrate with me the personal milestones that have paved the way to greater self-belief. This episode is not just a reflection on the hurdles I've overcome but also a beacon of hope for anyone wrestling with internal doubts. It's an affirmation of the magic within each of us and a call to action for sprinkling confidence in the world.
So, if my story strikes a chord with you, I encourage you to spread this message of positivity and self-assurance—because when one of us shines, we light up the sky for everyone.
Interested in joining us for my first big in-person event? Get you ticket to Speak Up! here.
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Sign up for the free Confidently You Mini Course!
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If this episode inspired you to trust yourself, take up space, or live a little more unapologetically, share it with someone who needs that reminder too. Tag @jess.clerke so I can celebrate you because when one woman shines, we all shine. ✨
Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com
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My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Building Confidence and Speaking Your Truth
Speaker 1Welcome to Selfish Confidence , a place where you can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self . My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want , even if it's unconventional . It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices . We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth . I know it can be scary , but we're in this together . Let's get started . Hello , hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence podcast . It's Jess here and I'm just feeling some really extra excitement today for a couple reasons when it comes to this week's episode . Like , I'm so grateful that you're here and that you're listening to this and you're spending time with me , because I really don't take having a platform or having a place for my voice to be heard lightly and the fact that you keep coming back and you keep listening to this , or maybe it's the first time you're here . Hello , welcome . I'm so glad you're here and I just want to say I just don't take it lightly that you're here , that you're listening to this , that you're spending time with me because I know what it's like to not have a voice . I know what it's like to feel like I'm not worthy of using my voice , and I sat in a corner as a quiet kid for my whole life , probably until I was in my 30s and I started this podcast , where I actually started to learn that my voice mattered , that people wanted to listen to it , and this whole process of podcasting over the last couple of years has really helped me to see that and to lean into that , and I just want to inspire you a little bit more today that maybe if you're struggling with this too , with your voice , you know , not really feeling like it's worth being heard you are 100% worth using your voice , worth speaking up , worth sharing what it is that is on your heart , what it is on your mind , what you're thinking , what you're feeling . We want to hear it all and if you do not have people around you who you feel like you can share those things with , it's time to upgrade your community and really find those people who want to hear your voice . And this is really inspired by .
Speaker 1I recently just got back from a trip in California where I was speaking at an event called Gallentines by my friend , crystal Hacobo , and the event was mind blowing . It was so beautiful . The connection in the community that I made in just a short period of time not only from speaking at this event , but just being an attendee was really so beautiful , like so beautiful . It happened so fast . And even as a speaker and a podcaster and someone who shares their voice a lot , the right people around me makes a huge difference . If I don't feel safe and comfortable with you , I will not be sharing my thoughts and my ideas . And again , from a human design background , that's how we're made . We wait for the invitation , we wait till we feel safe , we wait till we , the people around us , are ready to be to , ready to hear what we have to say , and that's kind of the whole energy around it . I've really been leaning into that a lot more and if you're like I want to know more about human design , send me a message . We can talk about it .
Stepping Into Your Power
Speaker 1But this is not what the episode's about today . The episode today is about feeling worthy , to use that voice and to step into the public eye when it comes to your thoughts , ideas and perspectives on things . And so this weekend I went into an event that I really didn't know that many people . I knew the host and a couple other speakers , but that was really it . I didn't know anyone who was attending . I didn't really know much about the event at all , but I said you know what I feel called to be there . I'm going to get on a plane , or three or seven planes , to make this trip happen . And I went all the way to California , spoke at this event and had my eyes opened to a new way of living , a new way of doing business and a new way of really just stepping into my power . And so my talk was all about your high expectations of yourself are hurting your confidence , and that's what I wanted to share with you today . So if you weren't at the event , you were gonna get a sneak preview into what we talked about , because I really do think that the things that we say to ourselves are actually the things that we start to believe , and that is just not helping us on this journey .
Speaker 1And so for me , I did this for a really long time Living away from home . I really thought that nobody wanted to hear my voice . There was a reason I had no friends living in Barbados . There was a reason , you know , I was starting to pivot and step away from my business because I just didn't feel worthy of having all of these things . And now , looking back , I can think those things weren't aligned . They were not meant for me , they were not where I needed to be , the path needed to change .
Speaker 1But when I was in it , I wasn't that kind to myself . I could say some really mean things to myself . And even when I got home and , you know , starting to step on this mic and I was starting to step into a different chapter of my life with the year of confidence and all of those pieces , I could still be pretty crappy to myself . I could still say some really mean things . And even when I got compliments which if you're in confidently , you this week we're talking all about compliments receiving and giving compliments If it and even when I got compliments about the podcast or what I was doing , I would brush them off my shoulder . I would let the inner mean voice , you know , say things to me that the rest of the world wasn't seeing . It was something that I was only seeing in myself .
Speaker 1Maybe things like you're not doing enough . Nobody wants to hear what you have to say you have no life . This is a waste of a life path . Why not change things ? Blah , blah , blah . Insert what you've been telling yourself and maybe what you have been telling yourself , like even today , on repeat . Maybe some things about your body that isn't very kind , some things about your relationships , how you use your voice , all of these pieces . They can really tear you down . You're the only person thinking these things . These things are not real . That is the truth . As someone who is on the other side . These things are not true Because people obviously want to hear what I have to say . You're listening to this right now . Thank you so much for being here . I'm worth having a voice , and so are you .
Speaker 1And when I really think back on this weekend and this experience of being able to use my voice on a stage and share this message about my story , about these high expectations we have of ourselves and how they're hurting our confidence and how we can shake them off and by shake them off , I mean screen them off . I literally made people scream some of these beliefs off them , because we need to shake up that energy in order to feel that confidence . And you can start shaking that up right here , right now . You don't have to scream , wherever you are . If you're out walking the dog , driving the car , you don't have to scream right now . But what you can do is think about the things that you've been telling yourself . Some of these lies that you've been telling yourself Not good enough , I'm not doing enough , nobody wants to hire me . Whatever it is that you've been telling yourself . It's going to be different for each and every one of us because we all have different insecurities . As women . We can have this kind of overall thing that we might be telling ourselves , but really we need to get to the pinpoint of the things that you've been saying .
Speaker 1The one that I say to myself a lot is that I'm not doing enough . And again , like I said , as a projector in human design , we do not have the same energy to keep up with society , the way that society is built right now . We do things very differently . We do things in pockets and in less time chunks , and we're really efficient with our time , so we don't need to be working for eight or 10 or 12 hours a day , but the norm when it comes to business , as many of you have seen , is to work your butt off . It has to be hard , you have to work a lot , you have to give up everything in your life in order to have it , and that just never felt right to me , and so I always thought that I could never be successful because I wasn't doing the same amount as everyone else . And now that I'm starting to learn this , it's not true . It's not that I'm not doing the same amount as everyone else . I'm just doing it in a shorter period of time . But , that being said , the one that sticks to me a lot and that still plays on repeat in my head all the time is you're not doing enough . And maybe you've been seeing all the things that I'm doing and you're like Jess , that's absolutely insane .
Speaker 1You just got home from California speaking , you just launched your big in-person event . You have Boss Talk coming up , you're recording this podcast episode . You still have a family , you still have a life , you still have all of these things . I see you , you're doing a lot . That's awesome that you can see that and I love that you can validate that for me . But I need to see it in myself .
Empowering Self-Belief and Internal Validation
Speaker 1I need to come to terms with this on my own journey and really just start to feel that on the inside , Because us doing this on the outside , getting that external validation , is not going to make this better . It's just the same as if you're feeling insecure in your body and all your friends are like , oh girl , but you look so good , you are so beautiful , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , all these things . Right , we can validate you till the cows come home , and I will . I will do that for you , but if you don't believe it , it's never gonna stick , it's never gonna feel good for you , and that's why these high expectations that we have of ourselves that nobody else has but us are really hurting our confidence Because we believe these horrible things that we're saying when the truth is on the outside . It's so different , right , because the outside world sees something that we don't see . And so when you're telling yourself these things , I want you to flip the script just a little bit .
Speaker 1What we did at this event was we screamed , we released it and we flipped it into something different . What do you want to believe instead ? I want to believe that I am doing enough and that when I rest and spend time with myself , that I'm actually recharging my battery to come back with more confidence and more energy for these things that I want . It's like pinpointing that taking time off or slowing down or having a rest day to watch all of the episodes of Love Is Blind in like one whole day is actually productive for me , it is fulfilling something for me and it's really , really helpful for me to come back recharged with an energy to do all of these things that I've been doing . That is the power of changing and flipping that mindset a little bit , and it takes a lot of practice Like again , I still really struggle with this one that I'm not doing enough .
Speaker 1I say it to myself more than I'd like to admit and I'm really trying to lean into this new belief . It's going to take turning that old belief off and turning the new one on over and over and over again until I finally believe it to my core . So it's not a simple switch , like okay , I don't believe this thing anymore . I wish that was the case and maybe for some of you it will be , but for most of us it's going to take flipping that switch over and over and over again , just reframing that belief . So when we hear it come in , we know that it's not the truth , it's not real . And instead of believing it and letting it ruin our confidence , we're going to just switch it . And every time that happens over and over and over again , we just switch it . It's like okay , I see you , I see you believe .
Speaker 1I'm choosing to believe this instead , I'm choosing to believe that my rest is productive , I'm choosing to believe that I am doing enough and that reframe will take a lot of time to process . Okay . So I don't want you to think that it's a quick and easy shift , especially if you were at the Galentines event and you're like okay , but we screamed it out , jess , I released it . I say that to myself all the time I thought I got rid of that . It's still there . It's going to take that practice of reframing it over and over and over again until you finally do believe it , and I know it's going to feel so good when you finally do believe it .
Speaker 1And if you do need a little external validation , you do need a little reminder . Here and there I'm your girl . I am so happy to help you believe it a little bit more . But I promise you , getting all of these external pieces really isn't solving the problem . We have to get it from that internal piece and what's really interesting with this topic , because I walked into this talk and I was like , oh yeah , like this is what we need to support women , especially high achieving women , that this room was filled in women with big dreams and big goals and wanting to do big things . It's us , our high standards of ourself , that are hurting this , and I was like this is going to be really helpful for a lot of people in this room , knowing that we're the problem , right , not the problem .
Speaker 1And as I walked into that room and I gave this speech , I didn't record it . I often black out when I speak , even on the podcast . I just forget everything and when that happens , I'm not always able to recall if I said anything helpful at all . Like I remember we screamed . Did I say anything that was actually going to be supportive to people ? And if you're at the event and you're listening to this , I bet you're going to message me and be like yeah , you did and thank you for that . Again , it's an internal thing that I need to work on , believing that I actually said something that was helpful or that you connected with .
Speaker 1And after the event , I messaged a friend of mine who was there , who was also a speaker , caitlin and I was like Caitlin , like I know this is really ironic because this is what my talk was all about , but I'm really struggling to think about if it was helpful or if it was any good , and in that moment I was definitely seeking some external validation from her , making sure that she just confirmed that . You know , I said something that anyone could connect with and she did bring the heat . She was like girl , come on , come on . And sometimes we do need that external piece , we need that little reminder because we can't see what the world sees in us . I wish we could . I wish we had a magic mirror that we could look in and it would just like write out all the beautiful things that people think of us , because there are way more beautiful things than the negative ones . So we don't want a mirror that shares with those bad ones that are not true also to us . But I do wish that we could look in the mirror and we could see that , because when I messaged my friend Caitlin , I was like I know this is so silly , but can you just remind me that I said something helpful , that I said something that people could connect with . And , yeah , she brought the heat .
Speaker 1And so I tell you that story because I want you to know that I'm not immune to this either . I'm not . I'm not immune to that silly voice in my head , that mean , mean voice that sometimes takes over your brain , that bully in your head . I'm not immune to it either . I hear her all the dang time . But I'm choosing to take action anyway . I'm choosing to believe things instead , and when I can't , I'm gonna lean on those external factors , those external voices , to help me to believe something different . And we can lean on these external factors until we start to see it in ourselves .
Speaker 1So again , send me a message , connect with me , because I really want you to see what I see in you . And you're like , just , you don't even know me . I know off of energy , I know off of just looking at one picture of you that you are so beautiful and that you are so kind and you're so loving and that you're so gifted and you have so many things going for you in this world . And if you just choose to believe that , instead , you're gonna start to step into that power , to step into that confidence and to see things so differently . Like what a beautiful gift that would be if we could all stand in that power that the rest of the world sees us in . And , with that being said , I'm going to lean into this power a little bit more , and sometimes it's that internal voice that I'm just like . You know what my body is telling me , something that I need to do this , even though it scares the pants off me .
Speaker 1But I just launched tickets to my very first big in-person event , called Speak Up , and this event is going to be all about empowering you to stand in that truth , to use your voice and to start to feel elevated as the rest of the world sees you , and I'm really excited about this . So it's gonna be October 5th and 6th in Halifax , nova Scotia . On the 5th is the VIP night , so you'll need a VIP ticket to access that event . It is an evening sunset cocktail cruise that will be going around the harbor and just really connecting with all the speakers and all of the other VIPs , and then the full day event will be on the 6th . On that Sunday It'll be like from nine to five .
Speaker 1We have an amazing speaker lineup that is not announced yet , and it's just going to be a beautiful event for you to connect with yourself , to connect with others and celebrate having a voice that deserves to be heard in this world , and I'm just so freaking excited . Maybe , maybe , I'll make a scream again . I don't know yet . It's so far away . But tickets are on sale . You can get all the information in the show notes below . Hotel information is there . All the information that you need for the event is there . If you have any questions , you can send me a message
Sprinkling Confidence in the World
Speaker 1and connect with me on it .
Speaker 1But I'm really really freaking excited that this is finally coming to life . It is a dream of mine that I've had for years and for some reason , I just knew that 2024 was going to be the one that it finally came to life . So I'm just really excited to bring it for you and also to prove to myself that I am enough and that I'm doing enough and that I can do hard things , and that's what this event is all about . So I hope that you take something away from today and you just really start to flip that voice that's in your head and you start to believe some of these things that we're seeing in you . I love you so much and I hope you have a wonderful week . What's up , sis ? I am so glad we could hang out today . If you love this episode , send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world . And don't forget you are magic . Let's show the world your shine .
