Today I'm chatting with Jacy Lawler, a fiery teacher, podcaster, course designer and strong Enneagram 8 ready to take over the world. We sat down to unravel the threads of self-confidence and the boldness required to step out of the shadows of societal norms. Our conversation navigates Jacy's transition from a people-pleaser to a fearless podcast host, offering up her story as a beacon for those yearning to embrace their true selves. Her candid recount of the challenges she faced reminds us all that the journey to authenticity is not only possible but imperative.
The digital realm is a double-edged sword, where vulnerability can both connect and expose us. I get real about the delicate balance of sharing personal moments online, with the wisdom to process privately before broadcasting our lives to the world. This episode peels back the curtain on the realities of running a membership community as a business owner, embracing the human design concept of projectors, and how it's okay to adjust life's volume to match our own rhythm. It's about finding the sweet spot where personal energy meets professional commitment, and how my pivot into content strategy and course design became a testament to working with, not against, my natural inclinations.
Connect with Jacy:
IG: @jacy.lawler
Podcast: Have the Audacity
Learn more about CONFIDENTLY YOU starting January 15, 2024.
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com
If you're on instagram, come say hi!! 👋👋
My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Today I'm chatting with Jacy Lawler, a fiery teacher, podcaster, course designer and strong Enneagram 8 ready to take over the world. We sat down to unravel the threads of self-confidence and the boldness required to step out of the shadows of societal norms. Our conversation navigates Jacy's transition from a people-pleaser to a fearless podcast host, offering up her story as a beacon for those yearning to embrace their true selves. Her candid recount of the challenges she faced reminds us all that the journey to authenticity is not only possible but imperative.
The digital realm is a double-edged sword, where vulnerability can both connect and expose us. I get real about the delicate balance of sharing personal moments online, with the wisdom to process privately before broadcasting our lives to the world. This episode peels back the curtain on the realities of running a membership community as a business owner, embracing the human design concept of projectors, and how it's okay to adjust life's volume to match our own rhythm. It's about finding the sweet spot where personal energy meets professional commitment, and how my pivot into content strategy and course design became a testament to working with, not against, my natural inclinations.
Connect with Jacy:
IG: @jacy.lawler
Podcast: Have the Audacity
Learn more about CONFIDENTLY YOU starting January 15, 2024.
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com
If you're on instagram, come say hi!! 👋👋
My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
I need another drink of caffeine and then we'll be good to go. What were you drinking Coffee, mmm? Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where you can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence podcast. It's a fun day over here because we have a very special guest, and it is my very good friend, jc Lawler, here, and she's going to chat with us about some really exciting things. She just did the workshop in the sisterhood, so I think you're here to support us, with some boundaries today, which we need, and some really exciting news. Jc, can you tell us a bit about you and how you got to where you are right now, sitting here hanging out with me on the mic?
Speaker 2:Okay, so we'll just give a high level overview of this. I'm like that's such a big question with a lot of layers, I know. But yes, of course we're going to talk about boundaries. A little bit about me. I am a projector which comes in handy for a lot of things, and I'm going to talk about leveraging that in my business. And also I'm an Enneagram 8. So if you don't know much about the 8s, like there, no BS would be a good way to put it and as-.
Speaker 1:I say scary, but that's because I'm a nine piece keeper, so I'm like the eight Ah.
Speaker 2:But, jesse, always tell me I got all that fire. You're like you're a little fiery, and so when we talk about boundaries, I'm going to let you borrow some of my fire and use that for that. But yeah, so about me and how we got to this point is a very long story and I talk about it a lot on my podcast While I'm a podcast host. I host have the Audacity podcast, very Enneagram 8 title for a podcast where it's all about stepping into your own power, finding your own voice, and that's an area I'm really passionate about, because I haven't always been that person.
Speaker 2:I grew up very much a people pleaser and I people pleased my way into a very low, dark mental health point in my life about three years ago, and this version of me now talking to you and that you know I've met Jesse at a conference, probably two years ago, and that person who prior to then would never have gone to a personal development conference and didn't know what that was. But I just realized like life had to be better than how I was feeling, life had to be more to life and this could not be it. And so I really just started on this journey of listening to podcast and books and just really leveraging the power of the internet to get into communities and to get in these online rooms of people who could show me what life could look like outside of what I saw in my small town, and so that led me going to my first personal development conference, where I met you and a lot of other amazing women, and then we've had a friendship from there and it's just this constant evolution of growth that I'm very committed to, and now I'm at a place where I launched my podcast a year ago and we're hitting 100 episodes, like the time Jess and I are talking about. This. Next Monday will be 100 episodes. So it's just a lot of fun, but it's really just.
Speaker 2:I wish somebody would have said hey, I've been there and it's okay. You can stand up for yourself and you can say no, and you can go after the life you want, even if it doesn't look like anybody around you, and so that's yeah, can you remind me to like how big your small town is?
Speaker 1:Because I remember when I met you, you told me that you're, like we come from, a really small town in Texas, like, like how big is it?
Speaker 2:There are smaller, but it's, there's 15,000 people that could always be 15,000 people in my town, okay, in a town of 15,000 in the top of Texas, the heart of the Bible Belt, I mean you are raised to like get married, have kids, live in the same town. Like that is just what you do in life, that's the whole point. And so, as a people pleaser growing up, I derived my worth from what other people thought of me, and so anytime somebody's like you should want to do that, be like okay, yeah, that's what I want to do. And I never stopped ask myself hey, is this actually what I want? Until I was in my I'm a full time teacher and I was in my two years into my teaching career and I was like have I peaked? 23 years old, like, I distinctly remember the moment I was 23 and was like has life peaked?
Speaker 2:This is it. And it was also met with that and a bit of panic because I was single and was like now I have to get married and have kids. Like I'm 23 and I'm not married yet. Like, okay, like, let's stop and unpack that like that's baby. But in the culture that I live in, that's like you should be married by 22. Like, what are you doing? You graduate college and you're not engaged, like what is happening. And so, like at 23, I was like has my life peaked? This is it, like I'm just coasting now and there was a lot of panic there and had to go on a journey of figuring out like, who am I and what do I actually want?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and here too we talk a lot about like that unconventional version of who we are, and even now, like it almost would be unconventional get married at 23. But in your community and where you live, that's the norm. So you've done everything outside the norm, outside of going to school and getting the job which you told me was from. You were just like, oh, that's what we do. Like my mom said I'd be a great teacher. So I became a teacher which, as a projector, you're a great teacher, which is wonderful too. But like that piece of it, like you've done everything differently than the rest of the world. Like how do you live this unconventional life in a small town when everyone just looks at you as, like the weirdo in the town, which I don't know if they do? But are you black?
Speaker 2:sheep in your town a little bit, yeah, and it doesn't. It bothered me a lot at first. And so in the beginning, because you know, I, like I said, I really dried my worth from what other people thought, but I knew that wasn't serving me. But I also didn't have the confidence to just boldly go out and live my own version of my life. So I did it very quietly.
Speaker 2:I went very into myself inwardly for about a year and a half Like it was a while of. I didn't even tell my family like decisions I was making, and only because I didn't want their input. It wasn't like I I didn't know if they would be supportive or not supportive or try to convince me anyway. It was just like I knew whatever opinion they told me would influence my own thinking and I needed to figure out what I wanted for myself and be very confident in my own voice. Before I was like, hey, let me let you in on what's been going on. And I mean that was tricky because they we did have to navigate relationships where you know, some of my family members were like how could we not trust me? I thought we were closer and I'm like this has something to do with you. This was something I needed to do for me and myself, and that was really how I navigated it until I grew enough confidence in myself that I'm just like this is me and I don't care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and where are you at now in that journey? So we've been podcasting for a year, putting our voice out there for a year, like how are you feeling about being you having the audacity to be JC in the world? That she is now feeling good, I do, and you know, it's still an ever-evolving journey.
Speaker 2:I mean, I feel like as you step out and you grow into things for example, the podcast, like as it's grown, I've had to get comfortable being known and seen on a bigger level and for a while it was really easy for me to record a podcast and hop behind a mic and talk, but it was really hard for me to show up on social media Like that was a new layer of vulnerability and allow myself to be seen in that way. And so it's still a process and I'm still learning and it's also. I just had a conversation recently with a friend about how you don't have to be vulnerable with everybody and not everybody deserves the same access to you, and so that gave me a lot of permission. That thought gave me a lot of permission to just pick and choose. Like honestly for me, like how I've structured things, like with my business and in these conversations. I love one-on-one conversations. I love going into communities, talking. I'll be very vulnerable and open there on my podcast and very open and vulnerable, but on my Instagram I'm not gonna tell you.
Speaker 2:Like if I'm navigating something in my life like you're not coming along in the moment, I'll talk about it after I've moved through it.
Speaker 2:But that's a very like you kind of get to know me on it.
Speaker 2:But if you really wanna like deep dive and know what's going on in my life, like the podcast, I might go to the podcast, cause that's where it's like your people who really have been there a long time are really interested in you and all of you like having that space for that and I've learned that that has really helped me. And also, just you know, seeing some people online who are like, yeah, in the moment, like I just was going through a breakup, you know, and they're like real time tears, this just happened, like that would never be me. I'm like I don't, I don't want you get to hear about it. Like weeks later I've moved through it and I'm like, okay, yeah, I went through this. So like I get it, this is how, this is what I did to support myself through it. So I understand if you're going through it, but for me, and like my boundaries and my mental health and my sanity, it's like just navigating what works for you and letting it be different.
Speaker 1:I am the same way, Like I can't. I will not be that person that's like glad that I just got in a fight, Like no, I can't do that. I won't like that. I need time to process. And maybe it's a projector thing Like we do better with like having time to, like you know, sit and be in it and process it. I can't do that either, so, like I've always kind of felt a little guilty about it too. It's like so many people who can show up on social media and share what they're going through. Like right now, I need at least like a week to process it before I could put it out there.
Speaker 1:So I'm right there with you. How do you navigate that, especially as a business owner, to set those boundaries to like. Only be vulnerable when you feel safe to do so.
Speaker 2:That's a that's a very good question and so, like, with that I was just thinking. You know I've mentioned before we hopped on and you kind of alluded to it when we started that I have some changes coming in my business and things that I'm doing to make it feel more aligned. And one thing that I'm doing is for the last six months I've been running a membership community and I really did love it and that was always my dream. And then I got into it and realized I'm not at a place where, like as a projector, you have to be very mindful of how you spend your energy, and I'm not in a position in my business where, like, hiring out a team and still working a full-time job is an option for me at this moment. And so it was like I was spending so much out that it was really depleting me to do all of the things and to show up in that way and so, and because of that, like your community and even like your engagement online, it's a reflection of what's going on energetically with you. So it started off really strong and then, like, life gets busy, yes, but also I was feeling super depleted and then not wanting to show up because I was just pouring out and pouring out and pouring out and it's as tedious, as you know, like scheduling, emails and social posts and engagement, like it's just all these little micro moments where your energy is going out and people will stop showing up to things. Like I have videos on my phone. I'll be like, oh, somebody didn't come again and like this is horrible, but I didn't share it in real time because I wasn't ready to Like I don't know what to do and part of me had to navigate.
Speaker 2:I actually realized I don't want this right now, like this is not something I want right now. I thought I wanted it, but I don't want it right now, and I had to navigate that, not making that mean that I failed in some sort of way, but that I learned something and I can come back. I can always come back to it later, and so that's kind of where I've navigated, where I didn't, in the moment, even tell my community like hey, I'm going through these things, I've processed it on my own and then came in and I was like okay, guys, at the end of this year we're gonna close it, not because anything. I just realized this is an align for me. We talk a lot about in here, about taking aligned actions and doing things that are right for you, and so I want to make sure that I model that and I'm an example of that, and so, for right now, we're gonna close this.
Speaker 1:I think that's an awesome idea for you. I know it feels sometimes like failure, but I felt that way when I went from two podcast episodes a week to one. I was like, well, it's just one episode, but it's way more aligned, especially for a projector. So for those who are listening and you're just like, what the eff are you talking about? I don't know this Enneagram thing. I don't know this human design thing. I'll put the information in the show notes for you to be able to find some of those things out about yourself.
Speaker 1:But as projectors we're here to help seek and guide the world into a better way of living. We don't have the same amount of energy as most of the population, so we run on several hours a day of good high energy stuff, but then the rest of the day is rest, and especially with JC, who's also working full time I had that on plus a side hustle it's hard to manage your energy like that, and so closing that community is going to allow you space to open up so much more in your life. Like going down to one episode a week. For me and I know some people are still upset about that I'm sorry, but for my energy I can make one good episode a week or you're gonna get two mediocre, crappy ones, and nobody wants to be in a community. That's just like mediocre and crappy.
Speaker 1:And for me, like I had to, like I can't do that stuff either. So, like I did, hire out and that was the only way that I could keep doing it. So I get where you're coming from. Can you tell us where you're going? Like, what's the 2024 vision?
Speaker 2:Yes, and so I love to talk about this because, I mean, there's a smile on your face when I said it too.
Speaker 1:I love to talk about that.
Speaker 2:And you know, I know you're like the human design. You're a pretty big expert in human design, Like you are, you know your stuff.
Speaker 1:I'm an expert, but I like it. I like it a lot.
Speaker 2:I'm the climate title. You know a lot and so you'll hear this. And if you, she drops the links in the show notes and like you look at this stuff Like I'm a huge believer in human design, Like that has been a huge key for me in the success and like building my life in a way that's supportive and so when I tell you what I shifted to, you're going to be like this is a projector thing.
Speaker 1:So and I wouldn't. Somebody listening to this who does not know anything. They're just like. I'm done with this episode. You guys are talking about too much woo woo, weird outs, no like. But then there's also people listening who are like I love it. Tell me more.
Speaker 2:So, like, just just hang with me for like, what the heck is going on. Like, just hang with me, because I do want to share this and I haven't talked about this on my own podcast yet. So this is like exclusive here Y'all are getting it. First is that I love it. When you close a door, you allow room for other things to come in. You can't allow. I mean we have, we all only have 24 hours in the day, so there's only limited amount of space you have you can hold for things, and so if you want something new to come in, you have to clear off things to make room for others. And so when I finally listened and I mean it took me months to decide to close my community I mean we're talking three, good three months I knew this was probably what I needed to do, but I just wouldn't do it. And four weeks ago I decided like, okay, this is what I'm going to do, that it was the end of we're recording this. It's two days before Christmas when we're talking, to give you some context, listening to this episode. But the end of November I was like, okay, this is it December 31st, I'm going to close a community. And so I tell them and I'm like, okay, I don't know what I'm going to do next. I know I'm creating room for this.
Speaker 2:Well, I have two master's degrees. I have one in curriculum and instruction, so I'm a curriculum specialist, and I have one in instructional design for online learning, so creating online courses. I have a lot of grad sclowers in that and I will say that I'm an expert in those things. It's very easy for me and it makes sense. And I was like what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? And then it hit why don't I do content strategy and online course design for online coaches? Because I'm like as myself, like I don't want to be the content. Like I am a content expert in some things, but I'm like I don't want to teach on it all the time.
Speaker 2:Like I like public speaking, coming into groups, doing podcasting, like this. This is like I like this, but I don't want to design my own thing and like walk people through it Just from like an energetic standpoint of I know I can take on other people's energies because I'm in path. I know more woo-woo stuff. If you're not into the woo-woo, I know, but Sorry, it's a real thing. You know what they are. For the most part, if you're here, you are.
Speaker 2:We know so it's like I just knew from you. I'm like no, I take on other people's energy too much, and especially like the whole projector thing. Like I'm like no, I need to, I need to have some distance between it. And so I was like I'm going to do this, help online course creators create programs, but I'm going to help them structure it out, because I went to school for this, it's very easy for my brain.
Speaker 2:Also a projector thing Right Like I can just look at something and see it all come out Very easily for me, and I also build them for content people. So then I like I can choose who I work with. I'm like it's fun, you get to, I get to learn about a lot of things I didn't know about. I've have four clients right now and they're all very different and all their courses are very different in their programs and what they want out of them, and so it's fun on that, because then I'm just like I can work for an hour and talk with people, work with them closely, build these things out and know that their clients are going to the ripple effect that that's going to have.
Speaker 1:Do you feel good? Does that feel really aligned when you do it?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it's like the easiest thing. It's so you love it. When you're in something that you're meant to be doing, it comes so easily and they're so I walk away from those calls feeling super energized and I'm like, oh, this gets to be fun, you get to have fun, yeah.
Speaker 1:I know. And society makes us feel like it's supposed to be hard. That's what they taught us. Business is supposed to be hard. But I think if we all just worked in our ease man, the world would be such a better place, because we'd be like, oh, this is so easy. But people think, oh, this is so easy. This can't be good enough. It has to be hard. Like might as well run a marathon, like no, I gotta love that it's easy for you.
Speaker 2:So that's what I pivoted to and that's what I'm doing now. So I still have my podcast and still have a community around that, which I love, and speaking, and I have some speaking engagements coming up in 2024 that I'm super excited about stepping into that side of me. But I really do love this and it just feels so good to just be like, oh, I can do this and it's just leveraging something here. It's really good for you.
Speaker 2:And I didn't think about, oh, people would need this, until I was like, hey, I have this idea, this is really easy for me. Like I can map out courses. People tell me ideas and I'm like, oh, I know how you could improve this and all of these things. And they're like I never knew this existed. Like this is what I needed, or this was what was keeping me from watching the program or doing the things. I didn't know where to start. And sometimes the thing that you're meant to do, you can't see it, because it's so easy for you that you need people around you to like hey, like the thing that people always ask you for help with, like I would lean into that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, think about that too. To the person listening right now the thing that people come to you for help, like that is part of your purpose, as long as it feels good and it feels aligned for you. If you're like people keep asking me to pick up their garbage and their dog poop and I don't like doing it, don't do that. But if it's something that feels really good for you when people ask you for it or you're seen in that way like lean into that, that could be part of your purpose or why you're here. It's like this sign that keeps coming up Like hey, you're actually really good at this and maybe, maybe you could be doing more of it, which I just love that you're leaning into that. Thanks for giving that exclusive JC. That's so exciting, so you'll be starting that. I know you're working with some clients now, but you'll be like in 2024, people can come to you for this.
Speaker 2:This is the full thing. I do one off-clause where, if you're just like, hey, I want to map this out In one hour, we can map out a whole course. Actually, I had somebody come to me and they were like I have 40 pages of notes of things I want to include in a course, and I was like I don't know where to start. This is so much. And I was like, ok, tell me about it, what's your goal, what do you want to do? And by the end we mapped out four courses in an hour and had all the structure window do it and all these things, and so it just gets to be easy. And they're like this saved me so much time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the thing and it was one of the things that I really had to work through of it is a bit of a luxury thing. My business is a little bit like you could get by without it, but is it going to be the same? And coming at it from a whole different approach? And so that's what I've been doing and I really do love it, and so I just was like I'm going to share this because it's permission to change your mind, like you get to change your mind. I mean, you did it with going from two episodes to one episodes. Like I'm doing two episodes a week. I'm leaving it open to possibly changing it, but right now like there's a long pause there, we're thinking about it. Two episodes a week is a lot, like it is a lot, it's a lot.
Speaker 1:And I think we often think it's the standard, because so many people we look up to, so many people we know, do two episodes a week. Mind you, a lot of them are generators or manifesting generators. But yeah, that was. I felt a lot of guilt doing that, but also it just feels a lot more aligned right now Doesn't mean the season's forever, just like you said. Like we can change our minds, it doesn't have to be a forever thing, but for right now, for my health and my healing, doing less is the answer, and it comes back to creating space.
Speaker 2:You have to create space to allow new things to come in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's something for me too. When it comes to like taking one episode off my plate, it means I can put more energy into my community, Like that was for me, like one of the things that's like the things that are more important need my attention. Two episodes, meh, you don't. You guys, do you really need to Send me a message? Tell me.
Speaker 2:Like do you really need to, but like Do you really?
Speaker 1:need to. Aren't you getting sick of me, even if you?
Speaker 2:need to like I'm still taking a break from it, like Jess is still taking a break. If you need to, there's a lot of really there's like a lot of really good episodes. Check out JC and you can re-listen to some episodes like it's okay.
Speaker 1:I like how you say that too, where I'm like still leaning into that. People who are like, oh, I guess I'll start again, and you're just like no boundaries. So let's talk about boundaries for a quick second. This is a perfect leeway for it, especially when it comes to business. And now, right now, we're in the holidays. This episode will come out after the holidays, but as we walk into 2024, what would be some simple boundaries that people could take to just set themselves up for more success, just to feel more aligned in who they are going into the new year, rather than saying yes to everybody? Like how could they say yes to themselves in a few ways?
Speaker 2:And also Simple, like let's make it really simple and also stand in their power. When they set a boundary, to hold the boundary, jess, yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really great at that. I'm learning. We're getting there progress right, we're doing great. Yeah, again, it's because I'm the Enneagram Nine, the peacekeeper. So peacekeeper leans into people. Please are a little bit to keep the peace, but we're working on that.
Speaker 2:But I guess you could say you can't keep you. Peacekeeping is an illusion, because if you keep the peace with the outside people, you're losing peace with yourself.
Speaker 1:Mic drop, am I right? I was just thinking about how powerful this episode was and how important it is to know how to keep your peace, how to make yourself a priority, how to make yourself feel like you're the most important person in the world because you are. And I wanted to quickly pop into the middle of this episode to remind you that early bird prices for confidently you is wrapping up in just a couple of days. And if you're like, what are you talking about? What's confidently you? I could use a confidence boost in 2024. It is my brand new 12 week confidence boosting course that really helps you to solidify these confidence boosting habits and build yourself, essentially your own year of confidence, so you can walk into 2024 feeling amazing and having tools that you can really use to transform your life.
Speaker 1:Just imagine being the most confident version of yourself, the one that you've been dreaming about, the one that you're like. Someday I'll be that, but being her now, because you can. It just takes a few little tweaks that we can do together to really help to solidify that confidence and step into that power of being able to keep boundaries for the first time and being able to wear the clothes that you wanna wear and feel really good in your skin, and the program starts January 15th, 2024. So only a few weeks away, and so for the next couple of days, you can still get early bird pricing. It is $100 off until December 31st, so you're gonna wanna hop in there. I'll put all the information, the show notes, for you to be able to get some more info on pricing and options and everything. So just click on down there or send me a DM on Instagram so that we can connect and chat about it.
Speaker 1:Can't wait to see you and confidently you. Yeah girl, yeah girl, I see you. That is a great point. Yeah, and peace is like my number one goal, especially for 2024, like I want peace. That's it.
Speaker 2:And so I think that's a perfect example of like going into and I used this a lot, I've used it for several years now and in a lot of areas of your life it works. So, like for you, it's peace. So any decision you make is like is this getting me closer to peace? Or even like into like self peace. You're like I want peace for myself, cause peace could be a lot of things. But if, for the sake of this example, if you're like I just really want more peace this year for myself, then anytime you go to make a decision, is this getting me closer to having peace for myself or am I losing peace by making this decision? And having that filter to put things through is a really easy, simple way to do it, and you can use this in a lot of things. If you have financial, freedom is one of your things. Or like more freedom. You're like, okay, if you are working towards. I mean, I just did this recently. I've been neck deep in home renovations and oh yeah good times.
Speaker 1:That's so good, so good, and I was happy for you.
Speaker 2:And I was like I mean, I love the outcome, but the process is a little bit of and but like I'm going somewhere with this and so like, for example, I was redoing one of my bathrooms and I was just going to keep the light fixture because I thought it goes with like the new paint, upgrades and things.
Speaker 2:It was fine. But then I changed everything and was like I don't like it. But I was like I already budgeted and I spent my budget for this room, so what am I going to do? And I thought, well, I really really want this to like look how I want it to look and like come together. So I thought, well, I could just not eat out twice this month and eat at home and take that money and put it towards that. And I was like, yeah, that feels good. And so that's why I did, and like it felt fine. It wasn't like oh, I can't afford this or oh, like I can't eat out because I bought this, like no, it's just like changing it. And so that is just kind of like a trivial example of finding out like what do you want out of this year? And really, starting with don't, I don't want to say this Like don't go ask a bunch of people what do you think I should want? And don't even tell people you're trying to figure it out, because people are going to project what they think you should want or what they want for themselves onto you. And so it's really sitting down and I do this monthly exercise and I have the episode, I recorded it and put it on my podcast. So, jess, I can send you the link to this and like I literally walk you through it. Yeah, please do.
Speaker 2:But like a whole, I do it every month and I look back on the month so you could do this for the year. Look back on the year, take five minutes, write down everything you did this year. How do I make you feel like just non-judgmental observe Was I doing two podcast episodes a week and I was feeling really tired and I was doing all these things and like how was I feeling? And I do this each month because I feel like a year's really a lot and December's kind of a hard month to do it on. If you're listening to this in January, because it's crazy. The holidays are weird.
Speaker 2:We have a lot more on our schedules normally than we do, but you go through and you write down everything that you did that happened this month, how you spent your time in a non-judgmental way. And then you go back through and you're like, okay, what are five things that I'm like I could keep this? This lit me. I liked this, I want more of this and what are five things I do not wanna repeat? And it's living life with intention. So then you look at the month coming in and I do this on the first Saturday of every month and I look at the month ahead and you already kind of know what you have going on. And so if it's like I want more space this month, like I created space last month and I really liked like I don't schedule things on Sundays, and I started that from really observing, feeling run down and overwhelmed all the time, and I was like, okay, this next month I'm gonna leave off Sundays, I'm not gonna schedule anything for Sundays.
Speaker 2:That's my day at home. I'm not really doing like business work. I can spend it how I want, but I need that day. I don't do things with family, anything. And I got to the end of the month and I reflected back and I was like I'm gonna keep that so for a year and a half now, I've had every Sunday off. I love that, mind you. I could count on one hand the number of times like something came up Out of what. They're over 50. 52 weeks, 52 Sundays Give or take. You know, 52 Sundays like maybe five of them had something and I needed that space for me.
Speaker 1:And boundaries at home too. Like, are you just like chilling at home, like just relaxing, or do you do things at home? Like, how does that Sunday look for you?
Speaker 2:So I don't make it. I learned for myself to not make it mean anything. You got it. You got to keep with boundaries, like very flexible, that's what would be more. Like I had five Sundays where I did something. Like it's not a hard yes or no hard line. Like it can be at first if you're getting used to it, like sending it if it feels really weird.
Speaker 2:And I'm gonna tell you, people in my life did not get it. They were not like oh, I support you taking a whole day to yourself. I love that I don't have access to you for a full day. Like no. They were still having access to me 24, seven, whenever they wanted. They were like no, but like I started with Sundays and I was like sorry, another thing I did was I was like you have to tell me. I need 48 hours advanced notice if you want to have a family get together. There's no more spontaneous. My life is too busy. I need to protect my energy. You have to give me 48 hours notice If you want to have a family dinner night or family game night. Like you have enough time to plan ahead. And if you call me and it's only like the day of or the next day I'm gonna tell you no, because I said Because I said you have to keep that like I'm sorry and like they really struggled with that at first, and I'm not gonna sit here and say like, oh, it was easy for me, I didn't care. No, when I first started it was super hard on me and I had to remind myself that people's reactions To the boundaries you set a reflection of them and not of you, because a lot of times when people get mad and they try to pressure you into like caving in on your boundary, it's because they don't think they have that kind of agency in their own life and so they don't. So you're triggering that, that you're showing them something that they don't believe for themselves they can have, and so I always like want to keep on that.
Speaker 2:But, like circling back to your question, my Sundays look like whatever I need to be successful in the week. It's kind of open. Some days I mean I grocery shop before Sundays because I'm not really my house, but some days it's cleaning, some days it's just reading a book. Some days I do some podcast work because I not the whole day, but like I need to do some to like get ahead or I'm doing laundry. Some days I have everything done by Sunday and I Just then you out, watch Netflix all day, because that's what I Want, felt good that day. You know, like I just kind of leave it open.
Speaker 2:A Lot of times it is like mill prepping because like that is my sanity, I'm ill, prep all my lunches and and so like that's what keeps me sane. So I like that's pretty non-negotiable. I do that on a Sunday, but other than that it's whatever you need. But you're just creating space to let it be. And then you don't find yourself during the week like Beating yourself up, that you're working from the time you wake up till the time you go to sleep and when you start sending boundary in one area, like if you find yourself being really busy seven days a week.
Speaker 2:I encourage you to try this, having a day of the week where you don't do anything or that's like your protective time to use, however you want to use it, because when you start there, then that led into at work. Like, especially as a teacher, it's expected that you work outside way more than 40 hours a week that you take stuff home I don't take anything home now Because I'm like, no, I'm gonna do it during my time Right here, and if I can't get it done in my time here, that I'm not doing it, like it's gonna wait till tomorrow. It's not coming home. I have too many things going on in my life that are a bigger priority than to do that. But the whole queue with boundaries is setting one, building up your confidence, and then you. It's a ripple effect and you can start setting them in other places.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I love that. Instead of it being like everything Like I'm on boundary Queen, all of a sudden it's like at least, like we'll start with like one and add on as we feel good.
Speaker 2:And let them change, don't them change. When I was in grad school, my two-day notice was three days. I was like I have a lot going on right now and and I only left my house one time a week. Like it was either I went out with friends or I did something with family, but that was it, because in that season of my life that was what I needed to take care of myself and my goals. And now it's not like that. Have more flexibility, but it just you got to stay loose-handed with it. You can't hold on to it with a tight grip.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that and I especially love, like you, having a full day, because I feel like for me. Thankfully, I work from home and I have flexible schedule. My husband works out of the house, which is really great, because I don't know how anyone does it when they're too like all that. No so.
Speaker 1:I love having a alone time and Mm-hmm and I need that alone time and that's a boundary that I have. Like I don't answer the phone before 10. I'm pretty good at that and my phone is on. Do not disturbed. At like 9 pm, so like from like 9 to 10 am, like you can't reach me, which I really love, so like those things I have gotten good at because I need that quality time. But it's sometimes like, yeah, it's hard to stick with, like some of the bigger ones.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:It has taken me like longer to like. Once I make it a habit it's easier. So you're right, the beginning is harder. I just got to stick with some of them a little longer.
Speaker 2:And and I love that you pointed out that you have the whole do not disturb one. That was my first one. I said, before I even set a whole day out to myself, was I started there and I just was like Family members, close friends who, like when might need to call me an emergency, like you can set it, you know where they can call you, but they can't text me. Like they can only call. Like all my notifications turn off at 8 until 7 am the next day, because I'm normally up by then and I'm like you care, access me. And then I do the same thing for work.
Speaker 2:Since I have a full-time job and then I run a business also, I have all my business notifications turned off during the day For like work mode, I'm like I'm here, I'm not taking anything home, I have to be fully present and do this. But then the same thing, like I don't check my work emails at home, like I have them turned off. Like it's so funny. Like we all have phones as like an extension of ourself now. But the best place to like start a boundary is start it with your phone, because people don't need to have 24 7 access to you. The world doesn't need to have 24 7 access to you, and you really don't need access to the world 24 7. We weren't designed Like human beings, aren't designed for that much input, and so, if you're like, I cannot start boundaries with my friends or family or my job, that seems too much. Okay, cool, just put do not disturb on and turn your notifications off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have them like nobody even needs to know, just start there. No, you don't have to tell anybody.
Speaker 2:You know they're not, they're not gonna know, and just start there. Like if you have social media and you're like you see the, but like the notification number on there and that really bothers you, you can turn it off. Where you don't see it. I don't even see my email numbers, like I have to physically go open the app To see any notifications, aside from text messages or phone calls. I have to act, physically open an app to see what's going on in there, because it's because then you're working or you're doing something and you don't see it as a distraction of just Like taking your attention away and you're like, no, you're in control and so like that's a great place to start is just like put do not disturb on your phone, like just try it, just see.
Speaker 2:Feel so good and at first it feels very terrifying, like it's kind of stressful, because you're used to this constant access, like both ways. But then like you figure out After you do it for while you're like nobody even tried to reach me or like nothing happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, back in the day when, like, people had a house phone but if you weren't home you couldn't reach them, so you just had to wait until they got back home. Like it's kind of nice we could go back to that, I know, and that's where it's kind of like, like with my family.
Speaker 2:I told them I'm like, if it's an emergency, call me. If it's not emergency, don't call me. Like, just text me. I'll read it in the morning. Because, like you're not, I'm like people who need to get a hold of you will find a way to get a hold of you. Yeah, we'll figure it out. So that's just kind of like. I feel like for me the best place to start. But like with it is, I haven't always been this confident person.
Speaker 2:Like it started very small. It started with do not disturb at night, started turning my notifications off and then I was like, oh, this is easy, this is nice. And when people text you at nine o'clock at night and you don't respond till eight am the next morning, nobody asks why you didn't respond. They're like oh, were you sleeping? Like, oh, yes, we're. Like. Oh, hey, sorry I didn't, because in the beginning I'd apologize. Oh, sorry, I didn't see your text. Like, oh, it's okay, I figured you're sleeping, I knew you'd respond Whenever. And now I'm the queen. This drives some people bonkers.
Speaker 2:I don't respond to text messages if there's not an immediate need for Like. If I don't immediately need to respond to it, I won't answer it. Like, if I'm doing something. I'm not gonna stop what I'm doing to respond to somebody's text message. I'm like, no, you can wait. The point, like when text messaging like was all.
Speaker 2:Like first design was like oh, this is nice, you don't have to call people and stop what they're doing, you can just send them a quick text and they can respond to their convenience. But now we've like twisted it and turned it into like you have to respond immediately and so my friends will tell you that. Like you cannot take it personally. In my life, if you're in my life, I may not respond for like two days and I'm like, oh, that's fine.
Speaker 2:Like Sometimes I go keep a conversation, going back and forth, and then I'll get busy and then they'll be like ah, she'll text me back tomorrow or you know. Like it is what it is, and like at first people think it's weird. But then you just teach people how to treat you and you're like this is my normal and like if you need me, call me. Like I'll pick up the phone and answer, but if it's not that important, then I'm in. Not that I don't care about you, but I care about me and what I'm doing more, because the only person who's going to take care of you, is you? I'm gonna go back to the chat and so, like I would just say, start there.
Speaker 1:I love that and you can do it. And if you're listening to this and you're just like I don't know how to do that or I can't do that, message JC or message me and we will help you to keep you accountable, to do something for yourself, because your sanity is worth it. And I think, even listening to this right now, if you're listening to this in real time as we get to go into, like the weekend for New Year's Eve and just like we can do things differently in 2024. It doesn't have to be like you know, that whole like New Year, new Me. You don't have to be a whole new version of yourself, but you can put some of these practices into place to feel really good and like this is a good time to start. Just tell people hey, I'm setting boundaries this year.
Speaker 2:My theme this year is boundaries.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the word for the year is boundary and we're going to work with that and start small. I love that JC. I think that's going to be like really helpful for people as they walk into this season. I have a couple of questions that I ask. Every guess that comes with podcasts. Actually, before I do that, can you tell people where they can find you first and then we'll ask the questions? Okay?
Speaker 2:not me wondering what these questions are going to be, but where you can find me is I hang out on Instagram at Vasey Lawler. That's where you can find me. I also launched YouTube channel for my podcast. I have clips of the podcast right now because we're Projector Energy and we're just starting small, but there are clips on there and I just do YouTube shorts and that's fun. That's just been fun. But then my podcast is have the Idacity podcast. I release episodes every Monday and Thursday. Mondays a solo episode, Thursdays always an interview, and that has also helped with doing two. Two a week is I love getting to talk with people and that was my whole motivation for starting a podcast. So that's what you get to build things how you want them to look. But those are the three ways to find me.
Speaker 1:Podcasting is super fun too, because even when you were talking, we were talking about boundaries with your phone and stuff. I'm like you know what I love doing podcast interviews, because it's also like an hour that I am not on my phone. I am here with you and there's no distractions, there's nothing else going on, which is like I love. How often do we actually have a conversation with people that there's not the TV on and the radio and your phone and everything happening? I just get to hang out with you for a whole hour and that's really. It's just such a gift.
Speaker 2:I love that you point that out, because when I get on podcast interviews, I put my phone on airplane mode and I turn the Wi-Fi off. So I'm like you cannot contact me. I'm like, why do I not do this Like hanging out with friends? Why do we not just, yeah right, the phone's not going off, like it's fine. Nobody needs immediate access to you because, like you said, we aren't that far removed from a time where there was one house phone.
Speaker 1:Good times. And then you had like. If you were on the internet, people couldn't call you Wild wild times or people will call you and kick you off the internet.
Speaker 2:Like what is yeah, so crazy, so I think we just forget those times and like we forget that you can have that space and so it's just so nice. But yes, podcast, have my destiny in my Instagram at Jacy Lawler's like the best two places I love I'm in. It's just me. I'm a one man show, so like I'm responding to every DM, it's all me. I love chatting with everybody by DM, so if you liked this episode or want to talk more about it like that, dm me on Instagram.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that. Okay, now the questions. Now the questions. Are you ready? I think so. The first question is what is your favorite compliment to receive?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a tough question and I listened to your podcast so I know these are coming, but I'm like I know it's.
Speaker 1:It's a hard question.
Speaker 2:That is a hard question. Wow, okay, you think it's dumped her already. Yeah, you did.
Speaker 2:I think one of my favorite compliments to receive would be that people are trying to think how to work.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think how to word it.
Speaker 2:Like I've had people tell me some compliments really recently that I really like appreciate is just like I like being seen and like I really like people when they say, like I appreciate that you see me and that you show up and that you can hold space for me, like I appreciate your presence, because I feel like that's something we take a lot for granted and I try very hard to be very present in conversations and to hold space for people and I feel like that is something that also, when you're good at that, it can be taken for granted.
Speaker 2:If they're just like I appreciate you taking the time to listen, you know, and like I like that you're a person that I know I can come to and feel safe to just be myself for a moment, because it is something when you are always that person for people. People just expect that from you and they don't you feel almost kind of used in a sense if they're just like they don't ever acknowledge it, you know, and so that's one is just like I appreciate. I like being the safe space for people to allow them to be seen and just be themselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, you're like that warm hug, energy, safe. I was crying at this event that we went to and JC at the end of it she's like I just wanted to come over and hug you and I was like that's so kind. Thank you for holding that space and giving me love in that moment because I was crying on the floor.
Speaker 2:I did not like. I just I just want to give you a hug, but I also want to let you have your moment and work through whatever it is you need to work through. But, like, just know, from a couple of feet away, I'm here for you.
Speaker 1:I'll send a new hug. Yes, it was so nice. It was so nice. What is your favorite thing to do to boost your mood when you're feeling grumpy?
Speaker 2:Ooh. So this is a recently like new thing that I've enjoyed doing that one of my mentors actually had me try was like it gets real woo woo and I'm not into the whole woo woo part of it, but because they call it like rage ceremonies, but I'm just like you just like allow yourself to get pissed Like. I just put on like whatever music is, like song that's going to get you like have into that anger because it's like stuck energy and I realize like how woo woo I am now after this conversation. But here we are, like you get the stuck energy, where you're just like I am angry and grumpy all the time but I don't really actually know what I'm grumpy at Like. And we all hit that point where we've just suppressed whatever it was or multiple things, and now it's just in there.
Speaker 2:And she was like I honestly like we're having a one on one coach you call, and she was like nothing we talk about is going to help you right now until you get this out. And so I like put on an angsty, my version of an angsty song. And she was like I just want you to like punch the air, punch a pillow, and that doesn't really work for, for me I always joke like I'm a little Harley Quinn energy Like. Like when I'm really angry there's a little little inner break some stuff like go Harley Quinn energy.
Speaker 2:And so I actually grabbed like a stretching roll roller thing because I like to hit things and I was like a bads too aggressive I do and like if you've never been to a breakthrough break room, that like really you need to go to a break room. And it feels really weird at first, like I was like this is kind of crazy, like you're just supposed to destroy stuff. But then if you just kind of let yourself go there and embrace it, you're like actually this is very therapeutic. I like to like throw, like break bottles. I learned there that I really like to throw break bottles and I'm not like a psycho walking around my house breaking things. In case you're listening to this, like oh, she's unhinged, not unhinged, but like you just need like I listened to a song for six minutes, like I played it through twice and just like beat the crap out of the pillow and then cried, because that's what happens when you move everything out is I cry. That's how I process emotions. And then I felt so much better and there was like okay, I feel good and have all this energy again.
Speaker 2:But that's like one of the things that I'm grumpy. I'm like that's not only my cue. I'm like I need have some unprocessed anger that we just need to go let out, because I mean, ultimately, if you don't let it out in a healthy way, like you're just going to blow up at somebody and then that's not helpful for anybody. In one thing, being an enneagram eight, I have to be very mindful of not coming off extremely aggressive. But I'm angry. I have to like, really be like, okay, let's not use our words badly, because, like I'm human, but so yeah, that's like. My new thing right now is I'm like I'm feeling grumpy. I'm like I just need to go hit something in a constructive way.
Speaker 1:I'm like I like that because no one I don't think anyone's ever said that coming on here. It's like I like to go in the woods or like to go for a run, or I like to listen to music, which you know are all great things. I love that you've said something different, because there's someone listening right now who's like yeah, I need to hit some shit.
Speaker 2:I'm like going for a walk, like yeah, I mean it calms you down, but, and like movement, and like that is a form of movement with the energy and things, and like for me, I'm like no, if, like I'm grumpy, I guess I'm dealt with anger and I know it's not going to help to go off on somebody, you know like that's not going to a bit of anything. So it's like I'm just going to go hit some shit for a little bit and it's all going to be fine. And then you feel better and you're like oh, okay, I'm good now. That does sound a little Harley Quinn, like we're like the yin and yin and yang.
Speaker 1:You're like I'm going to go hit some shit and I'm like I'm going to go touch some trees.
Speaker 2:Like I'm going to go pet the trees, I like to go talk to the trees and I'm like Jack, jack on the Incredibles, like have you seen? Yeah, when he gets all his powers and is all crazy and like fiery, there's me Going all around. Yeah, they're, they're.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that. That's so funny. Okay, last question Do you have a song or quote that?
Speaker 2:boosts your confidence. Honestly, like, I do have a song, and what is the title of it? I mean, I'm on pause momentarily, I'm going to, so I don't mess this up but, like, do you ever listen to NF? Oh, he is a rapper and he has this song called hope, and I will, um, I listen to that before every podcast interview or before I do anything. It just really, um, I really like that one. It's positive on like just having hope and like focusing on hope, but also just like going after what you want, and it just has this really good bill like hype energy, and so that's one of like that's that's when my go to the last 20, like 2023, that was my go to song.
Speaker 2:Oh, nice, and then I love it and then like another one that is not hyping at all. It's called burn the ships, and I did an episode on it and I have a tattoo of the song title on my forearm, um, but it's just talking about stepping like, not looking back, and stepping forward into the future and focusing on what's ahead. It's not as like ampi, but it's just always like a good inspirational one. I really am big on music, um, and so those would be like my top two.
Speaker 1:Nice, nice, awesome. Well, thank you so much, jc, for being here and for sharing your light and your truth and all the new things that are coming for you in 2024. You're just amazing. I'm so glad you're here. Well, thank you so much for having me. This really was a lot of fun. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic and show the world your shine.