Self(ish) Confidence

12 Days of Confidence: Day 8🎄

December 08, 2023 Jess Clerke Episode 202
Self(ish) Confidence
12 Days of Confidence: Day 8🎄
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Let's flip that narrative together and sprinkle a dose of joy amidst the seasonal chaos. I'm sharing my personal toolkit to navigate through this bustling period, with a firm focus on what lights your spirit rather than on obligatory bullshit. 

As we navigate the shared weight of this season, arm yourself with strategies that will help you connect deeper with loved ones and maintain a positive outlook. With a friendly audit of your relationships, you may discover the key to retaining your sparkle in the holiday frenzy.

Who are you going to let down this season…yourself or that friend from college you only see once a year for “tradition”?

I hope you start choosing YOU today.


In the spirit of giving and fun, we're also thrilled to bring you a chance to win access to our transformative program, "Confidently You in 12 Weeks".  All you need to do is enter the secret code word into the link here in our show notes or in our daily email. 

Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!

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Speaker 1:

Hello, hello, it is day eight of the 12 Days of Confidence. How are you feeling, cess? How are you feeling? There has been just like kind of like a collective heaviness lately. Are you feeling it too? It's just like I don't know if it's, you know, the pressure of the holidays or just like I don't know something in the air, but it feels like everyone I talk to I'm like how you doing? It's like, oh man, like I'm feeling it, like I'm surviving, I'm getting by, and I know this is a season where we don't want to like just get by. We really want to be able to like thrive and have a wonderful time and, you know, enjoy all the things and feel the joy right that we want. And even listening to these, I know you're connecting with wanting to feel more confident this holiday season and wanting to feel more confident as we walk into 2024, but there seems to be some blocks and maybe it's just me I know it's not just me when I'm feeling it.

Speaker 1:

Typically, it's like a collective thing and it's just like a little bit of heaviness. A little bit of heaviness, a little bit of like extra tired. I think it's like also, you know, a lot of that social media piece or a lot of media in general, absorbing a lot of energies from other people. I'm really sensitive to energy, so, like even talking on the phone with people or, you know, even spending time in my DMs, which I love to do, it can be really draining, especially around these seasons when there is a bit of a extra something, something in the air. And I say this because I really want you to know that if you're feeling this this season and you're kind of being a little bit down on yourself and you're being a little mean because, oh well, I should be feeling better or I should be feeling jolly, or I should want to put the Christmas lights up, and you just don't, you're not alone. Okay, the season is really hard and, on top of there being just a lot of pressure around this time, there is a collective heaviness in the air. Okay, and we just need to be focusing again on those things that bring us joy and prioritizing them over anything else.

Speaker 1:

If you don't feel like putting the Christmas tree up or putting the lights up, or doing the holiday baking or any of those things that you know you promised so and so you would do, I want you to put that at the bottom of your list. You do not need to do that today. Okay, you do not need to do those things that you are dreading. I want you to do something instead that brings you joy. Like maybe it's going to Starbucks and enjoying a holiday latte totally alone, or going out shopping, or whatever it is for you, for me it's like getting in nature, touching some trees, feeling the sun on my skin. Those little things are the things that are going to bring me joy right now and those are the things that need to be at the top of my list. If you want joyful Jess which, side note, I used to have a TikTok account that had, like, joyful moments of every single day. It's not there anymore, I don't even try to go find it but if you want joyful Jess, she's got to be putting these things first, including going out in nature, you know, getting fresh air, enjoying an eggnog latte literally every single day. Okay, these are the things that are going to help me to feel my best and also to show up as my best, and that's what needs to come first and I was chatting with some of my girlfriends about this today just like this energy where everyone just kind of feels like they're surviving, like they're just getting by, and one of my girlfriends said if we could just use our energy to like boost each other up a little bit, give each other a little like pep talk, like really just connecting with people and focusing on the things that are most important right now, we are all going to feel so much better. Those little things that you can do for someone else, and it not being a should. You know. Well, I should make these cookies or I should decorate the tree. We're talking about actually doing something out of the goodness of your heart, because you want to, and really connecting with your other sisters in this world. Connecting with people, because that's what's going to help to lift us up a little bit more.

Speaker 1:

So who do you want to connect with today, or this holiday season, or as you walk into the new year? Who is it that you really want to spend time with? And I love doing this as an audit, not in like a. I'm cutting people out in a who are the people who that I want to be spending time with? Who are the people who bring a lot to my life, who feel really good, who light me up, who give me energy and not take energy from me. Again, I'm really sensitive, so I like to make sure that I'm putting the right people around me to help me feel really good.

Speaker 1:

So something that I love to do this time of year because, again, time is precious and we only have so much of it, especially around the holidays, but it seems like everybody wants to do things right, like, oh, I want to, you know, go and do this with you or that with you, and all of the things right. It could be really busy, but, again, we only have so much time and I'm a big person on quality over quantity. So I look at the engagements that I have, the friendships that I have, the people who I want to spend time with, and I prioritize what's important to me. Who are the people that I want to be spending time with? Who is making the holiday cut? Okay, who is making the holiday cut this year?

Speaker 1:

Because friendships should not be out of obligation and I know it's hard to shake, but you don't have to have that energy of well, we do this every year, or this is a tradition, or I'm supposed to show up. You know they're expecting this from me. That layer is just adding extra things to your plate this year. So I want you to look at the people that you're spending time with and really focus on the ones that are most important to you, and you don't have to be harsh about it. You're not a mean girl for saying no. Simple and honest is like hey, this year I'm being really strategic with my time and my engagements. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to make your super whinoe cookie cutter, gingerbread, 12 hour Christmas movie reunion party a priority right now. So can we, you know, make plans for the New Year or even don't even include that Maybe there's someone you don't want to spend time with. You don't have to say I don't want to hang out with you, but just let them know that unfortunately, you don't have time for that event this year and you're trying to keep things simple. Simplifying your friendships, simplifying your relationships and decluttering some of the people who aren't serving you anymore is going to help you have a stronger and more confident new year.

Speaker 1:

This isn't even have to do about the holidays at all. This is about you walking into the energy and into the relationships that you want to have this year, and I actually have this conversation a lot with clients and at retreats. About relationships, about the friendships that we have, the old friendships from high school, the obligation relationships, all of the things it's like when you go to these events and you're surrounded by essentially strangers and you can tell them your deepest, darkest secrets. You can tell them and share and show your truth with people that you haven't been able to do with your friends quote unquote friends that you've had your whole life, the ones that you go to these relationships out of obligation. Right, you go to wine night every Friday night because you've been going for 12 years and you're not really getting anything out of these relationships, but you just feel like you have to keep showing up.

Speaker 1:

It's okay to make some changes in how you do things. Every year you do this holiday tradition with your friends, but this year you don't feel like doing it. It is okay to change things up, to do things differently, to say that maybe not this year, sorry, I'm not going to be able to make it. Give yourself the gift of peace and love this holiday season by prioritizing the people you want to spend time with and making that number one Okay, and if some people aren't gonna make the list this year, it's okay. It's actually going to make you feel so much better to just take it off the list and I know it is going to feel really itchy and really uncomfortable, especially for my people-pleasers out there. Okay, I know it's going to feel uncomfortable to say no to these people or to say sorry, not this year, or to just not answer the group text for a bit.

Speaker 1:

Do whatever it is that you need to do this season, even if it feels uncomfortable, and even if it feels itchy Because it's either you go to the event and you feel itchy and uncomfortable being with these people, or you stay home and you feel itchy and uncomfortable because you have to say no to someone or you might disappoint someone. You're going to disappoint someone, so it's either going to be disappoint these people or disappoint your freaking self. What's more important to you right now? People pleasing the rest of the world or doing something for your peace this holiday season and this one might be a little bit harsh, okay, I know that, but you're going to feel so much better walking into the new year knowing that you've put yourself first, that you've prioritized the relationships that are important to you and if you need a little extra, like hermening this year, or you need some extra introvert time. It's okay to say no to events or to not go to the holiday party or to you know. Do whatever it is that you need. Lock yourself in the bathroom, take a long bath and enjoy some peace and quiet for you. So who are you cutting this year? Who's off the list? Who are you right now texting and saying sorry I can't make it to the gingerbread ho ho party? Okay, and I'm so freaking proud of you for taking some action today, for your confidence, for putting yourself first and really channeling version of you that you've been craving to connect with all freaking year. I am, I'm just so proud of you.

Speaker 1:

And if you're playing our codeword game today, I have a really extra special one for you. Today's codeword for you to be able to win access to our brand new, confidently you in 12 weeks program that's coming out in January. All you have to do is enter this keyword into the link in the show notes or in your email. If you've been getting the daily emails, just put the information in there, put the keyword in and I will be drawing on essentially day 13,. Right after the 12 days, I'm going to be picking a winner and I can't freaking wait. So today's keyword is peace. So pop that into the link and I can't wait to talk to you tomorrow. Every freaking day. This has been so much fun.

Holiday Season Pressure, Prioritize Joy
Codeword for 12-Week Program Giveaway